Thursday, May 31, 2018

McDonald's Installing Cowbell Buzzers

                McDonald’s recently announced that it’s replacing the frozen hamburger patties it previously used with fresh, real beef patties on its Quarter Pounders, etc., and that these will now all be cooked to order. In an effort to continue to serve customers in a timely manner and have its meals qualify as “fast food,” the iconic burger joint is installing cowbell buzzers in its kitchens that will ring every single time a hamburger order requiring fresh beef is placed.

                Which is driving many of its employees crazy.

                Yet, “Mickey D’s” competitors are scrambling to catch up with its actions.
                Burger King, for example, will now play a recording yelling “The King is Dead, Long Live the King” every time an order including a hamburger is placed. Kentucky Fried Chicken will broadcast a “clucking sound” when an order is up, while Carl’s Jr. will feature a “bomb blast” each and every time a Green Burrito is requested.
                Moreover, Jack-in-the-Box will announce every order with “Whoomp, there it is!” and Arby’s says it will trumpet the arrival of its roast beef sandwiches with an actual trumpet, and sound a loud horn when an order involving chicken is up. Culver’s will play the opening strains of “Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony” whenever someone orders a “Pretzel Haus Pub Burger,” Chick-fil-a will broadcast “Ode To Joy” when an order is up, Cane’s will issue a few notes from “Thunderclaps” when it gives you the fingers, Chipotle will air the melodic phrase “hahahaha Wipeout” for each and every order ready, and Sonic will blare a “siren sound” at decibel levels akin to an “Emergency Alert System” tornado warning before delivering an order to a customer.
                For its part, Wendy’s will blast “Here’s the Beef” when serving a hamburger. Taco Bell will produce a lengthy “farting sound” for every Taco order placed, while proudly announcing the imminent delivery of a burrito with two bars of the “Mexican Hat Dance” song. And, finally, the sound of a toilet flushing will permeate all Taco John’s restaurants when an order is up.
                Once again, McDonald’s appears to lead the fast-food industry in (an) innovation.

                Only time will tell if its customers think it’s a Kroc.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

The Right To Try

                Clarity: in 2018 America, there is a “right to die” party and a “right to try” party. Think of that. At minimum, this must necessarily be divisive, as these mindsets are, by definition, of life and death importance…and will utterly shape the worldview of those who possess them.
                Democrats continually push to legalize assisted suicide and protect and expand “abortion rights.” Well, if you can’t prevent them from being born, you can at least try to kill ‘em early!
                President Trump just signed into law a bill that would allow those diagnosed with terminal illnesses to bypass the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and try experimental treatments. The “Right to Try Act of 2017,” sponsored by Wisconsin Republican Ron Johnson, passed the House of Representatives last week on a party-line vote of 250 to 169, after unanimously passing the Senate last August. Upon signing the bill, the president said: “As I proudly sign this bill, thousands of Americans will have the help, the hope and the fighting chance—and I think it’s going to be better than chance—that they will be cured, that they will be helped, that they will be able to be with their families for a long time, or maybe just for a longer time. But we’re able to give them the absolute best we have at this current moment, at this current second. We’re going to help a lot of people. It’s an honor to be signing this.”  Touching sentiments, indeed.   
                Trump’s action would, at worst, seem to be uncontroversial, especially given that the FDA drug approval process can take up to 15 years. But Democrats claim the bill peddles “false hope,” and may place patients “at risk.” Research groups, and some groups purportedly representing patients have deemed the legislation “unsafe.” “False hope” is fake news. Unsafe? May place these patients at risk?! Holy-bleeping-bleep-ass-cow!! They’re already nearly certain to die soon or they wouldn’t be seeking experimental new treatments!
                To recap, Democrats will make sure the elderly and terminally ill have the option to die quickly-- if artificially-- but think it is too “risky” to allow them to try new drugs that may or may not help them live longer. Too risky for whom? There are no words to adequately describe this madness…or evil.
                Democrats incessantly try to legalize marijuana and other illicit drugs, saying things like, “Hey, pot might have health benefits, man,” or “Give the addicts a safe place to shoot up and provide them with clean needles, it’s the humane thing to do.” But they are firmly against letting people use potentially life-saving drugs. Unbelievable. This is akin to saying: “We’ll shoot you in the head if you like, but we don’t want to allow you to have access to a gun, because that would be too risky.”
                That we don’t know if the Right To Die Party or the Right To Try Party will ultimately prevail is unspeakably sad.

                Last I checked, we all have the right to sigh.


Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Trump Administration Anti-Japanese


                 Mainstream Media Moron

                These heartbreaking photos clearly show the plight of Japanese people in the United States today under Trump administration policies. These images, I believe the first of their kind to surface, are so despicable, words fail me. Internment camps? Seriously?! Even a respected member of the media, such as myself,  a person who follows current events closely, was blind-sided by these pictures. Man’s inhumanity to man is, apparently, unceasing…and increasing. Please retweet these disturbing reminders of Republican Party bigotry and intolerance. And remember to “like” my post! Shout out and tip of the hat to New York Times Magazine editor Jake Silverstein! befiredifnotcastrated         1,997 people love this     9,882 people are talking about this


                I guess these photos were actually from World War II, when FDR, a Democrat, was president. My bad.  I was busy with my family this past weekend. But this does nothing to take away from the fact that Trump is heinously anti-Japanese. 

Monday, May 28, 2018

Albuquerque City Councilor: "'Bleep' The NRA"

