Thursday, April 30, 2020

Headlines And Punchlines

Headlines and Punchlines:

*Dr. Fauci recently opined that the U.S. could be in for “a bad fall and a bad winter.” How about letting us just enjoy the spring and summer then, okay? Is that too bleeping much to ask at this point, asshat?

*There has been a lot of talk about “non-essential” workers lately. But enough about House Democrats!

*There are also many reports of people getting money for not working, or refusing to go back to work and still collecting checks. But enough about House Democrats!

*Is it a coincidence that the Clintons waited until Biden was creditably accused of sexual harassment before endorsing him?

*The Clintons endorsement didn’t seem to fire Biden up much. In fact, he appeared to fall asleep while Hillary was endorsing him.

*Former Georgia state Rep. and Democratic Vice-Presidential hopeful Stacey Abrams is blissfully untroubled by the harassment allegations leveled at Biden. Abrams stated, “The New York Times conducted a thorough investigation, and nothing in the Times review or any other later reports suggests anything other than what I already know about Joe Biden: That he will make women proud as the next President of the United States.” We have all seen Biden grab-- and sniff-- women for years now. Women will be proud to be fondled by an aging Democrat? What the hell. Let’s make sexual harassment great again.

* Mehdi Sabili, an “Islamic medicine specialist” and director of a quasi-scientific institution in Iran, recently urged his countrymen to drink camel urine. It is, he said, the “best cure” for coronavirus and other ailments. Sabili is so high on camel pee that he uploaded a video on his Instagram account extolling its virtues—and showing him drinking a glass of the elixir, which he said is best consumed “fresh and warm.” He suggests drinking three glasses a day for three consecutive days. Nine glasses total? Nein! And how does one get a “ship of the desert” to tinkle that much, let alone collect it?

*Talk about thinking outside the box! Talk about determination! Shon Boulden is the owner of a strip club in Portland, Oregon, that was shut down by the coronavirus pandemic. Did he just crawl under his bed or go sit in the corner with his hands in his lap and his head down? No! He opened the first ever drive-thru strip club in the parking lot outside of the club itself, thereby saving the jobs of many of his employees. Boulden said his club has been following strict safety protocol since the outbreak and he didn’t want to do anything that would make it appear he wasn’t taking it seriously. So he figured out how to execute the idea while keeping the dancers and customers safe and maintaining social distancing. He transformed the club’s parking lot with the use of tents, stages, musical equipment and barricades. He noted, “I didn’t want to bring the wrong kind of attention” to his endeavor. After getting everything set up, he installed a GoPro on top of his car and drove through. Upon reviewing the footage, he pronounced the experience “awesome.” He had previously launched “Boober Eats,” a food delivery service utilizing topless (except for pasties) employees to bring food to those who order it. We are not worthy. What a country!

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

BBC Scotland Explores First Use Of The 'F-Bomb'

                A documentary airing on BBC Scotland, titled “Scotland- Contains Strong Language,” examines the history of swearing in the northernmost country in the United Kingdom. The documentary touts the Bannatyne Manuscript, which dates to 1568 and is so revered it is kept locked up in the National Library of Scotland. The iconic manuscript is a collection of poems originally written and possessed by a student named George Bannatyne (hence the title} when he was—get this—confined to his Edinburgh home due to the plague. We can all sympathize.
               The manuscript is famous for containing William Dunbar’s epic poem, “The Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedie,” in which the two poets trade insults…including the first known use of the “f-bomb.” At one point, as the two wordsmiths verbally spar with each other, Kennedie dubs Dunbar a “wan fukkit funling.” Dr. Joanna Kopaczyk, historical linguistics professor at Glasgow University, verifies this and informs viewers of the show: “In the Flyting of Dunbar and Kennedy, when Kennedy addresses Dunbar, there is the earliest surviving record of the word 'f***' in the world.” She added, “It might never quite make the tourist trail, but here in the National Library we have the first written 'f***' in the world. I think that's something to be proud of.” Well, we all need something to hang our hat on, Lassie!
              A spokeswoman for the National Library acknowledged that the manuscript has “long been known” to contain “some strong swearwords that are now common in everyday language,” but noted that, at the time, “they were very much used in good-natured jest.”
              Incredibly, more than 450 years after Bannatyne was forced to shelter-in-place due to the plague, despite all the progress and technological breakthroughs, we are doing the very same thing. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Back to the future, I guess.
 The way things are going now, all I have to say is: fukkit.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Marvel Comics Introduces Safespace And Snowflake

                Marvel Comics recently introduced a new line of “Superheroes,” in the form of 5 contemporary teenage figures in the New Warriors series. The company said the new, woker-than-thou cast of characters will be mentored by previously existing team members. Marvel noted that each of the new characters represents a new cultural theme, such as goth subculture or internet memes. Forthwith, an introduction to the diverse new fab five:

*”B-Negative” is a male vampire and indicative of the cool, negative vibe of those he represents.

*”Screentime” is a male who’s permanently connected to the world wide web, though that has nothing to do with Spiderman, per se.

*”Trailblazer” is a chunky, backpack-laden gal who grew up in a group home and volunteers at a senior center. She claims to get her power from god, but “not the god you’re thinking of.” How woke is that?! Wonder which god she means?

                The two most talked about additions to the New Warriors are a pair called the “Psychic Twins” who see the whole superhero business as a “post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying.” Dude, that’s…like, deep.

