Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Drips And Drabs: Today's Top Stories


Drips and Drabs: Today’s Top Stories


*Let me get this straight...Democrats want to force American citizens to produce a “Vaccine Passport” to travel freely, even within the United States…but want to make certain they don’t need an ID to vote?!? And no passports (or COVID tests) are required of illegal immigrants pouring over our southern border? There are only two things Democrats don’t regulate the hell out of: 1) Our election integrity and 2) Our borders. The two things that make a nation. They are insane or…evil. Or both.

*If Mr. potato head offends you but you’re okay with people selling ($1,000 a pair) satanic shoes that contain human blood in them, you are both symptom and cause of Western decline.

*The Biden Administration is urging the Supreme Court to allow police to enter homes and confiscate firearms without a warrant. The Fourth Amendment states: “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.” But to hell with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, Democrats have a country to seize, too. (And it’s much easier to do that when you disarm the citizenry).

* According to San Diego County Supervisor Jim Desmond, the San Diego County Board of Education will soon be sending teachers for in-person learning for the illegal alien migrant children at the city’s convention center. That’s right, kids who just came over the border—illegally—will be getting in-person instruction from some of the very same teacher’s union members who have said the COVID-19 pandemic is too dangerous for in-person learning, perhaps even if the kids are tested and vaccinated, which the illegal children have not been. So, the illegal alien kiddies will benefit from in-person instruction while many taxpayer-funded schools in San Diego County are still closed for in-person learning. We’ve all learned a great deal about our leaders and “experts” this past year, almost none of it good.


Tuesday, March 30, 2021

"It Should Not Be Easier To Buy A Gun Than To Vote"


”It should not be easier to buy a gun than it is to vote” say Democrats. Yes, we know that virtually everyone in America gets mailed a firearm prior to every election. What a preposterous statement, even for the looney left. Democrats, however, never get embarrassed. They have no shame. No honor. No sense of irony. (And no sense of humor, either, but that’s a topic for another day.)

Being a Democrat in today’s America means never having to say you are sorry. If anyone should pay reparations it should be Democrats-- both to the African-Americans whose natural rights they denied for more than a century and a half and to the countless conservatives they have smeared, slandered, libeled and canceled in recent years.

“It should not be easier to buy a gun than it is to vote.” Really? You can’t purchase a firearm without a proper, government-issued picture I.D. and a federal background check. The very morons who want to disarm law-abiding citizens at the same time they want to defund and/or disband police departments and let in hundreds of thousands of unvetted illegal aliens are trying to make it effectively illegal to require an I.D. to vote, overruling state law in many cases. But who cares? Screw election integrity. Screw the Constitution. Screw the concepts of federalism and republicanism.

I’m waiting for Nancy Pelosi to say, “It should not be easier to purchase a large nuclear warhead than to put an ‘All Lives Matter’ sign in your yard” or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to bleat, “It should not be easier to cause the Earth’s temperature to rise and the glaciers to melt than it is to say, ‘Donald Trump sucks.’” Perhaps Rep. Tammy Duckworth (D-IL) or Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-HI) will declare that “It should not be easier to exterminate peoples of color than it is to get an abortion!” 

“Insane” is too subtle a word to describe the lying dog-faced pony soldiers that comprise today’s Democratic Party.


Monday, March 29, 2021

Regularly Sporadic Current Events Quiz #8


Regularly Sporadic Current Events Quiz #8

(Can You Get A Perfect Score?)