                Albuquerque City Councilor Pat Davis was elected in 2015 representing Nob Hill, the International District, Mesa Del Sol, the University of New Mexico and most of the Southeast Heights area. During his time in office, he has espoused pro-LGBTQ positions, and would, if elected, become New Mexico’s first openly gay member of Congress. He is also the founder of the left-wing advocacy group, “Progress Now New Mexico.”
                Davis, a candidate for the U.S. House of Representatives, is running a 15-second television ad in which he states: “Fuck the NRA. Their pro-gun policies have resulted in dead children, dead mothers, and dead fathers. I’m Pat Davis…and I approved this message, because if Congress won’t change our gun laws, we’re changing Congress.”
                Local CBS affiliate KRQE was set to air the vulgar ad uncensored recently, saying it was compelled to do so due to federal election laws that prohibit them from editing political commercials. The station planned to run a disclaimer beforehand.
                If Davis is elected this fall, look for other Democratic politicians to mimic his successful formula in the future. I can easily picture Maxine Waters looking into the camera and stating, “F---ing right, we’re gonna impeach 45! You can bet your ass on that!”
                Who among us would be surprised to see a vision of Bernie Sanders appear on our big screen, blurting out “F—k capitalism,” or “Blow me Sarah Palin?” I wouldn’t be all that stunned to glimpse an image of Keith Ellington hollering, “Death to the motherf—king Constitution!” Various pro-abortion candidates might just as well stare straight into the camera and remark: “Christianity can take it up the ass!
                Nothing that might be said by the younger, more radical candidates would shock anyone who’s been on social media in the past few years. Maryland gubernatorial candidate Ben Jealous (!) could unleash a string of profanity while railing against the system, use it as a campaign commercial, and it would only solidify his standing amongst those likely to vote for him.
                Speaking of being jealous, if profanity proves a winning strategy, one can only imagine what Hillary Clinton will do. My guess is she’d go off like the grand-finale of a four-letter word fireworks display, blasting out obscenities  in colorful, breathtaking bunches. “Why didn’t I f—king swear more, G-ddammit?! Who knew? If it wasn’t those c—ks-cking Macedonian content farmers, it was the shit-eating Russians or the bastards in the motherf--king media! Or Comey, the asshole. Obama, the little pu--y didn’t stick his scrawny %$)F!N neck out for me, either. That bleeping c-nt Jill Stein stole enough votes from me for no effing reason, too, tit-less wonder! And, Bernie Sanders pissed me off royally through the whole damn campaign, the commie shithead! Then there’s the sexist bitches voting for that dickhead Trump because their asshole hubbies told them to! Aww, f-ck! And, blow me Sarah Palin!”
                Coarseness and inelegance rule the day, to the detriment of this republic. Emotion-driven obscenity is substituted for introspection and logical thought, casual profanity has become normal discourse. Those who can’t reason, profane. It is enough to drive a thoughtful person mad. But, if you can’t beat them, join them, as they say.

                So, screw it, who fu-king cares?

Sunday, May 27, 2018

American Airlines Passenger Snaps When Refused Beer

                A passenger on the May 23rd American Airlines flight 1293 from Saint Croix to Miami had his request for beer denied by a flight attendant, sending him into a fit of rage. Apparently, the passenger, identified as Jason Felix in court documents obtained by Fox News, was overheard by the unnamed male flight attendant making an unusual “commotion” in the plane’s bathroom. When Felix’ request for alcohol was not granted, he started pushing against his seatmate in an attempt to get out of his own seat and confront the anonymous flight attendant. Oh, and he also threatened to kill the seatmate, a mid-flight faux-pas that eventually led to a brawl between the two travelers.
                Thirty minutes into the flight, and upon returning to his seat from the lofty loo, Felix hit the call button and requested a beer, which the as yet unnamed flight attendant denied. Felix then called the crew member a “f----t” and a “bitch” according to the Fox news report.
                I’ve been there brother, but I must say there was a better way to handle the admittedly dire situation. Threatening to kill a fellow passenger was an overreaction, despite the extreme provocation. Even given the fact you were riding in a hollow metal tube hurtling through the endless sky at 30,000 feet, breathing foul air and listening to crying babies, snoring men and assorted “comfort animals” passing gas. And this after being groped and fondled by government-sanctioned pseudo-rapists before being allowed to board the metal tube.
                While I, too, believe “comfort alcohol” is more effective than a “comfort animal” any day, situations such as this require a certain subtlety, a deft touch if you will. In the interests of peace and harmony, and the edification of the masses, here’s how I once handled being denied an in-flight beer (on an airline that shall remain nameless as I don’t wish to tarnish its reputation. As if that were still possible). Immediately after rejection, I slowly rose and stated, calmly but loudly, “I have a bomb…..bastic personality, and I’m not afraid to use it!”
                I then threatened to recite every 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign speech until the plane touched down at our destination, some hours later. This ploy is clever and exhibits exemplary restraint. There is no need for name-calling, threats or brawling in the friendly skies.
                The beer flowed like a mountain stream.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Los Angeles Rams To Change Name, Logo

Los Angeles Rams Corporate Office
29899 Agoura Road
Agoura Hills, California 91301
June 18, 2018

Kevin Demoff, Executive Vice President of Football Operations/Chief Operating Officer:

“Ladies and gentleman, non-binaries and members of the LGBTQ community at large, press people, and all those around the world watching the live-streaming of this event, it is my honor and privilege to make a special—and timely—announcement today. In light of the continuing controversy surrounding concussions in sports, and in full acknowledgement of the culturally-defining role the National Football League plays in American life, the Los Angeles Rams hereby announce that we are changing our name and logo. I think we all realize that rams, by their very nature, are continually head-butting each other in a violent but ultimately useless struggle to determine which one is tougher and more persistent. The word itself means either an un-castrated male sheep, is short for ‘battering ram,’ or, in its verb form, is defined as ‘roughly force (something) into place.’ All of this fairly reeks of toxic masculinity which has no place on a modern-day football field. Even the word’s synonyms are steeped in violence: ‘cram, jam, stab, stuff, pack, stick, sink, push (stops to mop brow), plunge, force and thrust.’

“As for our logo, a menacing, snarling ram with head lowered, ready to initiate head-to-head contact on a moment’s notice, well, it was quite obviously time for him to go. That all said, what will be our new team name and motto? Owner Kroenke, general manager Snead and I, among many other valued employees of the club, put our heads together recently…um, well not really…I mean that would be ironic…we didn’t really knock our heads against any other person’s…by this I meant that we shared ideas on what the best image for us going forward would be…and we believe we came up with the right re-branding for the times. Ergo, it is my pleasure to reveal the new logo for… the Los Angeles Sanctuary Seekers! (Demoff then pulls a small tarp off of an easel next to him, with exaggerated flair, revealing a baby-blue logo featuring Mother Theresa sheltering an undocumented alien in her arms, looking at him beatifically). Voilá! (Silence for a moment, then gasps and cheers). I know, right?

“This storied franchise was founded back in 1936, a very different time indeed. And we still play in a ‘Coliseum,’ as bizarre as that term sounds to the modern ear. But we recognize this is a new and enlightened era. That is why we are also announcing today that we are installing ‘safe spaces’ on the sidelines of our field, so that our players—or our opponents—can have an oasis, if you will, of peace, comfort, ease and safety if game play becomes too stressful or competitive for them. (Much cheering, many stand and hug each other, some wiping their eyes). Thank you, thank you very much! I can see we’ve made the right choices. You have validated us! Our incoming college draft choices, in particular, will benefit from the familiar and welcoming safe spaces. We will provide these havens with warm milk, Play-Doh™, and Siberian Husky puppies. (More applause).

“Bless you all. It’s a new day in LA!”


Friday, May 25, 2018

More Great Government Spending Programs!

                It's never too early to start thinking about your taxes, fellow citizens. Long before you reach for your W-4 form, or make that check out to Uncle Sam, take a look at some of the fantastic things the tax dollars taken from you (under penalty of law) have paid for recently!

