Sunday, July 15, 2018

Girlguiding To Allow "Transgender Girls" To Shower With Group


                Girlguiding, the largest girl-only youth organization in the United Kingdom, recently updated its rules, which apply to members from five to 25 years of age, “to allow members who were born male but now identify as female to share changing rooms, toilets and sleeping quarters with girls when away on excursions,” according to London’s The Telegraph. “The Girl Guides will allow boys who identify as female to shower with girls, it has emerged,” The Telegraph reported. What could go wrong?
                The 107-year-old charitable organization’s new guidance, issued on the group’s website, says that “the use of gendered facilities,” including showers, “can cause anxiety,” adding: “Members are allowed to use the facilities of the gender they self-identify as.” We can all remember from our school days that showering together, even as one sex and basically the same age, can cause anxiety. One doubts whether having males of various ages-- who happen to identify as females—showering together with actual females of various ages will put everyone at ease.
                Girlguiding’s Chief Executive, Julie Bentley, said that the organization follows the requirements set out in the Equality Act of 2010, which mandates that organizations providing single-sex services treat people according to their acquired gender. (One acquires a fishing rod or a new television, not a new gender). Ms. Bentley stated: “In line with our values of inclusion, we welcome any young person who self-identifies as a girl or young woman.” Don’t mind the beard and the boner!
                The government of the UK recently announced that adults can legally challenge their gender without facing “demeaning” rules that require people to undergo a formal medical diagnosis. I am sympathetic to their plight, as I myself am a wildly successful four-year-old thoroughbred racehorse whose chosen pronoun is “stallion,” and I sure as hell don’t want to be subjected to a demeaning formal medical diagnosis or evaluation.
                Incredibly, the new guidance states that it is not “best practice” to inform parents that a trans person will be attending a residential event. No, it’s best practice to let a 13-year-old boy who claims to be a girl to shower with actual young ladies.
                The Telegraph article stated that David Davies, a Conservative MP for Monmouth in South Wales, recently told The Mail, “If transgender girls who are physically male are going to be sharing facilities, it’s going to make some girls threatened and uncomfortable and the Guides shouldn’t be doing that.” What a whacko! Lock him up!
                There is a report that states the organization offers “girls a place where they can really be themselves with other girls and share the experience of growing up as a girl in today’s world.” No. It actually, explicitly, does the opposite. It offers boys a place where they can pretend they are not who they really are.
                The Girl Guide’s gender guidelines state: “’Girl’ is based on gender identity. This means that any child who self-identifies as a girl should feel safe and welcome in our girl-only space regardless of the sex that they were assigned at birth.” First of all, it isn’t a girl-only space anymore. And, the phrase “assigned at birth” calls to mind a doctor with a clipboard and a magic marker walking through a nursery alternately calling out, “Girl-boy-girl-boy-girl-boy-girl-boy” without checking under anyone’s hood. Madness.
                The article concludes by stating that “It is not known how many transgender members are in the guides.” I’m guessing two. But there are sure to be more after this decision and the publicity generated by articles such as this.
                                                                
               


Saturday, July 14, 2018

Man! I Feel Like A Woman! (Spanish Edition)


                Angela Ponce has been crowned Miss Universe Spain for 2018. The only thing unusual about this is that Ms. Ponce is a man. Well, at least he/she was born a man, or should I say was “assigned” a male gender at birth? This sounds like the completely arbitrary, random, meaningless designation progressives deem it to be. Ms. Ponce will become the first transgender “woman” to compete in the Miss Universe Pageant. Apparently not content to pile up victories recently in athletic contests, “transgender women” have now won a beauty contest, as well.
                According to The New York Times, while Ponce said her parents always supported her, she said, “But from the moment I was born, I felt that I was a public figure and that people somehow had the right to speak about how I was.” From the moment she was born? Wow! What remarkably precocious self-awareness! She obviously is a shy one. So, she identified as a woman and entered a beauty pageant. And those darn people still somehow think they have the right to speak about how “she” was/is.
                But she does too, having stated in an interview: “Having a vagina doesn’t make a woman. Even if many people don’t want to see me as a woman, I clearly belong among them.” Big whoop. I am not a woman, but I clearly belong among them, too.
                She also said: “There are women with a penis and men with a vagina, because the only key part of being a woman is to be and feel like a woman.” Nope. That’s not the only “key” part of being a woman. It is not a coincidence that the key part of a man fits perfectly inside the key part of a woman. Almost like a key in a keyhole. Almost like they were made for each other. Good thing, too. Or none of us would be here. That’s the real key, “Ms.” Ponce.
                Ponce says that most of the criticism “she’s” received has come from other women, women who believe that “she” will have an unfair advantage over other national beauty queens at the Miss Universe Pageant later this year. Why? Are the judges gay? Will there be a weight-lifting competition?
                Tragically, this may well be the case, however, due to the same political correctness that granted “her” victory in “her” own country’s national beauty contest.

