Wednesday, March 20, 2019

The Crook, The Kook, And The Commie

                                          The Crook, the Kook and the Commie

                The Democrats have a nice field of future presidential contenders already. Just wait until the rest of them jump in. In addition to the surfeit of talent there, they have a strong group of up-and-coming young Socialist Congresspeople. To wit: 
                Beto O’Rourke, who, at just 15-years-old, wrote a riveting “murder fantasy” short story about the joys of running over two children with a car, according to a recently released Reuters report. The same report also revealed that he was a member of a notorious group of hackers called the “Cult of the Dead Cow.” Maybe they ran over the cow with a vehicle, too. Oh well, their farts are bad for the environment. But back to the “murder fantasy,” which he wrote under the pseudonym “Psychedelic Warlord.” Beto characterized the murder spree as part of his desire to seek “the termination of everything that was free and loving.” Let’s hope he doesn’t get elected.
                He wrote: “Then one day, as I was driving home from work, I noticed two children crossing the street. They were happy, happy to be free from their troubles. I knew, however, that this happiness and sense of freedom were much too overwhelming for them. This happiness was mine by right. I had earned it in my dreams. As I neared the young ones, I put all my weight on my right foot, keeping the accelerator pedal on the floor until I heard the crashing of the two children on the hood, and then the sharp cry of pain from one of the two. I was so fascinated for a moment, that when after I had stopped my vehicle, I just sat in a daze, sweet visions filling my head. My dream was abruptly ended when I heard a loud banging on the front window. It was an old man, who was using his cane to awaken me. He might have been a witness to my act of love. I was not sure, nor did I care. It was simply ecstasy. As I drove home, I envisioned myself committing more of these 'acts of love,' and after a while, I had no trouble carrying them out. The more people I killed, the longer my dreams were. ... I had killed nearly 38 people by the time of my twenty-third birthday, and each one was more fulfilling than the last.”

                Well, isn’t that special. Nice guy.

                He’d earned the kid’s happiness in his dreams? “Sweet visions” filled his head after running them over? He was in “ecstasy?” Killing kids and others was “an act of love?” Well, we know where he stands on abortion.
                And he is beloved of the people and a media darling. Imagine if it came to light that Trump had written something like this in his past. Think it might spend some time prominently featured on the news cycle? Still think the media isn’t biased?
   Beto’s pseudonym should have been “Psychotic Warlord.” People literally get investigated for less sickening posts than this on social media nowadays. Where are the calls to ban the sale and possession of automobiles? Yet, he then wrote another piece in which he challenged the perspective of a neo-Nazi who was defending Hitler’s actions. Reuters said of the story: “He took on a self-proclaimed neo-Nazi who maintained that Hitler was misunderstood and didn’t personally want Jews killed. O’Rourke and a Jewish friend questioned the man about his theories and let him ramble about Jews and African Americans, an attempt to let him hang himself with his own words.”
  Beto wrote: “We were trying to see what made him think the horrible things that he did.” That question would’ve been better directed at himself. In a sane world, Beto would’ve already hung himself with his own words.
  O’Rourke has also been arrested on a burglary charge, but that hasn’t diminished his fan’s ardor. After all, he’s young, many think him attractive, and he’s continually hailed as “Kennedy-esque.” Which is understandable since he, too, attempted to flee the scene of a car accident he caused by driving while intoxicated.
 Next there is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a young woman who has called for the abolishment of the automobile, airplane, fossil fuel industry and cow farts, even while being chauffeured around in a large black limousine with her burger-munching advisor. She has a plan to retrofit or rebuild every single structure in the nation, though no idea how to pay for it.
Then we have Bernie Sanders, a free-market-capitalist-hating near-octogenarian who owns three houses, whose wife was investigated for allegedly defrauding a bank, and whose 2016 campaign was reportedly fraught with sexism and harassment.
What’s next, a lily-white woman who thinks she’s Native American and a black man who thinks he’s Spartacus?

