Transgenders Old News, Trans-specied Now Cool

                It was only a little over three months ago (1/16/16) that I wrote a post titled “San Francisco Schools To Validate The Trans-Specied,” at the time thinking it was perhaps a bit over the top. I wanted to illustrate absurdity by being absurd in light of the ongoing transgender bathroom debates, etc.

                Turns out I was spot on- again. It seems like  every time I try to parody current trends, beliefs and behavior, I’m actually just accidentally posting breaking news. Eva Tiamat Medusa (you can’t make this up), a 55-year-old woman from Phoenix, has nearly completed her “journey” (which she herself calls “transspecieism”) to become a “mythical beast” through deliberate facial scarring, surgical implants and the removal of her ears. Eva was born Richard Hernandez before “becoming” female. She now sports such features as reptilian skin and “scales,” green-colored “whites” of the eyes, “horns” on her forehead, and breasts.

                The way things are going, I’m betting “She/It” will replace Ben Franklin on the $100 bill by 2050.

                

White House Fence To Become Tall Wall

 

              The U.S. Secret Service Agency and the National Park Service plan to raise the height of the  security fence preventing access to the White House grounds in the near future. The "fence" is slated to nearly double in height from 7 feet tall to 14 feet tall. Moreover, a new concrete foundation will be put in place to reduce the risk of fence-jumpers, according to an agency report obtained by NBC News in Washington.
               The new and improved “taller, stronger” fence/wall will be ready to protect the White House and its environs by 2018. The new fence will  incorporate anti-climb and intrusion detection technology, as well.

               Does the president not see any irony here?

              I'm tired of those whose own property is protected by walls and/or guns telling the rest of us how unnecessary and offensive they are! Apparently,  a wall is needed to surround  small nations like the Vatican and massive dwellings like the White House ("the People's House"), but not to protect even one border of a large nation?

Spanish Mattress To Act As Private Eye

               The Spanish bed manufacturer Durmet has created a hi-tech mattress intended to alert the buyer if their partner is being unfaithful in the conjugal bed when they are away from home.

                The company calls their innovative new product the “Smarttress " and says it looks like any other mattress, but contains concealed sensors to detect suspicious movements in the bed. If the pressure matches certain algorithms based on research carried out on sexual motions, the wronged partner will receive a warning on his or her mobile phone.

                "If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be,” is the slogan the company is using to market the unique high-tech mattress.

                Given that surveys indicate Spaniards are among the most unfaithful lovers in the world, company spokesman José Antonio Muiño said the Smarttress had a public service to fulfill. The most recent figures from the extramarital affairs website Ashley Madison show the number of subscribers in Spain at over a million, with Spanish men having an average of 2.4 illicit affairs each year, compared to 1.3 for women.

                "Seeing the latest research on infidelity in Spain and considering that 94 per cent of Spaniards’ preferred place for love-making was in their own home, we thought we could give peace of mind to men and women, not only at night, but also during the day when they have to go out to work,” he said.

                 Ivan Miranda, one of the engineers who developed the so-called 'Lover Detection System,' said that when the ultrasonic sensors inside the mattress detect rhythmic movements, the communication system sends information to a server. “If it detects suspicious activity regarding time of use, frequency, intensity or speed, it sends a notification to the phone terminal with which it is linked," Miranda added.

                Renowned skeptic that I am, I had to pick one up just to see if it actually works. I haven’t had time to test it out yet, but I’m almost certain it won’t perform as advertised.

                Be that as it may, Durmet claims the technology is so advanced that the anxious app user will be able to see- in real time- what parts of the bed are experiencing  the most activity, giving him or her a 'mental picture' of exactly what their partner is 'up' to.

                "You can’t imagine the tests we have done to make sure the system works correctly,” laughed Miranda, explaining that the mattress can distinguish between, say, a pet dog jumping onto the bed and the sensual movements of a furtive lover.

                Innovation spawns imitation, so we can expect major mattress manufacturers from around the world to introduce similar products in the coming years. Will we see the Serta "Perfect Peeper?" Perhaps Select Comfort will launch the "Creep Number" bed series?

               

                Anyway, the company says- what the?- sorry… I’ve got to go now. I’m at the office and my mobile phone’s alarm just went off. It’s probably nothing. Damn dog!

The Color Of Money (Who's On The $20 bill?)

                                                   The Color of Money

                In light of current events and modern sensibilities, I feel that it is clearly not enough that Harriet Tubman replace Andrew Jackson on the front of the (American) $20 bill. Harriet was a great lady, but she was also a God-fearing woman of character, integrity and work ethic, which, if widely known, would be somewhat off-putting to the very people who wanted to put her there. So, in keeping with the rapid changes in values, mores and character currently transforming the West- the United States most decidedly included- I suggest a more “progressive” approach to currency manipulation.

                To wit: Though George Washington famously “couldn’t tell a lie,” he never wrote “The Truth,” as did Prince for the title track of his classic 1997 album. Besides, old George had false teeth and reeked of white privilege, whereas Prince also produced “The Black Album.” Let’s get Washington off the $1 bill and Prince on it, dearly beloved! And then we can party like it’s 1999! How progressive is that?! This bill will be purple and black, of course.

                 U.S. Grant was a Civil War hero and later president of the United States of America. He worked diligently to reconcile the North and South while also attempting to protect the civil rights of newly freed black slaves. While personally honest, some in his administration were not. Plus, he’s another old white dude, and- let’s be real- his first name is “U.S.?” We are, like, so done with the patriotic, xenophobic, nationalistic crap! Let’s replace his likeness on the $50 bill with that of the hip millennial Lena Dunham and get more “bang” for our buck.

                Abraham Lincoln may have fought against slavery- and he led the fight to keep the Union together- but did he seriously take on convention? Did he have to face the agony of gender shaming? He might have helped the Army of the Potomac win at Gettysburg, but was he at the forefront of the battle for transgender-rights? Sure, Mr. Lincoln closed his famous letter to the widow Bixby with, “Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,” but Prince repeatedly sang his even more famous line, “I sincerely wanna f—k the taste outta your mouth.” And did Abe ever even make a sex tape? Anyway, let’s get Abe off the Fiver and put RuPaul and Chi Chi LaRue on the front of that bill and Caitlyn Jenner and Kim Kardashian on the back side. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! Legal tender we can all enjoy, bet your bottom dollar!

