Saturday, November 30, 2019

New York To Pay Suspects To Attend Their Trials

                We’ve all heard the term, “crime doesn’t pay.” That is, however, no longer true in New York. The Empire State is planning to eliminate bail for many criminals, including those who have been found guilty of criminally negligent homicide, aggravated assault on a child under the age of 11, and selling drugs on school grounds. The new law will go into effect January 1st, but may be applied retroactively, as well. In light of this, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has come up with a plan to entice accused lawbreakers to show up for their court dates: he will offer them gift cards and tickets to baseball games. De Blasio said, “if small incentives” lead to “speedier trials” his pay-the-perp plan would be “smart policy,” even though the city has no idea how much the plan would cost.
                Rep. Brian Kolb (R-N.Y.) begs to differ, saying the program “threatens public safety and is a disservice to law-abiding citizens.” He added, “With every law that New York Democrats roll back, our streets become less safe.” Kolb also noted, “Their platform that caters to convicts and protects hardened criminals puts the rest of us in danger.”
                That’s the point, Rep. Kolb.
                Democrats love criminals. That’s why they reward them for committing crimes. That is neither a hyperbolic nor preposterous statement. It is a fact. It is why they welcome illegal aliens and want to shower them with benefits at the same time they want to tax the hell out of American citizens in fly-over country. (And take away their guns). They want to replace the more independent and therefore troublesome Middle-American voters with more dependable voters who owe them for excusing their trespasses…and giving them free shit, as well.
                I can see de Blasio offering incentives to accused criminals on the basis of their alleged crimes. “Come to your trial and receive the following rewards*:
-jaywalker: $10 Subway gift card
-selling drugs to minors: $50 Outback Steakhouse gift card
-aggravated assault on a child under 11 years of age: pair of tickets to a New York Mets game
-criminally negligent homicide: 75” Samsung 4K Smart UHD television

*other prizes available upon request!”

                The Big Apple: where crime does pay…’cuz de Blasio does, too!

Friday, November 29, 2019

Giving Birth Worst Thing For Global Warming

Seattle Times columnist Danny Westneat recently wrote: “In terms of carbon emissions that lead to global warming, there’s probably nothing worse we can do on an individual basis than take an intercontinental flight.” Apparently, he was mistaken. Shortly thereafter, The Times published University of Washington Professor Emeritus Stephen Warren’s reply to Mr. Westneat: “Actually, there is something worse. Having a child.” According to an article on the website Campus Reform, Professor Warren suggested that the average child adds the carbon equivalent of 2,700 round-trip flights from Seattle to Europe to their parent’s carbon legacy. He continued: “By choosing to reproduce, you’re responsible for some fraction of the carbon-dioxide emissions of your children and grandchildren, and all their descendants. This is your ‘carbon legacy.’” No wonder why the Democrats are so pro-abortion.
By Professor Warren’s logic, it all goes back to Adam and Eve. Their original sin was giving birth. God is ultimately to blame, then. His command to “Go forth and multiply,” was, in retrospect, a terrible mistake. Adam and Eve took Him (or Her?) literally. By the time they left the Garden of Eden, they had spawned four generations numbering 1,647 descendants. They must have hated the Earth.
The good news is that researchers at Stanford University and the University of California-Berkeley, in a recent study published in the journal Nature Climate Change, predicted that global warming will boost suicide rates worldwide. (Yay!! Down goes our carbon footprint!). The study’s lead author, Marshall Burke, told Berkeley News that researchers “found very strong evidence that abnormally hot weather increases both suicide rates and the use of depressive language on social media.” (Is global warming self-correcting?).
Alright, men, do your duty.  Go get a vasectomy. Looks like a “carbon legacy” will be the only legacy you are allowed to leave. And keep that one to a minimum, won’t you?

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Melania Trump Booed At Youth Opioid Summit

                First Lady Melania Trump recently spoke at a youth summit in Baltimore in an effort to help combat the growing opioid crisis in America. Upon taking the stage for her “Be Best” initiative, she was greeted by loud boos from the audience. Despite this, she pressed on, urging young people to speak up if they were struggling with addiction. She said, over a chorus of boos, “Thank you to all of the students who are here. I am so proud of you for the bravery it takes to share that you have been strongly affected by the opioid epidemic in some way,” according to a CNN reporter present at her speech. The First Lady added: “Promoting education and awareness on these issues will always be one of my top priorities. I am in this fight with you and I am fighting for you. I encourage you, if you are struggling with addiction right now, reach out for support—whether it’s a teacher, parent, friend, grandparent, coach or pastor, talk to an adult in your life that you trust. It is never too late to ask for help.”
                Booing the First Lady while she is speaking is bad enough. Doing it while she is reaching out to help you is beyond the pale. And doing it even after her husband, the President of the United States, had earlier that day donated his entire $100,000 third-quarter salary to combat the very opioid epidemic of which she was speaking…is truly despicable.
                The Associated Press reported that Trump’s salary will be paid to the Office of the Assistant Secretary of Health, the agency that oversees federal public health programs. The AP report noted that Trump’s cash will be earmarked to “continue the ongoing fight against the opioid crisis.”
                Unfortunately, Melania, it is too late to ask for help for those with Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). They are so addicted to hatred of the president they can’t wait ten minutes between hostility highs. And, rather than looking for a cure, they are determined to spread their sickness to everyone near and far, old and young. Like the kids who booed Melania.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

CNN's Don Lemon Calls Trump Supporters "Mental"