Hold on to your hats. We ain't seen nothing yet. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Woman At Gun Control Hearing Wanted To "Blow Away" NRA Members

                An "unidentified woman" was asked to leave a hearing on gun control at the Connecticut State Capitol recently, after she was observed composing a text message threatening to shoot a Republican Congressman and many members of National Rifle Association. A reporter from WTNH-TV tweeted out an image of the woman’s text, which read, “If I had a gun, I’d blow away Sampson and a large group of NRA…” The woman was apparently referring to state Senator Rob Sampson (R), a recipient of the NRA “Defender of Freedom Award.” Sampson was present at the Judiciary Committee hearing.
                The woman was asked to leave by Capitol Police, after another person at the hearing saw her message, and complained. Spoil sport! What an easily triggered (sorry about the pun) person! What’s so bad about a message touting mass murder? And some think our college kids are wusses for fainting if they hear someone talk about free market capitalism!
                The Capitol Police Chief told reporters that the woman was apologetic and “left without incident.” The Connecticut Mirror reported that she was not arrested because her behavior “wasn’t deemed threatening enough to reach the level of violating a state statute.”
                In other words, she wasn’t wearing a MAGA hat.
                This just illustrates why sane people need firearms to protect themselves…from violent nutcases like the “unidentified woman.” And it’s yet another example of progressives’ Olympian hypocrisy. Many craven Communist college kids in the ‘60s used to say, “Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity, man.” Now some leftists want to shoot those who are in favor of Second Amendment rights. Amazing. What’s next, vegans wanting to force-feed 15 Big Macs and a can of Spam down the throats of those who have the temerity to choose their own diet?
                The link to The Connecticut Mirror article read: “gun-control-advocate-expelled-over-text-message.” Talk about bias! Talk about fake news! The unidentified woman was in favor of controlling guns. She was an “advocate.” How wonderful! Yet she was “expelled!” For simply composing a “text message!” The poor dear was expelled by evil, white, alt-right policemen, I’m sure.
   Bet she’d like to “blow them away,” too. In the interest of non-violence, of course.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Today's Top Democrats Reprise Famous Presidential Addresses

