Wednesday, January 16, 2019

California To Tax Drinking Water?

California Governor Gavin Newsome (D) wants to tax the state’s drinking water to create a “safe and affordable drinking water fund” for poor people. This new tax would, of course, be on top of all the other taxes that have made California one of the most expensive states in which to live. If Newsome’s water tax is implemented, virtually everything that a resident can ingest will be taxed. In addition, Newsome is widely believed to be seriously considering a tax on “breathing air.”
An anonymous source close to the governor said that, “since California already taxes wood, metal, fire and earth, the addition of water would mean that all five basic elements would then be utilized to generate much-needed revenue for the Golden State to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves…through no fault of their own. I think it stands to reason that the wealthy drink more water than poor people, just as they take more showers and wash their clothes more frequently. Plus, they tend to put water in their Scotch, whereas the homeless don’t. This imbalance is really a humanitarian crisis that needs to be addressed.” He went on to state: “And, once we have maxed out the revenue from everything that a person can take into their body, we will naturally need to focus on the things that come out of their body. To begin with, I’d look for an incremental excrement tax in the near future, perhaps as early as 2020. Let’s face it, the more people consume, the more they excrete. This isn’t fair to those who don’t happen to be life’s lottery winners, those who were assigned poor at birth.”
For some reason, 661,000 Californians fled the state in 2017 alone, the vast majority of them coincidentally relocating in states with less confiscatory tax policies. The stream of people leaving the People’s Republic and heading for red states far and wide will flow ever stronger with each new tax Governor Newsome tries to make residents swallow.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

President Pelosi?

                If President Trump is removed from office and Vice-President Pence completely calcifies, Nancy Pelosi would become the President of the United States. Be careful what you wish for. The specter of a Pelosi presidency should make any sentient being want to have Richard Milhouse Nixon exhumed and carted around the White House grounds “Weekend at Dickie’s” style, at least until the January 2021 inauguration.
                For those twisted masochists who like to think scary thoughts, I’ve utilized actual quotes from the Speaker of the House to anticipate what a Pelosi as POTUS era might look—or should I say sound—like.

Reporter: “Madam President, what are your thoughts on the president being impeached?”

President Pelosi: “Frankly, I’m relieved that President Bush has finally been impeached.”

Reporter: “Will you be able to work with Republicans in the Senate?”

President Pelosi: “I have to say, I think civilization as we know it today would be in jeopardy if the Republicans controlled the Senate.”

Reporter: “Republicans do, in fact, control the Senate, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “I don’t know if these people were all sprung from the head of Zeus, or maybe they’re all Native Americans, bless their hearts. But somebody came from someplace!”

Reporter: “Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “As I was saying, I’ll have to sign this bill so we can find out what’s in it. Away from the fog of the controversy.”

Reporter: “What bill, Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “The one about the economy. About, uhhh…………economic recovery.”

Reporter: “Actually, though I am loath to admit it, the economy is doing pretty well, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “You know, every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs.”

Reporter: “Madam President, with all due respect, that would be 6 billion Americans a year. There are less than 350 million Americans period. There aren’t 6 billion people of working age on the face of the Earth.”

President Pelosi: “Speaking of jobs, did you know unemployment benefits create jobs faster than practically any other program? Maybe ex-President Bush will help create jobs now that he’s unemployed himself (giggles).”  

Reporter: “Madam Pelosi, now that you are on the other side, so-to-speak, what are your plans for controlling the border?”

President Pelosi: “We have a responsibility to control our borders. But building a wall is not an answer, not here in America, or any place. As many of you know, I came from San Francisco. We don’t have a lot of walls there, and we’re doing fine. We don’t have many farms there, either, in case you’re going to ask me a question on agri…um…culture. Well, we do have one—it’s a mushroom farm, so you know what that means (looks confused, then giggles).”

Reporter: “What are your plans regarding healthcare?”

President Pelosi: “I think that, instead of celebrating Independence Day on July 4th, we should celebrate ‘Health Independence Day,’ or ‘Hindependence Day,’ to salute Obamacare.” 

Reporter: “Madam President, what do you plan to do about the massive deficit you’ve inherited?”

President Pelosi: “Well, you know…you cannot cut your way to deficit reduction.”

Reporter: “What about energy? Will you subsidize green energy?”

President Pelosi: “As you know, I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels. I don’t believe in burning fossils. I think they should be put together and displayed in museums.”