On Tuesday, November 19th, CNN anchor Don Lemon made a mind-boggling statement. He said, of the ongoing impeachment hearings, “I think on this one, the Republicans are on the wrong side of history, and they are the most hypocritical. I’m not a partisan. I know people think that I’m some liberal Democrat. I’m not.” He went on to say, “I don’t think the Republicans are serving themselves well.” Talk about hypocrisy! If Lemon isn’t “partisan,” neither were Hitler or Stalin. Lemon is to hypocrisy as Macy’s is to Thanksgiving Day parades. And it is the Democrats who are demonstrably damaging themselves with this carefully—if bizarrely-- orchestrated farce.
Incredibly, Lemon called the impeachment hearing testimony of Wednesday, November 20th, “explosive” and deemed it “not a good day” for the president. In fact, the painfully boring and tedious testimony went a long way towards exonerating Trump. Again. One wonders if Mr. Lemon would characterize testimony that Bill Clinton is a “fibber” and a “bit of a womanizer” as “explosive.” Does he think watching paint dry is “spine-tingling” and rearranging his sock drawer is “thrilling” and “dangerous?”
Then he truly lost it, stating: "I have to say, at this point if you're continuing to say that there was no, as they say, 'quid pro quo,' or the president didn't ask, whether or not it's impeachable, that again is not up for me to decide, not up for you to decide, that's up for the Senate to decide and the American people. But to deny that the president did not do something wrong at this point is... it's... it's mental. It is mental." He added: "If you can look at the mountain of evidence and say, 'Oh, nothing's wrong, the president didn't do anything wrong, he's just rooting out corruption,' you've got a problem because that is not what happened... the problem is you." (Emphasis mine).
“Mental?” What does that even mean? I know what it’s supposed to mean, and it is anything but politically correct. In fact, it really is hurtful to those with mental illness, psychological issues and/or low I.Q.s. What was he thinking?
Someone should inform Mr. Lemon that impeachment hearings aren’t held to discover if a president has done “anything wrong.” They are held to determine if he committed “high crimes and misdemeanors,” sins so egregious they cannot be overlooked in a functioning democratic republic. Speaking of hypocrisy, Lemon once said of Antifa, “No organization’s perfect.” Does Lemon think Barack Obama ever did “anything wrong?” JFK? LBJ? Don Lemon?
Remember, Don Lemon, his mainstream media comrades, progressive elites and The Swamp Dwellers are beyond reproach. As Lemon so eloquently put it: you are the problem.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

President Trump Hosts "Conan" The Hero Dog

                President Trump recently welcomed Conan, the heroic military dog that helped rid the world of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, to the White House. Trump, his First Lady Melania, and Vice President Pence hosted Conan and a few human members of the Special Ops team that took Baghdadi out. The president presented Conan with an award in the Oval Office before the group stepped outside to the Rose Garden to allow the reporters assembled there to get a look at Conan and his handler. Trump acknowledged the reporters, stating: “Good morning. So, this is Conan—right now, probably the world’s most famous dog.”
                A Washington Post reporter tweeted out a six-minute video of the blissfully light-hearted and upbeat event. Unfortunately, as is usually the case with Twitter, ugliness ensued. Joan Walsh, a CNN political analyst and commentator with over 344,000 Twitter followers, took to the Platform of Pinheads to castigate President and Mrs. Trump for not petting Conan during the photo op. Really. Walsh, also the author of the book, “What’s the Matter with White People,” later tweeted, “I am being slammed for my Conan tweets by MAGA and I do want to apologize: Conan is actually a female dog, God bless her. So, I’m especially shocked Trump didn’t…well, you know.”
                Walsh let the world know that she was “shocked” that the president didn’t sexually assault the courageous canine in the White House. (Though I’m guessing she was an apologist/admirer of President Clinton). Nothing but class, Ms. Walsh. The kind that we’ve come to expect from CNN employees and associates.  
                That same day, President Trump signed the Preventing Animal Cruelty and Torture (PACT) Act that Congress passed earlier this fall, making certain acts of animal cruelty federal felonies. As he put his imprimatur on the bill in an Oval Office ceremony, Trump remarked: “Our nation’s animals have played a vital role in the development, settlements, security and happiness of our country. So true, we had a great dog named Conan here just a little while ago so it’s very fitting that [the bill signing] was on the same day…Conan was something and created quite a stir.” He added, “We have the responsibility to honor the dignity of God’s creation. With today’s Act we take the critical step of being more responsible and humane stewards of our planet.” What a monster!
                There has been confusion as to the Belgian Malinois dog’s sex. Defense officials now say that Walsh was incorrect, and Conan is really a male dog. Or maybe he just identifies as male.
                What is certain is that Conan isn’t the barbarian in this story. Walsh—and those of her ilk—laid clear claim to that title.

Bloomberg News Vows Not To Investigate Democrats

                Bloomberg News recently announced that it would not investigate its founder, Michael Bloomberg, who has officially entered the 2020 presidential race. The supposedly independent news outlet also stated that it would not investigate any of the contenders for the 2020 Democratic nomination, but would, however, continue to aggressively investigate President Trump.
                John Micklethwait, the outlet’s editor in chief, wrote a memo to staffers in which he stated: “We will continue our tradition of not investigating Mike (and his family and foundation) and we will extend the same policy to his rivals in the Democratic primaries. We cannot treat Mike’s Democratic competitors differently from him.” He added, “For the moment, our P & I team will continue to investigate the Trump administration.”
                Yes, BN must extend the courtesy of non-investigation to “Mike’s” competitors, but not to the President of the United States, of course. (Or to Republicans in general, obviously).
                Media bias? Perish the thought!  All media outlets are as honest as the day is long. (Is that a day in the Northern Hemisphere in the winter?). I don’t know why so many are skeptical of the news that is proffered to them. I can’t imagine how President Trump can think there is such a thing as “fake news.”
                The mainstream media, whether in Europe, Israel, Australia, Canada, or the United States, is largely composed of people so ideologically—I would say “Ideoillogically”—blinded to truth and reason that it simply can no longer be trusted to deliver unbiased news. In most cases, it no longer tries to do so. And now it doesn’t even bother trying to hide that fact… ironically, often the only fact it doesn’t attempt to obscure.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Impeachment Theater Clown Show