Announcer: “Good evening and welcome to DPPR, Democratic Party Public Radio, and the ‘History Revisited’ program, commercial free! Remember, since we only get 80% of our funding from the federal government, we rely on you, the listener, for the rest. So, if you want more rich programming like this, please pick up the phone and dial 1-(888)-NOTRUMP, that’s 1-(888)-668-7867 and give generously. On tonight’s program, leading Democrats reprise famous presidential speeches from the past. Let’s listen in, shall we? Enjoy! First up, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Recreates JFK’s Inaugural Address—"
AOC: “…like, don’t, you know…ask, like, what your…um…country can, like, do for you…but like, maybe ask, like, what…umm… you can do for your, like, country…or whatever…”
Announcer: “Next, the overworked Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Recites President Reagan’s ‘Challenger Disaster Speech’—"
AOC: “…we will, like, never forget, umm…them, or like, the last time we saw them, like this morning, as they, like, umm…prepared for their, like, trip and whatever, and waved goodbye and like, slipped the slurpy bonds of birth to, like, touch the face of…um… our Cosmic Mother…”
Announcer: “And now, Beto O’Rourke Reprises FDR’s ‘Day of Infamy’ Speech—"
Beto: “Mx. Vice President, and Mx. Speaker, and Members of the Senate and House of Representatives, and other dudes, dudettes and non-binaries: Yesterday, December 7th, 1941…a date which will live in f**king infamy…the U.S. was suddenly and deliberately done a non-solid by naval and air forces of, like, the Empire (oooh, so, Old World-ish!) of Japan……So, like, things aren’t chill. I’m just bein’ honest. Our people, our territory and our interests are in real danger, just not as much as from climate change. Anyway, we are, uhh, confident in our troops and shit, and, if we like, apply ourselves, we will probably survive somehow, so help us Goddess Gaia. I ask that the Congress declare that, since the unprovoked and poopy-headed attack by Japan on Sunday December 7th, 1941, which we weren’t down with, that things are not cool with the United States and the Japanese Empire, and so I also ask that Japan be removed from Most Favored Nation status. Sorry, but that’s the way it’s got to be.”
Announcer: “Next up is Former President Barack Obama, who Recasts Reagan’s ‘Brandenburg Gate’ Speech—"
Obama: “…So there is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance big time the cause of freedom and peace. No, I don’t mean giving up Poland and the Baltic States—or even Vodka-- hehehe. But seriously, General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate like I have done. Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate like I would do. Mr. Gorbachev—Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! I mean if you want to and it’s not too much trouble. Thanks.”
Announcer: “And finally, Nancy Pelosi Tries Abraham Lincoln’s ‘Gettysburg Address’—"
Speaker Pelosi: “Four more and— uhh, well……um, eighty-seven years ago (long pause, she looks around confused) our, uhhh, mothers brought forth on this, uhhh…continental…a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the, uhh, preposition, that, uhh…(long pause, looks around confused) all men, women and, you know…those other genders… are created equal. Now we are, um, in the midst of a great…(long pause) world war, testing whether any society, er- country…so conceited can long endure. We are met on a big ball-field of that war. (Looks around confusedly). We have, umm…come to…irrigate that field----”
Announcer: “Well, times up. As always, send us ideas for who you’d like to hear and the famous address you’d like them to recreate. After all, this is a democracy. And be sure to stay tuned now for ‘Karaoke Korner,’ where popular Democratic figures try their hand at singing pop standards. Tonight, Maxine Waters will sing Journey’s ‘Any Way You Want It,’ Cory Booker will sing Bette Midler’s ‘Wind Beneath My Wings,’ and Bernie Sanders will belt out the Beatles’ 1968 White Album classic, ‘Back in the U.S.S.R.’”

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Woolly Mammoth To Make Comeback?

                “Cells from a woolly mammoth that died 28,000 years ago have begun to show ‘signs of biological [activity]’ after they were implanted in mouse cells.” So read the first line of the Fox News story.
                The story went on to say that research published in Scientific Reports documents the startling cell activity from the mammoth excavated from Siberian permafrost in 2011. It noted that Kei Miyamoto, a member of the team that conducted the research, told Agence France-Presse: “This suggests that, despite the years that have passed, cell activity can still happen and parts of it can be recreated.” However, there was significant damage to the beast’s cells, leading Miyamoto to add: “I have to say we are very far from recreating a mammoth.”
                Many scientists believe the mammoths, who became extinct over 4,000 years ago, died off due to climate change and human predation. (If that’s the case, it certainly wasn’t man-caused climate change, as there was no industrial activity or fossil fuel use at the time. And no planes, trains or automobiles). Now, some plucky researchers are attempting to bring the woolly mammoth back, through the use of the CRISPR gene editing tool. The Harvard Woolly Mammoth Revival Team (HWMRT), for one, is trying to introduce mammoth genes into the Asian elephant…for conservation reasons.  George Church, the head of the team, made the following statement to Live Science in May of 2018: “The elephants that lived in the past—and elephants possibly in the future— knocked down trees and allowed the cold air to hit the ground and keep the cold in the winter, and they helped the grass grow and reflect the sunlight in the summer. Those two [factors] combined could result in a huge cooling of the soil and a rich ecosystem.”
                Say what?! Knocking down trees allows cold air to hit the ground and makes the winters colder? The giant mammoths helped the grass grow? They didn’t eat it or trample it? The grass reflected sunlight, cooling summers down? So human-caused deforestation is devastating but if large, hairy pachyderms do it it’s beneficial to the planet? I thought trees cooled the area and provided oxygen. Do rocks and sand not reflect sunlight? I think Dr. Church has been knocking down too many double vodkas.
                Be that as it may, scientists are thrilled with the new developments. The consensus seems to be that it’s only a matter of time before we will be able to “bring back” a previously extinct being. In fact, researchers say if progress continues to be made at the current rate, one day soon they hope to reanimate Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer.