                In 2017, we spent:

                *$30,000 on “Doggie Hamlet” via the National Endowment for the Arts. [“To pee, or not to pee (on master’s Persian rug), that is the question.”]
                *$700,000 for a community center with high-speed internet for LaGrange, Arkansas, a town of 78 inhabitants. (Only $8,974 per person! Let’s do this for every small town in every state!)
                *$1.5 million for a study to answer the age-old question of how to make tomatoes taste better. (This is why government is so inefficient. I’d say make them taste like bacon, and only charge Uncle Sam $50. Savings to the American taxpayer: $1,499,950)
                *$2 million for EPA security needs due to threats from climate change activists. (Want to lessen pollution? Get rid of the climate change activists)
                *$15 million to train Kenyan farmers on how to use Facebook. (Coincidentally, the same amount of money Facebook spent on how to use Kenyan farmers)
                *$15 million training Walmart cashiers in Mexico. (Too easy. Insert your own joke here).

                *$255 million repairing roads…in Afghanistan. (WTF? There aren’t $255 million worth of roads in Afghanistan) 

                You're feeling better already, aren't you?

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Stormy Daniels: Hooray For (West) Hollywood!

                Hooray for Hollywood!

                Well, at least West Hollywood, the mayor of which joined other city officials recently to present adult-film star “Stormy Daniels” with a key to the city…and a city proclamation, according to media reports. The city’s muckety-mucks recognized Daniels via press release for her “leadership in the #RESIST movement, and averred that she has “proven herself to be a profile in courage by speaking truth to power even under threats to her safety and extreme intimidation.” Apparently fearing that this alone was insufficient idolatry of the Anomic Blonde, the city also proclaimed May 23rd “Stormy Daniels Day.” West Hollywood, a city that had previously passed resolutions calling for articles of impeachment to be introduced against President Trump, honored Stormy largely for her own attempts to aid and abet the impeachment of Trump for questionable moral character.
                Daniels started stripping as a 17-year-old in a club in Baton Rouge, and has gone on to star in 275 adult films, including true cinematic classics such as “Da Vagina Code” and “Revenge of the Dildos.” The unnatural blonde then got into directing XXX-movies. She gave a tip of her hat to Judd Apatow, from whom she says she learned her directing skills. Apatow, the big-time mainstream Hollywood director who cast Daniels in a number of his popular movies, told Conan O’Brien, “She’s very nice and super smart and great to work with so we just kept asking her to be in all of our movies.”
                Ms. Daniels flirted (a term with which she has vast and intimate knowledge) with a run for political orifice  office herself a few years ago, contemplating campaigning for the U.S. Senate. Her would-be slogan? “Stormy Daniels: Screwing People Honestly.”
                In days of yore, it was usually great inventors, titans of industry, renowned artists or amazing athletes who were rewarded with keys to cities and feted with their own “days.” Today, it is only a matter of time before Jenna Jameson is appointed ambassador to Denmark and Jesse Jane becomes Secretary of Health and Education. “Alexis Texas” may well soon win a Nobel Prize for perfecting the female orgasm while informing us all that each and every climax helps combat climate change. Surely Tori Black will soon be knighted and Madison Ivy will be handed the keys to New York City…as long as they are in the #RESIST movement.
                Local efforts to impeach a president have no legal standing. Loco attempts to impugn the legitimacy of the president, however, can have serious consequences. The mainstream media is currently obsessed with all things pornographic. They perpetually appear near climax when interviewing Stormy or her exceptionally strange lawyer.
                The Press and The Swamp have no moral character. They make beautiful, if banal, obscenities together. True pornography can be no better defined than the willful attempt to impeach a legally, democratically elected president for no valid reason and to attack the foundations—and Founders-- of the most tolerant and successful nation in the history of the world…for one’s own benefit.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Hillary Pillory

                 Hillary Clinton carries a grudge the way a new mother carries her baby: lovingly and in a protective embrace. She’ll probably carry this one to her grave. Were it possible to run for president as an infant, she would’ve cradled it from cradle to grave. During her commencement address to graduating Yale students recently, she made yet another (“joking”) reference to Russians helping President Trump defeat her in the election of 2016: “Now I see looking out at you that you are following the tradition of over the top hats,” she intoned, “So, I brought a hat too.” She then pulled out a Russian “ushanka” hat and briefly put it on, saying, “A Russian hat, right? Look, I mean, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!” Her audience applauded and cheered. Sad, nyet?
                This was at once appalling and pathetic, as it now appears that the Clinton Foundation and the Obama administration were the only ones heartily colluding with the Russkies. Even more hypocritically, she went on to list what she purports to be the dangers to democracy: “Waging a war on the rule of law and a free press, de-legitimizing elections, perpetrating shameless corruption, and rejecting the idea that our leaders should be public servants undermines our national unity.” She also stated, apparently without biting the insides of her cheek with the force of a crocodile latching onto a large fish, “There are certain things that are so essential they should transcend politics.”
                At which point, utterly unable to transcend politics, she admitted that she was not over her surprise loss in the 2016 presidential election that she has ever since tried to de-legitimize. To the Clintons, nothing transcends politics. Bill Clinton believed that interns should be leader’s servants, possibly in public, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. He didn’t care about de-legitimizing elections, but was furious if a woman attempted to de-legitimize his erection. “Shameless corruption” is now an actual synonym for “Clinton.”

                Just a couple of days after her performance at Yale, Clinton matriculated to Hofstra University in New York, and delivered an impassioned speech praising women’s influence- and participation- in politics… before officially endorsing Andrew Cuomo for that state’s governor over his opponent Cynthia Nixon. Ironically, she remarked that women “are making their voices heard like never before” this election year. Is this the smartest woman who ever trod the surface of the planet? Or just another bureaucrat…in a hat?

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Notes On The Decline

Notes on the Decline:

*The University of California-Santa Barbara lists the following as micro-aggressions: “America is the land of opportunity” and “I believe the most qualified person should get the job.” The damning and dismissing of truisms leaves no room for anything but eventual, total societal collapse.

*Progressives/leftists look at truth the way many obese persons view their reflection in the mirror—they don’t really believe what they see, because, if they did, it would shame them. If the truth doesn’t comport with their chosen reality (and they believe they can choose their reality like they choose their gender or a pair of socks), then it can’t be…the truth.

*NOAA’s actual temperature record shows that the United States was warmest in the 1930s and has cooled recently, even as atmospheric CO2 has continued to increase, debunking the greenhouse gas theory…and prompting it to adjust the data to make it appear that the U.S. has been warming all along…and still is today. According to online reports, most of these adjustments are due to simply making up data.  Every month, a certain percentage of the 1,218 United States Historical Climatology Network (USHCN) stations fail to report their data, and the temperature gets estimated by NOAA using a computer model. Missing data is marked in the USHCN database with an “E” – meaning “estimated.” In 1970, about 10% of the data was missing, but that number has increased to almost 50%, meaning that almost half of the current adjusted data is “estimated,” i.e. fake. More than a few scientists and climatologists think the Earth is entering a pronounced period of global cooling. 

