Friday, November 15, 2019

Trump Makes Another Impeachment-Worthy Phone Call

            I have a truly startling confession to make: I myself overheard President Donald J. Trump talking on the phone just days after his call with the president of the country formerly known as “The Ukraine.” I must admit it seemed like something nefarious, cheesy and untoward was going on. He was talking about how he wasn’t going to “fork over the money” unless the other party did something for him first. I think he was on the phone with someone named “Domino” or “Dominos.” (Maybe Greek?). I think he said that he wanted a piece of “their pie.” And he told them he’d only pay for it “after you deliver.” This was more than suspect. There was a definite quid pro quo involved.
I’ve supported Trump since he was elected, but, nevertheless, I feel like we should try to find out exactly who Trump was talking to (extorting!) and call in this “Domino” or “Dominos” as a witness in the ongoing impeachment trial. We need to see if this person felt pressured to “deliver” something to Trump. Patriot that I am, I would even be willing to testify myself.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Adam Schiff Claims He Doesn't Know Whistle-blowers Identity

            Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) asked House Intelligence Committee (oxymoron alert!) Chairman Adam Schiff when Republicans might have the opportunity to question “the whistle-blower” behind the Democrats’ latest attempt at a coup d’état. Incredibly, Rep. Schiff (D-CA), the impeachment farce’s judge, jury and executioner extraordinaire, replied that he doesn’t even know who the whistle-blower is and couldn’t pick him (or her) out in a crowd of two.
This is surpassingly strange since Schiff’s aide actually met with the whistle-blower/hearsay-monger and was the person who recommended that he (or she) file a complaint with the office of the Inspector General of the Intelligence Committee (ICIG). Moreover, the whistle-blower proceeded to write a letter to Schiff that contained an attachment which was very likely the complaint with his (or her) signature on it attesting to the veracity of his (or her) claim.
Schiff went so far as to suggest that the Trump administration was trying to withhold the complaint from Congress, despite the fact that his own staff knew about said complaint before anyone else and had prompted it to be filed in the first place. Given that there are people living in huts and wickiups in the remotest parts of the Amazon rain-forest that know the whistle-blower’s likely identity, even the Washington Post gave Schiff’s claim four Pinocchios. (The whistle-blower, thought by roughly 82% of people living or working in the District of Columbia to be Eric Cia***ella, does not even claim to have heard the president firsthand or have direct knowledge of the call. Might’ve dreamt about it or heard it through the grapevine).
When queried, Rep. Schiff also claimed he doesn’t know the identity of President Lincoln’s assassin, hadn’t heard about the Lindbergh baby, was shocked when recently informed that we gave back the Panama Canal and “saddened” when Rep. Jordan (R-OH) informed him that M*A*S*H went off the air in 1983. Schiff also expressed amazement—and skepticism—when Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) mentioned Apollo 11. Schiff exclaimed: “We landed on the moon?! In 1969?! Get out!! No way!”

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Julian Castro Disses Iowa, New Hampshire