               

                

Norwegian Court Rules Mass-Murderer's Rights Were Violated

                “Norway: Killer’s rights were violated” read the Associated Press headline.

                Incredibly, a court in Oslo has ruled that Norwegian authorities have violated the human rights of mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik. How, you ask? By holding him in solitary confinement in a three-cell complex where he can play video games, watch TV and exercise. Except for the exercise thing, that’s how a large percentage of violent criminals…become violent criminals. (Yet it is clearly a life many of us working 60+ hours a week and dealing with immense stress and illogic would like to have).

                The Oslo district court ruled that the fact that Breivik killed 77 people in a cold-blooded massacre in 2011 is no reason for him to have to face ‘isolation.’ In fact, they determined that his solitary confinement was in breach of the European Convention on Human Rights. “The prohibition of inhuman and degrading treatment represents a fundamental value in a democratic society,” the court said. “This applies no matter what.”

                Yes, we certainly wouldn’t want to let the fact that he killed 77 innocent human beings prevent him from having a robust and rewarding social life! What kind of monsters would we be? Breivik, 37, had sued the government, claiming that his isolation from other prisoners, occasional strip searches and the fact that he was often handcuffed early on in his incarceration violated his human rights.

                He has also complained about the quality of the prison food, having to eat with plastic utensils and not being able to communicate with sympathizers. I’m not enamored of all the food I ingest, am often relegated to eating with plastic utensils and- even here- don’t appear to be properly able to communicate with sympathizers, yet I haven’t sued anyone- or murdered anyone.

                The court noted that Breivik had behaved in a “peaceful, courteous and accommodating” manner, despite a 2013 letter in which he wrote of how to “neutralize” prison guards and how to make 10-15 deadly weapons from materials in his cells.

                Breivik was convicted of mass murder and terrorism in 2012 and was sentenced to 21 years in prison, as that is Norway’s maximum sentence.

                That means Breivik will have to serve roughly 98 days for each person he slaughtered. In the mean time, he can binge-watch his television shows and play an unending game of Grand Theft Auto. There’s a deterrent!

                I myself am one-quarter Norwegian…and 100% embarrassed. When you take it upon yourself to extinguish the human rights (the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness) of 77 other innocent souls, you have forfeited your human rights…as you have shown yourself to be inhuman.

North Korea Launches Ballistic Missile From Submarine

                North Korea recently and successfully put a satellite into orbit, exhibiting the same technology required to launch an intercontinental ballistic missile. Its long-range missile program is becoming increasingly reliable, decreasingly a joke.

                In fact, in 2015, the commanders of U.S. Forces Korea, Pacific Command, and North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) all publicly assessed that North Korea has the ability to hit the United States with a nuclear weapon. (At least in-so-far as its bases in the Pacific are concerned). Yet the U.N. has done nothing…and neither has the Obama administration.

                Moreover, South Korea now claims that the North has the ability to attach small nuclear warheads to its ballistic missiles, while the North also avers it has the capability to fit a miniaturized  nuclear warhead to its missiles. The Hermit Kingdom also reported that it successfully tested an engine designed for an inter-continental ballistic missile that could reach the U.S. mainland. That said, it appears the North’s most recent launch of a (Musudan) missile was an abject failure, though experts say the communist nation has another Musudan loaded on a mobile launcher and that they expect it to be fired off at any time.

                And, just yesterday, North Korea claimed that it had successfully test-fired a ballistic missile from a submarine, though South Korean military officials noted that it didn’t travel very far. The North Korean Central News Agency, bastion of journalistic objectivity that it is, reported that Dear Leader Kim Jong-un watched from a test facility as the missile surged from a submarine and spewed out a “massive stream of flames” as it soared into the sky. The KCNA report also stated that after the test Kim declared that the North now had yet another strong nuclear strike method and the ability to stick a “dagger of destruction” into its enemies at any time.

                What should be done about the mounting threat? This is the rare case where the U.S. should try to meet with- and talk to- an adversary. I normally don’t believe there is any benefit to this approach, but, if handled correctly, it could be helpful in the current situation.

                The North Koreans should be privately, but promptly, informed that if they launch- or attempt to launch- a nuclear attack on the United States- or any of its allies or protectorates- at any time, for any reason, they will be quickly and summarily vaporized.

                But only after their Dear Leader, Kim Jong-un, has been captured by U.S. Special Forces, forced to don all white apparel and made to giggle like the Pillsbury Dough-Boy…all this being broadcast live around the world via cable and satellite television…before he is water-boarded and compelled to binge-watch Barbara Streisand movies.

                Analysts do not agree as to the state of North Korea’s current nuclear capability, but most do concede that each nuclear and missile test moves them inexorably closer to realizing their goal of possessing a nuclear-armed arsenal of long-range missiles.

                For some reason, the West doesn’t really seem to care if Iran acquires an advanced nuclear capability, even though Iran and Kim Jong-un’s nation are sharing weapons information like besotted young lovers shared milkshakes in rural 1950’s American soda fountains. It is well past time for the United States and other Western nations to tell these two pillars of the “Axis of Evil” to cease and desist.

                Or cease to exist.

           

Atlantic Coast: Sea Level... Falling?

                 According to a report on Salon.com (Salon!), the Atlantic coast’s sea level has been falling for the last six years. Yet, global warming alarmists insist that sea levels have been inexorably rising with the “greenhouse gas” levels in the atmosphere. Their latest rhetoric claims that sea levels are rising even faster than previously projected. Predictions now vary from a rise of six feet by the year 2100 to the Empire State building being completely submerged by century’s end.

                The Climate Caucus claims the planets glaciers and ice-shelves are disappearing faster than Hillary Clinton’s cough drops, and are equally certain this means we’ll soon be fishing from the top floor of the Sears Tower. I am not a scientist, and I don’t claim to know the exact affect that melting ice from the Arctic and Antarctic would have on global sea levels. I do know that, no matter how many ice cubes I have in my glass, when they melt…the liquid level in my glass isn’t any higher. Displacement, you see.

                The smarter you are, the less you realize you know. All I’m saying is that I can’t warm to the climate change religionists theories.

                They just don’t hold water.