*”Safespace” is “a big, burly, sort of stereotypical jock” according to writer and creator Daniel Kibblesmith, who adds:

*”Snowflake” is not just transgender, but  “non-binary and goes by ‘they/them,’ and has the power to generate individual crystalized snowflake-shaped ‘shurikens.’ The connotations of the word ‘snowflake’ in our culture right now are something fragile, and this is a character who is turning it into something sharp.”

                Kibblesmith states that his characters adopted the Safespace and Snowflake names to “take those words and kind of wear them as badges of honor.”
                The power to make snowflakes into sharp ice-crystals doesn’t impress me much. I mean, it pales in comparison to those of Superman and Spiderman, for example. Now, if Snowflake really could change genders on a dime, that would be something. But no one can, not even a New Warrior named after a diminutive form of frozen precipitation.
                An anonymous source, who requested anonymity to protect himself/herself from the vast right-wing conspiracy, told me to expect future roll-outs of New Warriors to include characters named Eunuch, Limp Willy, Softman, Tearful, Mealy Mouth, Yellow Belly, Freeloader, DumbBell, Empty Suit, Pansexual Pat, and Ennui.

                The Walt Disney Company acquired Marvel Entertainment, Marvel Comic’s parent company, in 2009. Walt Disney himself, the iconic company’s founder, passed away in 1966. If he were alive today, he would look around, shake his head, and mutter, “Goofy.” Or something like that.

Texas Doctor Living In Tree-house During Pandemic

                Dr. Jason Barnes, who works in the emergency room at Christus Spohn hospital in Corpus Christi, Texas, is treating patients by day and sleeping in his tree-house by night. He told KRIS-TV he is living in the tree-house during his off hours because he has treated people who have tested positive for the coronavirus and doesn’t want to put his family at risk. After looking at various ways to quarantine himself, he opted to equip his tree-house with a bed, air conditioning and a “bathroom” of sorts, so that he could be near his family.
                Dr. Barnes told the television station that his family time consists of watching his wife and kids play in their backyard from the porch of his tree-house. His wife Jenna said, “we miss him terribly, being in the house, being able to hug him and be with him daily.”
                While the doctor is making a worthwhile and laudable sacrifice, it is one more indication of the bizarre times in which we live. It often seems the further we travel down the road of technological progress, the more we devolve in other ways.
   We are climbing back up into the trees now. How much longer until we slip back down into the primordial soup and simply disappear?  

Monday, April 27, 2020

We Are The Virus?

                This morning (as I write this) I heard a commercial on a popular local radio music station reference the bright side of the worldwide COVID-19 lock-down. The ad was lengthy and extolled the virtues of human inactivity. It noted that, for the first time in memory, it is currently possible to see to the bottom of the canals of Venice. (Not if you can’t leave your home, it isn’t.) It touted “bluer skies,” cleaner air” and an increase in animal habitat, all because “humans are staying home.” I am not against clearer water, bluer skies, cleaner air, or expanded animal habitat, but I was nonetheless shocked to hear an ad touting the “brighter side” of the coronavirus given the fact that hundreds of thousands of people have recently perished because of it.
                I have also seen a few articles such as the one in magazine which began: “Think Covid-19 is animal in origin? Think again. It’s anthro­pogenic: caused by human activity. The pandemic is a human overpopulation problem. You don’t have to live in Mong Kok to know there are too many of us.” The author claims humans unchecked expansion into new habitats is “bringing us into increasing contact with wild-animal pathogens against which we have no biological defenses.” (No, it’s because some of us in a certain Asian country are bringing wild animals home to our wet markets and bio labs.) He continues: “As Agent Smith puts it in The Matrix: ‘You humans […] move to an area and […] multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism […] that follows the same pattern […] a virus.’”

                There you have it. We are the virus.

                The author demands we “stop proliferating,” and says this is “something social distancing should make easier than ever.” He avers that global warming would be eased “by the presence of fewer people,” and wonders “Why are we not hearing the Catholic Church’s admission that the prohibition on artificial contraception was a dumb idea?”
                Speaking of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis spoke from his library on Earth Day, making an impassioned plea for protection of the environment. The Pope, who has often spoken of the dangers of climate change, said of the coronavirus: "We see these natural tragedies, which are the Earth's response to our maltreatment. I think that if I ask the Lord now what he thinks about this, I don't think he would say it is a very good thing. It is we who have ruined the work of God. We have sinned against the Earth.”
What happened to “We are the work of God?”
              U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, among others, used Earth Day 2020 to call for governments to pursue "green recovery" in response to the coronavirus crisis. That has certainly happened, as governments around the world have reveled in their ability to modify and control their subject’s movements and behavior. According to a piece, ministers from Germany, France and other EU nations have already “signaled their support for subsequent interventions to align with climate goals.” Get used to “sheltering in place” Continentals.
                Sadly, things aren’t any better in the U.S. Not too long ago, the vast majority of Americans believed in the Biblical characterization of mankind, as illustrated by the Book of Genesis: “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’” Now, many of the coastal, big-city elite believe we (meaning everyone but the coastal, big-city elite) are nothing but a blight, with no right to infringe on nature. We are the virus.
                We have become ever less devout and ever more “progressive.” As we demean ourselves, we demean our Creator.
                We have lost the truth, the light…and our way.