Monday, May 21, 2018

Brown University Segregates For Reconciliation!

                Brown University, that estimable fount of higher education, has decided to promote “racial reconciliation” by offering segregated events to its black and female Muslim students. The school came up with this brilliant idea after the violent clashes between opposing protesters in Charlottesville this past August.
                Reconciliation by segregation?
                Reconciliation: “A change from a state of enmity and fragmentation to one of harmony and fellowship.”
                Segregation: “The action or state of setting someone or something apart from other people or things or being set apart.”
                Attention, Brown: this is like screwing for abstinence, going crazy for mental health, or espousing genocide to achieve a tolerant, non-violent world. It’s akin to eating deep-fried cheese curds to promote healthy diets, or voting for Maxine Waters to bring dignity and reason back to our body politic.  
                This move by Brown is entirely in keeping with today’s outright celebration of insanity and perversion. The left’s strategy is to knowingly- and brazenly- accuse non-leftists of what they themselves are all about. This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but, tragically, is only known by a relative few who actually pay attention to history. This is straight out of the communist playbook, and Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals.”
                There is a word for the removal of ambiguity, for attempting to make something clear: disambiguation. I myself try to be a disambiguationist. So do Dennis Prager, Ben Shapiro, Rush Limbaugh, Jordan Peterson and Mark Steyn, among others.

                Leftists strive to do the opposite, as if they could turn disambiguation into the world’s first one-word oxymoron. They claim to want to clarify things, while doing everything in their considerable power to muddy things up. This is why they engage in euphemism fests and accuse their opponents of engaging in exactly the same behavior that they so enjoy. In their perfect world, disambiguation does exactly the opposite of what its intended to do, much like many members of the Republican Party. 

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Abortion As Comedy

                “Ctrl Alt Del” is a new, scripted “comedy” series available on Facebook. Is the plot of this web series related to computing? Why, of course not. Perish the thought! It is about abortion (speaking of “perishing”). Delete? You know, just the routine, clinical erasing of life. Just hit the “backspace” button and the error is voided.
                The series’ creators, Roni Geva and Margaret Katch, say they are seeking to “normalize” abortion through jokes. The seven-part narrative takes place at a Midwestern abortion clinic, utilizing real women’s stories. Geva and Katch actually labeled the web series “an abortion comedy.”
                The show’s Facebook page tells their tale, stating: “When we had our abortions, we looked to the media for stories to relate to and found a whole lot of nothing. So we decided to change the narrative.” The idea for the “show” stemmed from Geva reflecting on how “judgey” she once was toward a woman who had had many abortions. “Ctrl Alt Del” currently has an 8.1 rating (out of a maximum possible 10) on The Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB), yet more proof that the left revels in depravity while savaging those who dare to hold traditional values.
                Do the insanely hypocritical animals (yes, animals, mainstream media!) that think abortion is just another valid form of birth-control (for the lazy, careless and promiscuous), typically find mass school shootings humorous, as well? And, really, what are school shootings but very late-term abortions?
                Perhaps we are missing the proverbial boat here. Maybe there are more opportunities to create jocular television and web programming. Let’s all think seriously now. Can there be anything more hilarious than abortion? How about plague? Widespread famine? Nuclear war? Genocide?
                Apparently, sickeningly, there are people out there saying, “A comedy series about abortion sounds too good to be true! What’s the Katch, Margaret?”  But no one can “change the narrative” on mass-murder. No one can “normalize” infanticide.
                Perhaps we were a bit too “judgey” toward Hitler and the Holocaust?
                This past week we have seen many in the mainstream media and the Democratic Party side with terrorists who chant “Death to America,” a mass-murdering dictator, and a Satanically vicious gang, MS-13, against the president of the United States and everyday Americans.
                The politically-correct Progressive crowd believes that stating “All Lives Matter” is a worse offense than depriving someone of life. They believe that calling those who rape, maim and kill for fun “animals” is a greater crime than the raping, maiming or killing.
President Trump seems willing to stand up to the swamp-dwellers, the terrorists, the murdering animals. The rest of us? Not so much.

                The “Spark of Divinity” grows dim in us all.   

Legalize Prostitution

             Many activities that used to be illegal- or at least frowned upon- are being legalized and codified lately: gay marriage, smoking pot, and assisted suicide among them. (And the reverse is also true: many that used to be legal and admired, such as telling the truth, are now frowned upon or illegal). So, perhaps it’s time we legalized prostitution, as well. I mean, it is the oldest profession, right? What could be the harm? Besides, it’s only a matter of a few short years before everyone will own a sex-bot and the whole issue will be moot.
 Pimps and brothels could then be properly regulated, and put under EEOC guidelines. They wouldn’t be able to discriminate on the basis of looks, disability or age. How great would that be?! They’d have to have a certain percentage of ugly employees and a certain percentage of octogenarians. They’d have a set quota of paraplegics, as well as male and female employees. And transgenders, too. Can you imagine the advertisements they’d need to employ, as now legal businesses, to be competitive in today’s rapidly changing society? “Come on down to ‘Denny’s Den O’ Diversity,’ where we’ve got all your tastes covered. Denny’s, because sometimes you feel like nuts, sometimes you don’t. And remember, Armand and Joy got nuts, Lars don’t!”

Friday, May 18, 2018

White Noise And The Bluebird...Of Unhappiness

“The bluebird didn't realize what she was getting herself into when she chose her new home, about 75 yards from a natural gas compressor. It was only as the days and weeks wore on that the low whine of machinery started to take a toll. It was harder to hear the sounds of approaching predators, or even the normal noises of the surrounding world, so she had to maintain constant vigilance. Her stress hormone levels became skewed; her health deteriorated. She couldn't resettle elsewhere, because she had a nest full of hatchlings to tend. Yet her chicks suffered too, growing up small and scantily feathered — if they survived at all.”