Let's go girls, come on
We’re competing tonight, I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
(If you know what I mean)
I Want to walk with poise, really be their choice
So that I don’t have to pout
No inhibitions, make no conditions
If I’m a little outta line
The judges gonna act politically correct
So that I can have a good time
The best thing about being a tranny
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy, forget I'm not a lady
Men flirt, short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action, feel the attraction
Color my hair, do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I want to be free yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
Come, come, come on baby
Man! I feel like a woman!

Man! I Feel Like A Woman
Songwriters: ROBERT JOHN LANGE, SHANIA TWAIN
© Universal Music Publishing Group 1997
For non-commercial use only.


Friday, July 13, 2018

Video Games To Be Olympic Sport


                Cue up John Williams’ “Olympic Fanfare and Theme,” competitive video gaming may be an official Olympic sport as soon as the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo, Japan. It is almost certain to be a part of the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad to take place in Paris in 2024. I don’t know about you, but I’ve already got goose bumps.
                Gayle Dickie, CEO of Gamer World News Entertainment, recently stated that the International Olympic Committee (IOC) is considering adding “eSports” in order to attract younger viewers. Dickie told FOX Business Network: “I think including these sports by 2024 would be a fantastic idea not only for the country of France, but for the world in terms of increased revenue and advertising.” She said that Olympic Games “viewership is down 24 percent in the 18-49 demos,” adding that, with 2.2 billion “gamers” throughout the world, the addition of competitive video gaming will substantially increase viewership of the summer games.
                Why add them to the summer games? Wouldn’t it make more sense to attach them to the winter games? If it’s 22 degrees below zero out, staying inside and binge-gaming is almost excusable. If you don’t have a job.
                The original Olympiads were a platform to showcase human fitness and the beauty of a toned, healthy body and what it could do when properly molded and motivated. Is this in keeping with that idea?
                I shouldn’t be skeptical. What could be more thrilling than watching a 27-year-old man from Chicago, Illinois, who lives in his mother’s basement and spends 11 hours a day playing Grand Theft Auto and stuffing his face with Cheetos compete with an acne-faced youngster from the suburbs of Paris to see who is better at handling his joystick?
                I think the IOC should have three separate entries for eSports: a “Classic” division, a “Modern” division and an “Actual Sports” division. Those athletes competing in the Classic division would play “Pong,” “Asteroids,” and “Pac-Man.” (“Ms. Pac Man” might be better to placate the #MeToo types…as if any might be watching). Those battling it out in the modern division would be playing games such as Pok√©mon, League of Legends, Call of Duty, Counterstrike and Minecraft. The Actual Sports division would see teams competing in games such as the legendary Sega Genesis NHL ’94, Golden Tee Golf, Big Buck Hunter II, and Madden NFL 2024.
  The drama! The pageantry! Imagine, if you can, Team Uruguay facing off with Team Croatia in a heated game of Sonic the Hedgehog or Super Mario Brothers! Or Japan and Mozambique engaged in a pitched battle of Angry Birds or Star-craft 2. It doesn’t get any better than that. The thrill of virtual victory versus the agony of faux defeat!