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Democratic Michigan Rep. Officially Censured For Thanking Trump

                Rep. Karen Whitsett (D-Mich.) contracted the coronavirus recently, exhibiting serious symptoms. Fortunately, her doctor prescribed hydroxychloroquine for her, a malaria drug that President Trump has suggested might be effective in treating COVID-19, and she subsequently recovered. Upon defeating the virus, she thanked Trump for bringing attention to the drug and saving her life. She is on record as saying that the drug "saved my life." She has since met with the president as well as Vice President Pence. Class.
                On April 25th, Detroit Democrats voted unanimously to officially censure Whitsett for her “thank you” and trip to the White House. You read that correctly. This is who these people are.
                Whitsett told Fox News host Tucker Carlson that Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D) and the state’s Democratic Party were trying to “silence her” for daring to visit with Trump and Pence. She said, “Why they would expel me is beyond words for me. This is something that I did not expect. I started out with a simple ‘thank you’ to the man who is the president of the United States. It’s a thank you. I didn’t know that ‘thank you’ had a political line.” She added, “I’m not going to stand by and be quiet, nor will I be silenced by anyone when it comes to the people in my community. I don’t care who it is. If you’re not doing right by us, if you’re not doing right by black people within our community, I’m going to stand up, and I don’t care who it is. I’m going to stand up against you.
                Carlson asked Whitsett, who has previously questioned Governor Whitmer’s stay-at-home orders, if the governor had asked about her health. Whitsett replied that the governor had only sent her nasty text messages.
                Democrats are so committed to defeating their political opponents they have no time for human decency. This is sadly true on both a national and a local scale. How could anyone in politics--- or out—not ask after Whitsett’s health and tell her they are thrilled she recovered from COVID-19? But no, the governor sent her nasty messages. I thought Democrats purportedly disdained the politics of personal destruction and wanted to see the parties reach across the aisle. Aren’t they always touting tolerance? What happened to their mantra “Coexist?” They censure someone for thanking the president of the United States for helping that person recover from a deadly virus? Seriously? Sick.
   What if the tables were turned and Whitsett was a Republican and the president a Democrat? We all know that she wouldn’t have been censured. And, if she had been, instead of ignoring the action as they did in this case, the media would be all over it, with commentators such as Brian Stelter, Rachel Maddow, Chris Cuomo and Joe Scarborough professing their shock and revulsion ad nauseum.
   If people weren’t so ignorant, the entire Democratic Party would be “censured.” At the polls, this coming November.

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Pandemic Hysteria And Economic Madness

                This is not your mother’s America. (See how non-sexist I am?) It isn’t even really America anymore. The U.S. federal government has approved trillions of dollars in stimulus money to be printed and released to fight the devastating economic effects of the policies it put in place to fight the spread of the coronavirus, otherwise known as COVID-1984. Much of the money from the massive relief bill was intended to go to small businesses so that they could try to stay afloat long enough that they could reopen if and when allowed to by the government that shut them down in the first place.
                A good chunk of the money was to be funneled through the Paycheck Protection Program, which provides small businesses with forgivable loans to pay up to 8 weeks of payroll costs, including benefits, so that they can avoid laying off their employees. However, many business owners are finding that their employees don’t want to come back to work, as they are being paid more for not working than they were for working.  For example, Jamie Black-Lewis, a spa owner, told CNBC she obtained loans of $177,000 and $43,800 so she could retain her 35 employees, naturally assuming they would be thrilled that they wouldn’t be losing their jobs. Instead, she says, her largess was met with a “firestorm of hatred.”
                Black-Lewis told the network that many of her hourly employees were angry because they were preparing to obtain more money through unemployment than they would get by staying employed. She said that, to their minds, she had taken away “a windfall” they saw coming. She added, “I couldn’t believe it. On what planet am I competing with unemployment?”
                When Democratic Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf was asked about the issue of employees preferring unemployment money to work, he replied that there was “an easy solution,” adding that businesses should just pay them more. Everything is easy when you’re spending other people’s money.
                That was by no means the extent of the lunacy recently exhibited by the economically illiterate. The most ignorant person ever to serve in the United States Congress, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), actually called for unemployed workers to essentially go on strike to protest attempts to get them to go back to work. In an interview with Anand Giridharadas of the VICE News show “Seat at the Table,” she stated: “Only in America does the president, when the president tweets about liberation, does he mean ‘go back to work.’ We have this discussion about ‘going back’ or ‘reopening’—I think a lot of people should just say, ‘No, we’re not going back to that. We’re not going back to working 70-hour weeks just so that we can put food on the table.’”
                In a tweet promoting the show, Giridharadas wrote, “If you’ve been advocating for a general strike amid the pandemic, @AOC gives your cause a boost in our interview airing tonight.” And who isn’t advocating for a general strike during an existential economic crisis in which tens of millions of people have already lost their jobs?
                We’ve gone berserk-- stark raving mad-- due to the stupefying ignorance and unwisdom of leftists in academia and the media wearing off on too many of us.
                Employment is when people get paid to perform jobs they otherwise wouldn’t do, also known as “work.” No one has the right to demand more money for not working. And, note to AOC: You don’t need to strike for the right not to work. Just don’t work. And really, is it worth suffering the indignities of work “just so that we can put food on the table?”