Democratic presidential candidate Julian Castro recently said that Iowa and New Hampshire should no longer be the first states to hold a caucus and a primary, opining that it’s time to “change the order of the states.” The former mayor of San Antonio told MSNBC—during a campaign stop in Iowa, no less— "I don't believe we're the same country we were in 1972. That's when Iowa first held its caucus first, and by the time we have the next presidential election in 2024, it'll have been more than 50 years since 1972. Our country's changed a lot in those 50 years.” Astute observation, Sherlock. What are you really trying to say? He added that the two states, demographically speaking, are “not reflective of the United States as a whole, certainly not reflective of the Democratic Party, and I believe that other states should have their chance … I don't believe that forever we should be married to Iowa and New Hampshire going first." Ahh, there it is: Iowa and New Hampshire are too white.
Fidel Juan Castro did compliment the states, noting: “what I really appreciate about Iowans and the folks in New Hampshire is that they take this process very seriously. They vet the candidates, they show up at town halls, they give people a good hearing.”
Another reason why he doesn’t want them to lead off the nominating calendar.
Castro, the lone Latino among the plethora of Democratic candidates, failed to mention that Nevada, a state with a large and growing minority population, and South Carolina, where black voters comprise the majority of the party’s primary electorate, are the third and fourth states, respectively, to hold caucuses/primaries. Apparently, the fact that two of the first four states to nominate are bursting with Castro’s kind of diversity is not enough to assuage him. (White votes don't matter)? The fact that all candidates need to campaign in different states and speak to different constituencies is a good thing and should be embraced in a representative republic. Instead, Castro wants to change the rules. Whether it’s dispensing with the Electoral College, lowering the voting age, or welcoming illegal aliens, Democrats will entertain any idea that helps them get and retain power and control, regardless of the damage it inflicts on the country they supposedly represent or the Constitution they supposedly swore to defend.
Castro’s remarks are in keeping with another Democratic tradition: if you lose-- or are losing—blame something or someone else.
Does Castro think every state should have the exact same demographic makeup? Does he think the federal government should somehow try to mandate this? After all, Democrats love equal outcomes. Perhaps he isn’t well versed in federalism and republicanism. Or perhaps he just doesn’t much care for those principles.
What states should have the privilege of going first, Mr. Castro? Which are perfectly representative of the nation as a whole? Florida and Arizona have too many old people, right? Pennsylvania has far more Quakers than the other states. That’s not reflective of the nation at large. Utah has far more Mormons than other states, so it’s out, too. Alaska? Too many Innuit Eskimos. Oklahoma? Nope, too many workers in the oil industry. That’s certainly not reflective of the Democratic Party.
Enter hypocrisy, which most assuredly is reflective of the Democratic Party. Castro could be thinking: “which state has the most Socialists? Maybe that state should hold the first caucus or primary. On the other hand, Virginia and Maryland have the most Deep-Staters, perhaps they should replace Iowa and New Hampshire. Or how about Texas? Texas is my home state and has a very high number of Latino residents. That might be fair. It’s also turning blue before our very eyes. That’s so cool.”
Don’t forget about California, Juan. It has the greatest number of morons. At least in government. While that isn’t representative of most of America, it is certainly reflective of today’s Democratic Party.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Democratic Presidential Field To Grow Again?

                The herd of candidates competing to become the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee has thinned out some lately. However, if recent rumors are to be believed, the field may grow again in the near future. Rep. Eric Swalwell, Gov. John Hickenlooper, Sen. Kristen Gillibrand, Mayor Bill de Blasio and Beto O’Rourke, among others, have dropped out of the race. But it now appears that everyone else with leftist leanings is contemplating getting into the contest.
                Many are speculating that the Preordained One, the Prevaricator in a Pantsuit, Hillary Rodham Clinton, will enter the fray believing that the third time is the charm. (If so, I wouldn’t want to be working at a Macedonian content farm). Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg appears set to pull the trigger and jump in, as well. (Sorry, Mike, I know how you despise firearms). Some folks are encouraging Michelle Obama to run, though she currently appears coy to the idea at best.
                And now we hear that former Attorney General Eric Holder is considering throwing his hat into the ring. If so, he might want to act fast and furiously, so he can get his campaign underway before the next round of caucuses and primaries. Even former Massachusetts Senator John “Effing” Kerry is said to be weighing his options. I’m sure the Iranian Mullahs are ecstatic at the news. (“He will maybe apologize to us after we nuke Israel, yes?”).
                But wait, that’s not all! Some Dems are hoping against hope that maybe…just maybe…Oprah will run. The “Queen of Media” is the Holy Grail of Possible Democratic candidates. According to a recent Rasmussen Reports survey, Ms. Winfrey would beat President Trump by 10 points.
                And, who knows, maybe Michael Moore will run. Or the Pillsbury Dough Boy. (It’s hard to tell them apart). Or Joy Behar from “The View.” Or Cher. Barbara Streisand? Jimmy Kimmel? Perhaps California Gov. Gavin Newsome will run and turn the formerly Golden State over to Lieutenant Gov. Eleni Kounalakis. Might former Georgia Rep. Stacey Abrams enter the race and shock the world? Is it too early for disgraced former California Rep. Katie Hill to announce her comeback? Americans love to forgive. And they love an underdog! And a hot chick with a bong. (Who wouldn’t want to serve in her cabinet? Party like it’s 1999 and Clinton is still in office)!
                Maybe “Flo” from the Progressive commercials will try her hand at politics. Or Jeff Bezos. Bozo the Clown?
                Or maybe the Dems will have to exhume a Kennedy, dress him up, and wield him around in Weekend at Bernie’s fashion. Probably wouldn’t be much different than what they’d have to do for Biden or Sanders…speaking of Bernie.