1)      President Biden suffers from

a)       Lack of sleep

b)      Too much sleep

c)       Dementia

d)      Irritable Bowel Syndrome

e)      All of the above


2)      All of the following are first names of women who’ve accused Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-N.Y.) of harassment except:

a)       Lindsey

b)      Charlotte

c)       Anna

d)      Karen

e)      Brunhilda


3)      Gasoline prices in the U.S. are skyrocketing because (select all that apply)

a)       Trump has left office

b)      Biden canceled the Keystone Pipeline

c)       Trump hasn’t been out of office long enough

d)      Biden wishes to ban all extraction industries

e)      Orange Man Bad


4)      Dr. Seuss is

a)       The pen name of a beloved children’s book author who has now been “canceled” by leftists

b)      What President Biden calls his wife

c)       A new soft drink

d)      What the Greek God Zeus’ wife called him in intimate moments

e)      President Biden’s actual doctor


5)      Pepe Le Pew is

a)       A pet name Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg’s husband likes to call him

b)      The French Prime Minister

c)       Speedy Gonzales’ alternate name

d)      The spot reserved in a church for those with excessive flatulence

e)      An odiferous French cartoon rodent recently “canceled” by progressive Nazis


6)      Facemasks work so well in combatting the coronavirus that

a)       There is no coronavirus anymore

b)      Experts say even a half of a mask is better than none

c)       Experts say we will have to wear them in perpetuity to guard against all other diseases

d)      After a full year of wearing them, we are now told we should wear two at a time

e)      No one who tells us we have to wear them ever wears one when not on camera


7)      Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, is (select all that apply)

a)       An entitled whiny brat

b)      An entitled whiny brat

c)       An entitled whiny brat

d)      An entitled whiny brat

e)      All of the above


8)      Recent historically cold weather across the American South is

a)       Proof of global cooling

b)      Proof of global warming

c)       Proof of climate change

d)      Proof that God hates the South

e)      Proof that the climate is always changing and there is nothing we can do about it


9)      The cancellation of Dr. Seuss and Pepe Le Pew and the celebration of the song W.A.P. is (select all that apply)

a)       Evidence of societal progress

b)      Evidence of societal regression

c)       Meaningless, like everything else

d)      Evidence that we’ve all gone crazy

e)      Evidence that there is no intelligent life on Earth


10)   The Biden administration’s decision to leave America’s southern border open to all is (select all that apply)

a)       Good for the country

b)      Good for illegal aliens

c)       Good for sex traffickers and drug runners

d)      A sign of the End-times

e)      Good for Democrats, as grooming more voters

Answers: 1) C  2) E  3) A, B, D  4) A  5) E  6) C, D, E  7) Any of A-E  8) E  9) B, D & possibly E  10) B, C, D, E 

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Progressives Have A Monopoly On Our Culture


“Monopoly” is arguably the most iconic board game of all time. One of the key features of the game is the “Community Chest,” from which players draw cards resulting in financial rewards or penalties, or cards directing them to go to jail or freeing them from same.

As you may have heard, Hasbro, the company that makes the classic parlor game, has decided that the cards no longer fit today’s cultural climate or priorities. Ergo, it will be introducing updated cards in the near future-- and has launched a new website to allow people to vote on how best to "update the Community Chest cards to include feel-good moments that reflect the best things about being part of a community."

A recent post on the site asserted, "Goodbye Second Place in A Beauty Contest, Hello Shopping Local! Monopoly Is (Finally) Updating the Community Chest Cards – and You Get to Decide How."

Eric Nyman, Hasbro’s Chief Consumer Officer, issued a news release saying, "The world has changed a lot since Monopoly became a household name more than 85 years ago, and clearly today community is more important than ever. We felt like 2021 was the perfect time to give fans the opportunity to show the world what community means to them through voting on new Community Chest Cards. We're really excited to see what new cards get voted in!"

The 16 cards referencing such archaic matters as "school tax,” "bank errors," or "beauty contests” have been canceled. As has the card stating, “Go directly to jail.” Of course.

The new cards sport messages about the importance of being a "woke" and enlightened member of one’s community. The cards will lecture players on the necessity of such things as volunteering, being a good neighbor, giving blood, rescuing animals, shopping local, recycling, etc., etc.

Visitors to can cast up to 16 votes, choosing from a brace of woke messages vying for the honor of replacing the stuffy old traditional stack of Community Chest cards.