You can be idle 168 hours a week. Just don’t expect to be paid for it.

In fairness, it would be far better for the country if Gov. Wolf and AOC didn’t have their jobs.

Friday, April 24, 2020

"Experts" Wrong About Nearly Everything

    Just weeks ago, experts and authorities told us not to wear face masks. It wouldn’t help prevent anyone from getting the coronavirus we were told, would only prevent doctors and medical personnel from having them to use. (But, why did doctors need them if they don’t help stop the spread of the virus?) Now they tell us we must—or at least should-- wear them, preferably at all times. I now see many people wearing them while alone in their car! In some states you can now be fined up to $1,000 if caught outside not wearing one. What happened in the days between the conflicting advice/mandates? No coherent explanation has been provided.
                Also just weeks ago, the experts told us the models scientists and academics developed to forecast the spread of COVID-19 predicted as many as 2.2 million deaths in the U.S. alone. Similar dire projections we’re made for other nations. Now they have slightly tweaked those fatality projections…down to about 180,000 in the case of the U.S., or about 8.1% of their original forecast. Not so much as a “sorry for panicking you folks” has been heard.
               Just a few decades ago, experts told us they were certain we were entering an era of global cooling. The evidence was overwhelming, they said, so get used to it. Stock up on warm clothes and have a hot toddy, the science was settled.
               Around that very same time, the experts informed us that the planet was running out of oil and consequently we had better find alternative energy sources pronto, or we would all be screwed. There is a reason for the skyrocketing price of gasoline and the long lines at the pump, they said. Sure, OPEC was embargoing, but petroleum is a finite resource which the earth is no longer making, we were warned. In just a few decades it would be as scarce as the passenger pigeon. It was an oil crisis
              Today, too, we find ourselves in the midst of an oil crisis, but this one is a little different: we literally don’t know where to put it all. We have too much of it. Preposterously, the per barrel price of crude oil actually temporarily went below zero dollars recently.  Guess we could’ve been paid to take some off the hands of its producers. To my knowledge, not one expert has ever blushed or cleared their throat-- let alone apologized-- for these insanely incorrect predictions.
                In fact, whether picking which players to start for your fantasy football team on any given week, playing the stock market, or trying to determine what the global climate will be like in 50 years, the best bet is to do or believe the opposite of what the experts tell you to.
                Our hyper-credentialed society is marginalizing many of its smartest and most creative individuals. We have become far too dependent on these arrogant, never-have-to-say-they’re-sorry, authoritarian ass-hats called “experts.”
                And now, with the advent of the coronavirus pandemic, experts have convinced our leaders to proactively commit societal suicide so we can avoid death.
                Some say bad is the new good and good is the new bad. Others say 40 is the new 30 or orange is the new black.
                I say experts are the new morons.

Thursday, April 23, 2020

New York Mayor De Blasio Stunned By Recidivism

            New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio was shocked—shocked I tell you! —to learn that some of the more than 1,400 criminals he recently let out of prison to lessen their chances of contracting the coronavirus have already committed additional crimes. The mayor was so gob-smacked by the news that more than 50 inmates who were released have since committed offenses and been sent back to jail—with some of those already re-released—that he lamented the fact to reporters at a recent briefing according to the New York Post. De Blasio opined: “I think it’s unconscionable just on a human level that folks were shown mercy and this is what some of them have done.” He added, “We’re going to just keep buckling down on it, making sure there’s close monitoring and supervision to the maximum step possible.” Note to de Blasio: criminals are not, in fact, typically known for their peerless consciences nor their exemplary humanity.
This is one reason why progressives should never be put in positions of power over nations or cities. They are an existential danger to individuals and societies because they fundamentally misjudge human nature, their own included. They are much too willing to give criminals a pass, while taking every opportunity to savage those who disagree with them. And they pat themselves on the back for doing both.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Harvard Professor Says Homeschooling Should Be Banned

                Harvard Law Professor Elizabeth Bartholet, in an article titled “The Risks of Homeschooling” published in a recent edition of Harvard Magazine, argues that the practice of homeschooling is a violation of children’s rights and should therefore be banned. Bartholet, the director of the Law School’s Child Advocacy Program, cites a child’s “right” to a “meaningful education,” by which she means a child’s right to be taught what she wants them to “know.” She laments the number of kids being homeschooled during the COVID-19 pandemic, and says she is worried about child abuse. She frets about the number of homeschooling parents who are “extreme religious ideologues,” by which she means Christians. Professor Bartholet worries that these children might not be properly introduced to “ideas about nondiscrimination and tolerance of other people’s viewpoints.” This tolerance obviously does not extend to homeschooler’s viewpoints, or those of the devoutly religious.
                Bartholet doesn’t think parents should have “24/7, essentially authoritarian control over their children from ages zero to 18.” (Oddly enough, the law essentially does). She adds, “I think it’s always dangerous to put powerful people in charge of the powerless, and to give the powerful ones total authority.” Tell that to those about to have an abortion, lady. Or to, say, university professors who incessantly try to brainwash their students into becoming mind-numbed Socialists, rabidly robotic social-justice warriors, and contributors to the Democratic Party. It’s also a tad ironic when you realize Professor Lizzy is almost certainly a big fan of the draconian measures governments have recently taken to prevent their citizens from leaving their homes. She claims “there’s really no organized political opposition” to homeschooling. Yes there is, Liz, it’s called the NEA. And the Democratic Party. It is, however, correct to say that there is really no opposition to Big Education.
                In truth, nearly all states have homeschool regulations in place. Bartholet is just jealous that she has to temporarily share her power with—gasp!—parents and families. I mean, how gauche! The illustration that Harvard Magazine chose to accompany Bartholet’s article is itself a perfect illustration of how elites think about education and the family. It depicts a sad homeschool child imprisoned in a house while other kids frolic outside. The house is made of books, one of them being the Bible. In reality, it is the government mandated school system that is a prison, outside of whose walls a student is not supposed to think.
                All in all, Professor Bartholet, you—and those like you—are just another brick in the wall.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