Donald Trump Recites Humpty Dumpty

Sharpton Elementary School
The Bronx, N.Y.
Mrs. Smith's kindergarten class, room #106
March 13, 1952


Donald Trump Recites "Humpty Dumpty:"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, I'm telling you! Like the one I'll build and get the Mexicans to pay for!
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, so great you can't believe it!
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again-
But I can! It'll be so great! You won't believe how together Humpty will be!

Humpty Dumpty sat on the ground. And sat and sat and sat. Boy, did he sit!
Humpty Dumpty  looked all around. I mean he looked all the hell over!
Gone were the chimneys. I mean just gone. Nowheresville. Capisce?
Gone were the rooves. No rooves to be found. No rooves at the inn.
All he could see were buckles and hooves. I said I wanted buckles and hooves! And do we have buckles and hooves now?! More buckles and hooves than anybody's ever seen before! Think about it! They said it couldn't be done!

National Socialists (Nazis) Would Lower Crime Rate, Man Says

                 A Nazi flag flying over a home in a Tennessee community north of Nashville has caused quite a stir. Many of Dale Spurgeon’s neighbors are upset about his choice of banners. (Perhaps they just need to chill out and be tolerant, inclusive, and non-judgmental). Mr. Spurgeon, a member of the National Socialist Movement, said “It’s my choice to fly the flag on my property. I don’t bother anyone.” The National Socialist Movement, the largest neo-Nazi group in America, was founded in 1994 and is based in Detroit, Michigan.

                Members of this group are unapologetically Nazi and refer to Adolf Hitler as their “holy leader,” according to a recent USA Today News report. According to the same report, Spurgeon said that, during the past few years, he has come to agree with the “structure of national socialism.” He elaborated by stating, “…there are some ways in which socialism would be good for America, like it was for Germany. No more rampant crime would be one of those ways.”

                In retrospect, I’m not sure one could say that National Socialism was good for Germany, as it led to the nation becoming a pariah that was subsequently bombed into rubble. While it is true that the Nazis rendered certain types of domestic crime less rampant, they did so by nearly exterminating an entire race of people. Instances of graffiti, jaywalking and slander were greatly reduced, even as a holocaust was being perpetrated. Petty crimes were less common, but crimes against humanity soared. Sure, Germany was a tidy and orderly nation under Hitler, but one not averse to crime. Ask the Jews, millions of whom were exterminated as a result of National Socialism, just how crime-free the Third Reich was. Or ask the Polish people, the Czechs, those folks residing in the Low Countries of Belgium and the Netherlands, and the French if they felt safer under Nazi rule.

                If one knows he or she may be put to the gas chamber- or baked in an oven- if they break the law (or otherwise displease those in power) it does tend to have an ameliorating affect on crime.

                Moreover, the crime rate tends to drop in concert with the population. If you kill or imprison all the Jews, blacks, gays, infirm, Christians, etc., etc., the crime rate will likely decrease. Just as it would if you “offed” all the whites or Aryans. In fact, experts say, should humans become extinct, the crime rate would necessarily fall to zero, as it’s considerably more difficult for people to break the law after they are deceased.

               

                

Bedtime For Bernie

                 Bernie Sanders is attempting to spark a political revolution in America. Indeed, though he will lose to Hillary, he came closer than many thought possible to bringing Socialist rule to the United States. Well prior to this, however, Bernie apparently tried to help bring about a sexual revolution in the country, going so far as to suggest that young women who abstained from sex were more likely to get cancer. Sanders expounded on this theory in an article published- appropriately enough- in 1969, when he was a writer for that eminently respected journal, the Vermont Freeman. He noted in one of his columns, purely in the interest of science and women’s health I’m sure, that several studies showed that some women who got breast cancer were “inhibited sexually.”

                According to the New York Post, Sanders wrote, “It means, very bluntly, that the manner in which you bring up your daughter with regard to sexual attitudes may very well determine whether or not she will develop breast cancer.”

                One can easily visualize a radical young Bernie using this “scientific data” to his advantage in various Vermont watering-holes in ’69…and beyond. “You know, I was at Woodstock, and it was cool and all baby, but, really, I have a higher calling. I want to see breast cancer eradicated as part of my Holistic Women’s Health Care Plan. Let me buy you a drink and show you my prevention methods!”

               

            

Pope Francis Visits Lesbos

                 Pope Francis made a pilgrimage to the Greek island of Lesbos last week, visited a fenced-in refugee center and returned to Rome with three families of Syrian Muslim refugees. The 12 migrants joined the Pope on his plane after a five-hour visit at the Moria detention center.

                The Pope urged European leaders to do more to help the thousands of refugees currently waiting in camps. “I have always said that building walls is not a solution… We must build bridges,” the Pontiff proclaimed.

                Asked whether Europe can possibly open its arms to all the misery in the world, the Pope noted that the factions fighting in Syria have been armed by others. Whatever that means. After this non-sequitur, the Pope continued, “I would invite the producers of arms to spend a day in the camp (in Lesbos). I believe that would be good.” Okay. Would he like all of the world's automobile manufacturers to spend some time with every family that's ever had a loved one killed or maimed in a car accident, too? Should fast-food providers and confectioners be expected to visit weight-loss clinics on a regular basis?

                At any rate, the 12 immigrants will be cared for in Rome by a Catholic lay organization.

                While some see the Pontiff’s continual advocacy on behalf of immigrants both legal and illegal as provocative, travel agent Maria Androulaki disagrees. “I don’t see anything negative in the Pope’s visit,” she said. “All the world’s eyes will be on Lesbos. Millions of people will learn about Lesbos and the island will be televised throughout the world.” I couldn't have said it better myself.

                As for the Pope’s repeatedly-stated aversion to walls, it should be noted that the Vatican itself is virtually surrounded by a 39-foot-high wall, a fact the globe-trotting Bishop of Rome appears to have forgotten. I have visions of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad standing outside of the Vatican, pointing to the wall and stating, “Pope Francis, if you truly believe in the free and unfettered movement of people across borders and around the globe, come to the Vatican. Pope Francis, tear down this wall!”

                

Rape Of High School Girl A Hit With Periscope Viewers

                Marina Lonina, an 18-year-old high school student from Ohio, pleaded not guilty last Friday to a charge of using a social media app to livestream the rape of her 17-year-old friend. According to USA Today News, she told police she recorded the assault on Periscope in order to build evidence. Her attorney said the teenager was trying to get her friend out of the house where the alleged attack was taking place. Lonina faces multiple charges, pandering sexual matter involving a minor and sexual battery among them.