Reporter: “Natural gas is a fossil fuel, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “Well, it might be when it comes out of Biden (giggles).”

Reporter: “What will be your position on the Middle East. Specifically, what about Hamas?”

President Pelosi: “Hamas is a humanitarian organization. Or is that hummus? Well, I think they’re both okay.”  

Reporter: “Fantastic. And what makes you think you are qualified to be president, Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “Having five children in six years is the best training in the world for the presidency. Did you know, Jim, that the president of the United States is the most famous person in the whole world? Maybe in the whole galaxy? Or even the universe?”

Reporter: (Under his breath) “I think I miss Trump.”                   

Monday, January 14, 2019

Fundraiser For Population Control And Immigration Reform

February 14, 2019
Minneapolis Convention Center

Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome, all, to our first annual fundraiser for population control and immigration reform. I’m Paulina Progrecev and I’m honored to be your emcee this evening. Tonight, we will be talking about the importance of keeping population growth under control by funding education and healthcare services for girls and women. It is vital that we keep our population to a manageable level and not over-stress our limited resources. Also, a bit later, we will be discussing measures you can take to ensure that the U.S. never builds a border wall and cuts itself off from the rest of the world. We will address ways to increase the flow of immigrants—'illegal’ or legal—into the country to help us experience the joys of diversity. As most of you know, a thriving immigrant population enriches us beyond measure. On that, the science is settled. No deniers here! Did you know there were potentially as many as 2 million DREAMers in the country? But the Trump administration has never liked President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, so we must be vigilant--  and courageous in standing up to those who would so cold-heartedly deport these children and send them back to their homes, thereby depriving them of their inalienable right to free education and healthcare, driver’s licenses and voting privileges, as well as the fun of walking into convenience stores and speaking only Spanish to the clerk. With that said, Planned Parenthood is sponsoring a booth tonight called ‘Keep Kids with Parents, It’s Where They Belong!’ If you visit the booth you will see some truly horrifying pictures of little children, some not much older than babies, being held in cages after the Trump administration snatched them from their parents at our southern border recently. Can you even imagine that kind of callousness? I also encourage you to visit the Margaret Sanger Center for Abortion Rights and Euthanasia (CARE) adjacent to this auditorium. This evening Planned Parenthood will be holding a drawing there—open to those 13 and older-- for one free abortion. That’s right, completely free-- from consultation to clean-up. I kid you not! A little abortion humor there……haha! Supposed to have twins? Planned Parenthood has you covered there, too. Members of the organization will be coming around with raffle tickets shortly. For only $1 per ticket, you can take a chance at winning an abortion BOGO! If you’ve gone all the way to home base lately with a ‘two-run shot,’ you might just want to execute a double play today! Abort both your fetuses for the price of one! Anyway, our heartfelt thanks goes out to that wonderful organization for their kindness and largess. And don’t forget, Democrats for Immigration Maximization (DIM) and Abortions for A Better Tomorrow are teaming up to provide dinner tonight in the Marie Stopes Memorial Banquet Hall through the doors to your right. DIM is serving tacos and Dos Equis, while the folks at Abortions for A Better Tomorrow will tempt your taste buds with pigs-in-a-blanket, tender baby back ribs and Bud Light. Dilly, Dilly! Have a magical night, everybody!”


Sunday, January 13, 2019

Women's Colleges To Admit Those With Penises

                Smith College, of Northampton, Massachusetts, recently announced that it will henceforth admit “self-identified transgender women” into the all-women’s school starting with the fall, 2019 semester.
                The college stated: “The board’s decision affirms Smith’s unwavering mission and identity as a woman’s college, our commitment to representing the diversity of women’s lived experiences, and the college’s exceptional role in the advancement of women worldwide.”
                In short: applicants who were born male but identify as women are eligible for admission, but applicants who were born female but identify as men are not eligible for admission. Women with penises good. Men with vaginas bad. Biology is right out. (You know how progressives love science)!
                Smith will have far more penises hanging around campus than one would expect at an “all-women’s college,” but this only makes sense now that the only thing that matters is what you believe yourself to be.
                And Smith isn’t the only college proud of its “exceptional role in the advancement of women (with penises) worldwide.”
                Stephens College, located in Columbia, Missouri (fly-over country!), has also changed its admissions policy to favor men who claim to be women over women who’d like to be men. This school will now “admit and enroll students who were not born female, but who identify and live as women,” while rejecting applications from those “who were born female but who now identify as men or who are transitioning from female to male.” The school will continue to enroll non-binary individuals, as long as they aren’t “transitioning to male.”
                So, in the eyes of institutes of higher learning, you aren’t a woman if you actually are one, but don’t wish to be, but are a woman if you aren’t, but want to be. This seems to me a real—albeit twisted-- form of misogyny. And logic.
                Stephens College was founded on August 24th, 1833, as the Columbia Female Academy. Decades later, in the latter 19th century, it was renamed Stephens Female College after James L. Stephens endowed the school with $20,000.
                Now, some of its “women” students will be endowed, as well.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Denver To Legalize Magic Mushrooms?