The China Syndrome

 In 2015, it has recently been revealed, the Obama administration gave the Wuhan laboratory $3.7 million for research, money that was funneled through the National Institutes of Health. Talk about sowing the seeds of one’s own destruction. The grant was meant to facilitate the study of bats that carry the viruses that triggered the SARS outbreak in the early 2000s as well as the current coronavirus pandemic.
Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) appeared on a recent edition of Tucker Carlson Tonight to address the issue. Gaetz stated: “What’s really troubling to me is either conspicuously or miraculously the Wuhan Institute of Virology, is able to sequence the virus on January 2 but China doesn’t admit to the virus existing until January 9 and then the Wuhan Institute of Virology doesn’t release this important scientific information to the world until January 12. So at best, Americans are funding people who are lying to us and at worst, we’re funding people who we knew had problems handling pathogens, who then birthed a monster virus onto the world.” The United States’ own naivete and desire to “help” others once again comes back to bite it in the ass.
Most credible sources now believe the Chinese Virus did indeed originate in the Wuhan labs. President Trump recently vowed to stop giving taxpayer funds to the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a decision which will certainly prompt many in the mainstream media to call him a mean-spirited, xenophobic racist. (It has, in the roughly 24-hours since I wrote this.)
Remarkably, this is not the most troubling revelation pertaining to the U.S.’s relationship with China to surface this week, a subject which would take an entire book to properly explore. Police departments across the nation are using drones made in China to conduct surveillance and enforce social distancing rules, leading to concerns that the Chinese communist-government-backed company that manufactures the drones may be using the data the drones collect for nefarious purposes. State and local governments of/in at least 22 states are using drones made—and donated—by Dà-Jiāng Innovations, or DJI, a Chinese technology company headquartered in Guangdong Province. This despite the fact that officials of the U.S. government say it is likely the drones are providing vital data on U.S. infrastructure and law enforcement to the Chinese communist government. But what the hell. Forget the spying and the cyber vulnerabilities. Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. Right?
Imagine what the Founders would think.
Florida Senator Rick Scott tweeted: “Think about this for a second. This virus originated in Communist China and the Chinese Communist Party’s lies helped it spread around the world. Now we’re using drones made by a Chinese company and backed by the CCP to enforce social distancing. This is crazy!”
Batshit crazy.

NBA Working On Televised H-O-R-S-E Competition

                Reports say that the NBA and ESPN are working on televising a H-O-R-S-E competition, with several high-profile players engaging in the traditional playground game remotely, most likely from their own home gyms, in proper social-distancing compliance. It’s not exactly March Madness or the Stanley Cup Finals, but we’ll take it, I guess. What choice do we have?
                One of the worst things about being interminably locked inside of our own domiciles during the Chinese Virus Pandemic has been the lack of any major sporting events to relieve the stress and tedium. While several stations have aired exciting and historic games from the past, sports programmers have understandably scraped the bottom of the barrel trying to come up with new events to air, given the ban on large gatherings and the mandatory 6-feet remove of all contestants from all others.
                For example, here is the schedule from a recent Saturday evening:

*7 PM: ESPN—Midwest Corn-Shucking Championship
*7 PM: ESPN 2— North American Tiddly Winks League (regular season play)
*7 PM: NBC Sports Network (NBCSN)—NHL Figure Skating Exhibition
*7 PM: FoxSports—Pro-Am Parchesi Tournament
*9 PM: ESPN—“UNO” Round Robin Card Exhibition
*9 PM: ESPN 2— Organization of American States Geo-Cashing League (OASGCL) Action
*8 PM: NBC Sports Network—Pokemon Go World Championship
*10 PM: FoxSports—Hacky-Sack Semi-Pro League Action
*10 PM: ESPN—International Rock-Polishing Finals
*10 PM ESPN 2— Radio-Controlled Boat Racing (European League)
*10 PM: NBC Sports Network—World Paper Football League (WPFL) Semi-Finals (from Belfast)
*11 PM: FoxSports—Wisconsin Town Team Underwater Basket-Weaving Invitational

                The first major sports league to begin post-pandemic play will enjoy astronomical television ratings, if not particularly high attendance figures. For now, bring on the NFL draft!