President Trump has characterized House rep. Adam Schiff's impeachment hearings as "theater."  "Theater" is correct, and a very specific kind of theater it is.
All that is missing from it is a circus barker.  But based on how it's unfolded, it's only a matter of time before one shows up.
First, Democratic California (of course) congresswoman Katie Porter showed up on Capitol Hill dressed as Batgirl for the impeachment hearings against President Donald J. Trump.  More recently, a drag queen named "Pissi Myles" flounced through the halls of Congress on "her" way to cover this modern-day version of the Salem Witch Trials.
Then, on Wednesday, Nov. 13, deputy assistant secretary of state George Kent and ambassador to Ukraine Bill Taylor "testified" about conversations of which they had no direct knowledge.  This led Rep. Mike Quigley (D-Illinois) to rise in support of their testimony and offer what he termed "a primer on hearsay."  Quigley actually said: "Hearsay can be much better evidence than direct" and added, "It's certainly valid in this instance."  Of course it is.
"Hearsay can be much better evidence than direct"?  Really?  That belief would shatter Western jurisprudence and destroy the American legal system and the precepts on which it is founded.  Evidence, schmevidence!  Give me hearsay, rumor, gossip, and innuendo!  Then we can detain and incarcerate anyone for any reason — or no reason!  Been accused of something by somebody?  Off you go to the Gulags, pal!  Evidence?  No, but better yet, we had hearsay!
We've all heard the famous legal term "preponderance of the evidence."  The Democrats want to amend that to "preponderance of the hearsay."
Courtrooms will be a very different place if Quigley's Primer is adopted.  "Enough with the direct evidence, prosecutor!  Do you have any indirect hearsay?  Wild allegations?  Preposterous accusations?  Water-cooler gossip?  Rank speculation?  Salacious innuendo?  Hmm?"
How did we let it get to this point?  We dispensed with the Founders' wisdom and chose "tolerance" over virtue, truth, and sanity. 

Sunday, November 24, 2019

California Burning (Requiem For A Republic)

The erstwhile “Land of Milk and Honey” is now the land of syringes and human fecal matter on the streets. Homelessness is rampant. Fires burn. Power has been shut off to hundreds of thousands of people. Perishables are spoiling. Darkness reigns in too many areas.  
The similarities between what is now occurring in parts of California and what is happening, albeit on a larger and more desperate scale, in Venezuela, are many and chilling. Or should be. Venezuela is another former paradise, the onetime jewel of the Caribbean. It, too, has gone figuratively—and literally—dark. The necessities of life have become scarce, though it sits on the world’s largest pool of black gold. Though the nation also possesses large reserves of natural gas, bauxite, iron ore, diamonds and gold, people have resorted to eating zoo animals-- and their pets-- to stave off starvation. Power is often scarce, potable water, too. Millions have fled the country altogether. All of this misery and privation has been brought to Venezuelans courtesy of years of Socialist rule.
And now California, too, grows dark. And for many of the same reasons. Its massive homelessness problem has been brought about by government mandating rent and price controls. The state has essentially sanctioned massive drug use by coddling abusers. Gas and electricity, and therefore most other things, are much more expensive then in other states due to its incredibly restrictive environmental policies. It has the biggest gap between the highest income earners and the lowest of any state in the union. The state’s government has refused Pacific Gas and Electric’s petitions to perform controlled burns to prevent accidental fires.
California, ironically, is the home state of Ronald Reagan, who once proclaimed it to be, “Morning in America.” And he made it so. Sadly, Democrat-run California is now experiencing “Darkness at Noon.” If Democrats should win the presidency and the Senate in the 2020 national elections, it will be “Mourning in America.” Possibly forever.
Reagan warned us: “Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.” The formerly Golden State is showing us that this is indeed true. He now lies in Simi Valley, fires raging around him, waiting in silence to lead us back to that shining city on a hill, if only we believe in ourselves more than we believe in rule by establishment elitists. Reagan led us out of the abyss once before, a time of high inflation, high unemployment, high interest rates, and low morale. “Malaise,” as it were. Before taking office, Reagan stated: “In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.” This is certainly true of the crisis facing California today.
Whether “Requiem for a Republic” aptly describes the downfall of California alone, or the country as a whole, will largely be determined on November 3rd, 2020. One thing is certain. When it comes to the relative merits of Socialism and Capitalism, the truth… is unimpeachable.

Saturday, November 23, 2019

Mattel Introduces "Non-Partisan" Uno

                Mattel recently introduced a new, “non-partisan” version of its popular Uno card game, designed to help prevent politics from ruining people’s holiday get-togethers. The special edition Uno will feature orange and purple cards instead of the usual “politically charged” red and blue cards. Even the packaging will be a bipartisan purple. The box also sports the message: “No red or blue cards means no taking sides!” The deck also comes with an extra “VETO” card that can be played to silence any political disagreement, should one spontaneously erupt despite the non-partisan-hued cards. This limited edition, apolitical Uno is available now at your local Walmart for the low, low price of $5.99.
                Does the color of playing cards typically cause violent political disagreements among friends and family members over the holidays? Call me a skeptic (and many have), but I find this hard to believe. Personally, a green card (so-to-speak) wouldn’t incite me to go on an anti-Islam rant, nor would a blue and white one send me on an anti-Zionist tirade.
I wonder what other “games” set Americans off. I don’t know if any leftists would play Monopoly, but, if they did, I can see them saying things like, “Electric company? They are responsible for massive environmental degradation! Can I sabotage them?” And, “Connecticut Avenue, Park Place? These are filled with rich people who don’t give a rat’s ass about the proletariat!” And, “Kentucky Avenue? I’m not going to buy that. Kentucky’s filled with a bunch of rednecks with bad teeth and loaded shotguns!” Or, “Oriental Avenue? Seriously? Microaggression! Appropriation!!”  
Perhaps Hasbro will introduce a non-partisan, politically correct, conflict-free version of its Risk board-game. Instead of trying to take over neighboring countries, players will work together to try to erase borders and build a one-world, Socialist government. Game pieces will be cast in pastel colors and the name will be slightly modified to “No-Risk” to avoid terrifying Millennial snowflakes.
Now, if we could only take all the stress, fear, pain and conflict out of the game of “Life,” we could all enjoy the holidays together, while eating our tofu turkeys and watching flag-football on our sustainable-energy-powered televisions.