Saturday, March 16, 2019

New York Schools To Have "Meatless Mondays"

                New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio recently announced that he has expanded “Meatless Monday” to all New York City public schools for the 2019-2020 academic year. The pilot program, which originally brought vegetarian meals to only about 15 schools in Brooklyn, will now become a city-wide program encompassing all of the Big Apple’s roughly 1.1 million students. The young scholars will have to pick from all-vegetarian breakfast and lunch menus every Monday of the school year.
                Mayor de Blasio sounded much more excited about the change than the students will be. At a press conference to announce the program’s expansion he stated: “Cutting back on meat a little will improve New Yorkers’ health and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. We’re expanding Meatless Mondays to all public schools to keep our lunch and planet green for generations to come.”
                I had far too many green lunches in school, even when meat was served, so I’m not sold on the idea. De Blasio’s meatless mandate will obviously have no effect whatsoever on greenhouse gases, let alone “climate change,” but may well increase the amount of gas—and whining—being emitted by students.
                Reports are that “Meatless Monday” will include items like “kid friendly kale salad.” Earth to Mayor de Blasio: there is no such thing as “kid friendly kale salad.” Will “Brussel sprout-cauliflower-radish salad” be on the menu as well? I can tell Mr. Bill right now that there won’t be any "green peace" in New York City schools on Mondays.
                Mayor De Blasio said that he sees “Meatless Mondays” as just the start of a concerted effort to improve students’ health while saving the environment. He plans to add “Tofu Tuesdays” for the 2020-2021 school year, and “Foodless Fridays” the year after that. He remarked that the latter will “purge the kids’ systems while leaving the city with more greenbacks.”

Six o’clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was eatin’ tasty sirloins
With my hungry crystal blue eyes agleam
But I can’t be late
‘Cause then I won’t get a very good grade
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

It’s just another meatless Monday
I wish it was Tuesday
“Cause that’s my I don’t have to lose day
My I don’t eat my shoes day
But it’s just another meatless Monday

Have to catch an early bus
Got to be to school by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn’t make it on time
‘Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I’m gonna eat
Blame it on Gov’nor Cuomo
Since he won’t let us have any meat

(Unashamedly sing to the beat of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles!)

Friday, March 15, 2019

Minnesota Police Department Alerted To Man Hugging Pillow In Frigid Weather

                Police in Jordan, Minnesota recently received a disturbing call urging them to check on the welfare of a coat-less man standing outside in sub-zero wind-chills hugging a pillow. When officers arrived on the scene they discovered that the “man” was actually a realistic cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.  
                A police spokesperson said, “Those cardboard cutouts sure can look real from a distance and the caller certainly was not wanting to get too close thinking who is this deranged person standing outside in the cold hugging a pillow; always better to call the police.”
                The ubiquitous MyPillow founder and CEO himself found out about the incident. He apparently found it amusing, as he tweeted out an article about it replete with laughing emojis. It appears that at least Minnesotans’ sense of humor hasn’t been frozen…yet.
                In related news, a woman called 911 to report a large, green dinosaur outside of a Sinclair gas station in Braham, Minnesota last week, while another caller reported a “freakishly large young man dressed in white and red checkered bib overalls” standing outside a Marc’s Big Boy restaurant in Milwaukee, Wisconsin the same day. Police are investigating both reports.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Man To Sue Parents For Giving Birth To Him

