Tuesday, August 20, 2019

(Poison) Ivy League Professor Savages Trump

                Steve Cohen, Columbia University professor and Senior Vice Dean of Professional Studies, recently wrote an article savaging President Trump for allegedly being an “anti-environmental” source. The piece, titled “Resisting Trump’s Relentless Attack on the Environment,” was published on the school’s official website as part of the Columbia Earth Institute’s news publication, “State of the Planet,” according to campusreform.org. Campus Reform states that the publication has no opinion section and that the piece is in no way represented as being editorial or opinion-based in nature.
                Which is amusing in that it refers to the president as “the mean and small-minded man in the White House,” and focuses on the need to “resist” the president’s agenda. Cohen is aghast—aghast I tell you!-- that Trump “sees the natural environment as a resource to exploit.” He claims Trump has a mindset of “Dig it, mine it, pump it, turn it into condos and a golf course,” which he characterizes as “macho and moronic.”
                Yet Cohen, learned academician that he is, then states: “The environmental rules that Trump attacks will outlast him because we are all living creatures dependent on the planet for the air, water and food.” Air, water and food? Those are all resources each of us must exploit to survive, something the hypocritical moron obviously failed to recognize.  
                Cohen continued, saying the president “separates children from parents,” and labeling Trump’s actions a “disheartening and sometimes scary display of mindlessness,” while admitting he is “still supported by about 40% of the country.” He added, “I have resisted directly attacking the president until recently, as the polling data indicates there is a broad American consensus favoring environmental protection.” And I thought he had the courage of his convictions.
                It is amazing how those in academia and science join those in the mainstream media in portraying themselves as unbiased pillars of truth and objectivity, simply laying out the facts for the rest of us to internalize, while mocking Trump for his mean tweets and exaggerations. Yet, they nearly always reveal themselves to be nothing more than charlatans, agenda-driven hucksters and authoritarian ideologues with comments like Cohen’s.
                Cohen—and those like him in the elite establishment—are apparently unaware of their own lunacy, hubris and hypocrisy when they make statements such as: “President Trump, who any sane person can clearly see is crazy, is desperate to destroy the planet’s ecosystem(s). The Zionist-coddling, fast-food-loving sleazebag with the itty-bitty penis wants to bring back slavery and exterminate gays and lesbians while essentially turning the United States into a giant Monopoly board. President Poopy Pants is not only against women’s health, but also the health of our planet. He will not be truly—and demonically—happy until life on Earth ceases to exist.”

                 It is time to resist the left’s relentless attacks on standards and logic.

Monday, August 19, 2019

U.S. To Purchase Greenland?

                 The White House’s top economic advisor, Larry Kudlow, recently confirmed that President Trump is seriously exploring the possibility of purchasing Greenland. Kudlow, Director of the U.S. National Economic Council, told Dana Perino during an interview on “Fox News Sunday” that the president is interested in the ‘huuuge’ arctic island due to the enormous strategic value it would bring to the national security and economic interests of the United States. He added, “Denmark owns Greenland. Denmark is an ally. Greenland is a strategic place up there and they’ve got a lot of valuable minerals. I don’t want to predict it now. I’m just saying the president, who knows a thing or two about buying real estate, wants to take a look at a potential Greenland purchase. Look, it’s an interesting story. It’s developing. We’re looking at it. We don’t know.” Greenland is part of the Kingdom of Denmark. Denmark, naturally, says Greenland isn’t for sale. But one never knows, does one?
                And what’s not to love about Greenland? It is essentially one massive sheet of ice. The sun doesn’t rise at all in December and January. Its national dish is boiled seal meat, rice and onions. In Nuuk, the capital city on the balmy southwest coast, July is the only month with an average high of 50 degrees Fahrenheit or more. (The average high is exactly 50 degrees Fahrenheit). Greenland is known as “Kalaallit Nunaat,” or the Land of People. As of 2017 there were exactly 56,171 of them. Total. It is the 12th largest nation on Earth physically, but the least densely populated, with a 2019 density of 0.357 per square mile.
               What’s next for the Real Estate Mogul-in-Chief? Perhaps he has eyes on Antarctica? My guess is he wants to purchase Baffin Island from Canada. And Ellesmere Island, too. And why not? Greenland, Antarctica, Baffin Island, Ellesmere Island… all do have strategic worth. 