Friday, November 22, 2019

Rep. Ilhan Omar Mocks Jews

                Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) reacted to the news that billionaire Leon Cooperman would support former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s presidential bid by tweeting, “I wonder why?” and adding a “thinking” emoji. Omar’s noxious comments appeared just before she gave a speech to the Council of American Islamic Relations (CAIR) at an event in Washington, D.C. I wonder why. Hmm. Thinking.
                CAIR was listed as an unindicted co-conspirator in a Holy Land Foundation case in which it and five of its leaders were convicted of providing material support to Hamas, a known terrorist organization. Wonder why she spoke to them.
                According to The Left, if you didn’t vote for Obama you must be racist. If you didn’t vote for Hillary, you must hate women. If you aren’t fond of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, you despise Latinos and women. And, if you don’t like Rep. Ilhan Omar, you obviously are Islamophobic. And, of course, blacks vote for blacks, women vote for women, Latinos vote for their fellow Latinos and Muslims vote for other Muslims. Or they are delusional and helping to perpetuate the straight, white, male, Christian patriarchy.
                But a Jew helping a fellow Jew? (Thinking emoji). Well, that’s just collusion, intolerance…and bigotry…for all the world to see.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

The Huffington Post Suggests Thanksgiving Be Cancelled

The Huffington Post recently suggested Thanksgiving be cancelled due to its large carbon footprint. The leftist “news” outlet recommended that people stop travelling for Thanksgiving so as not to use so much fossil-fuel generated energy. (So, if you liked the movie “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” you are an insensitive lout who doesn’t care about the planet). The HuffPost also said folks should eat less meat and more vegetables to lessen their environmental impact. So much for “Turkey Day.” Moreover, the site advised against purchasing ingredients sourced from far away. That’ll complicate your shopping a bit. “Excuse me, I see this salad dressing comes from New York. This is Nebraska. I mean, ‘hello!’ do you have anything from Omaha?”
Progressives have already largely expunged Columbus Day from our list of holidays. Columbus discovered America, so he’s been permanently blacklisted. Now they want to radically alter or ban Thanksgiving. Makes sense. They are more into feeling victimized, excluded, disrespected and marginalized than being thankful for anything. And they want everyone else to feel that way, too.
I’m sure the Huffing-and-Puffington Post (as Rush Limbaugh calls it) will soon call for a ban on Christmas, if it hasn’t already. Too many people travel too far to get home for Christmas, as well. Additionally, far too many turkeys, hams and other meats are prepared. And what about all the cookie baking? How much electricity are all those ovens set at 400 degrees Fahrenheit using up? What’s arguably even worse is all the trees cut down for the banal enjoyment of the rubes in flyover country. Talk about oxygen depletion! And artificial trees may be even worse for the planet! Then there are the exploited, non-union elves working 60-hour workweeks. And how much food do Santa’s reindeer have to eat to get the energy to fly all over the Earth? Reindeer flatulence alone probably contributes measurably to global warming. And we can add to all of this: chestnuts roasting over an open fire and the disposal/burning of countless tons of Christmas wrapping paper. Egads! Greenhouse gases galore! 
I’m guessing Slate will call for a moratorium on Easter celebrations this spring. It’s a religiously non-inclusive holiday steeped in rabbit appropriation and egg theft. The colored dyes could be dangerous and too much chocolate is consumed. Eating ham and lamb could be offensive to Muslims. Parades are a waste of energy, Easter bonnets a pointless misuse of fabric, usually only worn once a year in a shameless display of materialism.
Will the Daily Kos call for an end to Memorial Day? It’s a celebration of militarism and imperialism, is it not? How much material and energy is used making flags? And all the grilling sends toxic, planet-killing gases into the atmosphere.
Who can doubt Mother Jones will soon demand we do away with the Fourth of July?  The air and noise pollution all the fireworks generate is staggering! And celebrating the birth of the nation that misogynistic, white supremacists founded is patently offensive.
Put simply, to the progressive mind, any holiday, gesture or event that celebrates America or its heritage is bad.*
*After 9/11 and during the Gulf War, progressives even warned Americans to stop putting magnetic or adhesive “Support Our Troops” decals on their cars as they could cause the paint underneath to discolor slightly over time.

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Gorsuch Says America Faces Challenges In Civic Understanding

Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch recently appeared on the Fox News Channel’s program “The Story with Martha MacCallum." He remarked: “I think during the confirmation process, one of the things that struck me is that there are some challenges that we face today in civic understanding about our Constitution, and some of the freedoms and protections it provides.” Gorsuch noted that many citizens don’t understand what judges’ true roles are and added that he has found that about one-third of Americans can name all three branches of government, another third can name a single branch and a small percentage of people believe TV star "Judge Judy" serves on the Supreme Court with him. This explains the shockingly large number of people who think socialism is the answer-- and who vote for asshats, frauds and imbeciles like Bernie Sanders, Fauxcahontas and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. It is almost certain that more Americans can name all three Kardashian sisters, three members of The Beatles, and at least three of the four NFC North teams than can identify the legislative, judicial and executive branches of the government of their republic. How is “higher education” working for us?
Judge Gorsuch was far too polite and sanguine when he said that we face “some challenges” today as regards our understanding of our own system of government and knowledge of history. This is akin to saying that “things weren’t easy” for the 300 Spartans at the Battle of Thermopylae or that September 11th, 2001 was not a “particularly good day” for air travel in the United States. The idiocracy grows in lockstep with the utter collapse of formerly beneficial institutions such as universities and the mainstream media/free press. When these institutions pick sides and traffic in indoctrination over information, the societies they are supposed to serve must eventually devolve into dystopian nightmares.
There are more than a few who think that the moon landing was faked, 9/11 was an “inside job,” Obama was a great president and Cuba is a shining example of The People’s will. History—taught objectively—is the most important subject. Knowledge of history is especially crucial to a viable republic, for history reveals consistent patterns. Not even math or science is as important a factor to sustaining a nation, for it is history—alone—that tells us both where we were and where we are headed, if we examine it with clear eyes and sound mind.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

South Dakota Launches New Ad Campaign: "Meth. We're On It."