                A 27-year-old man from Mumbai is planning to sue his parents……for giving birth to him……”without his consent.” My first thought when reading this was that it must be a “bit,” a put on, a brilliant parody. The only other possibility is insanity.
                Raphael Samuel says he personally has a great relationship with his parents but still compares having children to “kidnapping” and “slavery.” Samuel is part of an apparently growing number of “anti-natalists” who believe it is wrong to bring an unwilling child into the world and put it through the “rigamarole” of life solely for the pleasure of its parents. Samuel is on record as stating: “I love my parents, and we have a great relationship, but they had me for their joy and their pleasure.”
                Get over yourself.
                Samuel termed his life as “amazing” but insisted he can’t see “why I should put another life through the rigamarole of school and finding a career, especially when they didn’t ask to exist.” He has a Facebook page that labels parents “hypocrites,” and says, “a good parent” puts the child above his or her own wants and needs, while averring “but the child itself is a want of the parent.”
                Think about that. Samuel’s parents didn’t ask to exist, either. Nor did his grandparents. Or their grandparents. People who are thrilled to be alive didn’t ask to be, either. No plant or animal species, no living creature has ever asked to exist. The Earth itself didn’t ask to exist. Yet here we all are. So, Sammy, it seems as if your beef is really with God. Good luck with that. Oh, you don’t believe in any God? Did Mother Nature forget to ask you if you wanted to exist before you existed? What a faux pas! That bitch! Did evolution let you down? Bleep Darwin, anyway. I wonder if he granted the powers that be/the cosmos permission to give birth to him?
                Probably not. Though he did say: “The mystery of the beginning of all things is insoluble by us.”
                After he came into existence.

                To anti-natalists, the moral thing to do is to plan for our own extinction. Can one have eternal life without ever having been born? Anti-natalists might want to ponder that.

                Suing the God of Genesis is probably a fruitless endeavor.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

AOC Recites "Humpty-Dumpty"

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Recites “Humpty-Dumpty:”

Humpty Dumpty, like, sat on a wall (That’s dangerous! Walls are, like, bad!)
Humpty Dumpty, like, had a, you know, great fall (Serves him right, he’s like fat and white)
And like, All the King's…um…horses (Kings are, like, rich evil white men!)
And like, all the King's men (Like, guys that work for kings are, like, called vessels, I think)
Couldn't put, like, you know, Humpty together again. (whatever!)

And then it goes, like… Humpty Dumpty sat on the ground
And, like, Humpty Dumpty looked all around
Gone…umm… were, like, the chimneys (Good! They won’t be spewing smoke and toxins into the sky!)
Gone were, you know, the rooves (I don’t know what rooves are. Maybe roofs?)
All he could, like, see were buckles and, like, hooves. (Hooves? Hopefully not from, like, farting cows!)

(In the interest of fairness and equal time, please see my post of 4/23/2016: “Donald Trump Recites ‘Humpty-Dumpty’”)

