Sunday, March 24, 2019

Ohio Bill Would Criminalize Smoking In Car With Those Under Six

                Ohio State Senator Tina Maharath (D-Columbus) has introduced Senate Bill 78 which, if passed, would criminalize smoking cigarettes in a motor vehicle when children under the age of six are present. Sen. Maharath considers exposing kids to tobacco smoke “child abuse.” She says she is determined to “protect children who don’t have the chance to make a choice for themselves.”
                That’s an interesting choice…of words. I’m sure the good senator also wants to protect children in the womb-- who don’t have the chance to make a choice for themselves-- from being aborted. No? Surely, she will at least wish to criminalize late-term abortion in the Buckeye State. After all, smoke getting in your eyes is irritating, but having your brains vacuumed out and limbs pulled off your torso is arguably even worse, is it not?
                If S.B. No. 78 passes, an Ohio mom driving her daughter to daycare while smoking a camel could be nailed with a $500 fine. However, if she chooses to end the life of a child in her womb, she’d be eligible for financial assistance from a number of government-supported programs.
                What a topsy-turvy world we live in. Kids are now being encouraged to undergo sex-change procedures, adding and removing body parts and hormones as if they were nothing more than features on an automobile. Cigarette smoking is now considered such an evil that it has its own warning on movie and television show ratings. Yet marijuana, with all the carcinogens of cigarettes-- and Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), a powerful psychoactive drug that can induce hallucinations, change thinking and cause delusions to boot, is being legalized in cities and states around the fruited plain.
   CVS, a national pharmacy chain, quit selling cigarettes some time ago, yet will soon start selling cannabidiol-infused products. (Cannabidiol [CBD] is similar to THC and derived from cannabis plants). Jelly Belly Candy Company is introducing CBD-infused jelly beans. Gotta protect our young ones!
  No word yet if S.B. 78  calls for fines to be double for moms who are caught smoking while taking their 5-year-old daughters along with their older sisters to the abortion clinic for the latter’s “women’s health care procedures.”

Saturday, March 23, 2019

Crazy Goes Mainstream

                Day after day they keep coming. In a bizarro world of protean politics, each and every Democratic candidate for the 2020 presidential election appears to be stranger than the last. Take John Hickenlooper. Please. The man knowingly took his mother to “Deep throat,” a hardcore porno movie, when he was 18-years-old. He thought she might enjoy getting out of the house. He says, though she may have been mortified, on the car ride home she told him she thought “the lighting was good.” Hickenlooper, the former governor of Colorado, legalized marijuana during his tenure in office. He’s not exactly Lincoln, but then he graduated from Wesleyan University, while Honest Abe was only subjected to one year of formal schooling.
             Andrew Yang also recently threw his hat into the Democratic rat-race and immediately came out strongly against that scourge of modern society…circumcision. I don’t personally have any skin in that game, but, none-the-less, it seems an oddly out of place—and cutting—remark for someone running for president. Will he also come out strongly against—or for—breast enhancement? It’s crucial to the survival of our republic. Who will be the Yin to Yang?
             Sen. Kamala Harris of California recently went out of her way to tell folks about how she used to listen to Snoop Dogg and Tupac Shakur while smoking pot when she was in college. Unfortunately for her, she graduated years before either of those “artists” released their debut albums. And she slept her way to the top.
             Kirsten Gillibrand wants to give illegal aliens social security.
 Someone named Pete Buttigieg thinks “intergenerational justice” is a pressing issue. (Many of these candidates bring to mind Monty Python’s “Very Silly” Party. “I think one should point out here that in this constituency since the last election a lot of very silly people have moved into new housing estates with the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved further down the road…”).
 Joe Biden appears to like fondling young girls. On camera.
             And then there is Beto. As a younger lad he composed erotic verses about cows. (When he wasn’t busy writing about running over young kids in an automobile). “Song of the Cow” contained the immortal lines: “Thrust your hooves up my analytic passage, Enjoy my fruits. I need a butt-shine right now/You are holy, o sacred Cow/I thirst for you, Provide Milk.” It also implored Bessie to “breathe my feet” and “Wax my ass, Scrub my balls.”
When a reporter asked Beto if he could confirm that he once took a handful of his baby’s green feces, put it in a bowl, and served it to his wife Amy as “avocados,” he replied that he didn’t remember that happening, but admitted it “sounds like the kind of thing I would do.” Come again? If there was ever something for a politician to lie about, this is it.  
After Beto lost to Ted Cruz in a 2018 Texas Senatorial contest, he hit the road. In New Mexico, the dejected loser ate “regenerative dirt,” and brought some home to his family. One would think they would be very leery of eating anything he placed before them.
Not one of these candidates would have had a prayer just a few years ago. But, after mass illegal immigration, mass indoctrination of young people by colleges and universities, attempted mass indoctrination of adults by the mainstream media, Hollywood and entertainment industries, and the all-out leftist push for total tolerance of deviance but utter, absolute intolerance of tradition, who knows?
Especially since the Trump-hating media treats most Democratic candidates as sacred cows.