                South Dakota recently launched a new ad campaign aimed at the methamphetamine crisis. The comprehensive campaign includes a television ad, billboards, posters, and even a website, and was put together by an advertising agency based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, according to the Sioux Falls Argus Leader. The state’s Department of Social Services spent almost $450,000 of taxpayer money to come up with the message.

                Which is: “Meth. We’re on it.”

                Really. I swear it.

                The television ad depicts a series of people declaring, “I’m on meth.” A voice-over states, “Meth is not someone else’s problem. It’s everyone in South Dakota’s problem, and we need everyone to get on it.”

                I have a message for the ad agency: “Dumb. You are that.”

                But perhaps I judge too harshly. Other states quickly followed South Dakota’s lead and came out with terse, ironic ad campaign slogans of their own. California, for example, unveiled a new ad, stating: “Poop. We’ve got it.” Utah responded with: “Wives. We have more.” Neighboring Nevada rolled out: “Gambling. We’re on a roll.” Colorado now proclaims: “High? You know it!” Wisconsin freshly debuted: “Cheese. ‘Nuff said.” And Iowa is purported to be in the final stages of prepping its new tourist promotion: “Corny. So be it.” Lastly, New York just launched a new public service ad with the memorable phrase: “AOC. We’re in her.”

Joy Behar Encourages Democrats To Deceive Voters

                Beto O’Rourke recently announced that, if elected, he would forcefully mandate that people give up certain types of their “automatic” firearms. Shortly after that, he withdrew from the race, saying: “I am announcing that my service to the country will not be as a candidate or as the nominee.”
                Despite this obvious correlation, “The View” co-host Joy Behar said that O’Rourke shouldn’t have told voters that he planned to take their firearms away. Indeed, she said he—and other Democrats—should wait until after they are elected to strip American citizens of their Second Amendment rights. Behar said: “If you are going to take people’s guns away, wait until you get elected and then take the guns away! Don’t tell them ahead of time!”
                What a great illustration of the elite’s disdain for the common folk. Behar wants politicians to deliberately deceive voters-- about a matter of life and death. She literally—publicly-- called for totalitarianism and the repeal of individual, natural rights. Screw the Constitution, to hell with the Bill of Rights. Dispense with democracy, transparency and the idea of a government of, by and for the people. Instead, lie to them and then violate their property rights, liberty, and perhaps their right to life.
                Behar’s comments are shameless and shocking, but perfectly reflective of the leftist mindset. Behar and her ilk believe they know better than you no matter what the subject, and, ergo, should be permitted—indeed mandated—to control every aspect of your lives. Even if they must deceive you to gain that power.

Monday, November 18, 2019

Obama Cautions Democratic Presidential Contenders

                Former President Barack Obama spoke out recently, saying voters “don’t want to see crazy stuff” from the Democratic presidential candidates. He urged his fellow Democrats not to race too far to the left and risk turning off more moderate, independent, and undecided voters. The most radically progressive president in American history stated: “Even as we push the envelope and we are bold in our vision, we also have to be rooted in reality. The average American doesn’t think we have to completely tear down the system and remake it.”

              This from the man who eagerly looked forward to “fundamentally transforming America.”

              This is akin to Clark Griswold telling his neighbors: “Show some restraint with your Christmas lights this year!”

              Predictably, unemployed drug-addled Leftist inhabitants of the Twitter-verse howled their disgust from deep inside their parent’s basements. Anarchists, Antifa asshats and assorted other “progressive” thugs, ignoramuses and morons were none-too-pleased at the admonition, either.  
  But will his intended targets, his fellow Donkeys take his advice?
              Within hours of the former president’s remarks, Bernie Sanders took to twitter to state, among other things, “It’s time for us to become the party that fights for queer liberation again!”

              Apparently not.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Fifth Democratic Debate

Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Tyler Perry Studios
Atlanta, Georgia

Fifth Democratic Debate, hosted and moderated by MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, NBC Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent Andrea Mitchell, NBC White House Correspondent Kristen Welker and Washington Post White House reporter Ashley Parker

Rachel Maddow: “Good evening all. Sen. Warren, let’s start with you. Are you surprised that Trump has not yet been impeached?”

Sen. Warren: “Not really, although I believe he should’ve been. He’s one mean S.O.B.”

Ashley Parker: “Former Vice President Biden, will all the right-wing talk about your son Hunter—who, I’m quick to add, has done nothing wrong—make Trump’s eventual impeachment all the sweeter for you?”

Former Vice President Biden: “Frankly, yes it will. And you know, he never took any money from Albania, and all the money he got while sitting on the board of, uhh, um, Urethra Holdings, the Romanian gaseous company, he earned fair and square.”

Andrea Mitchell: “Sen. Sanders, as you know, Trump has been creditably accused of being a Russian plant. Yet, you yourself visited Russia in the past, did you not?”

Sen. Sanders: “I did indeed, but that wasn’t in the modern oligarch era. I went back in the halcyon days of true communist leaders.”

Kristen Welker: “Sen. Booker, if you were indeed Spartacus, and I must say it’s easy for me to envision that, how would you deal with Trump and his minions?”

Sen. Booker: “Well, I’d like to beat him like a drum, but let’s just let the impeachment process take care of things for now (chuckles).”