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Sanctuary Cities

                Unlike many of my ilk, I harbor a soft spot in my heart for a sanctuary city. Truth be told, it’s really more of a dream.
                How wonderful it would be if there were a sanctuary city for conservatives. A place where wearing a piece of clothing or carrying a placard saying “Make America Great Again” doesn’t put one at risk of being sent home from school, mocked, viciously slurred or physically attacked. A place where saying “All Lives Matter” is considered an obvious truth, and an appeal for tolerance and unity. A city where diversity of thought is considered more important than which “identity group” one belongs to. A place where diversity of thought matters more than diversity of gender, skin color, or economic status. A place where the “melting pot” still functions, where “e pluribus unum” isn’t just a motto on a coin.
                This sanctuary city would be a place where kids still occasionally say, “ma’am” and “sir.” Where students call their teacher Mr. Smith, Ms. Black or simply “teacher,” not “Bob,” or “dude.” It would be a place where people frequently look up from their electronic devices and into the eyes of those around them. It would be a place where folks can debate their political differences over coffee or a beer, but where everyone stands for the National Anthem. It would be a place where there is universal respect for those who serve, and especially those who gave all for their countrymen and their country’s ideals.
                This fictitious dreamland would be a sanctuary for Christians, who are now being slaughtered around the world and mocked here at home. It would be a place that is tolerant of a diversity of religions, and of those who are agnostic or atheist, but where Christians are welcome on college campuses, in large corporation’s boardrooms, and on film sets. And where organizations such as the Southern Poverty Law Center don’t label them as members of “hate groups.”
                This city would be a sanctuary for babies, a celebrant of life. Its citizens would not call the slaughter of babies up until—or shortly after—the moment of birth “women’s health care.” Fetal parts would not be bought, sold and traded like any other commodity.
                It would be a place where men and women not only respected each other again but cherished their divinely-ordained differences. Instead of dully pretending we are all the same, they would appreciatively exclaim “viva la diffĂ©rence!” It would be a place where romance and chivalry were reborn.  
                It would be a place where people knew their history. They would be taught about various forms of government and economies—and how they worked out over time. Its schools would teach students how to think, not what to think. Indoctrination would be prohibited, imagination would be encouraged. Its inhabitants would know that Socialism/Marxism/Communism has bankrupted more societies and destroyed more people—literally and figuratively—than any other economic “system.” They would know that well over 100 million people have been killed in the name of equality, and countless millions more have been enslaved and rendered soulless by this most abhorrent of doctrines. They would know that eventually you run out of other people’s money, but, before that, you run out of dignity, self-esteem, motivation, and hope. They would look at Venezuela today and say, “Not here! Not on our watch!” They would be exposed to the Green New Deal and…laugh. And laugh and laugh.
                It would be a place where social justice warrior textbooks would be replaced by “The 5000 Year Leap” as required reading.
   It would be a place where people understood that not all wisdom is new wisdom, where people appreciated what came before and respected tradition. 
   And it would be a place of limited government-- of, by and for the people—where the rule of law reigned…and applied to everyone…equally. It would have a thriving free-market economy where people were free to pursue their dreams and success wasn’t punished. The concept of Natural Law would be the city’s foundation and sine qua non.
  This Sanctuary City On A Hill would be a place in which both the founders and Martin Luther King, Jr. would be proud to live.
  If such a sanctuary city ever came into being, those of us in the most persecuted of today’s minority groups could rise up, extend our hands and say: ”Free at last, free at last…thank God A’mighty, we’re free (again) at last!”

Monday, March 11, 2019

University Of Kansas Hosted "Masculinities Month"

                The Emily Taylor Center for Women & Gender Equity at the University of Kansas dubbed February “Masculinities Month.” Don’t fret, it was anything but a celebration of masculinity. Multiple events were scheduled throughout the month, including a “keynote” address by a “prominent anti-patriarchy writer,” according to The College Fix. The ETCWGE’s website stated: “Through these [events], the Emily Taylor Center encourages you to learn about and question the ‘collective socialization of men,’ the ‘traditional masculine script,’ and the concept of ‘the man box’; consider the relationship between intersectionality and masculinities; explore the differences between patriarchy and feminism as well as between patriarchal masculinity and feminist masculinity. We also share strategies for those seeking to practice and/or nurture feminist masculinities in their everyday lives.” Huh? This raises the question: “Bite me!” Seriously, what a load of crap. I was not aware of the concept of “the man box,” actually. Does it have something to do with being non-binary?
                The aforementioned keynote speaker for the month was Donna Zuckerberg, who penned the now iconic book, “Not All Dead White Men: Classics and Misogyny in the Digital Age.” The book (available at Half-Price Bookstores everywhere!) illuminates a “virulent strain of anti-feminism” that supposedly exists, among other places, in the “virtual communities of the far right.” (“Far right” in academic parlance refers to anyone to the right of Chairman Mao).
According to the event’s Facebook page, the event was co-sponsored by the “Sexual Assault Prevention and Education Center, the Department of American Studies, the Department of Classics, and the Department of Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of Kansas.” Given that Donna Zuckerberg is Mark Zuckerberg’s sister, I’m sure that Facebook page will live on in perpetuity.  
Since sharing strategies for practicing “feminist masculinities” went over well, the Emily Taylor Center now says it will host additional events in the near future, including ones on how to explore and practice “Black Whiteness,” “Capitalistic Communism,” “Pacifistic Militarism,” and “Vegan Carnivorousness.”