Just ask Beto O’Rourke.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Parental Love?

            Parents To Their Kids, Not Too Many Years Ago—

“Don’t play in the sand. Don’t spit into the wind. Look both ways before crossing the street/sidewalk/your “t”s. Don’t go barefoot. Don’t pick your nose. Don’t drink from a hose. Watch out for bees and wasps. (Don’t wear floral prints). Be careful of the sun. (Use sunscreen with a minimum of 30 SPF). Drink plenty of water (but not out of a hose). Don’t snack before meal time. Don’t eat too many sweets/too much fast food. Don’t sit so close to the television. Don’t watch too much television. Go outside and get some sun (but use sunscreen…minimum 30 SPF). Check for ticks when you get back! Dress appropriately for the weather. Don’t spend your money needlessly. Set something away for a rainy day. Get to bed at a decent hour. Eat your breakfast. Get your exercise. Turn the music down, you’ll wreck your hearing! Don’t smoke. Don’t drink. Don’t slouch. Don’t slurp your food/drink. Don’t leave the lights on. Don’t take candy from a stranger. Don’t get in a car with someone you don’t know. Error on the side of caution. Think things through before you act. You know what they say, ‘measure twice, cut once.’ And do unto others as you’d have them do to you.”

             ‘Progressive’ Parents To Their Kids Today—

 Scenario #1) “Hi, mom…I’m pregnant. But I think I wanna’ get an abortion.”

             “That’s nice, dear. Whatever you want, it’s cool. We are behind you all the way. And, we are so proud of you and your choice!”

             Scenario #2) “Hi, dad…I think I’m gonna’ change sexes. I’d rather be a guy/girl. I wanna’ have my boobs/penis lopped off and start hormone treatments right away.”

             “That’s nice, honey/son. Whatever you want, it’s cool. We are behind you all the way. And, we are so proud of you and your choice!”

Thursday, March 21, 2019

"Men Aren't Women" Tweet Gets Blogger Booted

                Meghan Murphy, a Canadian blogger and founder of the site Feminist Current, is suing Twitter for permanently banning her for tweets about transgender people. She apparently violated the “social” media site’s rules against “hateful conduct” when she referred to a transgender woman as “him,” the Mercury News reported. 
                CNET reported that, according to the suit, Ms. Murphy once tweeted, “How are transwomen not men?” As if that weren’t enough, she also tweeted, “Men aren’t women,” which resulted in the company locking her out of her account and asking her to delete the tweets. She’s damn lucky she didn’t get the death penalty. (Eventually, “misgendering” someone will be the only crime progressives deem worthy of the death penalty…outside of being in a womb waiting to be born).
               Murphy claims that Twitter failed to notify users of the changes to its “hateful conduct policy.”
               Twitter termed Murphy’s lawsuit “meritless” and promised to “vigorously defend itself,” according to the Mercury News. 
   In reality, it’s the social media giant’s actions that were meritless and indefensible, truth be told. But therein lies the point. The truth can’t be told anymore, at least not without consequences. “Truth or consequences” has been replaced by truth, then consequences. It used to be said that the truth will set you free. Today, it is more likely to get you mentally-- or physically-- incarcerated.
  The giant Tech Valley corporations have essentially repealed the First Amendment. They have taken it upon themselves to erase the founding principles that allowed them to flourish in the first place. They are saying, “To hell with Jefferson, Madison, Franklin, et. al., we now have the power to remake the world.” Kings and dictators typically only control one country, one fiefdom, one realm. Big Tech rules the world. It knows who you are, where you live, and what you think. And, if it doesn’t like what you think, no matter how well-reasoned, how truthful and how eloquently stated, you will be muzzled. Or worse.
 So go ahead and tweet “The Earth is round,” “The sun sets in the West,” “Water is wet,” or “Apples aren’t oranges.” Just be prepared to face the consequences.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