Here are some of the 32 voting options currently listed on the Hasbro site:

*“You volunteer your art skills and paint a mural at the local school” COLLECT $50”


“You organize a group to clean up your town’s walking path. COLLECT $50.”


*"You organize a bake sale for your local school. COLLECT $25"
"You weed the community garden and discover a new bug! Name it something fun! THEN COLLECT $25"

*”You go to the local school’s car wash fundraiser—but you forget to close your windows! PAY $100.”


“You held a neighborhood party—but you didn’t recycle your trash! PAY $100.”


*”You didn’t shop local! PAY $50.”


“You buy a few bags of cookies from that school bake sale. Yum! PAY $50.”

Other card options include, “You rescue a puppy—and you feel rescued, too! GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” and “You pass out umbrellas to people standing at a bus stop on a rainy Monday morning. COLLECT $10 FROM EACH PLAYER.” (How could I rescue a puppy if I was in jail? And how come I’m getting paid for supposedly charitable actions?)

I’d like to submit my own card options. Such as:

*”You convince your local day care center to have a ‘Drag Queen Story Hour’ every Wednesday! Yay! COLLECT $100.”

*”You firebomb a local Republican Party headquarters! COLLECT $200.”

*”You accidentally use the wrong pronoun when addressing your ‘sister.’ PAY $100.”

*”You unthinkingly wear a red baseball cap while mowing the lawn with your electric mower. The neighbors think it’s a ‘MAGA’ hat! Yikes! PAY $200.”


Socially conscious bored board games are a sign of the times. Hasbro previously introduced “Ms. Monopoly.” I’m sure there will be a wave of updated and revised games in the days and months to come. Games such as “No Risk,” “Tattleship,” “NAZI Yahtzee,” and “So Sorry.”  


However, if we really wanted to play games befitting most of the members of today’s Democratic Party, they would be named “Randyland,” “Clue- Less,” and “Fictionary.”


And we all know a few of them that should “go directly to jail.”



Saturday, March 27, 2021

Biden Says Anything Men Can Do, Women Can Do As Well Or Better


   “There’s not a single thing a man can do that a woman can’t do as well or better. Not a single thing.” So said President Biden, channeling his inner Irving Berlin recently while praising Megan Rapinoe of the U.S. Women’s national soccer team.


              I beg to differ, but I’m a bit of a contrarian. On average, men are several inches taller and weigh significantly more than women. They have less body fat and greater bone mass and muscle weight. If you asked me who is more likely to be able to bench press 300 pounds or run a 100-meter dash in under 10 seconds, I would say a man would be. Especially since, of the hundreds of times the latter has been achieved, it has never been done by a female.

              I can think of some run-of-the-mill, garden variety endeavors that men are more accomplished at, too. Farting, for instance. No matter how much they might try, women are no match for the sheer apparent effortlessness with which most men can pass gas. Many can do it on cue…and as often as you like, day and night. Many do. Might have something to do with diet. All I know is, pull a guy’s finger and flatulence ensues, seemingly out of nowhere. Moreover, in a display of gratuitous skill and bravado, some men can actually ignite their own farts with a lighter. Let’s see Nancy Pelosi or Angela Merkel try that! On second thought, let’s not.

              I have a friend, who, when younger, could belch the entire alphabet with just one gulp of air. He sometimes made it halfway through again, maybe to the “L” or the “M,” a prodigious feat in anybody’s book. I don’t know if, several decades later, he’s still capable of such a taxing display. Time strips us all of our former glory.

              I’m not a misogynist, but these things matter. If you were unconscious and/or incapacitated on the second floor of a burning building, would you, in general, prefer a woman try to carry you out to safety or a man? Honestly?

              I know what I would say.

   I bet my buddy could belch the answer.