Beto O'Rourke Drops Out

            Democratic presidential contender Beto O’Rourke recently dropped out of the race. O’Rourke, who consistently polled between 1%-2%, stated: "I am announcing that my service to the country will not be as a candidate or as the nominee."
In fact, his service to the country is that he will not be serving the country as a candidate or as the nominee.
                O’Rourke says he is “dropping out, tuning in and turning on!” His plans include “playing practical jokes” on his wife, traveling around the Southwest in search of “regenerative dirt,” and jumping fences. He added, “Don’t try to talk me out of my decision. I always stick to my guns.”

Monday, November 11, 2019

California Legalizes Eating Roadkill

                So it’s come to this: California Governor Gavin Newsom recently signed a bill making it legal for residents of the formerly Golden State to take, cook and eat roadkill, KCAL-TV and other news outlets have reported.  Senate Bill 395, a.k.a. the “roadkill bill,” will go into effect in 2022 and allow people to possess and eat animals they unintentionally hit or find on state roads. Those desirous of consuming said roadkill would be required to obtain a salvage permit by providing information about how and where the animal was killed. If an animal is struck but alive, the Department of Fish and Wildlife will decide whether or not to put it down.
                The law’s professed goal is twofold: one, to eliminate the waste of carcasses, and two, to learn how to make roads safer for drivers and animals. State Senator Bob Archuleta (D-Pico Rivera) said, “When you look at the statistics, the number of injuries and accidents and fatalities, it’s about time. If we can save one life, save one animal, I think we’ve done the right thing here.” (Funny, Democrats never say that about abortion).
                Opponents of the bill claim that it may prompt some drivers to purposefully strike animals. The reality is that those that would purposely strike animals under the new law purposely strike animals today. Criminals are singularly unaffected by…laws. (See also, “stricter gun laws”).
                That said, what strikes me about the new law is the timing of its passing. Due to the state’s hard left policies, homelessness is endemic. Needles and feces cover the streets of several of the state’s largest cities, San Francisco and Los Angeles among them. Energy prices in the erstwhile Land of Milk and Honey are sky high. Home prices higher still. The state recently instituted rolling power blackouts, supposedly in a proactive effort to protect against more catastrophic wildfires. This resulted in cell phones being silenced, medical devices being shut down, traffic lights and toilets being rendered inoperable, and dairy, meat, and produce items on grocery shelves going bad or rotting. In other words, leftists are making California look more and more like Venezuela.
                Sure, things look bleak for the large left coast state with the country’s most progressive policies. But, with the passage of this bill, its citizens have an inexpensive alternative to eating out or buying their food from grocery stores. Now their places of residence—if they have one—can be instantly transformed into a “Roadkill Café.”
                The state’s streets might no longer be paved with gold, but they are paved with roadkill. And, in this Brave New World, that might be just enough for some of its residents.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Seattle Public Schools Claim Math Oppresses Minorities