The Crook, The Kook, And The Commie

                                          The Crook, the Kook and the Commie

                The Democrats have a nice field of future presidential contenders already. Just wait until the rest of them jump in. In addition to the surfeit of talent there, they have a strong group of up-and-coming young Socialist Congresspeople. To wit: 
                Beto O’Rourke, who, at just 15-years-old, wrote a riveting “murder fantasy” short story about the joys of running over two children with a car, according to a recently released Reuters report. The same report also revealed that he was a member of a notorious group of hackers called the “Cult of the Dead Cow.” Maybe they ran over the cow with a vehicle, too. Oh well, their farts are bad for the environment. But back to the “murder fantasy,” which he wrote under the pseudonym “Psychedelic Warlord.” Beto characterized the murder spree as part of his desire to seek “the termination of everything that was free and loving.” Let’s hope he doesn’t get elected.
                He wrote: “Then one day, as I was driving home from work, I noticed two children crossing the street. They were happy, happy to be free from their troubles. I knew, however, that this happiness and sense of freedom were much too overwhelming for them. This happiness was mine by right. I had earned it in my dreams. As I neared the young ones, I put all my weight on my right foot, keeping the accelerator pedal on the floor until I heard the crashing of the two children on the hood, and then the sharp cry of pain from one of the two. I was so fascinated for a moment, that when after I had stopped my vehicle, I just sat in a daze, sweet visions filling my head. My dream was abruptly ended when I heard a loud banging on the front window. It was an old man, who was using his cane to awaken me. He might have been a witness to my act of love. I was not sure, nor did I care. It was simply ecstasy. As I drove home, I envisioned myself committing more of these 'acts of love,' and after a while, I had no trouble carrying them out. The more people I killed, the longer my dreams were. ... I had killed nearly 38 people by the time of my twenty-third birthday, and each one was more fulfilling than the last.”

                Well, isn’t that special. Nice guy.

                He’d earned the kid’s happiness in his dreams? “Sweet visions” filled his head after running them over? He was in “ecstasy?” Killing kids and others was “an act of love?” Well, we know where he stands on abortion.
                And he is beloved of the people and a media darling. Imagine if it came to light that Trump had written something like this in his past. Think it might spend some time prominently featured on the news cycle? Still think the media isn’t biased?
   Beto’s pseudonym should have been “Psychotic Warlord.” People literally get investigated for less sickening posts than this on social media nowadays. Where are the calls to ban the sale and possession of automobiles? Yet, he then wrote another piece in which he challenged the perspective of a neo-Nazi who was defending Hitler’s actions. Reuters said of the story: “He took on a self-proclaimed neo-Nazi who maintained that Hitler was misunderstood and didn’t personally want Jews killed. O’Rourke and a Jewish friend questioned the man about his theories and let him ramble about Jews and African Americans, an attempt to let him hang himself with his own words.”
  Beto wrote: “We were trying to see what made him think the horrible things that he did.” That question would’ve been better directed at himself. In a sane world, Beto would’ve already hung himself with his own words.
  O’Rourke has also been arrested on a burglary charge, but that hasn’t diminished his fan’s ardor. After all, he’s young, many think him attractive, and he’s continually hailed as “Kennedy-esque.” Which is understandable since he, too, attempted to flee the scene of a car accident he caused by driving while intoxicated.
 Next there is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a young woman who has called for the abolishment of the automobile, airplane, fossil fuel industry and cow farts, even while being chauffeured around in a large black limousine with her burger-munching advisor. She has a plan to retrofit or rebuild every single structure in the nation, though no idea how to pay for it.
Then we have Bernie Sanders, a free-market-capitalist-hating near-octogenarian who owns three houses, whose wife was investigated for allegedly defrauding a bank, and whose 2016 campaign was reportedly fraught with sexism and harassment.
What’s next, a lily-white woman who thinks she’s Native American and a black man who thinks he’s Spartacus?