                If the U.S. doesn’t buy them, you can be sure that Russia or China will try to steal or annex them. And that wouldn’t be good for anyone, especially those that live there.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Oregon Law Says All Eggs Must Come From Cage-Free Hens

                Oregon legislators recently passed a new law stipulating that all eggs sold in the state must come from cage-free hens by 2024. The legislation will require farm operations with more than 3,000 hens to provide “a cage-free housing system” for the birds and also mandates that the fowl are afforded “enrichments…including, at minimum, scratch areas, perches, nest boxes and dust bathing areas.” Violation of the law could result in significant fines.
                The Humane Society of the United States applauded the measure as a “monumental win for hens,” adding that “with Oregon’s new law, the entire West Coast region of the United States now has the strongest laws in the world for egg-laying hens.” I guess if you’re an egg-laying hen-- or an illegal alien-- the West Coast is the place to be.
                Two proposed amendments to the bill were narrowly defeated, however, though proponents vow to revisit them in the near future. One proposed rider would have mandated that all hens be given two weeks of vacation each year, while the other would have necessitated providing the hens with unlimited access to cable television, including premium channels. Both amendments would do away with the pernicious “pecking order.”
                Animal rights activists touted Oregon’s move and said it paves the way for further progress in the immediate future. The head of one such group told this reporter that activists are closely watching California’s legislature to see what becomes of a bill now being considered that would improve the lives of milk cows. This bill, they say, would require that all milk sold in the state come from free-roaming cows in unfenced pastures. It would outlaw machine-based milking, mandating that only the softest, un-calloused human hands be used to coax the animal’s teats into giving up the precious dairy product. Moreover, the bill would stipulate that cows have 24/7 access to the choicest cud, and that they receive relaxing back and neck massages while Barry White music plays softly during the period when they are being milked.
   The cows would be provided access to free legal advice if they felt marginalized, underappreciated, discriminated against, overworked or harassed, sexually or otherwise. 


Saturday, August 17, 2019

Biden Campaign Fundraiser

Biden Campaign Fundraiser
Portland, Maine
August 29, 2019

(Candidate Biden steps up to a podium, acknowledges the crowd, and begins to speak)

Biden: “I am truly happy to be here in Portland today. Oregon is a great state. Go Ducks! And Beavers! I understand Oregon is home to the only leprechaun colony west of Ireland-- and is the only state with an official nut. If you don’t count New York’s Donald Trump, hee, hee.” (Audience appears confused. Aide approaches Biden and whispers in his ear, telling him that he is in Portland, Maine….not Oregon).

Biden (looking chagrined): “Alright, so I’m a gaffe machine. But, my God, what a wonderful thing compared to a guy that can’t tell the truth, right? I know my staffers want me to limit my public appearances so I don’t embarrass myself in front of potential voters, but how would that look? I mean, who campaigns for Prime Minister by hiding? No one, that’s who. And, speaking of which, I was pleased to meet with Prime Minister Thatcher a few weeks ago. Wonderful lady. I asked her how Brexit was going and if she thought France would really end up leaving the Eurasian Union. Know what she told me? She said, and I quote: ‘Over my dead body.’ And that’s the spirit we need in this country. Despite Trump’s divisive rhetoric, despite the fact that he is fueling a literal carnage across the country, we need to come together as one people, indivisible, under God or Allah or Shiva or Satan……or whatever. As I was telling East Germany’s Chancellor Adolf Merkel at the same meeting, if the U.S. can stay together, and the B.U can stay together, maybe one day the whole darn world can live as one. Who’s to say we can’t make Russian President Viacheslav Putin and Xi Jinping, Lieutenant Secretary of the Communist Party of China -- and Resident of the Citizen’s Republic of China—see the light? As former President Barack Obama used to say to me: ‘Bite me, Biden, if you doubt that someday there’ll be a one-world government…led by folks exactly like ourselves.’ And just like you folks here in Oregon! Go Ducks!”


