Saturday, June 23, 2018

Gender Gaps

                There has been much talk lately of the “gap” between the number of men and women in technology fields. Several people have been ostracized for saying that the gap might have something to do with men and women typically preferring different fields of endeavor or having different skill sets. A Google employee was fired for saying just that. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson has been taken to task over similar beliefs. Most recently, Stuart Reges, a professor at the University of Washington, provoked a furious and immediate backlash for having the temerity to tell The Seattle Times: “Men and women are different, and they make different choices.”
                Egads! Has the man no shame? What was he thinking? He probably wasn’t thinking at all, right?
                Prior to this, many progressives were concerned about the “gender-gap” in pay, or the unequal number of men and women in governorships, professional sports…or the mafia.

And now, some progressives are stewing over the genitalia “gap,” the fact that far more men than women sport penises. Obligingly, Dr. Iva Boner, professor of anatomy at the University of California-San Francisco, recently stuck his hand inside the beehive by saying that this gap likely exists because “Men and women are different.” He noted: “Virtually all men have penises, whereas virtually all women have vaginas. This gap would appear to be attributable to some sort of innate difference between men and women.”
Professor Boner was threatened with physical violence-- and kicked out of a restaurant-- for his intemperate remarks. The university promptly fired him and insists it will “sever all ties with those who hold bigoted and perverted views of this nature.” 

Friday, June 22, 2018

Repeal The Second Amendment?

                The Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution has suddenly come under attack from progressives, young kids, and other historically ignorant emoters. Schools, television programs, talk radio, and websites are filled with talk of—and debate about—gun control. “Should the Second Amendment be repealed” is a common question on social media and on sites such as
                I happened to stumble across a young woman’s answer to precisely that question recently.  She replied to the heretofore irrational question via Snapchat. This was her response…verbatim.
                “Yes, I’m for gun control, because personally, as a woman, one day I’d like to have as many rights as your guns do.” That is at once one of the funniest and saddest things I’ve ever heard spoken. So, you’re telling us that you’d like to wave your rights to citizenship? That you would prefer to be banned from 90% of all retail outlets and public places? That you’d like to be owned and considered property? In that case, perhaps, if you are petite enough, your owner could get a permit to carry you around…if you remained completely concealed.
   Oh, and, as a woman, you have the (federally-funded!) right to kill small people, something legal firearm owners frown upon, and for which anyone possessing a gun would be prosecuted.
                This type of comment reveals the sad state of our educational system, as well as the immense, systemic bias—and hypocrisy-- of the mainstream media and social media outlets. (The same media outlets that traffic in the most grotesque and graphic violence imaginable, from “if it bleeds, it leads,” to Grand Theft Auto and ISIS beheadings).
                Like lemmings towards a cliff, we are following our politically-correct progressive masters to our own demise. Repeal the Second Amendment? Why not? Colleges and universities have already effectively repealed the First Amendment. We have essentially “repealed” the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. Hell, we’re even trying to repeal history.
                Western nations are playing the world’s largest and most dangerous Jenga game, methodically removing each and every block comprising the foundations of their societies, while wondering why they are increasingly unstable.  This, in turn, puts the whole world in jeopardy.
                Most people have heard of the phrase, “A momentary lapse of reason.” It appears we have embarked on a permanent lapse of reason.
                And, where there is no reason, there can be no freedom.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

