Thursday, January 31, 2019

New York State Of Mind

                 Led by Gov. Andrew Cuomo, the state of New York is quickly moving to overtake California as the most ridiculous and radical in the nation. If not in fact, then in principle, it’s moving ever closer to other such beacons of state progress like Cuba, North Korea and Venezuela. Brother Chris (and his CNN coworkers) must be so proud of Andrew!
                 The Empire State will now allow abortions up to the time of birth for any reason, after passing the criminally-euphemistic “Reproductive Health Act.” (Maybe even later than that…wink, wink, nudge, nudge, since the RHA also removes protections for a baby born alive after an abortion attempt. It even allows non-doctors to perform surgical abortions). Nine months into your pregnancy and thinking, nah, the little shit might be a pain in the ass? No problem! Snuff that sucker! Abortions are partially subsidized by taxpayers and, in New York, Medicaid pays for abortions for lower income women. Despite the high cost of living in New York, abortions are relatively cheap across the board! A high cost of living and low cost of dying is a hallmark of a progressive state.  Ask Venezuela.
                For his part, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio recently promised that the Big Apple will make it a priority to give illegal aliens access to affordable health care going forward. Moreover, Governor Cuomo and New York lawmakers recently granted free college tuition to illegal aliens, as well.
                These progressive moves can’t help but make for a Truly Great Society, with apologies to LBJ. Any state that aids and abets the killing of its most vulnerable potential citizens while providing special cradle-to-grave care for illegal aliens paid for by taxing the hell out of its most successful residents is certainly on the right track.
    Why not give all criminals special rights. Burglars should receive a monthly stipend, rapists housing vouchers, tax cheats double food stamp payouts, homicidal maniacs discounts on guns and ammo, child molesters free wi-fi for life.
    If New York continues on like this, it won’t be long until it is mostly illegal aliens, other criminals and low-income folks living there. The talented and wealthy will have fled, along with many of those now arbitrarily, comparatively disadvantaged in the middle class.
    In fact, according to recent data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the state of New York experienced a net loss of 48,560 people from July of 2017 to July of 2018, one of the biggest population declines of any state in the union.
Start spreadin' the news, I'm leavin' today
I will not be a part of it
New York, New York
These marginalized shoes, are going away
Cuomo’s taxed me out of it
New York, New York

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Harvard Geoengineering Experiment To Try To Cool Earth

                Harvard scientists are preparing to launch a geoengineering experiment they hope will lead to lowering the Earth’s temperature, according to the journal Nature. They are proposing to spray calcium carbonate particles into the stratosphere which, theoretically, could subsequently cool the planet by reflecting some of the sun’s rays back into space. Where they belong, dammit!
                The gambit has been branded “The Stratospheric Controlled Perturbation Experiment.” Scientists derived the idea for the SCPE in analyzing the results of the Mount Pinatubo eruption of 1991, which injected an estimated 20 million metric tons of sulfur of sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere, cooling Earth by 0.5 degrees Celsius. Nature reports that the planet’s average temperature returned to pre-steam engine levels for about 18 months as a result of the catastrophe, which killed approximately 800 people. (“Pre-steam engine levels” is kind of a broad date range, covering as it does everything from the “Big Bang” until the 1700s).
                The experiment’s first phase could launch as early as the spring of this year, the journal stated, while pointing out that it could backfire and disadvantage some areas of the world by robbing crops of rain or shifting rain patterns. It could even alter the jet stream. Oh well. You win some, you lose some, I guess. Better luck next time, Europe!
                Nature states that “many researchers have come to the alarming conclusion that the only way to prevent the severe impacts of global warming will be either to suck massive amounts of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere or to cool the planet artificially. Or, perhaps more likely, both.”
                For example, David Fahey, a scientist at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, remarked to the journal: “Not talking about geoengineering is the greatest mistake we can make right now.” I beg to differ. Carelessly screwing with the planet is. Mad-scientist Fahey thinks mankind screwed up by accidentally causing global warming, but that we have no choice but to take a few shots in the dark to try to cool the planet down? What could go wrong?
                Quite a lot, actually. First off, we have no clue what injecting calcium carbonate particles into the stratosphere would do, as, unlike “greenhouse gases,” the substance doesn’t naturally or currently exist there. But shoot, what’s the worst that could happen?
                Popular Mechanics said of the experiment, “chances are, that even with more accurate data the simulations will tell scientists what many of them already suspect: altering the earth’s climate is risky and carries a lot of side effects. More research and better simulations might let us find less dangerous ways to dim the sun, but any such experiment will always have a chance of making things worse.” Swell.
                Jim Thomas, co-executive director of the ETC Group, an environmental advocacy organization that opposes geoengineering, had the most accurate take on the proposed perturbation experiment. He told the journal: This is as much an experiment in changing social norms and crossing a line as it is a science experiment.” Indeed.
                How did the sun, of all things, suddenly get a bad rap? Why do we want to damn and dim it? Isn’t it, along with water, the only reason we have been privileged to live here? And who decides what temperature is j-u-s-t right? Who gets to control the planet’s thermostat? What if Icelanders, Scandinavians and Canucks want it set at 55 degrees Fahrenheit and those around the equator want it at a constant 88 degrees? Do they go to war?
                What other great ideas are our best and brightest entertaining that might screw up the Earth cool the Earth? Painting every square foot of the planet’s landmass white to reflect as much sunlight as possible? Beaming the stiff, lifeless images of Senators Schumer and Pelosi into the sky?
                The potential risk-reward ratio is completely askew here. It is mindful of a pharmaceutical commercial for a, say, toenail fungus drug. Yes, after using this drug you may have significantly nicer looking toenails (yay!), but it could cause uncontrolled flatulence, migraine headaches, continual diarrhea, arrythmia, suicidal thoughts, heart and liver failure…or death. Yes! Let’s do this now!!
                What if the “Perturbation Experiment” happens to work? What if it works too well? What if shortly thereafter a number of Earth’s volcanoes erupt, clogging the atmosphere and stratosphere with countless metric tons of smoke, ash and detritus? Hello, Ice Age. I’d be “perturbed.”