Friday, March 26, 2021

Culture Change Far More Devastating Than Climate Change


In the Golden Era of Sports (1920s) through the following decades, until sometime in the late 1960s or early 1970s, it was traditional for people to dress up whenever they stepped outside or went to an event. Pictures of hockey arenas and baseball stadiums show the ladies, of which there were far fewer than today, dressed in their finery and the men in suits and even dressy hats. The hats eventually went away and the suits…followed suit, replaced by more casual but still nice outfits. In recent years the nicer casual outfits have often been supplanted by ripped shorts, “message” tee shirts or sweatpants and sweatshirts, frequently far from fresh.

Similarly, people were instructed to stand silently and at attention for the national anthem, remove their hats and place their hands over their hearts. This level of community spirit and respect survived for many years. Eventually, however, as apparel standards flagged, fewer and fewer people bothered to put their hand over their hearts…or remove their headgear. Or stand at attention. Or stay silent. Finally, in the last few years, as players routinely took a knee in “protest” during the anthem, others did, too. And some fans in the stands were no longer moved to stand in honor of the flag, their country, veteran’s sacrifices…or…anything.

Ironically—and sadly-- a few years ago Tim Tebow was routinely mocked for acknowledging God while on the field by taking a knee for a brief prayer, a gesture derisively referred to as "Tebowing." The players who are currently protesting by taking a knee during the anthem are routinely- and ironically- praised by the elite intelligentsia for "taking a stand."

 A 2020 CBS poll found that a majority of Americans now believe that anthem-kneeling is an acceptable form of protesting racial (and/or other) discrimination. Not surprisingly, a far greater percentage of young people approve of kneeling during the Star-Spangled Banner than do older folks.

           As the recent CBS poll shows, people’s opinions can—and often do-- change very quickly, especially as regards cultural norms. A significant majority of Americans polled in 2016 (61%) thought that kneeling during the anthem was beyond the pale, offensive and disrespectful.

           I have no doubt that, by 2023 at the latest, a majority of Americans will be perfectly okay with professional athletes mooning television cameras while the anthem is being played. By 2025, players who are true social justice warriors will feel free to masturbate or defecate on the field or court whilst the national anthem is played, and the flag formerly known as “Old Glory” is displayed. (If it is at all by that time. It may have been replaced by BLM, LGBTQ, and transgender flags.) In this way, players will express their “resistance” to the social and sexual norms heretofore ruthlessly perpetuated by the white heterosexual patriarchy…while bravely exposing themselves—and exposing America as the steaming pile of crap that they purport to believe it is.      

A few decades ago, in the early days (Golden Age?) of television, shows such as “Father Knows Best,” “Leave It to Beaver,” and “I Dream of Jeannie” were popular. Those shows could not be made today. They would be seen as misogynistic, “too white,” and sickeningly wholesome. Instead, we have shows graphically depicting incessant violence and glorifying every manner of perversion. But, hey, they’re woke! To wit, a recent episode of a Netflix show called Paradise P.D., apparently in its third season, showed Jesus coming down from the Cross to slaughter his persecutors with machine guns before having sex with two women.

Andrew Breitbart once said that politics is downstream from culture. He has been proven correct. Our “culture” is a bizarre and toxic cesspool of fake victimology, moral exhibitionism, misplaced entitlement, faux empathy, pseudo tolerance (masking the most insipid and dangerous forms of intolerance), infantilism, feminism, cynicism, gullibility, total lack of discipline, and a desire to be taken care of…freedom, responsibility and accountability be damned.

Our politics reflect this. Democrats fervently foment social division and strife, encourage addiction and servility, mock independence, and ceaselessly attack all traditional sources of civic pride and cohesion…in pursuit of cementing their own power…in perpetuity. Republicans—other than Trump—occasionally feign indignation while doing absolutely nothing whatsoever to stop Democrats from permanently destroying the country both have sworn to serve.

 In the 1990s, Judge Robert Bork wrote a book in which he noted that the U.S. was “Slouching Towards Gomorrah.” That was true then. Times have changed.