Thursday, July 12, 2018

NATO Spending: Buildings Yes, Troops No


            NATO (the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, for those of you in college) opened its vast and lavish new headquarters last year, a building that was being constructed even as countries such as England slashed their defense budgets. The immense and showy edifice, located in Brussels, Belgium, cost $1.23 billion to erect. Upon completion, NATO proudly published photographs of the structure, noting that it would facilitate bureaucratic endeavors.
President Trump’s attendance at the recent NATO Summit raised the visibility of the ostentatious building, especially as he was trying to convince other member nations to spend less time suckling on the American teat-- by increasing the amount they spend on their own defense, which is, in many cases, almost nothing. Of course, the reason most of the member nations pay out only 1 or 2 percent of their GDP to defend themselves is that the politicians in these socialist-lite welfare states channel the vast majority of their country’s tax revenues into “entitlement” spending, thereby paying off the least productive members of society and buying their votes. And because they are used to the United States paying for everything, and are startled when informed this may not go on unquestioned in perpetuity. And possibly because they no longer believe in themselves, no longer believe in their heritage, no longer consider themselves worth fighting for.
Most NATO nation’s leaders are not big Trump fans, but it’s just possible that the Very Stable Genius is attempting to breathe new life into a moribund West.
The simple fact is that most NATO countries have not been meeting their commitments for military spending. So, to witness the staggering amount of money these nations have spent on a building for bureaucrats to play in is disheartening.
Germany, for example, is arguably the wealthiest of the European nations, yet, in recent years, its troops have trained with broom handles in lieu of guns, and reports state that only four of its Eurofighter jets—out of a fleet of 128—are combat-ready. No one wants a return to the Third Reich, but Germany should do what is right. And in its best interest.
Screwing the troops, who risk it all on the front line, in favor of lavishing spending on bureaucrats scurrying around a cavernous safe-space shuffling their feet and their papers is an affront to logic and decency. In neutron-bomb-like fashion, our long-time European allies appear intent on making sure their buildings will stand, but their troops will fall.

The Deep State will not protect us. Our militaries will.

If we let them. 


Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Pride!


                I have had it with how obnoxiously, in-your-face “proud” many sexual-orientation and gender-confused fringe groups have become lately. Everyone but heterosexuals in a committed marriage is openly, blatantly, stupendously “PROUD!” of their particular quirk and group. Equality under the law is one thing, but demanding to be elevated and worshipped for one’s personal kink is entirely another.
                Ted Hickman, Vice Mayor of Dixon, California, recently called for a “Straight Pride American Month,”……prompting many to call for his immediate resignation. Why can’t straight people be proud? I mean, we are responsible for creating human life, including the lives of those in the LGBTQ community. What is so wrong with that?
                We just celebrated gay pride month. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, the questioning, etc., are all swelled up with pride. Can’t the rest of us feel good about ourselves, too?
                Every day one hears and reads about people—or their relatives—who are PROUD! of their proclivities. So proud, they just can’t keep it to themselves. We hear fathers say, “My daughter was incorrectly assigned a male gender at birth, but she identifies as a female now. And, she is a lesbian! I am so proud of her!” Or, “My son screws goats. I’m fairly bursting with pride! Up the ass. I Couldn’t be any prouder! Some people talk about ‘getting one’s goat’…my son actually does. Truly, so proud!” Perhaps, “My daughter is one of seven wives. She lives in Utah. Her husband showers her with affection one night a week. I’ve never been prouder!” How about, “My mom masturbates three times a day, every day. That’s so cool. She does it while watching dwarf incest porn. And, like, I’m so proud! I really don’t think I could be any prouder!”
                We’re going to have to add on to the LGBTQIIAA acronym. It is not nearly inclusive enough. How about LGBTQIIAABPM? Who wouldn’t be PROUD! of that?
                However, we all know there’s one group of people who not only shouldn’t be allowed to be proud, but should be (and are) ritually and permanently shamed, shunned and threatened: Trump supporters. They are sick. We know this in part by how many folks say they’d rather their son or daughter dated a gang-rapist/Satan worshipper/mass-murderer/Llama than a Trump supporter.

                Trump supporters? Shameful. Everyone else? Pass the lube.

                So proud!




Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Diversity Cards


                Whilst doing blog-prep recently, I stumbled upon a site selling “Diversity Cards.” The set I saw contained 387 different cards. True story. That seemed like a lot. Each card sported a question on the front and an answer on the back. The front of the first card read “All of the ways people are different.” On the back of the card was the one-word answer: “Diversity.”

                Ahh, I see.