America's Newly Successful Totalitarians

                Long-time readers, and believe it or not I have a few, will know that I’ve never said/written anything like this, let alone to start a post: I would like you all to share and forward this post with every sane person you know.
                Kevin McHale, NBA legend and Turner Sports analyst, is being savaged on social media platforms for attending a rally for President Trump in Duluth. Sports radio host Henry Lake wrote, “If Kevin McHale actually showed up to Trump’s rally in Duluth today with everything that is happening now and what Trump’s done and stands for, yeah he’s cancelled.” WTF?! Who made you God? “Writer” Nathaniel Friedman tweeted that McHale “is extremely stupid for attending a public Trump event” and said that he should “never work in the NBA again.” Deadspin published an article headlined, “Celtics great Kevin McHale enjoys old feeling of being in an arena full of screaming bigots.” Filmmaker Adam Best chimed in with “Slap a scarlet letter on Kevin McHale and anybody else still supporting Trump after three years of this BS.”
                No one would have had aspersions cast their way for attending an Obama rally…or several. Would “journalists” and Hollywood types have called for the banning and disenfranchisement of an athlete for attending an Obama rally? A Truman or JFK rally? Even a Bill Clinton rally? Have we reached the point where any individual’s free speech rights, rights of association, First Amendment rights are overridden by group-think and intolerance? Yes, we have. America is no longer even a two-party nation if anyone associated with one of those parties can be routinely harassed, threatened and excommunicated.
                Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen was dining in a Washington, D.C. restaurant recently when she was surrounded by a left-wing mob that screamed at her and eventually drove her from the restaurant. The press was in ecstasy reporting the story. One of the activists who chased Secretary Nielson out the door of the Mexican restaurant is, ironically, an employee of the so-called Department of Justice. Members of the D.C. chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America, including Allison Hrabar, the DOJ employee, were ostensibly upset about Trump administration policies regarding illegal immigrants, and took the opportunity to physically threaten her.
                According to The Washington Examiner, Hrabar is a paralegal specialist at the Justice Department, who claims her actions were “not part of her official work,” and that she was simply “exercising her First Amendment rights off the clock.”
                Is that not what Kevin McHale was doing?! And he doesn’t work in the federal government on the taxpayer’s dime. And he wasn’t illegally harassing anyone or disturbing the peace. Who knows if McHale even approves of the president or just showed up out of curiosity to hear what the leader of the free world had to say, especially since the rally took place very, very near where McHale grew up? The president was obviously going to address major issues of concern to local residents.
                Samantha Bee (“Full Frontal” host) cleverly mocked Secretary Nielson’s name, saying she was “fjull of shjit.” Get it? The unbelievably tolerant and inclusive progressives mock a woman for her Northern European name. They attack White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders for her appearance, and Kellyanne Conway for being Kellyanne Conway. They lovingly embrace same sex marriage, abortion, bisexuality, polyamory, transgenderism, drug use, illegal border crossings, attacks on Christianity, etc., but apparently will not abide a Kirsten spelling her name with a “J,” a woman wearing a frock or…anyone thinking differently than they do.
                The batshit crazy progressives holding up signs saying “No Human Is Illegal” are equally inane and sickeningly hypocritical. They have no problem with a white American citizen being thrown in jail and therefore separated from his or her children if that person broke the law, but somehow believe non-citizens have overarching Constitutional rights. What’s more, they obviously don’t believe that Trump and his supporters are legal human beings.
                “No Human Is Illegal?” What about those leftists love to abort? Does abortion not separate a child from its parent(s)? What could possibly “separate a child from its parent(s)” more thoroughly, brutally, and finally than abortion? These are the questions an objective press would be asking far-left radicals.
                These human scum gleefully attack Trump and his supporters at every opportunity, yet support the mass-murder of babies, the obliteration of sacred marriage, the existence of 63—or whatever number of—genders, the mocking and desecrating of traditional morality and Christianity, the slander of the Founding Fathers, the classifying of Islam as “the Religion of Peace,” and a hundred other lies, all while virtue-signaling and considering themselves superior to both those that oppose them and those they purport to help. They believe nothing is immoral but the belief in morality.
                These would-be totalitarian f--kbags are human scum. Pure evil. Heinous in the extreme. There is no possibility of peace on Earth, no chance for the continuation of true freedom and liberty, and no hope for the future of mankind if they aren’t stopped. No matter what. We must fight back, or all is lost.
                The Founders did. And changed the world in ways that benefitted mankind beyond calculation.
                Sadly, I don’t believe that we will prove equally worthy. So many are scared of The Left. And that isn’t right.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The Politics Of Politics