 We are racing towards Gomorrah now.








Thursday, March 25, 2021

Vice-President Harris, Bill Clinton To Discuss "Empowering Women"


Vice President Co-President Kamala Harris is slated to sit down with former Commander-in-Briefs Bill Clinton for a "one-on-one conversation" at a Clinton Foundation event this week. What will the half black, half-Indian Harris be discussing with the First Black President you ask?  Why, how best to go about "empowering women and girls,” of course.

Christopher Cadelago, a reporter for Politico, recently broke the preposterous news on Twitter. Cadelago noted that a press release touting the remarkable event, held in conjunction with the Clinton Global Initiative University, has on its Friday afternoon schedule "[a] one-on-one conversation with President Clinton and Vice President Kamala Harris on the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on women, and empowering women and girls in the U.S. and around the world." There are quite a few women who have had one-on-one “meetings” with Clinton over the years, though I doubt most of them would call the encounters “empowering.” Harris, however, might beg to differ.

The preposterous has been made routine in recent years. It is now very difficult to discern actual news from satire. Legacy media outlets have become nothing more than fake news sites, while The Babylon Bee’s posts seem all too real.

We see nations such as Eritrea and Iran sitting on the U.N.’s Human Rights Council and its Commission on the Status of Women. Will the Biden administration soon engage in talks with North Korea and Venezuela on best practices for food production and hunger avoidance?

It is an increasingly bizarro world in which we live. State that there were anomalies and inconsistencies in the 2020 American presidential election? You will almost certainly get tossed off of social media. State that the perpetrator of the heinous Boulder, Colorado, mass shooting was a “white Christian terrorist”-- despite the fact that he is a Syrian Muslim who shot and killed 10 white people? No problem, doesn’t violate Twitter’s “misinformation” policy! Just because the statement is a flat lie-- on all counts-- doesn’t render it “misinformation.” Remember, only facts that contradict leftist’s agenda can be deemed “misinformation.” Only notions that question their narrative can be rightly called “conspiracy theories.”

The vital question should not be how we empower women or girls, men or boys, Blacks or whites, gays or straights. The vital question should be how we empower the United States and all of her citizens going forward. At this point, the answer should be obvious.

Trump 2024.


Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Stunning Scientific Revelation


“Scientists stunned to discover plants beneath mile-deep Greenland ice” trumpeted the Science Daily website headline. Underneath, in bold, readers were informed that, “Long-lost ice core provides direct evidence that giant ice sheet melted off within the last million years.” Which, the site then claimed, is smoking-gun evidence that the arctic ice sheets are “highly vulnerable to a warming climate.”

Text of the article further enlightened those of us with inquiring minds, reading: “Scientists found frozen plant fossils, preserved under a mile of ice on Greenland. The discovery helps confirm a new and troubling understanding that the Greenland Ice Sheet has melted entirely during recent warm periods in Earth's history -- like the one we are now creating with human-caused climate change. The new study provides strong evidence that Greenland is more sensitive to climate change than previously understood -- and at risk of irreversibly melting.” (Emphases mine.)

All of us would-be scientists know ice melts when it gets warmer, but the Science Daily website drew exactly the wrong conclusions from the “stunning” discovery. One cannot logically in essence say that “since the giant ice sheet melted long before there was any industry or agriculture, and probably long before Homo sapiens existed, we now know humans are causing any melting occurring today.” That is, again, literally the opposite of the rational conclusion to proof the Greenland Ice Sheet melted into oblivion many thousands of— perhaps even a million-- years ago. How can the fact that the ice sheet once melted away entirely, subsequently regenerated, and is still around today…be proof that it is at risk of irreversibly melting??!

When every “scientific discovery” must validate “progressives’” vast and inflexible political agenda, the discoveries are not scientific, and perhaps not even discoveries.