                Raymond Gates, her 29-year-old co-defendant, also pleaded not guilty to rape charges. According to Lonina’s attorney, Sam Shamansky (insert your own play on words/lawyer joke here), she and her friend met Gates at a Columbus shopping mall the day before the assault. He purchased a bottle of vodka for them and suggested they meet the following day. Police documents state that the students from New Albany High School were drinking at Gates’ home on February 27^th when he held the victim down and raped her, local NBC affiliate WCMH reported. (What could possibly go wrong when you let a strange older man buy you- and your minor-age girlfriend- liquor and you then accept his invitation to meet at his house? How could they have seen any of this coming? They probably just thought he was kind and generous, right?).

                Lonina began using her phone to record the attack. Franklin County prosecutor Ron O’Brien said, “She got, I guess, taken up with all the ‘likes’ that her livestream was getting and therefore continued to do it, and did nothing to aid the victim.” So it’s come to this: an actual rape filmed and watched in real time is enjoyed (“liked!”) by so many viewers that the young woman filming it is compelled to continue.

                Shamanksy acknowledges that Lonina used Periscope to livestream the “event,” but still claimed his client did “everything possible to contain the situation, even to the point of asking while it’s being filmed to these periscope followers, ‘What should I do now? What should I do now?’”

                Those watching and ‘liking’ on Periscope would’ve said to do just what she did…”keep filming.” Or perhaps they may have suggested, “a little to the left and down, please.”

                (Lorina and her friend are naturalized U.S. citizens from Russia. The comments on the Periscope video were in Russian).

"Tiger Whisperer" Killed By Tiger

                 A Florida zookeeper known to her colleagues as the “Tiger Whisperer’’ died after she was attacked by a rare species of tiger Friday, as reported by the New York Post. Stacey Konwiser, lead tiger keeper at the Palm Beach Zoo, was killed by a 13-year-old Malayan tiger while she worked with him in an area off-limits to the public.“She loved tigers,’’ zoo spokeswoman Naki Carter told the Palm Beach Post. Apparently that love was unrequited. “I kind of referred to her as a tiger whisperer,” she added.

                “They spoke to each other in a language that only they could understand. And I can’t put into words or make you understand for anyone who didn’t know Stacey how much she loved these tigers and how much this zoo family loved her.” (The tiger, for one, sure had a funny way of showing it). Authorities are unsure whether this was a crime of passion or a simple case of a cat-fight gone horribly awry. Nor is it known if the tiger spoke to Konwiser prior to the attack.

                Tragically, her husband, Jeremy, is a trainer at the zoo.

                Incredibly, zoo colleagues who witnessed Stacey being mauled didn’t want to kill the endangered animal, so they tranquilized the ­tiger and had to wait until the drugs took effect to reach Konwiser. By that time, it was too late.

                There are fewer than 250 Malayan tigers left in the world and the zoo participates in a breeding program, Carter said.

                There are now no Stacey Konwisers left in the world. She is extinct, so no breeding program is possible.

Hillary Hypocrisy Revealed Again

                 A Daily Caller News Foundation review of the Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton Foundation’s latest IRS tax filings- released this week- revealed that male executives at the Clinton syndicate earn 38 percent more than do its women executives. In fact, on average, top male execs at the former and future president’s foundation earn $109,000 more per year than female ones.
                Moreover, the BHCCF’s 2013 IRS Form 990 showed that almost three times as many men as women occupy the executive suites at the Little Rock, Arkansas-based organization.
                Hillary Hypocrisy has hit again. It never ceases. She yammers on endlessly about women’s rights and women’s “health” issues, yet she covered for her hubby while he abused women for years and ruthlessly quashed any “bimbo eruptions.” Lately, she has been loudly bemoaning the “fact” that men are paid more than women while performing the same jobs. She slams business and industry for supposedly underpaying women and is using equal pay for women workers as a campaign issue, yet her very own foundation is dramatically, demonstrably out of step with the views she holds.
                Electing this prevaricating, pro-abortion hypocrite would be a miscarriage…of justice.

Hillary Clinton To Seek Trillion Dollar Tax Hike

                Hillary Clinton, during a recent interview with the New York Daily News, admitted that her tax proposals would increase taxes on the American people by at least a trillion dollars over the next ten years. (But what’s a thousand millions between friends?!). Of course, by “American people,” she means the slightly over 50% of citizens that actually pay them, in order to shower ever more largess on those that don’t.

                Her gigantic proposed tax hike takes many forms and is nearly an across-the-board measure. She would put a 28% cap on itemized deductions. She wants to grab a minimum of $275 billion from undefined “business tax reform.” Moreover, she has called for a tax increase of “between $400 and $500 billion” by “restoring basic fairness to our tax code.” If she really wanted to restore “basic fairness to our tax code,” she would have to reduce the tax burden on the wealthiest 20%, given that they currently pay over 80% of the taxes. These proposals include a “fair share surcharge (there she goes again),” automatically jacking up  taxes 30% on those that make over a million a year, taxing carried-interest capital gains as ordinary income, and raising the Death Tax. The former First Lady and soon-to-be president has also proposed several tax increases not included in the $1 trillion tax figure. Since her campaign has failed to release specific details for most of her proposals, the true figure is likely much higher than $1 trillion.

                During the interview she said “I have a way for paying for” some of her pet spending plans. (She doesn’t have much of a way “for” the English language, apparently).These plans include paid family leave and “debt-free tuition.” Paid family leave? I have often heard the phrase, “someone in this family has to make a living!” in the past. Apparently that no longer holds true. And debt-free tuition? Who’s paying for that? Not the student. Not the professors. Hmmm, a puzzler, that one. Oh well.  Bring on the unicorns!

                Predictably, Hillary says she thinks her plans are “affordable” and a “smart way to make investments that contribute to a growing economy.” They are affordable for her, she’s not going to be paying them. And why is it that every time the government comes to take more of our money, it’s an investment?!! And an affordable one at that! Yet, on the rare occasion that the government is ever asked to make a spending cut, it reflexively states “we can’t afford it.” What the Hell do you mean you “can’t afford” to spend less of our money?!