Hold on to your hats. We ain't seen nothing yet. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Woman At Gun Control Hearing Wanted To "Blow Away" NRA Members

                An "unidentified woman" was asked to leave a hearing on gun control at the Connecticut State Capitol recently, after she was observed composing a text message threatening to shoot a Republican Congressman and many members of National Rifle Association. A reporter from WTNH-TV tweeted out an image of the woman’s text, which read, “If I had a gun, I’d blow away Sampson and a large group of NRA…” The woman was apparently referring to state Senator Rob Sampson (R), a recipient of the NRA “Defender of Freedom Award.” Sampson was present at the Judiciary Committee hearing.
                The woman was asked to leave by Capitol Police, after another person at the hearing saw her message, and complained. Spoil sport! What an easily triggered (sorry about the pun) person! What’s so bad about a message touting mass murder? And some think our college kids are wusses for fainting if they hear someone talk about free market capitalism!
                The Capitol Police Chief told reporters that the woman was apologetic and “left without incident.” The Connecticut Mirror reported that she was not arrested because her behavior “wasn’t deemed threatening enough to reach the level of violating a state statute.”
                In other words, she wasn’t wearing a MAGA hat.
                This just illustrates why sane people need firearms to protect themselves…from violent nutcases like the “unidentified woman.” And it’s yet another example of progressives’ Olympian hypocrisy. Many craven Communist college kids in the ‘60s used to say, “Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity, man.” Now some leftists want to shoot those who are in favor of Second Amendment rights. Amazing. What’s next, vegans wanting to force-feed 15 Big Macs and a can of Spam down the throats of those who have the temerity to choose their own diet?
                The link to The Connecticut Mirror article read: “gun-control-advocate-expelled-over-text-message.” Talk about bias! Talk about fake news! The unidentified woman was in favor of controlling guns. She was an “advocate.” How wonderful! Yet she was “expelled!” For simply composing a “text message!” The poor dear was expelled by evil, white, alt-right policemen, I’m sure.
   Bet she’d like to “blow them away,” too. In the interest of non-violence, of course.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Today's Top Democrats Reprise Famous Presidential Addresses