                Ready. Fire! Aim.

                Oh, oh.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Democrats Full Of Crap, North Korea Wants To Be

                North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un has decreed that every citizen of the Hermit Kingdom must give the government 200 pounds of human manure a day to be used as fertilizer to boost the country’s anemic agricultural production, reports indicate. The Dear Leader pulled this mandate out of his own substantial ass during a New Year’s address to his nation. Radio Free Asia reports that if people do not meet the daily quota of human fecal matter, they will be required to come up with 600 pounds of compost or livestock manure in its place.
                Think about that for a moment. An entire country has made a New Year’s resolution to produce more crap. Literally. Only in a socialist worker’s paradise are you not only not expected to cut the crap, but are mandated to produce much more of it. Kim Jong-un wants citizens to thank him from the heart of their bottoms. And that’s no shit.
                How are undernourished North Koreans supposed to produce 200 pounds of human poop a day when they don’t eat 200 pounds of food a year? Only Kim Jong-un is that full of crap. Supposedly, the pressure to produce has made some people ask to be paid in poo, rather than cash, or even pay cash for feces. At least the quotas are applied to everyone evenly! Equality over everything! Especially prosperity, reason, dignity and hope.
                Unfortunately, equality of outcome is impossible in reality. Even when it comes to excrement.
                But that no longer prevents Democrats in America from extolling the joys of socialism. Leftists like Alexandria Occasional-Cortex, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, and Kamala Harris sling Marxist bullshit at dumbed-down American citizens like angry chimpanzees.

They’re so full of shit they should be in North Korea. They’d be a big help to Kim Jong-dung.

Monday, January 28, 2019

Queering The Bible

                “Queering” things is all the rage on campuses across the ever fruitier plain. Eugene Lang College of the New School for Liberal Arts in New York City, for example, is offering a course titled “Queering and Decolonizing Theology,” in which students can learn about “transgender Christs.” Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania, the University of San Francisco, and Harvard’s Divinity School are all offering similar classes. At California’s Pomona College, students can take a course called “Queering Childhood,” and another called “Queer Theory and the Bible,” which will instruct students how to read the Bible “through queer theory.” The latter’s course description states that students will examine “discourses of heteronormativity” and that, “We will also look at the ways in which these discourses and the identities they shore up can be ‘queered,’ as well as at biblical texts that can be read as queer friendly. This process of queering will allow and require us to approach the biblical text in new ways.” The class is considered a “Religious Studies” course and is worth a credit.
                A couple of Pomona students told Campus Reform that there is high demand for these types of courses, largely due to the pervasive left-wing campus culture. One noted that students don’t seem to want to learn from any conservative professors (as rare as they may be) while exclaiming: “I’m glad that Pomona provides its professors with the academic freedom to teach courses on challenging and potentially controversial subjects.” Right. There’s a reason conservative professors on these campuses are rarer than virgins at the Burning Man festival. I’m sure Pomona would encourage potentially controversial courses touting the virtues of gun ownership, the pro-life movement, or capitalism. And where can students sign up for the course titled: “Queering the Koran?”
                Revisionist scholars and LGBTQIA activists will soon be coming out with an entire series of “Queering” books, the first of which is titled “Queering ‘Atlas Shrugged’” and which will be available in bookstores April 16th, 2019, the Tuesday before Easter. Other titles in the highly anticipated series will include, “Queering ‘War and Peace,’” “Queering ‘Gone with the Wind,’” “Queer Theory and the Declaration of Independence,” “Queering ‘The Old Man and the Sea’,” “Queering ‘Wuthering Heights,’” “Queering ‘Romeo and Juliet,’” “Queer Theory and the Gettysburg Address,” “Queering ‘Huckleberry Finn,’” “Queering Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass,” “Queering the Bible…for Dummies!,” “Queering ‘The Gulag Archipelago,’” “Queer Theory and the Constitution,” “Queering ‘Moby Dick,’” “Queering ‘Old Yeller,’” “Queering the Kama Sutra,” “Queering the Bass Pro Catalog,” “Queering ‘How to Fix Almost Anything’” (by George S. Hoffman), “Queering ‘The Hobbit,’” and “Queer Theory and ‘The Adventures of Pinocchio.’”