Friday, August 16, 2019

Brazilian President: Poop Every Other Day

                A journalist recently asked Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro whether it was feasible to—simultaneously-- spur economic growth, feed the planet’s hungry, and preserve the environment. Bolsonaro replied: “It’s enough to eat a little less. You talk about environmental pollution. It’s enough to poop every other day. That will be better for the whole world.” I’m on it.
               Bolsonaro, who has been heavily criticized for a surge in deforestation of the Amazon region since he took office, recently sacked the head of the government agency that reported the increase in deforestation. If his advice is heeded, perhaps he will promote the head of the government agency that someday reports the decrease in defecation.
   Bolsonaro went on to recommend that folks pee only twice a day, sneeze no more than once a week and limit coughing to the noon hour of the first Thursday of every month.
   Some are accusing Bolsonaro of stealing neighboring Venezuelan President Nicol├ís Maduro’s plan for saving the planet, as most of Venezuela’s citizens are already down to pooping once a week…… and many will never defecate again (as they have crapped out). These last are climate heroes all. Posthumous awards to follow, hopefully.
  Perhaps Bolsonaro should be encouraged to talk to the homeless in London, Baltimore, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle. Maybe he could inspire them to poop only every other day, as well.
  Let’s clean up the Earth, one street and sidewalk at a time. Thanks, President Bolsonaro. No shit.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Senator Kamala Harris Perfects Hypocrisy

                Senator Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) recently tweeted out a message linked to a CBS News story noting that there was one “baby” still “detained” by Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Texas. In high dudgeon, Harris remarked, “Let’s keep speaking out until every single infant is out of detention in Texas and elsewhere. This cannot be who we are as a country.” It’s not. We’re the country that aborts roughly (!) one million babies a year. How about we keep speaking out until every single baby/infant is safely out of their mother’s wombs? Well, actually, even that isn’t safe enough anymore in light of Democrats new pro-murder after-birth abortion bills.
                Shortly after that tweet, Harris struck again, spewing out criticism of the Trump administration’s “immoral” and “cruel” policy of holding pregnant women in immigration centers. Was she concerned they wouldn’t get to the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic in time?

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Biden A Gaffe Riot

                Joe Biden is to gaffes as Hillary Clinton is to excuses.
                Just can’t help himself. Recently, Sleepy Joe was speaking to the Asian and Latino Coalition at a Town Hall event in Des Moines, Iowa, when he said: “And another thing we should do is we should challenge these students. We should challenge these students in these schools that have advanced placement programs in these schools.” (Department of redundancy department). He continued, he continued: “We have this notion that if you’re poor you cannot do it. Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.” The audience applauded. Biden quickly added: “Wealthy kids, black kids, Asian kids!”
                Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids?!” So, Joe, poor kids are non-white? White kids are, by default, bright and talented… and rich?
                The former Vice-President was attempting to disparage racial attitudes that he thinks can lead to unequal education outcomes. Attitudes he no doubt believes are inherent in Trump supporters.  Instead, he accidentally exhibited those very attitudes. 
                If Democrats choose Biden as their nominee for 2020, it will show they don’t care about competence and the ability to communicate effectively. Yet, if they do not choose him, and instead nominate an America-hating, socialist, ignoramus, it will show that they have truly, utterly and permanently renounced the founding principles of the United States of America.

                Let us hope they have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Not So Blissful Ignorance

                I am continually distressed by the number of “man on the street” or “woman on the beach” interviews of young people in which tomorrow’s leaders respond to questions such as ‘from whom—and when—did America gain its independence’ with answers like ‘umm, from France… in 1976?’”
   Today’s crop of Democrats may be well-educated in social-justice-warring and gender dysphoria, but they are similarly clueless about things that actually matter. In other words, reality. Virtually all of those vying to be the party’s 2020 presidential nominee are stupefyingly ignorant of history. Here’s an exquisite example: South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg was campaigning at the Iowa State Fair recently when a woman approached him and said she’d once met the late Robert F. Kennedy. According to a CNN producer’s tweet, she told Buttigieg, “I shook Robert Kennedy’s hand in 1968.” To which Buttigieg hopefully replied: “So you’re good luck?”

               The woman responded truthfully: “Not really—he was shot a month later.”

               Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? Other than that, Mayor Buttigieg, how was the fair?