            Sadly, everything is politics now. You open the paper to the ‘A’ section, and it’s all politics, of course. The comics? Much of them are now political, too. We can thank Gary Trudeau and Doonesbury for that. The local section? Mostly politics. Opinion? Politics. The variety section? Lots of political blather. And now the sports section…politics. 
Nearly all of entertainment is politics and it’s much of what the entertainers themselves opine about. Television, movies, so-called comedians…mostly politics most of the time. Music, too, has gotten heavily politicized. Schools indoctrinate our kids from an early age on, until this reaches a staggering climax at colleges and universities, nearly every one of which is engaged in an unending orgy of leftist, anti-capitalist, mental masturbation.
Politics everywhere you turn, all dominated by the leftists that comprise the mainstream media, academia, and entertainment industries. Big Religion has completely lost its way, as well, altering or disowning any and all previous tenets and ethics. It has decided that, rather than acting as a moral beacon shepherding us toward the Pearly Gates and eternal life, it should simply tell us all two things: One, “If it feels good, we’ll bless it,” and two, “Rich, white businessmen are the source of the world’s woes and need to repent…and repay…pass the collection plate.”  Which leads us to…Big Business.
The largest companies, such as Apple, Microsoft, Facebook, Twitter, and You-Tube, have also decided that all their customers need to be appraised of how ideologically pure they are, and how worried they are that many of their customers might actually be bigots, racists, homophobes and-the-like, unworthy of their peerless virtue.
And now the NFL and other sports leagues are getting in on the action. Protests, messages, and equally ignorant and arrogant exhibitionism are the order of the day. Players are attempting to grab the spotlight not by performing their craft at a high level, or even by coming up with goofier and goofier on-field “celebrations” of their incredible exploits, but by specifically targeting the playing of the National Anthem as the time to show off their political-correctness. 
People attend sporting events to be entertained, not to be hectored and lectured. There is no longer any place the average person can go to escape stress and get away from the issues of the day. Courtesy of those who disdain the red, white and blue. Ironically, as we have become more ignorant, we have projected politics into ever more areas of life.
  If an entertainer, a sports league, a college, a news outlet, or a church for that matter, could provide entertainment, education, or spiritual guidance free of oppressive political baggage, he/she or it would likely be extremely successful, indeed.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Dumb And Dummer

             This just in: humans are getting dumber.

 According to a study published by the University of Amsterdam last year, people in Western countries have lost 14 IQ points on average since the Victorian age. Researchers, naturally, have attempted to find reasons for this alarming trend. Why should the average I.Q. of human beings be on such a long-term downward spiral?
Some “experts” believe that intelligent people tend to have fewer children than those less bright, and that the highly educated are deciding to have one or two kids…at the most. This, they say, naturally leads to subsequent generations being comprised of less intelligent people. This is a slippery slope to go down and stands more than a little liberal orthodoxy on its head. It is, in fact, a sort of reverse Theory of Evolution…survival of the dumbest, if you will.
That humans are dumber than they use to be does not surprise me. I’ve been watching them get dumber for years now, particularly the highly educated. My theory is composed of two parts. First, that P.C.-addled, close-minded colleges and universities have essentially stopped trying to impart knowledge in favor of promoting a perverted version of “social justice.” In doing so, they have dumbed-down their students, their student’s offspring…and, to some degree, the rest of us in general. Secondly, the mainstream media, social media, television and movies (sense a pattern), video games, etc., have turned many of us into beings that would be unable to live on our own, if thrown into the wilderness, devoid of appliances, even on a lovely summer day. Many have lost the ability to create, to think on their own, to ponder, to improvise, to tough things out if necessary, to be comfortable and confident in their own company. Or simply to reason.
 Many Millennials cannot tell time on an “old-fashioned” analog clock. Can’t write in cursive. Can’t figure the change due back to them if they purchase something with cash at the store. (I know, I know…cash? How archaic!). There are no more truly great works of fiction being written. Movies attempt to shock, not elevate. The mainstream media arrogantly highlight or obfuscate based solely on their biases, pumping out fake news stories even while calling those speaking the truth liars. Increasingly, we communicate by emoji: “Me sad.” “Me happy.” “Me horny.” “Me angry.” For those on the left, especially “me angry.” The “Twitter-verse” has no time for…verse.
We are getting dumber as machines are getting smarter. Artificial intelligence (AI) will soon surpass us. The “singularity” is approaching, perhaps a few seconds earlier than we expected due to our waning intellect.
Signs of our impending idiocy have greatly proliferated in the last few decades. The same folks who want to ban cigarette sales want to legalize marijuana. Islam is proclaimed the “religion of peace” as Christianity is roundly mocked. President Trump is considered a heinous misogynist while former President Clinton is the most respected living president. The same people who think those who question “man-caused” global warming should be imprisoned (“the science is settled!) tout the existence of 60-some-odd genders.