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

                Alexandria Occasional-Cortex Ocasio-Cortez has been on a roll lately! The Democrats dashing debutant keeps adding to her already long list of faux pas and idiocies as if there’s no tomorrow. Maybe that’s because she believes there isn’t going to be any tomorrow soon. She recently told an audience gathered to commemorate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day that, “the world is going to end in 12 years if we don’t address climate change.” (Don’t stick your head in a gas oven yet, theoretically she could become president in under six years, so she’d still have 6 years to save the planet). The crowd applauded.
                Non-cerebral-Cortez also revved up that crowd by averring that it’s “immoral” that America’s economic system “allows billionaires to exist.” I don’t think she meant they should be summarily killed, but rather that a decent economic system wouldn’t allow them to exist in the first place. What is truly immoral is a state-run economy where a literal handful of people are filthy-rich and the rest of the populace has no chance to make anything of themselves. What is truly immoral is government telling citizens how much money they are “allowed to make.” And keep. She did note that liberal billionaires like Bill Gates are not “necessarily” immoral people. The crowd cheered heartily.
                AOC remarked that she thinks it’s wrong “that you can work 100 hours and not feed your kids.” Which is impossible unless you’re snorting coke like Charlie Sheen and dining only at Ruth’s Cris Steak Houses. She also said that she doesn’t think large corporations should be able to pay their employees “less than a minimum wage.” They can’t. That’s what a minimum wage means.
                Then it was on to The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Colbert noted her aggressive tweets attacking GOP members and that she and some of her fellow freshman members of congress have been urged by senior politicians to tone it down and go slower. He then asked her, “On a scale of zero to some, how many f*cks do you give?” She answered, “I think it’s, uuuh, zero.” “F*ck” is a word much in favor with the new crop of far-left Democrats and their  cheerleaders.
                And yet, a new poll by Axios/SurveyMonkey found that 74% of Democrats would consider voting for Occasional-Cortex if she were old enough to run for president. (She isn’t. She’s 29. One must be 35 to run for president of the United States).
                AOC, a 29-year-old female, is now making over five times the median per-person income of a garden-variety U.S. citizen from flyover country. Yet she couldn’t correctly identify even one of the three branches of the government in which she now serves when recently queried. (See my post of 11/26/2018).
                No wonder why it is said that ignorance is bliss.

    At least to the ignorant.

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Roger Stone And Robert Mueller Star In An American Farce

                Now that the unholy reign of Robert (Swan) Mueller III, Special Counsel, has been extended for six months, I am keen to guess what over-the-top banana republic tactic he tries next. Nothing would surprise me, since he has already authorized multiple pre-dawn raids by dozens of heavily armed swat team types with numerous vehicles to snatch loan targets from the beds of their homes rather than simply issuing a subpoena or contacting their lawyer. Moreover, the latest Blitzkrieg-like onslaught whisked Roger Stone away in front of perfectly pre-positioned CNN cameras. How fortuitous was it that a CNN crew happened to be ensconced in Stone’s yard in the pre-dawn darkness? I can picture Mueller, in Cecile B. DeMille fashion, shouting into the ears of the CNN cameraperson as Stone comes flying out his door: “Roll em! That’s good, that’s good…keep it going…and…cut! That’s a wrap! Nice job, boys!”
                Granted, Stone is a clown. But, if allegedly lying to Congress is grounds for a military style assault on the accused/indicted, then the Clintons should have faced the equivalent of the “D-Day” invasion.
I would no longer be surprised if, instead of just issuing a subpoena to someone else tangentially acquainted with the president, the Director of Predestination decided to have, say, Dennis Prager and Dan Bongino executed by fire from an anti-aircraft gun, ├ála Kim Jong-un. The American left would be fine with that, and conservatives wouldn’t be able to mount an effective defense of either, with some in the establishment wing of the Republican Party saying they had it coming to them.
Strange days are these in the formerly representative republic. It’s a bit mindful of Germany circa the late 1930s. We are heading into a long, dark Kristallnacht II…80-plus years after the original, with conservatives replacing Jews as the Deplorables.  