Every five to ten years, I purchase a new snowblower. It seems to me that when I do, it doesn’t snow much the ensuing winter. Global warming fascists might say that this proves I have caused this terrible dearth of frozen precipitation. Yet, if I look at historical snow totals for my area, I find many years with lower snowfall than those in which I bought a new snow-thrower. Nonetheless, Science Daily rationale would assert that this finding conclusively proves that I alone am responsible for winters in which there is comparatively little snowfall.

Certain “experts” are, as the 1980s song says, trying to “blind us with science.” So, keep your eyes—and your mind—open.

And let disinformation and fake news melt away.


Tuesday, March 23, 2021

The Left's Coup Has Been Successful


              It was very sad, if sweetly so, seeing so many Trump supporters still holding out hope that he would somehow find a way to fend off his attackers and stay in office. For weeks after the election they would say things such as, “something big is coming,” or “he’s just waiting until the last minute to spring a trap on them.” In reality, the trap had long since been set, and was sprung on Trump and his supporters in the wee hours of November 4th and in the days that followed.

              The Left, including the vast majority of the Democratic Party, the mainstream media, academia, and Big Tech, have worked long and hard to build redundant systems to ensure their latest victory is permanent. No I.D. is needed to vote in most precincts. Incredibly, over 42% of the votes cast in the 2020 presidential election were by mail. There were countless brazen acts and numerous anomalies, all of which were essentially ignored.

Continued rapid demographic change thru immunity and massive illegal immigration will soon render all the aforementioned measures unnecessary.

And, the icing on the leftist cake: if any non-leftists try to complain about living under tyranny, they will promptly be threatened, silenced, cancelled, disappeared. If they resist, the “progressives” simply point at them and scream “radical, right-wing domestic terrorists!”

The Left’s coup has been successful, and now they have their fail-safes.

 That is what the patriotic political optimists didn’t—and don’t-- understand.

Game Over. Thanks for playing.

The End.


Monday, March 22, 2021

Unilever Bans "Normal"


The beauty and personal-care company Unilever recently announced that it would no longer use the word “normal” on its products or in its advertising, in light of a new study that supposedly revealed the term makes most people feel excluded. The London-based company, which owns the Dove, Axe, Sunsilk and Vaseline brands, among others, also promised to increase the number of its ads featuring underrepresented people, though it didn’t provide details or specify groups. Anonymous sources tell me that Unilever is planning to significantly increase ads featuring bisexual mulatto agnostic transvestites between the ages of 50 and 64.

Unilever said that by taking these actions it hopes to better “challenge narrow beauty ideals.” The company had previously commissioned a 10,000-person study across nine countries, including Brazil, China, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia and the United States. Fifty-six percent of the study’s participants purportedly said that the beauty industry could make people feel excluded, while nearly seven in 10 people agreed that the word “normal” on products and in advertising had negative effects. Unsurprisingly, eight in 10 respondents between the ages of 18 and 35 were offended by the word “normal.” Seventy-four percent of participants said they wanted the beauty industry to make them feel better, not just look better. Sorry, sob sisters, but that’s what fast food and alcohol are for. Or go see your priest, therapist or mother.

A spokeswoman for Unilever stated that the company had more than 200 products that included the word “normal” on the label. She noted that the company had already started the removal process and aims to have it fully completed by March 2022. Ateh Jewel, a beauty journalist and advisory board member of the British Beauty Council, opined that the changes were long overdue and “completely necessary” following the killing of George Floyd and the subsequent worldwide Black Lives Matter demonstrations.

Huh? Non sequitur alert!

“Jewel” claims that the use of “normal” could be dangerous for a person’s self-esteem and mental health. The survey respondents may well agree. Ergo, if you can’t deal with the word “normal,” you are now, apparently, normal.