Something called the “K-12 Math Ethnic Studies Framework,” created by a Seattle Public Schools “Ethnic Studies Advisory Committee,” is intended to instruct students that math is intimately connected to racial oppression. Students will be taught “how technology and/or science have been and continues to be used to oppress and marginalize people and communities of color.” The framework, the final draft of which is scheduled to be completed by September 2020, will also attempt to “explain how math dictates economic oppression.” That’s correct, math.
Tracy Castro-Gill, the ethnic studies program manager at Seattle Public Schools, noted that the framework is intended to redress the fact that the district has not been properly serving minority students. Castro-Gill said, “The goal is to disrupt the status quo and do something different.” Disrupting the status quo is the goal—and sacred quest-- of all progressives. She added, “It’s important to break down barriers while valuing our differences.” Those of her ilk love breaking down barriers. And fences. And standards.
The framework curriculum will consist of four themes: Origins, Identity, and Agency; Power and Oppression; History of Resistance and Liberation; and Reflection and Action. Riddle me this: how is telling minorities that mathematical concepts have historically enslaved them providing them with a great service? Resist those integers! Free yourselves from the bonds of multiplication!
Here is how the framework characterizes the Power and Oppression theme: “Power and oppression, as defined by ethnic studies, are the ways in which individuals and groups define mathematical knowledge so as to see ‘Western’ mathematics as the only legitimate expression of mathematical identity and intelligence. This definition of legitimacy is then used to disenfranchise people and communities of color. This erases the historical contributions of people and communities of color.”
Doubtless, disenfranchising minorities was surely the reason most famous mathematicians pursued their work.
Or not. Take, for instance, the number “pi,” or π. It is a mathematical constant originally defined as the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter and is approximately equal to 3.14159. It is also known as “Archimedes’ constant” and is used in many formulas in virtually all areas of mathematics and physics. Would minorities truly be better off—less oppressed as it were-- without the staggering advances people like Archimedes, Ptolemy, Pythagoras, Euclid, Descartes, Einstein and Alan Turing made possible? Would any of us? They took us from a time when people thought the world was flat and made it possible for us to fly to the stars. Literally. In between, their work ushered in countless advances that have led us all to live longer, less painful, more rewarding, enjoyable and prosperous lives. They were the ones who disrupted the status quo to the betterment of the human condition.   
I don’t want to get off on a tangent here, but Seattle’s “Ethnic Studies Framework” is a sad sign (sine?) of the times.
I can already hear the woke students protesting: “Hey, hey, ho, ho…’Archimedes’ constant’ has got to go! Hey, hey, ho, ho…’Archimedes’ constant’ has got to go…”  

Saturday, November 9, 2019

Washington Post To Publish "Graphic Novel" Version Of Mueller Report

                Burnishing its reputation for journalistic excellence yet again, the Washington Post recently announced that it’s releasing a “graphic novel” version of The Mueller Report, officially known as the Investigation into Russian Interference in the 2016 Presidential Election. The Post’s “graphic non-fiction book” will be titled, “The Mueller Report Illustrated: The Obstruction Investigation.” It is slated to hit bookstores in early December and will sell for about $20. I’m sure it will make for thrilling reading and be a great Christmas gift. Who doesn’t want to read about an interminable political investigation triggered by a fake document and led by a man who makes Al Gore seem charismatic? And it has drawings of the political hacks and the scary Orange Man!
                Or, as the Post touted it via a news release: "The book provides a unique, graphic depiction of the report’s most scrutinized passages and pivotal moments, all contextualized with The Post’s original reporting. “Graphic depictions of scrutinized passages? Contextualized? Yay!! I can throw all those old Playboys away!” The news release continued: "The Mueller Report Illustrated offers a fly-on-the-wall account of life in the White House, told through the accounts of the men and women who at one time served the president—James Comey, Michael Flynn, Donald McGahn, K.T. McFarland, Sean Spicer, Rod Rosenstein, Hope Hicks, Michael Cohen, and many others." Pow! Bam! Crash! See the tension and betrayal acted out on page after page!
                The rag’s Post’s Executive Editor, Martin Baron, added: "The report’s second volume – detailing possible obstruction of justice in the White House – left open questions that have gained new relevance as Congress continues to investigate the president and he continues to resist. This book helps to easily and clearly explain the underlying facts of the obstruction investigation, allowing the public to arrive at its own conclusions." The president “continues to resist?” I thought you were in “The Resistance,” Martin. All of you woke elites and Deep Staters are The Resistance, right? Is Trump resisting The Resistance?
                The few illustrations contained in this graphic novel that I’ve seen so far make Trump look like a maniacal, controlling lunatic whereas those engaged in the Great Witch Hunt appear as solemn public servants. But, hey, The Post says it will allow you to arrive at your own conclusions. How magnanimous of it.
                The paper is also said to be considering publishing a new weekly magazine called “Politics Illustrated,” and a series of children’s books. The potential children’s book titles include, “Where the Defiled Things Are,” “Alexandria and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day for America,” “We’re Going on a Witch Hunt” (by Robert Mueller and Adam Schiff), “If You Give the House A Rookie: the AOC Story,” and a pop-up book called “Everyone Poops…And Leaks” (by the president’s cabinet, the DOJ, the FBI, the CIA…and other Mickey Mouse organizations).
   Moreover, anonymous sources tell me if “The Mueller Report Illustrated: The Obstruction Investigation” does well, The Post is considering sponsoring a two-act play titled, “Watergate: The Musical.”