Maddow: “Sen. Warren, back to you. With another month to think about it, have you any more thoughts on the apparent friendship between Ellen and former President George W. Bush?”

Sen. Warren: “I mean, it does strain credulity a little, but I wouldn’t say we should outright make it illegal…at this point.”

Parker: “Sen. Harris, do you think it’s okay for a transgender person to pal around with a Republican? How about an Independent? Is this kosher? Should it even be allowed?”

Sen. Harris: “Well, it is certainly problematic, but I would let them associate with Independents. I have real problems with members of the LGBTQ community fraternizing with Republicans however.”

Mitchell: “Mayor Buttigieg, if you were president, after Trump is impeached, would you sign a bill making ‘drag time story hour’ mandatory in every K-12 school in America?”

Mayor Buttigieg: “While I do think that would be a good thing, I wouldn’t make it mandatory at this time. I’d give it a couple of years until, with proper education and incentives, the deplorables are fully onboard with this, too.”

Welker: “Mr. Yang, as president, what would you do to make sure that every American has the right to use whatever bathroom they so choose based on their preferred gender identity at the time?”

Mr. Yang: “This is a fundamental right, one of the great civil rights movements of our time. I would hope we all, myself included, could rise to the challenge of the day and do the right thing. I would pass a law making every single bathroom in the United States of America—and locker room I might add- open to all, based not on their arbitrarily assigned sex at birth, not on the genitalia they happen to sport at any given time, but on their deeply held gender identity.” (Wild applause and cheering from the audience).

Maddow: “That’s friggin’ awesome! Now, Mr. Steyer, do you believe the popularity of In-N-Out Burger and Chick-fil-A is proof positive of a rising Christian hegemony in the fast food industry?”

Mr. Steyer: “I do. And we have to be careful here. We are on a slippery slope. The Founders made it perfectly clear that there should be separation between church and fast food, between religion and drive-throughs.” 

Parker: “Mayor Buttigieg, do you think there currently are enough LGBTQIIA+ characters in children’s cartoons? And, a follow-up to that, are there also enough devout Muslim characters in American children’s cartoons? If not, what does that say about this nation-- and how do we rectify this?”

Mayor Buttigieg: “No there are not. In either case. These characters have been sorely lacking since the advent of television. We have to hit the for-profit television stations and networks where their heart is—in their wallets. The federal government should pass a law making it mandatory that a minimum of 1 in every 6 characters portrayed in children’s cartoons must be either a member of the LGBTQIIA+ community or a Muslim… or both. If not, they should be fined heavily.”

Mitchell: “Sen. Booker, Beto O’Rourke talked of confiscating AR-15s and other high capacity or assault weapons. Now that he has dropped out of the race, will you commit to that policy in his stead? And do you think the sale of all handguns should be banned outright, as well.”

Sen. Booker: “I do. If I were president, I would confiscate all handguns as well as automatic weapons. I’d also come for the rubes’ rifles, shotguns, squirt-guns, ‘finger guns,’ and tasers.” And probably their kitchen knives, baseball bats and weed wackers, too.” 

Welker: “Sen. Klobuchar, what would you do to end the vaping crisis?”

Sen. Klobuchar: “We have to look at the benefits versus the cost of vaping. The reports are concerning, however—”

Maddow: “Anyway, Sen. Warren, when president, will you outlaw Columbus Day and sign off on a new holiday to replace the misplaced celebration of the ancient white male supremacist?”

Sen. Warren: “Yes.”

Maddow: “Rep. Gabbard, in light of the tragic events at the NASCAR Hall of Fame In Charlotte, North Carolina, recently, in which hundreds of birds collided with the building in which it’s housed, would you support the total and permanent ban on the construction and existence of buildings with glass windows? And perhaps a total and permanent ban on NASACAR, as well?”

Rep Gabbard: “I was sorry to hear about that, but a total ban on glass windows? And NASCAR? That might be going a bit too far. And, how come there’s been no questions on immigration, the economy or China? I mean, what the hell, why don’t you morons ask about any of those issues?”

(Maddow looks at Parker, Mitchell and Welker-- and vice versa…all appear clueless and flummoxed)

Parker (nonplussed): “Is that a ‘thing?’ China, I mean? I guess I don’t know much about that.”

Maddow (quickly): “Sen. Warren, back to you again. Are you aware that Kim Kardashian—”


Saturday, November 16, 2019

Impeachment Survey

                It was recently reported that Democrats have used focus groups to help them decide what terms to use in their latest attempt to impeach President Trump. They had used the term “quid pro quo” to characterize Trump’s overt request of new Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to look into the Hunter Biden-Burisma Holdings scandal, but weren’t sure enough people were familiar with the term. Upon analyzing the focus group data, they discovered that “bribery” was the word that most negatively resonated with Americans. Therefore, the Democrats are now certain Trump attempted to “bribe” Zelensky and the Ukrainian government, despite the fact that the scheduled aid was delivered even though Trump got no assurances from Zelensky or his government. And that Zelensky and his foreign minister both said Trump placed no pressure on them whatsoever to comply.
                “Well, don’t listen to them! What would they know of it? We have third-party hearsay on our side!” say the Democrats.
                In a gesture of friendship towards my leftist friends, I’m conducting my own survey utilizing an in-house focus group. Which of the following high crimes and misdemeanors do you think Trump should be impeached for? (Pick all that may apply).

·         Tweeting style
·         Income level
·         Using the Rolling Stones’ song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at the end of his rallies
·         Hairstyle
·         Hair color
·         Calling others names
·         Having a beautiful wife
·         Not owning a dog
·         Being white
·         Being a man
·         Being a white man
·         Don’t like the name “Donald”
·         Don’t like the name “Trump”
·         Don’t like the middle initial “J”
·         Don’t like that he’s actually doing much of what he promised
·         Upset that he’s upsetting faceless, unelected career bureaucrats
·         Feel like he hasn’t shown enough concern for undocumented, angendered, mulatto Hondurans
·         Success of stock market makes me uncomfortable
·         Still feel bad for Hillary
·         Making me feel bad
·         Called someone “bad news”

  I promise to forward the most popular choices to Rep. Schiff on a daily basis.