Monday, April 20, 2020

Scholar Hopes Coronavirus Pandemic Helps "Abolish" The Family

                The coronavirus pandemic should spur Americans to abolish the family. So says Sophie Lewis, a “scholar” at the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research and popular speaker at American universities. Ms. Lewis recently wrote an editorial published by Open Democracy, a U.K. based radical political website populated by crackpots and asshats, in which she stated that “the private family qua mode of social reproduction still, frankly, sucks. It genders, nationalizes and races us. It norms us for productive work. It makes us believe we are ‘individuals.’” She added, “We deserve better than the family. And the time of corona is an excellent time to practice abolishing it.”
                Actually, scholars, “experts,” and universities now, frankly, suck. And those who swallow the pseudo-intellectual tripe they trowel out are a pathetic lot, indeed. As Ms. Lewis inadvertently illustrates so well. With what would Lewis replace the private “qua mode” of reproduction? I’m not sure I want to know. The family “genders,” “nationalizes,” “races,” and “norms” us? I am really sick of leftists indiscriminately “verbing” nouns and other parts of speech and attempting to repurpose half the words in the dictionary to their sinister ends. Families do help mold (and reveal the identity of) those that belong to them. This is part of their role, along with providing love, financial, emotional and physical support. That Lewis takes umbrage with the notion of families preparing children to do “productive work” is telling, as well as pathetic and disgusting. That she thinks it mistakenly “makes us believe we are individuals” is even more telling…and sicker still. Are we to be faceless, genderless, robotic tissue masses who can only think as a group? Indistinct, amorphous piles of protoplasm? And she thinks this is a good thing?
                The scholarly Lewis bemoaned the fact (as she sees it) that the nuclear family reproduces human beings along the lines of binary sex, national identity, etc., etc., “as feminists for decades have excavated.” Say what? Lewis certainly wasn’t “normed” for productive (or coherent) writing.
                She stated that “The pandemic is no time to forget about family abolition,” noting that reports of domestic violence have increased since the mass quarantine began. Yes, we’d all be better off if we were holed up with randomly selected strangers from off the street. She cited the words of the feminist author Madeline Lane-McKinley, who said, “Households are capitalism’s pressure cookers,” before concluding by stating: “We do not yet know if we will be able to wrench something better than capitalism from the wreckage of this Plague and the coming Depression. I would only posit with some certainty that, in 2020, the dialectic of families against the family, of real homes against the home, shall intensify.” Say what?
                If there was any justice in this world, Lewis and Lane-McKinley would be living in North Korea or the Congo.
                Winston Churchill said of capitalism, “it’s the worst form of government…except for all of the others that have been tried.” The same might be said of the nuclear family. The family is the most important institution in the country—indeed the world—today. It prevents more insanity and evil and fosters more good than any other. It was designed by our Creator to do just that.
    Perhaps that is why Ms. Lewis disdains it so. 

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Michigan Governor Deems Abortion "Life-Sustaining"

                Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer effectively banned the sale of flower and vegetable seeds and ordered the state’s citizens not to visit friends or family. She also prohibited them from going to their second homes, even though they own them and pay takes on them 356 days of the year. These measures obviously smack of authoritarianism, if not outright Fascism or Communism. She couldn’t bring herself to ban elective abortions, however, as most states have done during the coronavirus crisis to make certain doctors and health care providers are focused on taking care of those who are suffering from the Chinese Virus (or have other life-threatening medical conditions), the supposed reason that her many bans and orders were necessary in the first place.
                During an interview with Democratic political strategist David Axelrod, on his The Axe Files podcast, Whitmer said, “A woman’s health care, her whole future, her ability to decide if and when she starts a family is not an election, it is fundamental to her life. It is life-sustaining, and it’s something that government should not be getting in the middle of.”
                A woman’s “health care,” i.e. abortion, has nothing to do with whether a woman can decide “if and when” she has a family. She can decide whether or not to have intercourse or whether or not to use contraception for that matter. What’s more, “her ability to decide if and when she starts a family” demonstrably, specifically and definitionally is an election. Moreover, it may or may not be fundamental to her life, but it is inarguably fundamental to her baby’s life—or lack thereof. Incredibly, this is the one and only area where Whitless Whitmer doesn’t think the government has the right to intrude on a person’s rights. “By God, we can tell the people they have to stay home, must cover their mouth and nose, can’t visit relatives,  go to their lake home, get married, attend a funeral…or buy tomato seeds…but infringing on their right to exterminate their small children would just be wrong.”
                People around the nation are dying due to not having elective surgeries and holding off on check-ups. And Whitmer chooses to call abortion “life-sustaining?!” She would’ve fit in nicely as Joseph Goebbels’ right-hand-woman in the Third Reich’s Ministry of Propaganda. This is preposterous and sickening-- akin to calling casual sex orgies abstinence-sustaining, the Holocaust Jew-Affirming, or a CNN report truth-enhancing. 

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Humans Hiding, Animals Running Amok

                With human beings confined to their domiciles, animals are once again taking over. And even takin’ it to the streets as the Doobie Brothers might say. Recently, an Instagram video showed an alligator sauntering around the Barefoot Landing shopping center in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The following day, the Folly Beach (S.C.) Public Safety department fielded complaints of a different alligator chilling on the beach. The police called the South Carolina Department of Natural Resources, which told the officers not to worry about it, and to let nature take its course. This advice was not folly, as there are no humans on the beach anymore, anyway.
                Reports are coming in from around the country—and the world—of animals turning up in parks, on beaches, and even on streets and parking lots, places normally reserved for homo sapiens. Coyotes have been observed prowling the now nearly empty streets of San Francisco, geese have been loitering around Las Vegas Boulevard (Note to Noah: geese? Really?), and rats have overtaken the French Quarter in New Orleans, Louisiana. I have personally witnessed flocks of gulls squatting in shopping center parking lots and turkeys taking our roads less traveled. Video from Thailand exists online of monkeys brawling in the streets, as do shots of a puma strolling down a sidewalk, in Santiago, Chile.
                This is a kind of reverse Genesis, with the animals going forth and multiplying, and taking dominion over the earth, as people are instructed to stay inside and timidly mind their own business.
                It is in keeping with the bizarre nature of these times, as folks around the planet are losing their religion, their minds…and, apparently, their place at the head of the animal kingdom.