Announcer: “Good evening and welcome to DPPR, Democratic Party Public Radio, and the ‘History Revisited’ program, commercial free! Remember, since we only get 80% of our funding from the federal government, we rely on you, the listener, for the rest. So, if you want more rich programming like this, please pick up the phone and dial 1-(888)-NOTRUMP, that’s 1-(888)-668-7867 and give generously. On tonight’s program, leading Democrats reprise famous presidential speeches from the past. Let’s listen in, shall we? Enjoy! First up, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Recreates JFK’s Inaugural Address—"
AOC: “…like, don’t, you know…ask, like, what your…um…country can, like, do for you…but like, maybe ask, like, what…umm… you can do for your, like, country…or whatever…”
Announcer: “Next, the overworked Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Recites President Reagan’s ‘Challenger Disaster Speech’—"
AOC: “…we will, like, never forget, umm…them, or like, the last time we saw them, like this morning, as they, like, umm…prepared for their, like, trip and whatever, and waved goodbye and like, slipped the slurpy bonds of birth to, like, touch the face of…um… our Cosmic Mother…”
Announcer: “And now, Beto O’Rourke Reprises FDR’s ‘Day of Infamy’ Speech—"
Beto: “Mx. Vice President, and Mx. Speaker, and Members of the Senate and House of Representatives, and other dudes, dudettes and non-binaries: Yesterday, December 7th, 1941…a date which will live in f**king infamy…the U.S. was suddenly and deliberately done a non-solid by naval and air forces of, like, the Empire (oooh, so, Old World-ish!) of Japan……So, like, things aren’t chill. I’m just bein’ honest. Our people, our territory and our interests are in real danger, just not as much as from climate change. Anyway, we are, uhh, confident in our troops and shit, and, if we like, apply ourselves, we will probably survive somehow, so help us Goddess Gaia. I ask that the Congress declare that, since the unprovoked and poopy-headed attack by Japan on Sunday December 7th, 1941, which we weren’t down with, that things are not cool with the United States and the Japanese Empire, and so I also ask that Japan be removed from Most Favored Nation status. Sorry, but that’s the way it’s got to be.”
Announcer: “Next up is Former President Barack Obama, who Recasts Reagan’s ‘Brandenburg Gate’ Speech—"
Obama: “…So there is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance big time the cause of freedom and peace. No, I don’t mean giving up Poland and the Baltic States—or even Vodka-- hehehe. But seriously, General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate like I have done. Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate like I would do. Mr. Gorbachev—Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! I mean if you want to and it’s not too much trouble. Thanks.”
Announcer: “And finally, Nancy Pelosi Tries Abraham Lincoln’s ‘Gettysburg Address’—"
Speaker Pelosi: “Four more and— uhh, well……um, eighty-seven years ago (long pause, she looks around confused) our, uhhh, mothers brought forth on this, uhhh…continental…a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the, uhh, preposition, that, uhh…(long pause, looks around confused) all men, women and, you know…those other genders… are created equal. Now we are, um, in the midst of a great…(long pause) world war, testing whether any society, er- country…so conceited can long endure. We are met on a big ball-field of that war. (Looks around confusedly). We have, umm…come to…irrigate that field----”
Announcer: “Well, times up. As always, send us ideas for who you’d like to hear and the famous address you’d like them to recreate. After all, this is a democracy. And be sure to stay tuned now for ‘Karaoke Korner,’ where popular Democratic figures try their hand at singing pop standards. Tonight, Maxine Waters will sing Journey’s ‘Any Way You Want It,’ Cory Booker will sing Bette Midler’s ‘Wind Beneath My Wings,’ and Bernie Sanders will belt out the Beatles’ 1968 White Album classic, ‘Back in the U.S.S.R.’”

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Woolly Mammoth To Make Comeback?

                “Cells from a woolly mammoth that died 28,000 years ago have begun to show ‘signs of biological [activity]’ after they were implanted in mouse cells.” So read the first line of the Fox News story.
                The story went on to say that research published in Scientific Reports documents the startling cell activity from the mammoth excavated from Siberian permafrost in 2011. It noted that Kei Miyamoto, a member of the team that conducted the research, told Agence France-Presse: “This suggests that, despite the years that have passed, cell activity can still happen and parts of it can be recreated.” However, there was significant damage to the beast’s cells, leading Miyamoto to add: “I have to say we are very far from recreating a mammoth.”
                Many scientists believe the mammoths, who became extinct over 4,000 years ago, died off due to climate change and human predation. (If that’s the case, it certainly wasn’t man-caused climate change, as there was no industrial activity or fossil fuel use at the time. And no planes, trains or automobiles). Now, some plucky researchers are attempting to bring the woolly mammoth back, through the use of the CRISPR gene editing tool. The Harvard Woolly Mammoth Revival Team (HWMRT), for one, is trying to introduce mammoth genes into the Asian elephant…for conservation reasons.  George Church, the head of the team, made the following statement to Live Science in May of 2018: “The elephants that lived in the past—and elephants possibly in the future— knocked down trees and allowed the cold air to hit the ground and keep the cold in the winter, and they helped the grass grow and reflect the sunlight in the summer. Those two [factors] combined could result in a huge cooling of the soil and a rich ecosystem.”
                Say what?! Knocking down trees allows cold air to hit the ground and makes the winters colder? The giant mammoths helped the grass grow? They didn’t eat it or trample it? The grass reflected sunlight, cooling summers down? So human-caused deforestation is devastating but if large, hairy pachyderms do it it’s beneficial to the planet? I thought trees cooled the area and provided oxygen. Do rocks and sand not reflect sunlight? I think Dr. Church has been knocking down too many double vodkas.
                Be that as it may, scientists are thrilled with the new developments. The consensus seems to be that it’s only a matter of time before we will be able to “bring back” a previously extinct being. In fact, researchers say if progress continues to be made at the current rate, one day soon they hope to reanimate Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