Monday, June 18, 2018

"Hostile" Park Benches Unfair To Homeless

                Progressives are now bemoaning “hostile” architecture in public spaces, namely park benches that are uncomfortable to rest on for long periods of time. Lefties are decrying park benches as “purposely uncomfortable” to sleep on, specifically citing benches sporting armrests to prevent people from lying down on them. Furthermore, they say that bolts on the ground, “fixtures in window sills” (?) and short benches discourage people from sleeping in public spaces overnight.
                Newsflash for progs: public benches, for the most part, are specifically designed to prevent people from calling them home on a permanent basis. They were/are not designed for use as beds.
                Are we supposed to line streets, sidewalks, and parks with Sleep Number Beds for the indigent? Hello, taxpayers! That wouldn’t cause any issues, would it? Let’s see: bed bugs, bodily fluids, sexual assaults, indecent exposure, etc., etc. Perhaps government employees could also place a mobile above each bed and offer the prospective sleeper his or her choice of lullabies. It’s the least we could do. What’s more, each of these “sleep stations” could be equipped with a television permanently tuned to MSNBC or CNN, permitting the drug-addled, unemployed vagabond to see him or herself as a tragic victim of a heartless, meritocratic, patriarchal society, even while boozing it up on a $3,000 adjustable bed set to a comfy 55 while their partner passes out next to them in the lap of luxury and a 25 setting.
                Certain California cities are offering street people clean needles and a “safe” place to shoot up. Splendid! Moreover, some cities are bringing mobile toilets and showers to the homeless. It would be better if we could make the toilets fully functioning bidets and the showers replete with extendable Water-Pic showerheads offering at least eight settings. But so much more should be done. We could also upgrade the food served at homeless shelters and food banks/pantries. Instead of the usual bland fare, we could offer steak, veal, smoked pheasant and salmon, lobster, scallops, shrimp, caviar, or perhaps a nice walnut encrusted Chilean sea bass with lemon dill sauce or an aioli-based remoulade.
                If we let the better angels of our nature determine our actions, we have a chance to completely eliminate…employment. Who the hell would put up with the aggravation of a 40-plus hour work week, a boss giving them inane instructions, and long commutes when they could sleep where and with who they want, imbibe in mind-altering substances with no serious consequences, defecate in private, take a hot shower that travels to them, and eat like an effing king?
                If park benches qualify as “hostile architecture,” then public drinking fountains are clearly “grossly insufficient reservoirs.”
                The only thing hostile here is progressive’s attitude toward reason and sanity. Their reservoir of common sense is grossly insufficient.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