So began the “science” article in The Washington Post. Really.
The piece went on to quote Rob Guralnick, associate curator of biodiversity informatics (!) at the Florida Museum of Natural History: “Noise is causing birds to be in a situation where they're chronically stressed. . . and that has really huge health consequences for birds and their offspring.” The article did admit it would be a “stretch” to say noise damages birds’ “mental health,” since “the animals have not been evaluated by an avian psychologist.” Thanks for clearing that up.
In a paper recently published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (get 52 issues plus a special year-end ‘bonus’ issue for just $99.95 if you call their subscription hotline now—ask for Jorgé!), Guralnick and his accomplices colleagues say there is a clear connection between noise pollution and birds’ stress levels. Guralnick termed this finding “acoustic degradation of the environment,” and added, “We think it is a real conservation concern.” There you have it, the science is settled!
The research examined 240 nesting sites surrounding natural gas treatment facilities at the Bureau of Land Management’s Rattlesnake Canyon Habitat Management Area, which, though uninhabited, is “dotted with natural gas wells and compression stations that emit a constant, low-frequency hum in roughly the same range as many birds’ songs,” according to The Post.
It was there, upon this vast tract of open land in northern New Mexico, that the scientists purported to find that the lady bluebird so tenderly described in the article’s opening paragraph… suffered from the very same physiological symptoms as a human experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder.
Newsflash: birds are nervous, they flit around and can’t sit still, they poop all over and don’t live particularly long. There’s a good reason for that. It’s not because of PTSD, it’s because they’re effing birds, you morons!
Noise is causing birds to be stressed? Have the scientists ever been near a flock of geese or around a murder of crows? And what of the “constant, low-frequency hum in roughly the same range as many birds’ songs?” Unlike the shrill, deafening cacophony of geese and crow flocks, why would a low-frequency hum in the same range as birds own songs drive them nuts? Does their own singing cause them undue stress?
As for the assertion that noise is causing birds “really huge” health consequences, do real scientists use terms like “really huge?” Isn’t “huge” alone more than enough to make a clinical, unbiased point? Why risk sounding like a sophomore on a chat line?
And don’t try to tell me that “The bluebird didn't realize what she was getting herself into when she chose her new home, about 75 yards from a natural gas compressor.” There’s a reason that she…chose her new home, about 75 yards from a natural gas compressor, dumb asses. Or, did evil 
Republicans conspire to turn off the compressors until Ladybird selected her nesting site, luring the poor marginalized creature into the realm of Hades?

                (Don’t get me wrong, I love wildlife. I love birds. Honestly. I actually served as an amateur ornithologist and bird guide at a nature center near my home for parts of two years as a youth. I just don’t like coercion, lying, bullying and bullshit, i.e. the left’s habit of reading us bedtime stories as if they were settled science).  

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Minnesota Vikings To Hold LGBTQ Summit

                The Minnesota Vikings recently announced that they will become the first National Football League team to host a summit on LGBTQ inclusion in sports, according to the Twin Cities’ KSTP-TV. The conference will be held at the team’s sparkling new headquarters in Eagan on June 21st. A reception will be held after the meeting, to raise money for local and national LGBTQ organizations. The team says it wants to utilize this gay gala to create opportunities for people in the LGBTQ Community. Kevin Warren, the Vikings chief operating officer, remarked: “We hope that this really jump-starts the conversation.”
                Is that a “conversation” that needs to be “jump-started?” You can’t pick up a newspaper without reading about transgender rights, can’t turn on a television without your eyeballs being awash in gayness, can’t watch a current Hollywood movie without vicariously engaging in lesbianism. And urban papers, plays, “interpretive dance performances” (and other forms of “art”) are utterly suffused with homosexual, bisexual and various non-binary and questioning characters and behavior. Gay “Pride!” parades are ubiquitous. Drag queens are reading to our kids…in elementary school. Moreover, “Dick and Jane” have been cashiered in favor of “Heather Has Two Mommies.” On the boob-tube, “Father Knows Best” has been replaced by “Will & Grace,” a show that is certainly inclusive of willys, but one totally devoid of grace. If “Leave it to Beaver” were made today, it would have an entirely different plot-line, though it might still air in prime-time.
                I Googled, “gay characters on television” and these are a few of the actual results: “53 Queer TV Shows To Stream On Netflix,” “57 Netflix Shows With Awesome Gay Characters,” and “Best Gay, Homosexual Couples on Teen Television Shows, TV Series.” (Emphasis mine). Parallel searches revealed no listings for “Awesome Heterosexual Characters,” or even “Somewhat Okay Straight Characters.”
                So, the Vikings (of Minnesota) will now be associated with a different kind of pillaging and plundering: “Oooh, Hagar, you savage, come and get me!” “Ragnar, your Gjallarhorn is to die for!” Perhaps they’ll dress up their mostly purple uniforms with a touch of orange or a splash of pink. If the team is truly committed to touting the LGBTQ Community it could place a rainbow flag patch on the shoulders—or crotches—of all its players.
Political correctness is a tragic farce, albeit it a malignantly militant one. It won’t be long until NFL teams start renaming—or “rebranding”-- themselves. Even the Heartland of the U.S. isn’t immune to this illness, as the Minnesota Vikings have just illustrated. How long until the NFL includes teams named, the “Chicago Bares,” “Dallas Urban Cowboys” and Green Bay “FudgePackers?”
“Stroll, Vikings, let’s not be tame. Stroll, Vikings, you could be dames. Go, Vikings, we all wanna score. You’ll hear us all yell for more! Oooh!”

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

100 Years Of Communism

                The Victims of Communism Memorial Foundation recently released a report revealing that American’s attitudes towards Communism are changing, and quickly at that. The Foundation wrote, “It seems that the majority of America’s largest generation [Millennials] would prefer to live in a socialist or communist society than in a free enterprise system that respects the rule of law, private property, and limited government.” The foundation added that this “is even more disconcerting” when coupled with the fact that they don’t know what those terms mean.
                In any case, I’d be remiss if I failed to recognize the 100th anniversary of the establishment of the first Communist state. Commies, I didn’t get you all a (red) cake, but, my gift is my song…and, channeling my inner Elton, this one’s for you!

It’s ’17 for a moment
Got dead monarchists aplenty
And we’re just scheming
Counting the bodies near and far

It’s ’22 for a moment
Red looks better than ever
And we’re on fire
Making our way back from Tsars

Stalin there’s still time for you
Time to lie and to accuse
Marxists, there’s never a wish better than this
When you’ve only got a hundred years to kill

It’s ’63 for a moment
Khrushchev’s the man in this nuclear age
Crisis on the way
Calamity on his mind

It’s ’49 for a moment
The PRC has arrived
Putting Taiwan into a crisis
Two-and-a-half million more have died

Chairman Mao there’s still time for you
Time to lie and to kill all those
With whom you disagree
Xinping will be coming soon
Chairman, there’s never a wish better than this
When you’ve only got a hundred years to kill

The time goes by
And we realize
That in the blink of an eye
Ronald Reagan is gone
And they’re all getting high
As carries on

We’re ninety-nine for a moment
Dying for just another bloodbath
As we are scheming
Counting the ways to where you are

Mugabe there’s still time for you
Mao Zedong we need you too
Pol Pot, Castro, you too “Che”
Killing Fields don’t go away
Kim Jong-un there’s still time for you 
Time to bribe, missiles to let loose
Communists, there’s never a wish better than this
When you’ve got one hundred million souls to kill

 You’re welcome, Bolsheviks.