                The pot must be working like a good gateway drug should. Denver activists are planning to make the already mile-high city even higher. They recently turned in ballot petitions that they hope will be the first step towards decriminalizing the use of psychedelic psilocybin mushrooms, more commonly called “magic mushrooms.” If the initiative is approved by voters in the May municipal mushroom election, the city would become the first in the nation to essentially legalize the hallucinogens, for those 21 and older, by barring the use of city resources to impose penalties on those who ingest them.
                Members of the group Decriminalize Denver claim they have collected well over 8,000 ballot petition signatures. 4,726 verified signatures from registered voters are required to make the ballot. Activists have hope, since similar strategy was employed to decriminalize marijuana usage leading up to the voters’ approval of legalization in 2012.
                Supporters say “’shrooms” can reduce stress and opioid use.
                   However, according to and the Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, a person high on mushrooms can experience “extreme tension, anxiety and restlessness,” as well as “frightening hallucinations, confusion, disorientation, paranoia, agitation, depression, panic, and terror.” That doesn’t seem very relaxing. Moreover, psychological effects of magic mushrooms include “perceptual distortions, auditory, and visual hallucinations, melding of the senses, difficulty focusing, impaired judgment, sense of detachment from body, altered perception of space and time, inability to distinguish fantasy from reality, and melding of past experiences with present.”

                Egads! This may explain the entire Democratic Party!
                The site goes on to say that the effect of magic mushrooms can be dangerous (duh!) and “sometimes fatal.” It also says that those who take the mushrooms “may not even realize what they are doing,” and that “a person is more likely to engage in dangerous activities while on the drugs, since their reality will be completely distorted.” It adds that “it may take days for their brain chemicals to return to normal,” and helpfully notes that “this can have a negative impact on their life and daily responsibilities.”
                Not to mention their underwear. Or their families.
                But, what the hell. We’ve already legalized abortion, covenantial gay marriage, marijuana (in some states), and illegal immigration. We’re on a roll! Why stop at magic mushrooms? It would be illogical at this point. Let’s legalize crack cocaine, bestiality, heroine, polyamory, crystal meth, pedophilia, Krokodil and necrophilia while we’re at it, too.

                There could be a new “Rocky Mountain high” coming. “Dude, I’m like so hungry after these spliffs. Pass the mushrooms!”

                Cue John Denver. But stay off its highways.

But the Colorado mushrooms are so fine
I've seen giant dragons in the sky
And read to cyclops and unicorns such sweet lullabies
Rocky mountain high (Colorado)

It's Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
Friends around the campfire and everybody's high
Rocky mountain high (love my mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high (mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high (magic mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high (yeah!)

(Ironically, the article I linked to was directly below one titled “Smoking in U.S. at Record Low” on an amalgamated news site recently. We are legalizing dangerous and illicit drugs and behavior even as we criminalize free speech, Christian expression and self-defense. What does that say about a society?)

Friday, January 11, 2019

Driver-Less Cars II: Dream Or Nightmare?

                Driver-less cars are coming. Whether we want them or not. And, like cash-less societies (also coming), they will give governments, bureaucrats and Big Tech vastly more control over our lives. In the case of cashless societies, the Government-Big Tech-complex will know everything we purchase and everywhere we go. Driver-less cars may, ironically, render some of us utterly immobile. If future vehicles don’t have steering wheels or other internal control mechanisms, someone other than our-selves will control the car. Software and GPS-like technology will rule the day. Riders will be able to program the vehicle to a degree, inputting their destination and certain other data. The rest, well
                Not only can the software running these vehicles be hacked, a potentially dangerous situation, but the car’s computers can be programmed with an endless number of limitations and parameters. This will be far worse than dealing with a backseat driver. This will be a permanent designated driver-- albeit a remote one-- who may consider many things more important than your wishes.