                This got me to thinking: wouldn’t it be great if there were “diversity” playing cards? I may have to develop, market, and sell them myself. They would be perfectly suited (pun intended) for today’s society in which everything is seen through the prism of identity politics. It’s not enough to be just “American,” English, French or any other nationality. One must be a bisexual Latino-American or a transgendered, questioning, African-American, for example.
               Think of the fun folks would have playing common card games such as poker, “War” or “Go Fish!” And old standards like “Crazy Eights,” “Hearts,” “Gin Rummy,” and even “Euchre” would be made fun, hip and relevant again!

               Poker:

  “I call. Whaddaya got, Bob?”
              “I’ve got three-of-a-kind, you Ed?”
              “Read ‘em and weep, Bob. Full house, Pansexuals over Two-Spirited!”

               War:

                “It’s a war! One, two, three cards down and now one up…hah, my mulatto boyflux beats your white cisgender!”

                Go Fish:

                “Got any anogenders, Lisa?”
                “Nope. Go fish! Do you have any trigenders?”
                “Yes. Dang! Here you are.”
                The possibilities are as endless as genders. Which means they are literally endless.

                I’ve got another new game (likewise involving cards) coming out in the near future.
                Look for “Cards Against Sanity” soon! It’ll be coming to a store near you.
               

Monday, July 9, 2018

Kroger, Nuro Team Up For Autonomous Grocery Delivery


            Cincinnati-based Kroger, the nation’s largest supermarket chain by revenue, recently announced plans to partner with driver-less car company Nuro. The two companies will team up to deliver groceries using the latter’s autonomous vehicles.
Delivering fragile and perishable items, some of which require refrigeration and some of which don’t, is an endeavor fraught with peril. Then there are questions surrounding the dependability of the vehicles themselves. Making the task even more difficult is the fact that population density varies wildly across the Fruited Plain, from New York City to Wyoming, leading a few analysts to call the effort “corny.” Some on social media have tried to butter them up and egg them on. Other observers have waffled back and forth with their predictions, alternately proclaiming the venture could lead Kroger back to its salad days or that it could leave it dead in the water.
However, lettuce not be doubters. Though some have called them nuts, with both companies having a steak in the outcome, they are sure to milk this idea for all it’s worth. Though, if Nuro’s vehicles turn out to be lemons, it will put both entities in a pickle. The meat of the matter is, of course, how it affects the two company’s bottom lines. If delivering bread rakes in the dough it will have all been worth it, and shareholders will go bananas. On the other hand, if the undertaking proves a cereal killer and a loss leader, the joint effort will be dropped like a hot potato.
                Salty industry experts, who have been peppered with questions about the deal, say they believe the venture will succeed, making it even tougher for mom and pop stores to compete. They also say it remains to be seen if other large grocery chains will ketchup to Kroger.
                                                         ****************************
                (I apologize to everyone in the world for such a cheesy post. I assure you, tomorrow’s post will not be so punny, and will, in fact, be back to “normal”).

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Fewer Americans Proud


The number of Americans who say they are “extremely proud” to be American and the number of Americans identifying as Christian have been falling for years. The ranks of those U.S. citizens proclaiming to believe in God, period, have been dwindling. However, the number of people who believe in man-caused global warming and the sanctity of gay marriage is rising. One begets the other. They go together. Fewer folks might be proud to be an American, but the quantity of LGBTQ “PROUD!” people is skyrocketing.  
The number of people who believe in limited government and the other founding ideals and principles is also falling, which is why the number of people who believe in bullshit/anything else is rising. Fewer folks believe in tangible things, things that actually exist, and/or are demonstrably true. Consequently, an increasing number of people believe in things that are iffy, or untrue, or that don’t exist. (Tragically, no accurate figures are available for the percentage of adults who currently believe in the tooth fairy).
In a related matter, as the percentage of gay clergy in the Catholic church has swelled, the number of sexual harassment claims has done likewise. Now, some mainline Christian sects are debating whether God is a man, woman or gender-neutral. Perhaps He or She could be transgender! Wouldn’t that be cool?! How woke is that?!
It’s just a matter of time before the ever-aggressive LGBTQ community successfully pressures mainstream religions into open speculation as to whether God Himself/Herself/Itself is gay.
Maybe He or She is questioning, too?
Or maybe we should be questioning ourselves, and our own actions. And the damage political-correctness has done to rational thought and discourse in formerly enlightened Western nations.
I’ll start now. Why is Progressivism the one thing that is never questioned, whether on college campuses, in giant corporation’s boardrooms, or in the supposedly “objective” mainstream media?
 Whatever the answer, the fact is…it isn’t.  Here is another fact: it is leading us into temptation and delivering us unto…evil.     