New York Schools To Have "Meatless Mondays"

                New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio recently announced that he has expanded “Meatless Monday” to all New York City public schools for the 2019-2020 academic year. The pilot program, which originally brought vegetarian meals to only about 15 schools in Brooklyn, will now become a city-wide program encompassing all of the Big Apple’s roughly 1.1 million students. The young scholars will have to pick from all-vegetarian breakfast and lunch menus every Monday of the school year.
                Mayor de Blasio sounded much more excited about the change than the students will be. At a press conference to announce the program’s expansion he stated: “Cutting back on meat a little will improve New Yorkers’ health and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. We’re expanding Meatless Mondays to all public schools to keep our lunch and planet green for generations to come.”
                I had far too many green lunches in school, even when meat was served, so I’m not sold on the idea. De Blasio’s meatless mandate will obviously have no effect whatsoever on greenhouse gases, let alone “climate change,” but may well increase the amount of gas—and whining—being emitted by students.
                Reports are that “Meatless Monday” will include items like “kid friendly kale salad.” Earth to Mayor de Blasio: there is no such thing as “kid friendly kale salad.” Will “Brussel sprout-cauliflower-radish salad” be on the menu as well? I can tell Mr. Bill right now that there won’t be any "green peace" in New York City schools on Mondays.
                Mayor De Blasio said that he sees “Meatless Mondays” as just the start of a concerted effort to improve students’ health while saving the environment. He plans to add “Tofu Tuesdays” for the 2020-2021 school year, and “Foodless Fridays” the year after that. He remarked that the latter will “purge the kids’ systems while leaving the city with more greenbacks.”

Six o’clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was eatin’ tasty sirloins
With my hungry crystal blue eyes agleam
But I can’t be late
‘Cause then I won’t get a very good grade
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

It’s just another meatless Monday
I wish it was Tuesday
“Cause that’s my I don’t have to lose day
My I don’t eat my shoes day
But it’s just another meatless Monday

Have to catch an early bus
Got to be to school by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn’t make it on time
‘Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I’m gonna eat
Blame it on Gov’nor Cuomo
Since he won’t let us have any meat

(Unashamedly sing to the beat of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles!)

Friday, March 15, 2019

Minnesota Police Department Alerted To Man Hugging Pillow In Frigid Weather

                Police in Jordan, Minnesota recently received a disturbing call urging them to check on the welfare of a coat-less man standing outside in sub-zero wind-chills hugging a pillow. When officers arrived on the scene they discovered that the “man” was actually a realistic cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.  
                A police spokesperson said, “Those cardboard cutouts sure can look real from a distance and the caller certainly was not wanting to get too close thinking who is this deranged person standing outside in the cold hugging a pillow; always better to call the police.”
                The ubiquitous MyPillow founder and CEO himself found out about the incident. He apparently found it amusing, as he tweeted out an article about it replete with laughing emojis. It appears that at least Minnesotans’ sense of humor hasn’t been frozen…yet.
                In related news, a woman called 911 to report a large, green dinosaur outside of a Sinclair gas station in Braham, Minnesota last week, while another caller reported a “freakishly large young man dressed in white and red checkered bib overalls” standing outside a Marc’s Big Boy restaurant in Milwaukee, Wisconsin the same day. Police are investigating both reports.