Monday, August 12, 2019

Beto O'Rourke Says, "Of Course Trump Is Racist"

              MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brzezinski recently said of the El Paso and Dayton tragedies: "I mean this is a president who seems to want these things to happen. How else can this be explained?" This statement is so sick it merits only one answer: “Mental illness and real hatred, Mika. Like yours.” She added: “He is inciting hatred, inciting violence, inciting racism if he doesn’t unequivocally call it off and say, this is wrong and we stand together against this and we are doing this, this and this to help fight hate crimes.” He did just that. And where have you been during the incessant attacks on Trump supporters and all those who refuse to surrender to the America-hating, socialist loving, leftist mob? Mika’s husband and co-host, Joe Scarborough, parroted his better half, dutifully opining of Trump: "As you know, he's inciting hatred now and he's been inciting hatred up until yesterday because he sees that as a good political strategy.” Yes, he has shrewdly calculated that the mainstream media, entertainment figures, Hollywood stars, members of the Academia-Deep State complex, and others who shape public opinion and hold power would be allies in his attempt to create an American version of a Fourth Reich, thereby leading to his political gain.
             Think my sarcasm is a bit much? Think again. Democratic presidential candidate Robert Francis Beto “It’s avocado, honey” O’Rourke appeared on “Morning Joe” after the mass shootings and compared President Trump’s statements with the rhetoric of Nazi Germany: “The only modern Western democracy… that said anything close to this is the Third Reich, Nazi Germany.” O’Rourke then mimicked a member of the media, asking, “Hey, Beto, do you think the president is racist?” To which he replied, "Well, Jesus Christ, of course he’s racist! He’s been racist from Day 1.” Jesus Christ has been racist from Day 1? Oh, he meant Trump. Anyway, the regenerative-dirt-eating Democrat added that the nation is “reaping” what Trump and his supporters have “sown.” In fact, we are reaping what “progressive” Democrats have been sowing for years: the all-out attack on meaning, dignity, tradition, the founding principles of the union, and the concept of e pluribus unum, “out of many comes one.” Envy, grievance and the blood sport of offense taking, in the guise of identity politics and intersectionality, have replaced gratitude and reverence as foundational American principles. No society can long endure this exchange.
           Democrats are now competing to see who can use the strongest, foulest language to denounce Trump and his supporters. Those who have the temerity to want to “Make America Great Again” are denounced as evil. To put it mildly, these attacks are misplaced.
 Nazi Germany essentially banned religion. Hitler disdained Christianity. Yet, leftists simultaneously accuse Trump of being Hitler and a crazed, right-wing religious extremist. Those in a truly tyrannical government crave power above all else, therefore they can’t countenance competition. The Deep State must be the One True God. Christianity becomes heresy. Jesus Christ—or his followers-- become racist. Or something. Perhaps deplorables.
It is a historical fact that, when governments take away their citizen’s firearms, they take away their citizen’s freedoms immediately thereafter.
Mika Brzezinski and those like her “seem to want these things to happen. How else can this be explained?” 

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Biden Grabs Girl After Gender Question

            An Iowa college student, a field staffer for Turning Point USA, asked former vice-president Joe Biden a simple question at the Iowa State Fair last week. The question? “How many genders are there?” Biden replied, “Pardon me?” and the young lady asked again. The front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination answered, “There are (at least) three.” The student then asked him, “What are they?” This prompted a now frustrated Biden to issue a mild threat. He exclaimed, “Don’t play games with me, kid,” and proceeded to reach out and grab her by the arm in front of numerous onlookers. He then added, “By the way, the first to come out for marriage was me.”
The gaffe riot continues. At some point, there should be a “Best of Biden Gaffes” CD and/or DVD available for sale to the general public. Maybe he could use the proceeds to fund his campaign.  
            Three genders? Masculine, feminine and… neuter? Sleepy Joe apparently was aroused by the young lady’s question, but he shouldn’t have grabbed her arm. At least he didn’t come up behind her and sniff her hair.
He was “the first to come out for marriage?” This is doubtful at best, since, as old as Biden is, marriage has been around for at least 700 years, and likely much longer than that. If he was speaking specifically of gay marriage, that “institution” in no way necessitates a third gender.
As big a lead as Biden apparently still has in the polls, it does not appear likely to this reporter that he will yet prove successful in his quest to become gaffer-in-chief.