Friday, April 17, 2020

Coronavirus, Governments Robbing People Of Togetherness, Community

Police recently served a summons to the pastor of Lighthouse Fellowship for holding a church service for 16 people spaced far apart in a sanctuary that seats 293.  On a charge of violating Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam’s COVID Order Number 55, which prohibits large gatherings under penalty of a $2,500 fine and/or a year in jail. Happy Easter to Lighthouse Fellowship.

You and me we were the pretenders
We let it all slip away
In the end what you don't surrender
Well the world just strips away
                Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear then warned that anyone attending an Easter (or other) church service in his state would have to be quarantined for a minimum of 14 days. Concerned that some folks might not heed his warning, he ordered police to go through the church parking lots car by car and write down the license plate numbers of all the attendees. The police then provided the information to health departments, which will enforce the quarantines.
I ain't lookin' for prayers or pity
I ain't comin' 'round searchin' for a crutch
I just want someone to talk to
And a little of that human touch
Just a little of that human touch
The town of Beverly, Massachusetts, a Boston suburb, has set up one-way sidewalks in order to force its residents to practice social distancing amid the coronavirus pandemic. Locals are mandated to walk in opposite directions along formerly bustling Lothrop Street, using separate sidewalks so that they do not momentarily come in close proximity to one another. Pedestrians must now walk against traffic, using the sidewalk on one side of the street if going one direction, and the one on the opposite side of the street if traveling in the other direction. Those not in compliance with the dictate are subject to fines of $100.

Oh girl that feeling of safety you prize
Well it comes with a hard hard price
You can't shut off the risk and pain
Without losin' the love that remains
We're all riders on this train 
(well, we used to be)
                Numerous experts are saying it will be at least 18 months until Americans will be able to return to some semblance of normalcy  and begin to attend public gatherings such as concerts, sporting events, conferences, and religious services—or even eat in restaurants again. All of them say it is regrettable that this is the case…before adding some form of “but we have no choice.” So, until a vaccine is discovered, just shelter in place for a year and a half or so, Americans. Can’t wait to see who you—and we—are when and if we come out the other side.
You might need somethin' to hold on to
When all the answers they don't amount to much
Somebody that you can just talk to
And a little of that human touch

                The behavioral changes wrought by the COVID-19 pandemic-- and government’s response to it—will not be going away any time soon, even when the shelter in place orders are eased or lifted. New habits die hard, too. Fear can be very difficult to shake. And it is anything but certain that our elected officials, bureaucrats and appointed “experts” will relinquish their newfound control…especially since it came so easily. We have been told that we can’t leave our homes, can’t visit relatives in nursing homes and hospitals, and can’t attend weddings. We have even been told that we can’t attend a loved one’s funeral. Denied our ability to say goodbye, we are likewise stripped of our humanity.
                Easter was effectively banned. Memorial Day will be next. Then the Fourth of July. We have already been prevented from publicly worshipping the Lord and will likely be prevented from gathering to honor our veterans, and our nation. The world is virtually turning into a virtual realm. For some, the concept of reality is slipping away.
Artificial intelligence is not a suitable replacement for common sense. Nor can virtual reality replace the beauty and poignance of the human touch.
 Let’s hope it never does.
Baby in a world without pity
Do you think what I'm askin's too much ?
I just want to feel you in my arms
And share a little of that human touch...

Thursday, April 16, 2020

On Liberty

              Perhaps liberals love affair with public transportation, high-density housing and urban development will be seen in a different light once all the COVID-19 lock-downs are ended. At least in the United States, and assuming they ever do end, as “experts” seem to be continually extending the time they say is necessary to keep them in place. (A new report from Harvard researchers says that these measures may be necessary until 2022.)
             Cramming myself into a New York subway and hanging onto a strap while others lurch (and belch and sneeze) around me isn’t my cup of tea, nor is getting funneled thru an airport and fondled by TSA employees for the privilege of flying in an elongated, motorized cigar tube with 75 strangers to get to another airport where we all wait for our luggage to return to us. Neither am I fond of being carted around in a city bus with my seatmate falling asleep and leaning into me, shortly after he has apparently consumed a meal containing prodigious amounts of garlic and washed it down with a similar quantity of alcohol.
I am personally averse to being housed in massive, urban, multi-family developments, be they low and sprawling or towering 30 or more stories into the sky.  Moreover, since I have claustrophobia, I have never enjoyed riding in a packed elevator, staring at my own feet and listening to bad Muzak, and that will be even more the case in the future.
If you like dense urban environments and public transportation, more power to you. Honestly, that is your right. But, our officials, elected or otherwise, do not have the right to strip the rest of us of all our liberties. They have no right to tell us we can never leave our homes. In perpetuity. They should not be allowed to tell us where (or how) we should live. Or how we should get there. Or if and when we can attend weddings and funerals. Or worship our God.
So, as for me, give me liberty and give me breath. God willing, I will take to the open road in my own vehicle-- perhaps heading from my decadent, if modest, single family home—and head out across the vast American West, whether it be on Route 66, across “Big Sky Country” (Montana), or to visit the Black Hills and Mount Rushmore.
By the grace of God, Washington and Jefferson bestowed upon us our freedoms. Lincoln preserved and enhanced them. No modern-day politician-- or group thereof—can be allowed to take back what they have bequeathed us.
Democrats, Socialists and Chinese Communist Party members, listen up. We shall be free. Or die trying to once again make it so.