Unilever’s decision just “scratches the surface” of what needs to be done, according to Jewel. She suggested that beauty companies should also focus their attention on recruiting more diverse candidates for seats in the boardroom and for positions in cosmetic labs. Last summer, in response to outrage over the killing of George Floyd, Unilever boldly and courageously rushed to declare its opposition to racism. It promptly pledged to strike the terms “fair/fairness, white/whitening, and light/lightening” from all of its product packaging and communications. The company also committed to changing the name of its “Fair & Lovely” brand.

How nice that we live in a society where an unfortunate instance of violence prompts a leading maker of beauty products to remove an adjective from its packaging and advertising!

Should “normal” be considered offensive, a “bad” word? Of course not. To deny that there is such a thing is folly at best. The concepts of normal blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol levels, and so forth, are critical to the medical field…and human health. There are necessary normative standards pertaining to all aspects of life. To deny that fact is not normal. Nor is it good.


Sunday, March 21, 2021

College "No Debate" Teams


Harvard University

Loeb Drama Center

April 28, 2021


Moderator: “Welcome to the Harvard-Yale debate. Tonight’s format is different from past debates—not only due to the continuing special pandemic rules-- but also in that it is the debut of both school’s ‘There Can Be No Debate Teams.’ (Applause from the small, masked, socially-distanced crowd.) That’s right, in this more enlightened time, Ivy League schools have decided to judge these contests based on how effectively each team makes the case that there can be no debate about a given topic. (More applause.) And that is the correct decision, of that there can be no debate! (Chuckles.) See what I did there? Anyway, let’s get started, shall we? Harvard, as the home team, you get to pick if you wish to field the first question or if you defer and wish Yale to go first. Captain Smith?”

Harvard’s Captain Smith: “We will go first.”

Moderator: “First topic: ‘Evidence exists that voter fraud occurred in the last presidential election.’ Yes or no?” (Gasps from some in the audience and a few on the teams.)

Captain Smith: (Briefly goes through the motions of appearing to consult with teammates.) “There is absolutely no evidence—whatsoever—of voter fraud in the past election. These wild-eyed conspiracy theories of crazed, radical, right-wing lunatics have been repeatedly and thoroughly debunked. Courts across the nation, including the Supreme Court, have systematically and permanently refuted these utterly baseless charges. Of that there can be no debate!”

Moderator: “Yale, Captain Johnson, how do you respond?”

Yale’s Captain Johnson: “That is unassailably correct. Of that there can be no debate!”

Moderator: “Very good. Nicely done, squads. Yale, next topic: ‘Man-caused anthropogenic global warming, also known as climate change, is an existential threat to planet Earth in the very near future.’ Yes or no?”

Yale’s Captain Johnson: (Briefly goes through the motions of appearing to consult with teammates.) “Over one billion top climatologists and meteorological experts say this is so. As does Greta Thunberg. No one even has the right to infer otherwise. The science is settled. Of that there can be no debate!”

Harvard: “Spot on. Deniers should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Of that there can be no debate.”

Moderator: “Indeed. Harvard, next question: ‘Is the scientific method as it has heretofore been characterized adequate to address the challenges of the future…namely critical race theory and transgender rights?’”

Harvard: “Absolutely not. The archaic six-step method is utterly ill-suited to the needs of the progressive future. Those steps—1) Ask a question, 2) Do research, 3) Generate a hypothesis, 4) Conduct experiments, 5) Analyze data and 6) Either accept or reject your hypothesis (with an optional seventh step of honestly reporting your findings) must be modified. The correct sequence is: 1) Pronounce your narrative or belief, 2) Pretend to do research, 3) Restate your narrative or belief, 4) Conduct experiments, 5) Doctor the data so that it supports steps one and three, 6) Validate your original notion and 7) Proudly proclaim to all that your original belief has now been inalterably and unquestionably confirmed, validated and set in stone for perpetuity.”

Moderator: “Yale, what say you?”

Yale: “We couldn’t agree more. In fact, we would say that anyone who disagrees with this obvious truism is guilty of the most virulent form of hate speech…and should be cancelled, imprisoned or...”