                The Tax Policy Center flatly disagrees with Hillary’s assessment. It said her plan would reduce incentive to work, save and invest (the true definition of the word). Well, no kidding, Sherlock.

                I wonder who would win an election between Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter (sorry, “Spring”) Bunny, Robin Hood, Bernie and Hillary. 

"Illegal Alien?" SHHHH...Not In The Library of Congress!

                 According to a Los Angeles Times report, the Library of Congress will no longer use “illegal aliens” as a bibliographical term, stating that the once common phrase had become offensive. The Times stated that the library will now use “noncitizens” and “unauthorized immigration” when referring to individuals and the larger phenomenon of people residing in the country illegally.

                Not surprisingly, the library decided to make the change after a group of students from Dartmouth College urged it to do so. The group, known as CoFIRED (for the Dartmouth Coalition for Immigration Reform, Equality and DREAMers), was assisted by the American Library Association.

                I’m not sure what function “DREAMers” serves, it seems nonsensical, unwieldy and out of place in this context, though I’m sure the students think it’s perfectly appropriate. Much as they believe it’s appropriate for them to determine what terminology the U.S. Library of Congress uses. The Library of Congress is a respected institution that plays an extraordinary role worldwide. Its subject headings are used by libraries around the globe, so the DREAMers at CoFIRED have essentially unilaterally imposed their will on the rest of the planet, albeit in the most inclusive, open, tolerant, validating manner, I’m sure.

                In actuality, one student was behind all this. Melissa Padilla, a student in her last year at Dartmouth, “decided to explore [her] identity as an undocumented immigrant” while a freshman at the school. While researching the topic, she realized she frequently read the words “illegal alien,” so, offended, she contacted fellow CoFIRED members, and they subsequently made their appeal to the Library of Congress in 2014. “I think a university should be free of the racist phrases I heard growing up,” Padilla said. And so they shall, Melissa.

                The Library of Congress’ executive summary sited the April 2014 announcement by the Associated Press that they would no longer use ‘illegal’ as a descriptor for any individual. Well, isn’t that special? The next time a policeman or state trooper tells me that speeding is illegal, I’m going to tell him or her that that term is offensive and hurtful, and suggest he or she instead use the phrase “unauthorized rate of travel.”

              Some who pushed for- or helped implement- this change claim one of their goals is to make the language more precise. This is patently absurd. Entering the country without authorization is by definition illegal. “Alien” appears in the immigration code. Truth be told, their intent is actually the opposite. We glean less from the term “noncitizen” than from “illegal alien,” precisely because it is less precise. It is broader and vaguer, so it carries less weight.

                If we are too craven and p.c.-addled to say “terrorist,” “Islamic terror” or “illegal alien,” then we are as the drunk alcoholically-challenged person who refuses to admit he has a problem.

                And our future will be no brighter.

                (Yet we use the phrase “invasive species” ad nauseum. This seems harsh…and hypocritical. Another one of nature’s myriad life forms arrives on our shores to strengthen us through diversity, and we make it sound like an invasion? Does this mean war?). 

Bono Urges Congress To Laugh At Extremist Groups

                 U2 front-man Bono came to Capitol Hill on Tuesday, April 12^th, and called for members of Congress to take swift action to deal with the global refugee crisis and violent extremism. Appearing before a Senate subcommittee, Bono suggested that comedy be used to fight extremist groups. (You are not reading an article from “The Onion,” I promise you. The writing is mine, and this actually happened).

                        "It's like, you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power," he said. "So I am suggesting that the Senate send in Amy Schumer and Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen, thank you."

                Yes, we all recall how Islamic “extremists” are famous for their robust sense of humor, Charlie Hebdo aside. But, “you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power?” Perhaps Bono meant that we should make fun of those deeply upset by the continuous Islamic terrorist assault on the West. You know, those Trump and Cruz supporters who favor immigration reform. Those “fringe-groups” on the right in Europe that some think are on the verge of bringing back the NAZI party. Those who are simply tired of beheadings and car-bombings or theaters, coffee houses and airports being blown up.

                Let’s give Bono the benefit of the doubt and say he was talking about ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, and the like. He thinks we should cease and desist with military attacks and try to win them over with comedy. Let’s examine how this might be carried out, shall we?

                Chris Rock: “So, you there…Islamic extremist…how many infidels does it take to change a light bulb?”

                Islamic extremist: “What’s a light bulb?”

                Sacha Baron Cohen: “Have you heard the one about the 72 young virgins that await you in Paradise?”

                Islamic terrorist: [Silent].

                Sacha Baron Cohen: “Well, they are to die for!! Ha, ha, thank you gentlemen and gentlemen…really, you’re too kind!”

                Amy Schumer: “So this lesbian walks into a mosque and- hey, what are you doing?!! That’s my neck, stop---“

                Sorry Amy, but honestly… you weren’t even wearing a burka!

                People who think beheading is a good way to get others attention, who routinely bomb civilian venues, who believe they have the duty to convert, enslave or kill those that aren’t of their religion- and who use kids as weapons of mass destruction- are not going to be amused, persuaded or dissuaded by…humor.

                What’s next, Slash lecturing Congress on immigration reform? Prince admonishing the House on fiscal policy? Beyonce’ urging the Senate to pass a law making it a crime to be caucasian? Miley Cyrus discussing tariffs?

                What a joke.

                

Bible Makes "Most Objectionable Books" List

                According to the American Library Association, the Bible is now on its latest list of books most objected to at public schools and libraries. It has been targeted nation-wide, primarily for “the legal issues it raises,” but also for “the sex and violence it contains,” a recent Associated Press report states.

                James LaRue, director of the Office for Intellectual Freedom for the American Library Association, says “You have people who feel that if a school library buys a copy of the Bible, it’s a violation of church and state. And sometimes there’s a retaliatory action, where a religious group has objected to a book and a parent might respond by objecting to the Bible.” The ALA released its annual top ten listing of “challenged” books recently, part of its “State of Libraries Report” for 2016.

                LaRue emphasized that the library association does not oppose having Bibles in public schools per se’, and Office for Intellectual Freedom Guidelines state that the Bible "does not violate the separation of church and state as long as the library does not endorse or promote the views included in the Bible." The ALA favors including a wide range of religious materials, from the Quran to the Bhagavad Gita to the Book of Mormon. LaRue said that the association does occasionally hear of complaints about the Quran, but fewer than for the Bible. That’s heartening.