June Celebrations

                June has always been one of my favorite months. The Stanley Cup is fought for and awarded. The baseball season is in full swing. The fishing is good, and the lakes and parks aren’t yet overcrowded, as they tend to be in July and August. So, while there is still a good portion of this Heavenly month left, let’s celebrate it…by examining what is celebrated in the month of June.
                June is African-American Music Appreciation Month. It is also, however, National Accordion Month, which is a strange juxtaposition, as never-the-twain shall meet. Can any of you honestly picture BeyoncĂ©, Kanye West, or P. Diddy riffing on a large squeezebox or concertina ala The Chmielewski Fun-time Band or Whoopee John Wilfahrt? No, you can’t.
                June is National Audiobooks Month and National Bathroom Reading Month. (Hmmm. I’m not sure about listening to an audiobook in the bathroom).
June is also Great Outdoors Month. And Fireworks Safety Month. This makes sense. If you are going to shoot off fireworks, the outdoors is a good place to do it. Additionally, practicing doing so in June will likely lead to greater competency—and safety-- come July 4th, when it really matters.
The month also celebrates shelter-cat adoption and aquariums. This seems somewhat problematic to me. Save a cat, imperil a goldfish? Whatever.
June is Children’s Awareness Month, Student Safety Month, and Potty-Training Awareness Month, all of which appear to go together nicely. However, it is also Celibacy Awareness Month. Go figure. June is Gay and Lesbian Pride Month, too, which would seem utterly incompatible with both Children’s Awareness Month and Celibacy Awareness Month.
June is both National Women’s Golf Month and National Safety Month, which seems a bit oxymoronic. Just kidding, women! Just kidding! Put that five-iron down, honey!
Finally, June is Smiling Appreciation Month…and Effective Communications Month. These two are perfectly paired.
Here’s to those creative writers who, whether through elegance of thought and presentation, or great good humor, give us the present of pleasure, the gift of a grin.
Here’s to June.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Welcome To The First Annual Transgender America Contest!

“Welcome to the first annual Transgender America Contest!”
You know it won’t be long until we hear those words coming from our 72”, 4k, big-screen televisions. The contest formerly known as the “Miss America Pageant” saw its first openly gay contestant in 2017. The very next year, 2018, it was decided that the swimsuit and evening gown competitions would be scrapped and that the contest would be entirely decided by “talent,” dialogue, and social justice awareness. Gretchen Carlson, chairperson of Miss America’s board of trustees, stated: “We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance.” She added, “That’s huge.” Apparently, some of the contestants will now be huge, as well.
Beauty is out. Physical appearance doesn’t matter. Transgenderism is in. Gender is just a social construct, a state of mind. Can you see how it all ties together perfectly? At this rate of change, there is no telling where the competition goes from here. Physical appearance, age, gender, etc. are all rendered moot.
Who among us wouldn’t want to tune in to see “Pat,” a 61-year-old from Cleveland who “identifies” as a woman (not that it matters anymore) sing “Lola” and discuss fiscal policy? But, what happens if “she” goes on to win the competition by giving the best answer to the question, “What does the Pythagorean Theorem mean to you?” Would it be on to the Miss Universe contest, where there is (as of this writing) a swimsuit competition? Would Pat then just don a Speedo and hope for the best?
The Miss Universe contest itself is part of the “Big Four” with the Miss World, Miss International and Miss Earth contests. I must say, this seems redundant. Aren’t the Miss World and Miss International contests covering essentially the same ground, i.e. the planet? And, is the Miss Universe contest really necessary, or is it overly broad, so to speak? I don’t recall a “Miss Mars” or a “Miss Uranus.” (Insert your own joke here). Have there been any entries from outside our solar system? Perhaps a “Miss M-31” or a “Miss Andromeda?”

Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. I know one thing, though. I wish Bob Barker was still around.
 I can almost hear him crooning to the winner: “There they is, Zirs America!”

Friday, June 15, 2018

Fundraiser For Invasive Species Control And Immigration Enhancement

University of Minnesota Campus
July 17, 2018
First Annual Fundraiser For Invasive Species Control And Immigrant Rights Enhancement

Emcee: "Welcome ladies and gentlemen, and members of the LGBTQ, polyamorous and ‘kink’ communities! We are so happy to have you here with us this evening to help stop the spread of dangerous-- and costly-- invasive species and to help fight the Trump administration in its efforts to limit illegal immigration! (Hearty applause). I think we can all agree that invasive species must be given no quarter and be afforded no safe-haven. They simply cannot be tolerated. It is time to put an end—once and for all—to the immeasurable damage aquatic and land-based invasive species are inflicting on America. We must stop, reverse, and, eventually, eradicate these existential threats to our way of life and our native species! (Hearty applause). Whether it’s the emerald ash borer, brown tree snake, common starling, or kudzu plant on our land, or the carp, zebra mussel, spiny water flea, or Eurasian water milfoil in our waters, we say together: ‘Go back where you came from, we don’t want you here!’ (Hearty applause).