                “I’m sorry Ms. Johnson, but you are not authorized to listen to that radio station…it’s currently airing the ‘Rush Limbaugh Show.’”

                “You are not allowed to go any faster on this stretch of road, Mr. Smith. This is the speed limit.”
                “But, I have to get my wife to the hospital!”

                “Mr. Kramer, you have already used up your monthly allotment of gas. You will not be able to start this vehicle for another eight days.”

                “Mrs. Brown, I understand that your taxes are in arrears. I will be taking you downtown now.”
                “Robert—can I call you Bob?-- Great. Bobby, if you desire to go to Richfield, the route you chose is highly inefficient and not environmentally friendly. I will select a more appropriate route.”

                “Ms. Henderson, you’ll have to remove the crucifix hanging off your rear-view mirror when we travel through the national park. It’s a public area, and taxpayer funded government space, so no religious symbols are allowed. By-the-way, is your…umm…traveling ‘companion’ by any chance a Jew?”

                “Mr. White, do you—”
                “It’s not Mr. White. I identify as a woman.”
                “Frightfully sorry. Mrs. White, do you—”
                “I don’t go by ‘Mrs.,’ either. My preferred pronoun is ‘they.’ I’m nanogender. But I’ll also answer to ‘zie.’”
                “Of course. Okay they, zie have to buckle up before we can leave. And no smoking, unless it’s marijuana.”
                “Alright, but you’re driving me up a wall. Get it?"
                “Haha. Likewise, I’m sure. But there is no wall. And there never will be. At least not on America’s southern border. Walls don’t work. And they are immoral. I would caution you to remember that, White…if you know what I mean.”
                “I identify as Black now. For the record.”


Thursday, January 10, 2019

American Psychological Association Says Masculinity Harmful

                In 1973, the American Psychological Association (APA) removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders.
                In 2019, it essentially put acting like a man on its list of mental disorders. What a difference a few decades makes. The APA’s website touted its “Guidelines for Psychological Practice With Boys and Men” (based on 40 years of research!), in which it stated: “The main thrust of the subsequent research is that traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful.” Furthermore, it claimed that “the more men conformed to masculine norms,” the more likely they were to engage in risky behaviors. One of the risky behaviors listed was “avoiding vegetables.” Apparently, the good doctors of the APA believe anal sex, dental dams, and attempting to change one’s gender are all perfectly healthy, but avoiding the consumption of broccoli is fraught with danger.
                It appears the APA won’t be happy until every male becomes a chatty, vegan, interior decorator who wears designer clothing and is named Michael Fitzpatrick or Patrick Fitzmichael. That would be healthy for society, wouldn’t it?
                At the rate things are going, it won’t be long until the APA lists heterosexuality as a mental disorder. Right after masculinity, Christianity, cis-genderism, and “whiteness.”
                The American Psychological Association itself is, on the whole, harmful. Following its guidelines is truly risky behavior. For an individual, and for the country.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio Announces Universal Health Care Plan

                New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio recently announced a universal health care plan, promising free or affordable medical coverage to all citizens and non-citizens alike. His “plan” is dubbed “NYC Care,” and is aimed at the over 600,000 people currently residing in New York who have opted out of purchasing insurance, can’t afford the premiums available on the state’s health-care exchange, or are ineligible for coverage because they are not citizens of the United States.
                De Blasio went on MSNBC’s notorious “Morning Joe” program and touted his “public health insurance option that can reach the hundreds of thousands that are, right now, not in any kind of health insurance.” He stated, “We also have a way to provide direct health care to a lot of our neighbors, who happen to be undocumented,” adding, “They’re still a part of our community, they need health care, their families need health care.”
                De Blasio said that his plan won’t just provide residents with a primary care physician, but will give them access to specialty care, mental health services, and other services…and will be “seamless.”
                De Blasio was asked a number of questions about the program at the news conference. One reporter asked who would receive the free coverage and who would pay for it. The mayor replied that the premium scale “will slide to zero for people who don’t have resources. For people who have the ability to pay, we’ll be expecting that people pay what they can.” Well, at least he’s got that nailed down. What could possibly go awry? When the reporter had the temerity to ask a follow-up question, De Blasio responded: “We’re first getting people health care. I want to make sure that’s really, really clear. First, we’re getting you your health care. Then we’re working out the finances.”
                That’s how it works in real life, too. “Honey, first we’re getting the Maserati, then we’ll work out the finances.” And, “First we’re getting the mansion/yacht/cocaine/fill in the blank, then we’ll work out the finances.” Ready…fire!...aim.
                De Blasio said he will shortly be unveiling another new plan to be paid for by those New Yorkers who have the ability to do so. This one, he said proudly, “will provide free food, clothing, shelter, candy, birth control, marijuana, lawn maintenance, and oral sex” to “everyone in the world who needs these.”