                The Bible was sixth on the list of most objected to books for 2015.  The list was topped by John Green's "Looking for Alaska," which has been cited for "offensive language" and strong sexual content. The list’s runner-up, challenged for obvious reasons, was E L James' erotic romance "Fifty Shades of Grey." If “Looking for Alaska,” a multiple award-winning book published by the Penguin Young Readers Group, beat out “Fifty Shades” in this category, it must be quite the read! Apparently, though targeting the young reader, it covers topics such as sexual conquest, drinking, smoking and suicide. No wonder it gets near universal rave reviews from the kiddies! I would hope that “Fifty Shades,” which was aimed at the mature female audience, did not adorn any high school library bookshelves. Given today’s climate, however, I’d probably be disappointed. It was likely adapted for use as a learning to read reference book for first graders in select California school districts. “See stockings run. See Christian c--.”

                "I Am Jazz," a transgender picture book, was No. 3, followed by another transgender story, Susan Kuklin's "Beyond Magenta." The list also includes Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time," Alison Bechdel's "Fun Home," Craig Thompson's "Habibi," Jeanette Winter's "Nasreen's Secret School: A True Story from Afghanistan" and David Leviathan's "Two Boys Kissing.”

                “Habibi “ equates Islam with Christianity. One reviewer called it “Erotic, grotesque, and profoundly moving.” In “Two Boys Kissing”…two boys attempt to set a world record for the longest kiss.

                LaRue noted that "Many of the books deal with issues of diversity, and that often leads to challenges.” The association bases its list on “news reports” and on accounts submitted from libraries. A challenge is defined as a "formal, written complaint filed with a library or school requesting that materials be removed because of content or appropriateness." The ALA believes that for every challenge brought to its attention, four or five others are not reported. Based on its own definition, I’m not sure how this can be the case. He says the association does not know the number of books actually pulled from libraries and/or schools in 2015.

                Incredibly, LaRue said he was “concerned” by proposed legislation that would have mandated schools to warn parents if their children were to be assigned books with sexually explicit content.  Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe recently vetoed the measure. A Fairfax (Virginia) County mother had protested the use of Toni Morrison's Pulitzer Prize-winning "Beloved" in her son's high school senior class. The 1987 novel set in the post-Civil War era includes scenes depicting sex, rape and bestiality. I mean, doggone it, who doesn’t like a little bestiality now and again? I think it’s the cat’s meow, don’t you? Or are you a horse’s ass? Or maybe one of those close-minded, intolerant, xenophobic, homophobic, male chauvinist pigs?

                "We see the danger of censorship moving from the school library into the English classroom," LaRue concluded.

                Holy cow. The only thing that’s censored is conservative thought.

                In 2015 America, for the first time, the Bible is on a list of “objectionable books,” alongside those extolling or exploring kiddie-porn, sado-masochism, transgender “rights,” homosexuality, suicide, and bestiality.

                We are at a remarkable point in Western history. Perhaps the breaking point.

Trump Protesters Show Their True Colors

               On Sunday, April 3^rd, Fox News host Greta Van Susteren conducted a town hall meeting with Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Roughly 100 people showed up to protest just outside the venue.

               At this point I will pause to say that I am no fan of Trump. Loyal readers of this blog could certainly vouch for that. I am, in fact, heartened and grateful to the “cheese-heads” (Wisconsinites) for giving a much-needed, near-blowout victory to Ted Cruz.

               Trump gets accused, and rightly so, of being impetuous and antagonistic, rude and boorish in his behavior. He is all of those things and more. His personality and character are virtually the opposite of Ronald Reagan’s. He certainly doesn’t possess the off-the-charts intelligence or the command of multiple issues as does a Ted Cruz. However, he is also reflexively, impetuously- and savagely- attacked for being a racist, xenophobic hatemonger.

               He is not.

               One Trump protester gave an interview to Infowars.com while standing on an American flag. He exclaimed, “F*** this flag, f*** this country. This red, white and blue, this s***, is the new swastika.” Sadly, this is anything but atypical of Trump protesters. This fact, in and of itself, should be very illustrative.

               The reflexive use of profanity suggests that the protester is not prepared to do battle in the arena of ideas. Calling the American flag the “new swastika” is mind-bogglingly offensive to, among others, the hundreds of thousands of American troops that, even after their homeland was the victim of a massive, unprovoked attack by Japan, were sent to Europe to fight Hitler and his Third Reich. Many thousands died doing just that, eventually liberating Jews, the Germans themselves, and much of the rest of Europe from the NAZI menace.

               What would have been his fate if he had stepped on an ISIS flag? What happens to protesters that similarly exercise their freedom of expression in China? Russia? North Korea? Cuba? Venezuela? Etc., etc. Oh yeah, they don’t have any right to freedom of expression. It is the United States, aided and abetted by Western European traditions, principles and thought, that has heretofore brought forth, codified and protected the natural rights of man.

               One Trump backer said to the protester, “You’re here because of America.” Others defended his right to protest in this way. Things got heated enough that police eventually had to form a line to separate Trump supporters from Trump opponents.

               No police line was needed to separate Trump protesters from the truth. Or dignity.

North Korea Claims Successful ICBM Engine Test

                  North Korea claimed Saturday that it had successfully tested an engine designed for an inter-continental ballistic missile (ICBM) that would "guarantee" an eventual nuclear strike on the US mainland. When most countries successfully test new weapons systems they don’t usually immediately guarantee that those systems will be used against other nations. In fact, for civilized nations, the hope is their very existence will make it unnecessary for them ever to be used. The concept is called deterrence, and it has worked well for millenia. A government so reckless, bellicose and belligerent as to repeatedly threaten to use nuclear weapons even while not at war, simply shows itself to be craven, desperate and comprised of madmen.

                This was only the latest in a series of claims by Pyongang of significant breakthroughs in its nuclear weapons and ballistic missile programs. Some outside experts, believing that the North Korean leadership is attempting to talk up its achievements ahead of a showcase ruling party congress next month, have treated a number of these claims with skepticism.