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Iranian General Claims Israel Stealing Rain

   
                Iran’s Brigadier General Gholam Reza Jalali, head of his country’s Civil Defense Organization, asserted that Israel and another nefarious nation in the region have been stealing Iran’s clouds in order to prevent rain from falling over the Islamic republic. Jalali stated during a press conference that Israel was “manipulating weather” and that Iran was the victim of “cloud theft,” metro.co.uk reported. 
                Speaking at the conference, the general said: “The changing climate in Iran is suspect. Foreign interference is suspected to have played a role in climate change.” He went on to insist the results from an Iranian scientific study “confirmed” the assertion: “Israel and another country in the region have joint teams which work to ensure clouds entering Iranian skies are unable to release rain. On top of that, we are facing the issue of cloud and snow theft.” He cited a survey purporting to show that all mountainous areas above 2,200 meters between Afghanistan and the Mediterranean Sea are covered in snow, except in Iran.
                I have taken the liberty of rewriting an enormously popular song, first released in 1969, in honor of the good general:

Raindrops aren’t fallin' on my head,
And Netanyahu’s ears are too big for his head,
Nothin' seems to fit,
Those raindrops aren’t fallin' on my head,
They aren’t fallin'...
So I just did me some talkin' to the hun,
And I said I didn't like the way his nation’s run,
Or the Book of Job,
Those raindrops aren’t fallin' on my head,
They aren’t fallin'...
But there's one thing, I know,
The drones they’ll send to meet me,
Won't defeat me,
It won't be long 'till happiness
Steps up to greet me...
Raindrops aren’t fallin' on my head,
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red,
Cryin's not for me,
'cause, sooner or later we’ll defeat the Great Satan
And you will see
we’ll drive Israel into the sea
we’ll drive Israel into the sea
But there's one thing, I know,
The drones they send to meet me,
Won't defeat me,
It won't be long 'till happiness
Steps up to greet me . . .
... One two three four
Five six seven eight...
Raindrops aren’t falling on my head,
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red,
Cryin's not for me,
'cause, sooner or later we’ll defeat the Great Satan
And you will see
No one’s nuttier than me
No one’s nuttier than me...

(My apologies to Burt Bacharach and B.J. Thomas).

Friday, July 6, 2018

Terrorist Group Bans Plastic Bags


                Al-Shabaab, the barbaric Somali terrorist organization, is infamous for literally butchering thousands of people across east Africa. But that doesn’t mean it can’t show its softer side now and then. The group, one of the world’s most brutal and feared, announced it has banned the use of plastic bags because it believes they are detrimental to life on Earth.
                Do you ever get the feeling that we’re living out one extended Twilight Zone episode? But, I digress.
                The terrorist entity’s mouthpiece, Radio Andalus, broadcast news of the ban last Sunday, according to the Huffington Post. The jihadist outfit, which openly boasts about the acts of extreme violence it is wont to commit, issued a statement saying discarded plastic bags “pose a serious threat to the well-being of humans and animals alike.” As does, ironically enough, Al-Shabaab.
   According to Britain’s The Sun newspaper, Mohamed Abu Abdalla, one of the group’s governors, said that details of how the new rules will be enforced will be announced later. (I’m guessing by slaughtering those that defy it).
  The group also wants to halt the logging of native trees. Seriously.
  We now live in a world so amoral that heinous terrorist groups can get away with the most preposterous of virtue-signaling propaganda.
  Did Hitler ban DDT? Did Khrushchev prohibit the use of disposable diapers? Did Chairman Mao donate to the Humane Society? Did Pol Pot fret about the ozone layer?
 What’ll we hear next? Perhaps Al-Shabaab members are giving 10% of their (ill-gotten) income to the Open Society Foundation?
“Asad, after we stone the lesbian harlot to death, let’s remember to send a check to the Sierra Club, okay?!”
            So, Al-Shabaab wants to ban the use of disposable plastic consumer goods, engages in virtue-signaling, and threatens to attack those with whom it disagrees?

            It’s become indistinguishable from the Democratic Party.