(To the tune “100 Years,” by the Canadian rock band Five for Fighting. My heartfelt apologies to their great lyricist John Ondrasik).

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The Parrot Sketch

                                                          The Parrot Sketch

                Police were called to investigate a “domestic disturbance” in the small German town of Loerrach recently, according to the Associated Press and Fox News. One of the burg’s residents called 110, an emergency phone number akin to 911 in the U.S., to report his concerns about continual loud shouting emanating from the apartment next-door.
                Officers dispatched to the scene discovered that there was, in fact, a raucous argument still going on, but it was between a 22-year-old man… and a parrot. The enraged man told the Polizei that the bird, which belonged to his girlfriend, had been annoying him, causing him to verbally lash out. The parrot, no shrinking violet—or turtle dove—responded in kind, though, since it didn’t know how to speak, resorted to vociferously barking like a dog. The man was likely yelling in German, so perhaps the parrot was replying in German Shepherd.
               Since neither man nor bird was hurt, and no fowl foul play was detected, the officers departed.
  Who ever heard of a parrot that can’t talk, yet barks like a dog? If you ask me, the entire incident was for the birds, a theater of the absurd. A “parroty” even.
  This account reads like a cross between Monty Python’s “Parrot Sketch” and “Argument Sketch,” and is an example of The Descent of Man. It’s a wonder neither party was accused of spewing “hate speech.”

Monday, May 14, 2018

Florida School Features Tiger At Prom

                Christopher Columbus High School, a private Catholic school in Miami, held a jungle-themed prom at a local hotel recently, at which a caged tiger was wheeled out onto the dance floor, according to a WSVN-TV report. The big cat wasn’t the only attraction at the soirée. It was joined by a lemur, an African fennec fox, a brace of macaws, fire dancers and loud music.
                Many students and parents were upset at the tiger’s appearance, and voiced concern about…the animal’s comfort and stress level. Marie-Christine Castellanos, whose brother attended the prom, was outraged when she learned the details of the gala: “This is an event to have fun and amusement, but is torturing an animal really considered amusement?” she remarked to the television station. She added: “You guys paid to see this happen to an innocent animal who had nowhere to run, who was completely afraid.”
  The Castellanos' mother, Maria, was also alarmed by the event. “I was appalled. We are animal advocates in this house,” she said.
  PETA, of course, roundly chastised the high school for the display, saying that animals “do not need to be in a party situation.” I beg to differ, People for the Exalting of all Things Asinine. Where do you think the expression “party animal” comes from? Duh! 
 In the face of these attacks, the school’s marketing director defended the decision to feature the animals, saying that they were brought in by professionals and were properly cared for. School officials released a statement to WSVN reading, in part, that the “animals were displayed in a very controlled situation,” and that all of them were "provided by facilities that are licensed by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.”
 CCHS officials also noted that the hotel approved of the animals’ presence, stating: “The tiger, which was displayed for a few minutes in a cage, was never harmed or in danger, was not forced to perform, was always accompanied by his handlers, and for the great majority of the time was laying down in a relaxed state facing away from the audience.”
Unlike the rest of the prom attendees.

Those officials at Christopher Columbus High, so bent on “exploiting” animals, have discovered that they aren’t welcome in today’s America.

In Florida, as in other states, preventing kids from being slaughtered is not as important as assuring that animals aren’t inconvenienced.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

The Right To A Stable Climate?

A federal appeals court ruled recently in favor of 21 children and young adults who are suing the U.S. government for not doing enough to protect their “constitutional right to a stable climate.” Judges on the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals refused to block the U.S. District Court in Oregon from hearing the suit, which was originally filed by the environmental group Our Children’s Trust in 2015.
Say again? The “constitutional right to a stable climate?” If the Ninth Circuit Court of Schlemiels and Our Children’s Trust had been around in the three-and-a-half-billion-year period between “primordial soup” and the onset of the Industrial Age, they would’ve been suing the crap out of planet earth and mother nature.
In 2016, a federal judge somehow ruled that the 21 youths had legal standing to sue. The Trump administration appealed the decision in June of 2017, asking judges to “end this clearly improper attempt to have the judiciary decide important questions of energy and environmental policy” (thereby upsetting the balance of powers). The Ninth Circuit refused to do so. The ruling is a victory for environmental activists seeking to use the courts to force the Trump administration to issue regulations to phase out fossil fuels…and paves the way for the case to be tried.
Julia Olson, Our Children’s Trust chief counsel, says the case argues that constitutional rights to life, liberty and property are being violated by the federal government’s failure to enact policies to stop catastrophic global warming. But the reality is that our constitutional rights to life, liberty, and property would be immeasurably more “violated” if we did not utilize existing fossil fuels to provide affordable energy to heat our homes in the winter and cool them in the summer, allow us to get from one place to another, properly package our consumables, and to provide the jobs and incomes we all need to survive.
According to the Daily Caller, “plaintiffs say the right to a stable climate comes from the public trust doctrine — the idea certain natural resources should be protected for enjoyment of future generations.” There wouldn’t have been any future generations if earlier ones hadn’t made good use of natural resources such as plants and animals-- otherwise known as food, clothing and shelter. And, as for energy sources, you know organizations like Our Children’s Trust don’t want our children extracting and burning fossil fuels in the future, either. They want to see legislation enacted banning the use of all energy sources save solar and wind. So, what “enjoyment” would future generations derive from oil and gas? “Well, Bob, I don’t know about you, but-- even though we can’t see them or use them—it sure makes me feel good knowing there’s oil and natural gas under our feet! Bet they’re purty, too!”
The progressive’s staggering ignorance about-- or willful misrepresentation of-- the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, especially as they relate to Natural Law, is tragic. It’s also literally an existential threat to the existence of the nation the Framers ever-so-carefully crafted.
The concept of negative rights essentially means that no one, government included, has the right to arbitrarily steal from you, imprison you or kill you. The idea behind “positive rights” is that someone, or everyone—but government in particular—is obligated to provide you with a good or service. There can be no such thing as a positive “right,” at least as granted by man.  
The Creator grants us all equal and inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These can only be effectively protected through negative rights-- limits on what our fellow human beings and the governments comprised of them—can do to us.
 We are not granted the “right to a stable climate,” just as we are not granted the “right” to own a mansion, or be free of want, acne or Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Yet, progressives would contest that remark.
                Ironically, the idea that we are not granted a positive “right” to everlasting life is one with which the vast majority of progressives would agree. But only because most don’t believe in God, Heaven or an afterlife.
                Natural Law informs us that the government can’t logically deny our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Nor can it deny us the chance at eternal life.