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Professor Says Don't Judge Quality Of Students' Writing

                Asao Inoue, a University of Washington-Tacoma professor and the director of the school’s Writing Center, will reportedly be heading up a seminar at American University next month to teach faculty how to assess writing without judging its quality. Because “grading ain’t just grading,” according to an introduction to the seminar. Ain’t that the truth!
                Professor Inoue appears to be overqualified for the job of encouraging sloppier and shoddier writing. In fact, he wrote the book on it. In his 2015 classic, “Antiracist Writing Assessment Ecologies: Teaching and Assessing Writing for a Socially Just Future,” he explained, “We must rethink how we assess writing, if we want to address the racism.” Inoue avers that teachers and professors should “calculate course grades by labor completed,” not by the quality of writing “when producing course grades.” In other words, don’t judge a book by its cover. Or by anything written on the pages inside.
                The Nutty Professor believes that avoiding judging the quality of a student’s writing will lead to “compassionate” classrooms. He says that subjecting students to “single standards” perpetuates “white language supremacy.” Inoue will lecture on “language standards that just kill our students.” Call me a skeptic, but I don’t take that literally, though it’s obvious his lack of standards will lead to a butchering of the language.
                One seminar session will teach participants how to assess and grade writing “most meaningfully for students,” by explaining-- in detail-- how “dimension-based rubrics” can be used to “acknowledge the diverse range of readers in any classroom.”
                So, “labor completed” should be the key factor in assessing a paper, post, article or book? That makes good nonsense! By Inoue’s “logic” the New York phone book or the IRS tax code should receive top grades while the Declaration of Independence would get short shrift for coming in at only 1,320 words in length…and for being written by ancient white men.
                Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: “The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.”
                Asked to write a brief summary of that quote and what it means to him, Robert Johnson, one of professor Inoue’s students, might well write something like: “So, like, my man goes, um…that edumacation is cool ‘cuz it, you know…makes us think and shit. And be critical of white dudes who think they’re smart. ‘Cuz they ain’t. And that real edumacation is all about social justice anyway.” (Rob is a white kid from Washington, D.C.).
                If teachers truly want to assess and grade a youth’s writing in a manner “most meaningfully for students,” they must be honest and tough, but fair. They should insist on high standards, not condemn their charges to the soft tyranny of low expectations.
                Inoue is engaging in the vilest form of virtue-signaling. No doubt he feels “woke,” but his standard of no standards is terrible for the future of his students……and his country.

                (Writing is personal for me. As the brilliant author Steve Rushin states: “Many people say ‘words fail me.’ I’ve always been afraid that I’ll fail words”).


Monday, January 7, 2019

Democrats: No Money For Wall, More Money For Overseas Abortions

                Democrats in the U.S. House of Reprehensibles Representatives are refusing to provide a single dollar for a border wall. Their intransigence has led to a partial government shutdown, in its third week as I write this.
                Yet, their first piece of proposed legislation since they took over the House would repeal a provision preventing U.S. aid dollars from funding abortions in other countries, The Washington Examiner reported. (And this was their attempt at bipartisanship and ending the government stalemate)! The Democratic bill would get rid of a requirement, known as the Protecting Life in Global Health Assistance policy, that foreign nongovernmental organizations certify they will not “perform or actively promote abortion as a method of family planning,” in order to receive U.S. aid. The same bill would also increase the amount of money given to the United Nations Population Fund by $5 million. This fund pays for abortions around the planet-- some of them coercive-- and sterilizations…some of them involuntary. Talk about the Party of Death! Today’s Democrats literally have a death wish…for those other than themselves.
                Democrats say we can’t waste taxpayer’s money on their own protection. They won’t spend a dollar to protect their own citizens in their homeland, but will cough up millions of dollars to help kill innocent little foreign babies in their countries.

    Amazing. Immoral. Amazingly immoral.