                According to the North's “official” KCNA news agency, this latest ground engine test was ordered and personally monitored by leader Kim Jong-Un. As soon as Kim flagged off the test, "the engine spewed out huge flames with deafening boom", KCNA said."The great success... provided a firm guarantee for mounting another form of nuclear attack upon the US imperialists and other hostile forces," Kim was quoted as saying. Now North Korea "can tip new type inter-continental ballistic rockets with more powerful nuclear warheads and keep any cesspool of evils in the earth including the US mainland within our striking range", he added.

                While the Hermit Kingdom, under Jong-Un’s sparkling leadership, may be making strides in its weaponry, it- and the Dear Leader himself- have a long way to go in terms of credible usage of the English language. If your goal is to intimidate any given “cesspool of evil in the earth” with your military prowess, it is likely best if you can communicate that threat without making your would-be enemy giggle at your semantics.

Outdoors No More

                 First there was television. Then came video games, cable t.v. and computers… in short order. Now Netflix and Smart Phones have been added to the mix. Most of us in the developed world know that this has led to children spending less and less time outdoors over the years. Exploring, hiking, and just throwing a ball up in the air or off a roof to experience the simple joy of catching it again on its return have largely gone the way of the dinosaur. Fishing and hunting have been replaced in far too many cases by fishing and hunting…video games. Or hunting for “to-die-for shoes” at the mall.

                Now even our reality is becoming virtual. Soon our intelligence will be artificial. We have been disconnecting from the earth for years now. And, in many cases, from our families. Soon we will be utterly incapable of distinguishing what is real from what is virtual and artificial. Not long thereafter we may simply be... utterly incapable. What will be the consequences? No one knows for certain, but they can’t be good.

                A new survey, funded by U.K. laundry detergent maker Persil, found that 1 in 3 kids in the United Kingdom spend less time outside than inmates in maximum security prisons*. The poll questioned more than 12,000 parents of children between the ages of 5 and 12 years old, from 10 different countries. Researchers found that, in the U.K., almost a third of these kids play outside for 30 minutes or less on an average day.  Incredibly, the poll revealed that 1 in 5 essentially don’t venture outdoors at all. How sad is that?

                Parents, insist your kids put down their iPhones (and their Pop-Tarts). Throw open the doors and get some fresh air. Let the sun shine in. Go outside. Hike, fish, explore, hunt, play ball. Do something real. Free, active and independent bodies lead to free, active and independent minds.

                I’m going outside for a walk. Think I’ll bring a ball and glove.

                                                            **************************

*(The United Nations' standard minimum guidelines for prisoners require "at least one hour of suitable exercise in open air daily.")

               

ISIS Members Hand Out Candy After Brussels Attacks

                ISIS members and supporters were euphoric over their successful terror attacks in Brussels. They have already started “predicting” where the group will attack next.

                Sickeningly, according to Vocativ, a poll posted on al-Minbar, a popular forum for the group’s backers, asks: “What will be the color(s) of the Eiffel Tower in the next attacks?” (In the days following the Brussels attacks, the French landmark was illuminated in red, yellow and black- the colors of the Belgian flag- to pay tribute to those who were killed and injured). The U.K. was the nation most cited in the poll results, with Russia, the U.S., Germany and France also garnering votes. Moreover, the United States, the U.K., France and Germany were described on the poll’s forum thread as “the heads of infidelity.” (Not to be confused with REO Speedwagon’s classic ‘80’s rock album, “Hi-Infidelity”).

                Photos of ISIS militants in Syria and other areas handing out bags of sweets and assorted other items to children and men in the aftermath of the attacks were posted on the terror group’s “social media” sites. The photos included a statement informing readers that ISIS had distributed the sweets to fellow Muslims in “joy of the blessed attack against the Crusaders in Brussels.”

                Tolerance or judgementalism?  Moral equivalency? After the United States was attacked on 9/11, with the loss of nearly 3,000 lives, George W. Bush ordered strikes against Al Qaeda and other terrorist entities. No one in the U.S.- though they and their civilian countrymen were hit by a heinous, massive, unprovoked attack- passed out candy in the wake of particularly successful raids on those terrorists. No one trumpeted the “joy of the blessed attacks...”

                It is time for the West to unapologetically- and unequivocally- stand up for its own heritage and values. If we continue to allow (the false notion of) “moral equivalency,” political-correctness and a twisted interpretation of “tolerance” to prevent us from fully recognizing and combating evil, the Eiffel tower may one day be permanently lit in green.

               

                

Iran To Build Monument Memorializing Capture Of American Sailors

                 Iran is planning to build a series of statues to memorialize their capture of American sailors earlier this year, a senior officer said. The monument, to be built by Iran’s Revolutionary Guard, would be a “tourist attraction” according to the head of the Guard’s naval forces, Commander Ali Fadavi.

                         “There are very many photographs of the major incident of arresting U.S. Marines in the Persian Gulf in the media and we intend to build a symbol out of them inside one of our naval monuments,” he told Iran’s Defense Press News Agency.

                Iran, having already blatantly violated the terms of its “nuclear agreement” with the U.S. and U.N. via various missile launches/tests recently, seems to be searching in vain for some behavior, demand or action that might actually cause the Obama administration to say enough is enough.

                If I were president, my new nuclear ‘agreement’ with Iran would be as follows: “You shut down your nuclear program, apologize to Israel, pay reparations to the American hostages (or their families) you held during the Carter presidency, stop sponsoring terror, and immediately abandon plans to build your “captured American sailor tourist attraction,” or we will wipe you off the face of the earth. Capisce?!”

                But don’t worry. If we should do so…we’ll take pictures of the aftermath of this “major incident” and build a monument forever memorializing your misfortune.

Hillary Clinton Invalidates Unborn Persons

                Hillary Clinton recently stated, “The unborn person doesn’t have Constitutional rights.”

                But illegal aliens and convicted spies should? Progressives like the idea of felons being able to vote, as the vast majority of felons will vote for progressives. In sum, modern-day liberals want criminals to be protected by the Constitution, but don’t want to “grant” that protection to the innocent. In fact, they want the “right” to kill the innocent. So, those who have never sinned can be exterminated, while criminals are given amnesty. That doesn’t seem very validating or inclusive. In fact it seems judgmental and unfair. The baby hasn’t judged anyone or “disrespected” anyone, yet he or she is being excluded. And not just from a club or group, but from planet earth… and life itself. Moreover, the baby isn’t responsible for the situation  she is in. The baby is utterly powerless. If we in the lowly “99%” think we’re being screwed by those cold- hearted bastards in the dastardly “one-percent,” what of the unborn person who has summarily been stripped of his right to exist?