                Only we ourselves can do that.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Millennials Embracing Gender-Neutral Baby Names

                   Millennial parents are increasingly giving gender-neutral names to their offspring, according to Unisex baby names are rapidly proliferating as younger parents embrace the possibility of “gender fluidity” in their children and strive to avoid any appearance of sexism.
      ’s global editor-in-chief, Linda Murray, told the Associated Press, “We’re definitely seeing more conversation today around the distinction of a truly gender-neutral name.  This generation is truly interested in gender neutral names.”
                Lori Kinkler (!), a psychologist (there’s a shock) in San Antonio, Texas, stated: “We chose a gender-neutral name, Riley, for my daughter. We knew her sex, but gender is fluid and yet to be determined. Of all the difficulties faced by those who live beyond, or across, the binary, we didn’t want name-changing to be one of them. ... I like that she feels she has options and knows she’ll be accepted by us no matter what.”
     Riley is 3. And you’re implicitly telling her that you aren’t particularly attached to her the way she is. At best, that’s confusing. At worst, devastating.
               According to the Social Security Administration, which tracks baby name usage on an annual basis, among the 50 most popular androgynous names are: Charlie (which was evenly split at 50% for girls and 50% for boys!), Justice (52-48), Skyler (54-46), Finley (58-42), and Royal (42-58). Rounding out the Top 10 were Lennon, Oakley, Armani, Azariah, and Landry. Salem was popular, too.
               Is this neutral naming nonsense just a fad? Probably not. As more and more of us come to believe there is no connection between one’s sex and one’s gender, we’ll all soon be so confused about even the very basics of life, that the trend will likely accelerate. We’ll be addled, over-sexed, non-gendered droids trapped in a prison of our own making—one of utter intolerance for all that came before us.
               We won’t be just a bunch of Toms, Dicks or Harrys anymore. We won’t be Betty or Veronica, Mary Ann or Ginger, either. And we won’t be Frank with anybody, certainly not ourselves.
               We will be Moon-Units, Lemons, and LeRoyces. We will be Mazda or Tolerance, Purple or Purity, Mystery or Truth…Dumbass or Shithead.

               And we will be lost. Because a Rose by any other name…will still be a Rose.

               We just won’t recognize that.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Untruth, Injustice, And The Un-American Way

                Progressives believe in “science,” but only insofar as they define it. Theirs is the “science” of make-believe. To them, global warming is a proven fact, and the existence of God has been disproven. In both cases, the “science” is settled.
    Yet, incredibly, they then claim that absolute truth is unknowable. (Absolute hypocrisy is not).
    Even dismissing the rapid rise of artificial intelligence and the near ubiquity of “virtual reality,” Western leftists in the media, academia, government, and giant Silicon Valley tech corporations have been so successful in indoctrinating people in leftist dogma that it is likely we will delude ourselves out of existence in the near future.
    Diverse societies have more problems and civil unrest than homogeneous ones. Sorry, but that is an inarguable fact, progressives. This is why, for example, Japan is a relative bastion of safety in a tumultuous world. The only long-time exception to this fact had been the United States. But, upon closer examination, one finds that the U.S., while quite diverse in terms of ethnicity and skin color, was extremely homogeneous in terms of its citizen’s core beliefs and values. E Plurubus Unum. Out of many…one. ONE.
                A near universal belief in limited government, of, by, and for the people. A belief in the Judeo-Christian work ethic, free markets, federalism, republicanism, the rule of law, and, most importantly, natural law. That shared value system made the nation utterly unique in the annals of history, and her citizens, as well. All Americans—or prospective Americans-- wanted and expected was a chance to better themselves, unshackled from arbitrary government coercion.
                When these tenets are no longer shared, but mocked, the fabric of that society necessarily breaks down. Leftists will never stop pushing and prodding. Therefore, if conservatives keep acceding or backing down, the country will soon bear no resemblance to its former self. If they don’t, it may not hold together much longer. And, tragically, almost unspeakably, it would be better broken up than to live on as a bastion of entitled, politically-correct morons (and spineless traditionalists) whose motto is, “Out of one, many. And, by-the-way, you’re all encouraged to use the same bathroom at the same time.”
                I, for one, will not—cannot—live with the ever-tolerant would-be totalitarians who wish to imprison my body, mind and soul because of my deeply-held beliefs.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Media Mendacity

CNN: “More Stormy Daniels news to come…stay tuned!”

The DOW at record or near-record highs.

MSNBC: “Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti said today…”

Countless companies giving their employees bonuses, some in the thousands of dollars.

CBS: “This may lend some credibility to the claim that Trump was in a hotel room in Russia with hookers.”

Trump and Kim Jong-un to meet in an historic attempt to reach an agreement on achieving the denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula, and possible rapprochement.

NBC: “Trump is seen as a white supremacist by many, if not most, African-Americans…”

The lowest black unemployment rate in documented history.

ABC: “Trump is considered a textbook misogynist by various women’s groups.”

The lowest unemployment rate among women in recorded history.

CNN: “Stay tuned for more with Stormy Daniels!”

Job openings at record numbers. For the first time ever, there are approximately as many open jobs as there are unemployed people in the United States. Usually, there are nearly twice as many unemployed folks than jobs to be filled.

The New York Times: “Trump’s policies hurting blue states?”

More gays and transgenders in elected office than ever before.

The Washington Post: “Trump a pathological liar?”

North Korea released three American prisoners. Upon arriving home, they were met at Joint Base Andrews, around 2:00 am, by President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump.

CNN: “Just ahead: Stormy Daniels and her lawyer!”

President Trump pulls the U.S. out of the Iran Nuclear Agreement, the worst “deal” in the history of nations, an agreement that would have guaranteed the world’s number one sponsor of terror nuclear weapons within a decade, conceivably saving Israel and preventing a future nuclear holocaust between Middle Eastern countries.

MSNBC: “Trump is said to drink numerous diet sodas every day, loves McDonald’s food, leading to a high BMI. Despite preposterous doctor’s claims, can he be healthy?”

President Trump vows to fix the Veteran’s Administration and make things better for those who’ve served.

NBC: “Trump’s claim of ‘fake news ’is itself fake.”

Studies show between 91% and 95% of stories pertaining to Trump on the mainstream media outlets are negative.

MSNBC: “After the savage raid on his former physician’s office came to light, we now know Trump took Propecia…a drug supposedly to prevent hair loss!”

President Trump has kept more of his campaign promises than almost any other candidate in American history. And this after less than two years on the job.

Huffington Post: “It’s clear to anyone that trump has small hands. Just sayin’.”

Trump has nominated sober, mature people with a knowledge of the Constitution—and the concept of Constitutionality-- to become Supreme Court Justices. People who will not try to legislate from the bench, whatever their beliefs.