Friday, November 8, 2019

The Week In Review

The Week in Review

*Leading Democratic presidential contenders touted plans for free child day care, college and graduate school, housing for all, Medicare for all, universal health care, final expenses (funeral, cremation, burial, etc.), and abortion, as well as a universal basic income (UBI) program, while also revealing plans to force restaurants to charge customers for plastic straws.

*Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) admitted that 2 million workers would lose their jobs under her Medicare for all plan but essentially said that “most of them could probably get jobs at Arby’s…or something.”

*Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) similarly admitted that “many hundreds of thousands” of high-paid workers in the extraction and energy industries would be displaced by her Green New Deal, though she averred they all could find work as cow killers.

*Hillary Clinton claimed that Conan the “Hero Dog,” who cornered heinous terrorist Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi before he blew himself and his kids up with a suicide vest, is actually a Russian asset. Hillary, rumored to be preparing for a possible third try at the presidency, also accused Andrew Yang, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs, Khloe Kardashian, Kermit the Frog, the Geico Gecko, and the Pillsbury Doughboy of being Russian plants.

*Beto O’Rourke announced he was ending his campaign for president and going back to playing practical jokes on his wife and eating regenerative dirt. He stated that he may also return to a life of crime. Some experts believe he will cross the border, head south and work for a Mexican drug cartel. Others say that, in order to replenish his badly depleted financial coffers, he may work as a “coyote,” escorting undocumented heroes in their desperate quest to cross the border and enter the imperialist, racist, bigoted, xenophobic United States of America.

*Several students, various student advocacy groups, and the Compton Unified School District threatened to sue the University of California if it doesn’t drop its SAT and ACT test score admission requirements. These groups claim the tests “illegally discriminate against applicants who can’t afford test prep classes” and that the tests also “pose other unfair obstacles.” Yes, like making students think or expend effort. Look for students and their apologists around the country to take legal action soon against schools who continue to grade student’s work and who require students to attend classes.

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Chick-fil-A Expelled From England

LGBT thugs promised that they would try to stop Chick-fil-A from expanding into Europe. So, when the Georgia-based chicken restaurant opened its first location in Reading, England, protesters went all-out in an effort to drive it out of business. Oracle Management, the company that rented mall space to Chick-fil-A, recently did “a Republican” and caved to pressure, telling Reading Pride that the American fast-food outlet whose founders have the temerity to believe in traditional marriage would get the “cluck out” of formerly Jolly Olde England within six months.
Tellingly, even though Oracle had already chickened out as of Friday, LGBT goons proceeded to stage a protest on Saturday. Stephen Ireland (really!), communications coordinator for “UK Pride,” said of Chick-fil-A during the protest: "We don’t want you in our country because we don’t agree with the policies and the procedures that you have in place as an organization. You’re not welcome in the U.K.”
Translation: “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us, because we are inclusive and tolerant and aren’t going to put up with your beliefs. So, get the bleep out of town by midnight, if’n you know what’s good for you and your families!”
The left is no longer content with soft tyranny. Its tactics are metastasizing, becoming ever more vulgar, aggressive, violent. Whether taking people’s “MAGA” hats and lighting them on fire or urinating on them as in Minneapolis, chasing Trump officials and supporters out of restaurants and public places in cities across the country, or threatening them with bodily harm or incarceration as Hollywood types, “entertainers” and progressive politicians have done, progressives are proving they are intolerant, close-minded, bigoted and fond of fascist propaganda and tactics.
Progressives believe they will win the day, because regular folks have allowed them to think that by their good manners and timidity. It would be nice if I could honestly say they shouldn’t count their chickens before they are hatched, but that wouldn’t be honest. A contest between a distinct but vicious minority and a large but chicken-hearted majority is no contest at all. The minority will win every time.
As Reading Pride has amply demonstrated.