  The Founders would be so proud.

Friday, November 15, 2019

Trump Makes Another Impeachment-Worthy Phone Call

            I have a truly startling confession to make: I myself overheard President Donald J. Trump talking on the phone just days after his call with the president of the country formerly known as “The Ukraine.” I must admit it seemed like something nefarious, cheesy and untoward was going on. He was talking about how he wasn’t going to “fork over the money” unless the other party did something for him first. I think he was on the phone with someone named “Domino” or “Dominos.” (Maybe Greek?). I think he said that he wanted a piece of “their pie.” And he told them he’d only pay for it “after you deliver.” This was more than suspect. There was a definite quid pro quo involved.
I’ve supported Trump since he was elected, but, nevertheless, I feel like we should try to find out exactly who Trump was talking to (extorting!) and call in this “Domino” or “Dominos” as a witness in the ongoing impeachment trial. We need to see if this person felt pressured to “deliver” something to Trump. Patriot that I am, I would even be willing to testify myself.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Adam Schiff Claims He Doesn't Know Whistle-blowers Identity

            Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) asked House Intelligence Committee (oxymoron alert!) Chairman Adam Schiff when Republicans might have the opportunity to question “the whistle-blower” behind the Democrats’ latest attempt at a coup d’état. Incredibly, Rep. Schiff (D-CA), the impeachment farce’s judge, jury and executioner extraordinaire, replied that he doesn’t even know who the whistle-blower is and couldn’t pick him (or her) out in a crowd of two.
This is surpassingly strange since Schiff’s aide actually met with the whistle-blower/hearsay-monger and was the person who recommended that he (or she) file a complaint with the office of the Inspector General of the Intelligence Committee (ICIG). Moreover, the whistle-blower proceeded to write a letter to Schiff that contained an attachment which was very likely the complaint with his (or her) signature on it attesting to the veracity of his (or her) claim.
Schiff went so far as to suggest that the Trump administration was trying to withhold the complaint from Congress, despite the fact that his own staff knew about said complaint before anyone else and had prompted it to be filed in the first place. Given that there are people living in huts and wickiups in the remotest parts of the Amazon rain-forest that know the whistle-blower’s likely identity, even the Washington Post gave Schiff’s claim four Pinocchios. (The whistle-blower, thought by roughly 82% of people living or working in the District of Columbia to be Eric Cia***ella, does not even claim to have heard the president firsthand or have direct knowledge of the call. Might’ve dreamt about it or heard it through the grapevine).
When queried, Rep. Schiff also claimed he doesn’t know the identity of President Lincoln’s assassin, hadn’t heard about the Lindbergh baby, was shocked when recently informed that we gave back the Panama Canal and “saddened” when Rep. Jordan (R-OH) informed him that M*A*S*H went off the air in 1983. Schiff also expressed amazement—and skepticism—when Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) mentioned Apollo 11. Schiff exclaimed: “We landed on the moon?! In 1969?! Get out!! No way!”

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Julian Castro Disses Iowa, New Hampshire

Democratic presidential candidate Julian Castro recently said that Iowa and New Hampshire should no longer be the first states to hold a caucus and a primary, opining that it’s time to “change the order of the states.” The former mayor of San Antonio told MSNBC—during a campaign stop in Iowa, no less— "I don't believe we're the same country we were in 1972. That's when Iowa first held its caucus first, and by the time we have the next presidential election in 2024, it'll have been more than 50 years since 1972. Our country's changed a lot in those 50 years.” Astute observation, Sherlock. What are you really trying to say? He added that the two states, demographically speaking, are “not reflective of the United States as a whole, certainly not reflective of the Democratic Party, and I believe that other states should have their chance … I don't believe that forever we should be married to Iowa and New Hampshire going first." Ahh, there it is: Iowa and New Hampshire are too white.
Fidel Juan Castro did compliment the states, noting: “what I really appreciate about Iowans and the folks in New Hampshire is that they take this process very seriously. They vet the candidates, they show up at town halls, they give people a good hearing.”
Another reason why he doesn’t want them to lead off the nominating calendar.
Castro, the lone Latino among the plethora of Democratic candidates, failed to mention that Nevada, a state with a large and growing minority population, and South Carolina, where black voters comprise the majority of the party’s primary electorate, are the third and fourth states, respectively, to hold caucuses/primaries. Apparently, the fact that two of the first four states to nominate are bursting with Castro’s kind of diversity is not enough to assuage him. (White votes don't matter)? The fact that all candidates need to campaign in different states and speak to different constituencies is a good thing and should be embraced in a representative republic. Instead, Castro wants to change the rules. Whether it’s dispensing with the Electoral College, lowering the voting age, or welcoming illegal aliens, Democrats will entertain any idea that helps them get and retain power and control, regardless of the damage it inflicts on the country they supposedly represent or the Constitution they supposedly swore to defend.
Castro’s remarks are in keeping with another Democratic tradition: if you lose-- or are losing—blame something or someone else.
Does Castro think every state should have the exact same demographic makeup? Does he think the federal government should somehow try to mandate this? After all, Democrats love equal outcomes. Perhaps he isn’t well versed in federalism and republicanism. Or perhaps he just doesn’t much care for those principles.
What states should have the privilege of going first, Mr. Castro? Which are perfectly representative of the nation as a whole? Florida and Arizona have too many old people, right? Pennsylvania has far more Quakers than the other states. That’s not reflective of the nation at large. Utah has far more Mormons than other states, so it’s out, too. Alaska? Too many Innuit Eskimos. Oklahoma? Nope, too many workers in the oil industry. That’s certainly not reflective of the Democratic Party.
Enter hypocrisy, which most assuredly is reflective of the Democratic Party. Castro could be thinking: “which state has the most Socialists? Maybe that state should hold the first caucus or primary. On the other hand, Virginia and Maryland have the most Deep-Staters, perhaps they should replace Iowa and New Hampshire. Or how about Texas? Texas is my home state and has a very high number of Latino residents. That might be fair. It’s also turning blue before our very eyes. That’s so cool.”
Don’t forget about California, Juan. It has the greatest number of morons. At least in government. While that isn’t representative of most of America, it is certainly reflective of today’s Democratic Party.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Democratic Presidential Field To Grow Again?