CNN: “Tonight! An exclusive chat with the inimitable Stormy Daniels! Don’t miss it!”

The GDP growth rate has increased significantly, and the actual GDP is the highest ever.

Salon: “Is Trump deranged?”

ISIS is nearly wiped out. Fewer than 1,000 fighters remain in Iraq and Syria.

CNN: “More from Stormy Daniels in just a moment!”

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Hofstra Student Demands Jefferson Statue Be Removed

                JaLoni Owens, the student that led the effort to have the statue of Thomas Jefferson removed from Hofstra University, is throwing an epic—and mind-bogglingly preposterous—hissy fit because the school’s president didn’t reflexively cave in to her demands.
                In a recent op-ed she penned for The Hofstra Chronicle (on newsstands now!), Owens appeared gob-smacked that President Stuart Rabinowitz had the unmitigated gall to possess an opinion differing from her own.
    According to The College Fix, she wondered what might bring him to his senses. Will it be “[Jefferson’s] repeated rape of multiracial slave Sally Hemmings?” she asked. Or perhaps his “documented calls for the genocide and mass murder of enslaved populations?” His role in “sustaining slavery in America and having owned over 600 slaves over the course of his lifetime?”
                Ms. Owens was utterly unsatisfied when President Rabinowitz stated, at an April 25th town hall meeting, that “every single student on this campus” mattered to him in response to Owens asking him what students of color have to do to feel as “valued” as their white peers. This remark was so offensive to Owens and her friends, in fact, that they stood up, turned their backs (and butts) to the university’s president, and held up signs reading “Black Lives Matter! Does Hofstra agree?”
                To which Rabinowitz replied: “I think it’s a bit of a stretch to say Black Lives Matter applies to the Jefferson statue. Secondly, of course black lives matter, and thirdly, this doesn’t add to the conversation. I am certainly dumbfounded as to what you really want to accomplish. If you really want to accomplish something, why don’t you talk to us and not turn your back on us and hold up a sign and remain mute? Free speech is free speech, but on a pragmatic matter … It’s not gonna get the statue removed.”
                At this, Owens came unhinged. She called the president’s remarks “condescending” and “invalidating.” She said Rabinowitz “has absolutely no idea what it is like to be black, a woman and unapologetic about those identities.” She averred that his comments filled her with such anger she “was unable to process to an extent that permitted [her] to write about it until this week.”
                She continued, foaming at the mouth/pen/keyboard: “President Rabinowitz has no idea how traumatizing it has been for me to force myself to abide by respectability politics because as my pain and its validity is labeled divisive and misdirected, is the lede of journalism course assignments, is the subject of academic papers and is the motivation behind social media posts labeling me a terrorist.”
                And she continued continuing: “President Rabinowitz has no idea how exhausting it is to lose sleep and to struggle to eat because even though you know that you are on the right side of this issue, you have been so conditioned by American society to feel guilty about being black, about the discomfort your skin color arouses in white people, about vocalizing distress when racism is too much to handle that day and about telling your peers or your professors ‘that is not funny’ when your oppression becomes the joke.”
                Tragically, she still wasn’t done: “President Rabinowitz has no idea what it is like to be chased out of your chosen field of study because of the pervasiveness of racism and misogyny within that department, to then report these experiences to a dean of that college and be told that one of the professors who made you feel so vulnerable and inadequate is going to be promoted rather than disciplined and to now anxiously await a meeting with Community Standards because my social media post accusing a professor of racism garnered more attention than my social media posts about experiencing racism.”
                Ms. Owens eventually concluded her excruciatingly emotive rant, stating that Rabinowitz needs to “do his job” and rid the campus of Jefferson’s statue.
                Thomas Jefferson did not call for the genocide and mass murder of enslaved populations. He is on record countless times disparaging slavery and attempting to find ways to end it. He treated his own slaves comparatively well, considering them more like extended family members. He did not “rape” Sally Hemmings, at least not in the context in which the term was used at the time. If he did father children by her it was from a misplaced form of affection. She was his “favorite.”
                It is, unquestionably, traditional conservatives who are discriminated against on college campuses today. They are routinely mocked, shunned and even assaulted. They are prevented from speaking and blamed for the violence committed by those who mock, shun and assault them. Conservative groups are banned or shut down. Their signs or banners are summarily removed or destroyed. Christianity is openly ridiculed, while “Anal Sex Workshops” are promoted. White males and masculinity in general are continuously denigrated, yet “transgenders” are permitted to use the bathrooms and locker rooms of their choice and the LGBTQIA community is embraced (and feared). There are more women than men on college campuses today. In matters of potential harassment, women are believed no matter what, total lack of evidence be damned. Innocent men’s lives are ruined and they are forced off campus. Women and—especially-- people of color are given preferential treatment, via Affirmative Action, quotas, adjusted standards and omnipresent politically correct pressure.
                Thomas Jefferson did more to free (the vast majority of) people around the world from slavery than anyone who has ever lived. Period. He wrote the Declaration of Independence, proclaiming to all: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Natural Law asserts that no person or group of people, i.e. government, has the right to arbitrarily enslave any other person or group of people…because the Creator has imbued them with intrinsic worth and freedom, a Law which supersedes any man can enact. This is the one and only idea that simultaneously protects every human being from coerced servitude while also attributing to them divine worth. Slavery was anything but unique to America. Jefferson wanted to end it in a way that did not rip his country apart or leave the emancipated in chaos and despair. The United States did end slavery. Nearly 600,000 souls died in the effort. Billions are still enslaved around the world today, in various ways.
                Jefferson once said, “I have sworn on the Altar of God, eternal hostility to all forms of tyranny over the minds of man.”
                By contrast, JaLoni Owens revels in the self-imposed tyranny with which she has victimized herself. She refuses to be anything but a victim. She marinates in her own bitterness, wallows in every perceived slight, and steadfastly, pathetically, refuses to acknowledge the obvious (self-evident?). By so openly seeking to have the Jefferson statue removed from her sight, she surreptitiously tries to erect a figurative statue to herself, a helpless, virtue-signaling, oppressed heroine of the aggrieved. She is the anti-Frederick Douglas. It is easier to attack Clarence Thomas than to equal his achievements. It is easier, even, to chastise Kanye West than to admit he may have a point. The contrast between JaLoni Owens and Candice Owens couldn’t be clearer.
                JaLoni Owens has tyrannized her own mind. She is a prisoner of her own device. She has systematically enslaved herself.
                Jefferson also said, “Nothing is more certainly written in the book of fate than that these people are to be free.”
                Jefferson, Lincoln and many others have done what they could to abolish slavery, both of the mind and the body.

                It is now up to JaLoni Owens, and those like her, to set themselves free.