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Coronavirus Headlines Truly Sickening

              So called progressives and the mainstream media continually trumpet how sensitive they are to others, how caring. They flout their “wokeness” and assumed moral superiority incessantly. For example, if you don’t call a man who identifies as a woman by a feminine pronoun, or one of “her” own choosing, they will call you a bigot and suggest that you be subject to fines or other punitive measures. The mainstream media literally never stops assailing President Trump for his alleged callousness, boorishness and insensitivity. And yet they come up with headlines such as these:

                “Yes, it’s a bummer that over 126,000 people have died worldwide, but hey, there’s a bit less pollution in the air! So sorry that nearly 30,000 Americans have perished, but our greenhouse gas emissions have dropped a bit. Yay?!?”  What the hell? What happened to “even one life lost is too many?” It’s easy to see where their priorities lay. It’s a good thing we didn’t have today’s hypocritical, soulless, radical leftist media in days of yore, or we would’ve been exposed to headlines like these:
*“Bright side of Pearl Harbor attack, navy using less crude oil”
*“Silver lining of 9/11: birds no longer flying into Twin Towers”
*“Unanticipated benefit of Holocaust: price of Matzo ball soup dropping”
                Here is one headline I’d like to see:
*”Overwhelming majority of Americans deem those in  mainstream media ‘shameless charlatans’”
                 I’m not holding my breath.    

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Earth Not Shaking As Much, Experts Say

                As I noted in a recent post, “Silent Spring,” things have quieted down around the world due to the extreme isolation measures governments have imposed on their citizens. Empty malls, empty stores, empty arenas, empty streets…and empty lives…are the rule, not the exception.
                Seismologists across the planet have noticed. They are observing dramatically less ambient seismic noise, otherwise known as the vibrations generated by cars, buses, trucks, trains and people living and working as they had been for many decades. This has, they say, resulted in the Earth’s upper crust moving a little less. We’re not talking about the rich and famous (the movers and the shakers?), but the planet’s actual physical crust. Thomas Lecocq (!), a geologist and seismologist at the Royal Observatory in Belgium, noted that Brussels has seen a reduction in ambient seismic noise of between 30% and 50% since social-distancing measures were imposed in mid-March. Lecocq says this is clear evidence that people are observing authorities’ warnings to stay inside and avoid traveling. “Everyone is doing the same. Everyone is respecting the rules,” he added.
                Raphael De Plaen (“look, boss, De Plaen…De Plaen!”), a postdoctoral researcher at Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, explained that the seismological data can also be used to identify areas where containment measures have not been as effective. He stated: "That could be used in the future by decision makers to figure out, 'OK, we're not doing things right. We need to work on that and make sure that people respect that because this is in the interest of everyone.'"
                In other words, authorities will be able to utilize the data to “deal” with those who have not sufficiently ceased their movements in the eyes of their governments.

                “Good Vibrations?” Not anymore. Even the Beach Boys are slowing down.

                Soon, there will be no need to ask anyone, “What’s shakin’?”

                Because every answer would be the same. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

President Trump Faults The WHO

                President Donald J. Trump recently stated that he was looking into placing “a very powerful hold” on U.S. funding of the WHO, insisting that the group “called it wrong” in its response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Trump slammed the WHO for opposing his travel ban to China earlier in the outbreak and hinted that the U.S. is not getting much, if anything, from its substantial investment in the group. He said the WHO have “been wrong about a lot of things,” and added that he believes the group is “very China-centric.”
                At a recent press conference, when asked about America’s funding of the WHO, Trump said if he were them, “I’d call that a bargain, the best I ever had.” The president was also asked how the United States was roped into providing such a high level of funding to the group. He replied, “I can see for miles and miles” as you know, but “I Can’t Explain” this. He added, “I Don’t Even Know Myself.” Trump went on to state that, if we “Join Together,” we’ll all be okay.
                When a reporter asked about the coronavirus’ affects on people of different age groups, the president responded, “Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx, the ‘Eminence Front’ as I call them, tell me ‘The Kids Are Alright,’ but that ‘My Generation’ is at risk. I am ‘The Seeker,’ and even though there is no ‘Magic Bus’ to take us from the depths of this pandemic to the promised land of health and prosperity again, we are not going to roll over. ‘We’re Not Gonna Take It,’ that I can promise you.”
                Another reporter asked if Trump blamed China for the virus and pandemic, to which the president responded: “Who are you…who, who, who, who? Who the f**k are you?” He then added, “You Better, You Bet!”
                Trump wrapped up his press conference by stating of China and the WHO, “There’s one thing I can promise you: we ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again!’”

                Neither Roger Daltrey nor Pete Townshend were available for comment.