                But, what-the-hell, let’s coddle the criminals. Let’s let them vote…for Hillary in the upcoming 2016 presidential election, in fact. Criminals voting for a criminal (“takes one to vote for one…”) who will ensure that babies can still be legally murdered in the good old U.S. of A, just as the founders intended. Who could be against that? And, if you are, you are an intolerant, racist, sexist, homophobic bigot who should be shut up, shouted down and maybe thrown in jail. (And, if you are, time will tell if they let you vote).

                One humorous note: Progressives themselves were upset at Hillary’s statement because she referred to an “unborn person” rather than a “fetus,” thereby conferring, they said, an unwarranted sense of humanity to the fetal tissue mass.

                A humanity they do not admit to…nor possess.

                

Trump Takes Questions

 Wednesday, April 13th, 2016- Epcot Center

 Donald Trump Takes Questions From A Panel Of Reporters And Special Interest Group Heads:

Katie Couric, moderator: “Thank you panel and thank you Mr. Trump for being here this evening. Wolf, start us off, please.”

Wolf Blitzer: “Mr. Trump, what, specifically, will you do to enhance America’s military preparedness?”

Trump: “Well, I’m going to make it great again! I love the military! I’m telling you, it’s going to be so big and prepared you won’t believe it!”

Diane Sawyer: “Mr. Trump, how will you counter the claims of some that you don’t respect women?”

Trump: “Diane, and by-the-way you look ravishing tonight, I do respect women! I respect the hell out of them! Not only do I respect them, I love them. L-O-V-E! Ask my wife and daughter, they will tell you, I’m telling you!”

Shepard Smith: “Mr. Trump, what about the country’s infrastructure…the roads and bridges? What will you do to repair them?”

Trump: “I love roads and bridges, I am telling you! After I’m elected president there will be soooo many roads you won’t even believe it! Good roads…and bridges, we’ll have bridges like never before, so many bridges! And they’ll be in great shape! I am a builder…it’s what I do…and a fixer! I will build and fix roads and bridges all day long…until the cows come home, I’m telling you! You won’t believe it! And I’ll get the Germans to pay for it! I mean, after all, the Marshall Plan…they owe us!”

Daniel M. Ashe, director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service (USFWS): “Mr. Trump, how will you- or will you- protect our waters, inland and coastal, from degradation and encroachment? And will you protect our rights to fish and hunt?”

Trump: “I love to fish! Always have! I am such a big hunter…snipe and everything else! There will be so much non-degradation and non-encroachment going on when I’m president, you won’t even believe it! I will increase the populations of sportfish, you know…the good ones…so much it’ll be yuuge, I’m telling you this! Fish will literally be jumping out of the water, they’ll be so many of them when I’m in office! I mean, not the dangerous Asian carp fishes that already do that now, because I’m going to deport them…and all the other invasive species! We will have desirable fish all over the place, this I can tell you!”

Brian Williams: “Mr. Trump, I well remember when I was an astronaut in the Apollo program. Those were heady days, yet we haven’t been back to the moon. As president, would you consider a mission to the moon, and how do you feel about space exploration in general?”

Trump: “Brian, not only will we go to the moon during my presidency, we will build a tower there! The Trump Lunar Tower or some such! And I’ll see that roads and bridges are built on the moon, good ones like you can’t believe! To the moon, Brian…to the moon! But that’s just for starters! We will be so great at space exploration! I will send missions to all the planets…and other galaxies. Andromeda, here we come! It will be like nothing anyone’s ever seen, I can tell you this!”

Terry O’Neill, President of the National Organization for Women (NOW): “Mr. Trump, how do you reply to those who say you have small hands?”

Trump: “My hands can hold their own with any man’s, I promise you! They are sooo not small, you can’t believe it! You know who I heard has small hands? Ted Cruz…Ted has small hands! And Hillary, Hillary Clinton’s hands are terribly small…it’s unbelievable!”

Christiane Amanpour: “Mr. Trump, how do you plan to do all this without exploding an already staggering national debt?”

Trump: “Well, first, the economy will be so great you won’t believe it, so that will bring in more revenue…I mean, everyone will have a job! Second, I plan to have China and Saudi Arabia pay off some of it, that will be yuuuge! I mean, the Arabs have money, right? Look at Dubai? And the Saudi princes are always coming over here and going to LA and Vegas, buying hookers left and right and the most expensive cigars and booze! They trash their hotel rooms and light their stogies with bills and we still buy their oil! And, 9/11, the Gulf War…they owe us a favor or two, too! And China, I mean all the stuff of theirs we’ve bought all these years…what about that? They’re nothing without us! Reciprocity is what it’s called. Reciprocity!”

Anderson Cooper: “Mr. Trump, many in the GLBTQ community are concerned about how they’d be treated under a Trump administration. What do you have to say about that concern?”

Trump: “My views have evolved a bit. I can tell you I love gays today! Gays and lesbians, bisexuals, you name it, I love them! I tell you, they will be dancing in the streets during my presidency, it will be so great for them! And pride? You’ll never before have seen such pride! And transgenders? You think there are lots of genders now? You won’t believe how many genders there will be! I promise you there will be hundreds and hundreds of genders! Genders as far as the eye can see, I’m telling you! It will be so great, you won’t even believe it!”

Bret Baier: “Mr. Trump, you must know that a great many people consider your actions and statements to be anything but presidential. Many, in fact, view them as embarrassing. If you actually become the Republican nominee…or President of the United States… will you modify your behavior? Are you even capable of acting presidential?”

Trump: “That is a great question, Bret! When I am Commander-in-Chief, I will be so presidential, you won’t even believe it! I will be more presidential than any president we’ve ever had, this I can promise you! I will be a friggin’ Statesman, Bret, Capisce?! Statesman and President like you won’t even believe!”

Katie Couric: “Well, that wraps it up for now. Again, thank you panel and thank you Mr. Trump for being here tonight. And thanks to you in the audience. Good night.”