"I’m just as sure that everyone in this room realizes how vital immigrants are to this nation’s health and prosperity. I don’t care where they come from, or if they are ‘legal’ or ‘illegal,’ documented or undocumented, young or old, they all enrich us with their diversity! And remember, tolerance is the highest virtue! We are honored to have the Society for Immigrant Rights (SIR) with us tonight…(applause breaks out)…yes, thank you. Representatives from that great organization will be making a presentation tonight, one that I think will blow you away. Break out the Kleenex boxes!

 "There will be several raffles this evening, as well as a silent auction. In addition, there are donation stations on each side of the great hall, one to fund the fight against invasive species, and the other to help fund sanctuary cities and to help secure amnesty for the many millions of under-appreciated aliens currently living in this nation. Fully 100% of the money raised here tonight will go to fund these two vital causes. (Wild applause).

"I am happy to announce that dinner will be served at 7:00 pm. I’m told Chef Manuel and Chef Muhammed have cooked up some exotic delights for us, so I hope you’re hungry! Maybe they’ve deep-fried some invasive species, ha, ha, ha!

"A little later in the evening, representatives from the Society for Immigrant Rights will be coming around asking you folks to sign up for their newsletter, ‘Diversity Is Its Own Reward,’ so just say yes, SIR! (Chuckles).

"Well, we’ve got a big night ahead of us, so let’s get started, shall we?"


Thursday, June 14, 2018

California To Be Split Into Multiple States?

               This November, voters across California will decide if the formerly Golden State will be split into three new states. A politically-driven initiative pushed by wealthy Silicon Valley venture capital investor Tim Draper received enough signatures to appear on the upcoming election ballot, the Secretary of State’s office confirmed recently. Supporters of the radical plan submitted over 600,000 signatures, allowing the measure to go before voters this fall, and potentially divvying up the erstwhile Land of Milk and Honey into two permanently blue states and one swing state, greatly benefitting Democrats. (And making it necessary to add two more stars to the U.S. flag).
                A poll conducted in April found that only about 17 percent of registered California voters favored the proposal, while 72 percent opposed it. It’s all a moot point, however, as Congress would likely never approve the move.  
                Each of the three states in the proposal would be dominated by major metropolitan areas, ignoring the real division in the state, which is between the rural areas and the coastal cities. But, of course, this is to ensure that more rural residents of each of the three states are held hostage, their votes far more than cancelled out by their biggest cities.
                In a good faith effort to help out my democratic friends, I am proposing that California be split into five states. If each of these five states was largely composed of, or at least included one of California’s numerous big cities, all five of these states could be Democratic strongholds, for a net gain of eight seats in the Senate alone! Republicans would never hold the Senate again.
                Now to the logistics of such an endeavor. I propose that everything from Sacramento north become a separate state called Northern California. Sacramento would be the largest city in this state, and alone, as the seat of government, would guarantee this otherwise purplish region would vote blue. Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown and Gavin Newsome could remain as governor and lieutenant governor, respectively.
 The second new state would encompass the area from just south of Sacramento to Fresno, including San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose and the Silicon Valley. This overwhelmingly progressive stronghold could be called Central California. Likely governor: Mark Zuckerberg. Likely lieutenant governor: Jack Dorsey.
The area south of Fresno to the Mexican border, with the exception of two separate enclaves, would be the state of Southern California, nicknamed “the Sanctuary State.” Likely governor: Current Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti. Likely lieutenant governor: Kobe Bryant.
The fourth new state would cover a relatively small area near Los Angeles and be called Hollywood. Its capital would be named Fauxtown. Likely governor: Robert De Niro. Likely lieutenant governor: Jimmy Kimmel. This wildly progressive new state would still have to deal with the #MeToo movement.
Last, but certainly not least, the fifth new state would surround an area centered by Simi Valley, north and northwest of Los Angeles. This smaller state would be called Pornocopia. Likely governor: Stormy Daniels. Likely lieutenant governor: Jenna Jameson.
Five is better than three, right? (I’m not talking to you, Stormy). It’s up to you California.