                The herd of candidates competing to become the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee has thinned out some lately. However, if recent rumors are to be believed, the field may grow again in the near future. Rep. Eric Swalwell, Gov. John Hickenlooper, Sen. Kristen Gillibrand, Mayor Bill de Blasio and Beto O’Rourke, among others, have dropped out of the race. But it now appears that everyone else with leftist leanings is contemplating getting into the contest.
                Many are speculating that the Preordained One, the Prevaricator in a Pantsuit, Hillary Rodham Clinton, will enter the fray believing that the third time is the charm. (If so, I wouldn’t want to be working at a Macedonian content farm). Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg appears set to pull the trigger and jump in, as well. (Sorry, Mike, I know how you despise firearms). Some folks are encouraging Michelle Obama to run, though she currently appears coy to the idea at best.
                And now we hear that former Attorney General Eric Holder is considering throwing his hat into the ring. If so, he might want to act fast and furiously, so he can get his campaign underway before the next round of caucuses and primaries. Even former Massachusetts Senator John “Effing” Kerry is said to be weighing his options. I’m sure the Iranian Mullahs are ecstatic at the news. (“He will maybe apologize to us after we nuke Israel, yes?”).
                But wait, that’s not all! Some Dems are hoping against hope that maybe…just maybe…Oprah will run. The “Queen of Media” is the Holy Grail of Possible Democratic candidates. According to a recent Rasmussen Reports survey, Ms. Winfrey would beat President Trump by 10 points.
                And, who knows, maybe Michael Moore will run. Or the Pillsbury Dough Boy. (It’s hard to tell them apart). Or Joy Behar from “The View.” Or Cher. Barbara Streisand? Jimmy Kimmel? Perhaps California Gov. Gavin Newsome will run and turn the formerly Golden State over to Lieutenant Gov. Eleni Kounalakis. Might former Georgia Rep. Stacey Abrams enter the race and shock the world? Is it too early for disgraced former California Rep. Katie Hill to announce her comeback? Americans love to forgive. And they love an underdog! And a hot chick with a bong. (Who wouldn’t want to serve in her cabinet? Party like it’s 1999 and Clinton is still in office)!
                Maybe “Flo” from the Progressive commercials will try her hand at politics. Or Jeff Bezos. Bozo the Clown?
                Or maybe the Dems will have to exhume a Kennedy, dress him up, and wield him around in Weekend at Bernie’s fashion. Probably wouldn’t be much different than what they’d have to do for Biden or Sanders…speaking of Bernie.

Beto O'Rourke Drops Out

            Democratic presidential contender Beto O’Rourke recently dropped out of the race. O’Rourke, who consistently polled between 1%-2%, stated: "I am announcing that my service to the country will not be as a candidate or as the nominee."
In fact, his service to the country is that he will not be serving the country as a candidate or as the nominee.
                O’Rourke says he is “dropping out, tuning in and turning on!” His plans include “playing practical jokes” on his wife, traveling around the Southwest in search of “regenerative dirt,” and jumping fences. He added, “Don’t try to talk me out of my decision. I always stick to my guns.”

Monday, November 11, 2019

California Legalizes Eating Roadkill

                So it’s come to this: California Governor Gavin Newsom recently signed a bill making it legal for residents of the formerly Golden State to take, cook and eat roadkill, KCAL-TV and other news outlets have reported.  Senate Bill 395, a.k.a. the “roadkill bill,” will go into effect in 2022 and allow people to possess and eat animals they unintentionally hit or find on state roads. Those desirous of consuming said roadkill would be required to obtain a salvage permit by providing information about how and where the animal was killed. If an animal is struck but alive, the Department of Fish and Wildlife will decide whether or not to put it down.
                The law’s professed goal is twofold: one, to eliminate the waste of carcasses, and two, to learn how to make roads safer for drivers and animals. State Senator Bob Archuleta (D-Pico Rivera) said, “When you look at the statistics, the number of injuries and accidents and fatalities, it’s about time. If we can save one life, save one animal, I think we’ve done the right thing here.” (Funny, Democrats never say that about abortion).
                Opponents of the bill claim that it may prompt some drivers to purposefully strike animals. The reality is that those that would purposely strike animals under the new law purposely strike animals today. Criminals are singularly unaffected by…laws. (See also, “stricter gun laws”).
                That said, what strikes me about the new law is the timing of its passing. Due to the state’s hard left policies, homelessness is endemic. Needles and feces cover the streets of several of the state’s largest cities, San Francisco and Los Angeles among them. Energy prices in the erstwhile Land of Milk and Honey are sky high. Home prices higher still. The state recently instituted rolling power blackouts, supposedly in a proactive effort to protect against more catastrophic wildfires. This resulted in cell phones being silenced, medical devices being shut down, traffic lights and toilets being rendered inoperable, and dairy, meat, and produce items on grocery shelves going bad or rotting. In other words, leftists are making California look more and more like Venezuela.
                Sure, things look bleak for the large left coast state with the country’s most progressive policies. But, with the passage of this bill, its citizens have an inexpensive alternative to eating out or buying their food from grocery stores. Now their places of residence—if they have one—can be instantly transformed into a “Roadkill Café.”
                The state’s streets might no longer be paved with gold, but they are paved with roadkill. And, in this Brave New World, that might be just enough for some of its residents.