Sunday, November 22, 2015

Captain America Is Fundamentally Changed

                 In the current issue of Marvel’s (fundamentally changed) Captain America, the iconic superhero takes on a group of right-wing conservatives trying to stop illegal immigrants from crossing the border.
                Yes, in “Captain America: Sam Wilson #1,” the superhero also known as, oddly enough, Sam Wilson, heads to the border to take on an “evil” militia group known as the “Sons of the Serpent.” Get it? The group is evilly patrolling the area between Mexico and Arizona, according to a video summary of the issue created by the Maciver Institute.
                “Attention all trespassers! I am the Supreme Serpent!” the group’s leader is depicted as  shouting during the tale. “By invading this sovereign land, you defy the laws of God, nature and the United States Constitution! Therefore, I hereby apprehend you by the power vested in me by the aforementioned God, nature, et cetera, et cetera.” Apparently the Constitution is the” et cetera, et cetera.” Nothing demeaning there. God and nature (natural law) were foremost on the Founders minds and vital to the creation of the Constitution  that established the freest, most humane and prosperous nation in the history of the world.
                But back to our story: eventually, Captain America swoops in and prevents the Sons of the Serpent from  beating up the poor, downtrodden, angelic aliens who are heroically trying to break the law by entering the country illegally. The end.
                Nice timing, Marvel, releasing this issue right before the Paris attacks and subsequent European border closures, “et cetera, et cetera!”  Even a comic book couldn’t appear any dumber and less mature. What’s next for Captain America, Marvel? College campuses across the land await with baited breath!
                Let me take a guess at a few of the evils our politically-correct Crusader will deal with in upcoming issues:
                *”CA: Sam Wilson #2”- The Daunting Do-Gooder bravely protects Planned Parenthood clinics from those sporting undercover cameras, smart phones and other devices that can record reality.
                *”CA: Sam Wilson #3”- In this double issue, Our Hero first single-handedly demolishes the dental offices of Walter Palmer before heading to Foxboro, Massachusetts to kick the crap out of Tom Brady!
                *”CA: Sam Wilson #4”- The Amazing One zips around the Heartland (fly-over country), attempting to keep oil trains from delivering their liquid planet-killer.
                *”CA: Samantha Wilson #5”- Our now mysteriously-gendered superhero(ine?) travels around the nation enforcing transgender bathroom rights, all the while singing, “Tinkle, tinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are?!”


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