I myself made it through another day without being the victim of a pre-dawn raid by Herr Mueller’s henchmen, but perhaps He rests on the Sixth Day. (This being a Saturday).  

The CNN crew in my yard was disappointed. 

Friday, January 25, 2019

Experts Agree

                “Global Oil Gut” read the headline. Crude oil prices are falling yet again and producers like Saudi Arabia are scrambling to stem the tide. Wasn’t it well over 40 years ago when the “oil crisis” had experts telling us that this was the new normal, that the world was running out of oil, a non-renewable resource? Yes, the experts agreed.
                Funny, wasn’t it at roughly the same time scientists and climatologists were issuing grave warnings about global cooling and nuclear winter.  Yes, the experts agreed.
                And today the “experts agree” (and AOC, too!) that “the science is settled,” we’re all going to fry due to global warming. Any real scientist will admit that (the) science is never “settled”…by definition. In fact, that is the only thing we can say with scientific certainty. Scientists are not gods, they are not seers, they are not infallible. If they were, they wouldn’t need to follow the “scientific method.”
                The Earth is a spherical mass of green and blue, land and water somehow perfectly held together in the midst of an endless void, a Black Sea of lifelessness. It is an oasis in a vast cosmic vacuum.
                And it is remarkably resilient.
                We did not design our planet. We did not put the oil in the ground, nor make the things that made the oil. We don’t control the climate. We did not create ourselves.
                Ironically, the less we believe in a true Creator, the more we believe we are all-powerful.

                Al Gore rants.

                God smirks.
   These are the days by the sparkling river
   And His timely grace and the treasured find
   This is the love of the one great magician
   Turned the water into wine

   (Van Morrison)

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Notre Dame To Cover Christopher Columbus Murals

                The University of Notre Dame will hide 12 large hand-painted murals of Christopher Columbus’ time in America due to their depiction of him as a “beneficent explorer.” Notre Dame President Rev. John Jenkins said the murals, which have graced the Main Building since the 1800s, will be covered by “woven material.” Italian artist Luigi Gregori painted the murals directly onto the plaster walls, so they cannot simply be moved to another location. The paintings, some of which are of a Christian nature, hide from view “the darker side of this story,” according to Rev. Jenkins. So the school will hide the paintings. Memo to Rev. Jenkins: when you hide something that hides something, that doesn’t make what was originally hidden appear. Just sayin’.
               Though the school claims it is veiling the murals out of concern for the feelings of Native Americans, I think it is obvious that the institution just hates Italians.
  Notre Dame’s motto is Vita, Dulcedo, Spes-- meaning life, sweetness, hope. It should now be amended to “life, sweetness, hope and change.”
  It would not surprise me—and I’m being very serious here—if someday in the not-too-distant future the university decided to cover or remove its most famous features to avoid offending anyone in the world. The Hesburgh Library is adorned by an enormous mural of Christ known by most as “Touchdown Jesus,” as it faces Notre Dame Stadium, though its real title is “The Word of Life.” This is patently offensive on several fronts. It could be offensive to Muslims. It could be triggering to those who still believe football is too violent a sport. And the designation, “The Word of Life” could be problematic to the pro-choice crowd. Jesus will have to be covered up.
 The campus’ Main Building also hosts the school’s most iconic landmark. Resplendent in actual gold leaf, the massive Golden Dome sits atop the structure and is visible for miles around. A 19-foot-tall statue of Mary Our Lady graces the Dome’s peak.
 It won’t be long until Mary is discreetly removed and the Golden Dome is re-christened “The Dome of the Rock II,” in solidarity with Muslim people’s around the globe.

“Hey, hey, ho, ho, Christopher Columbus has got to go.”  

America has recently “discovered” that European emigration to the New World was detrimental to the rest of the planet. What will we discover next? Perhaps that Judeo-Christian values have been responsible for bringing the world out of the Dark Ages? Not likely. That ship has sailed. Long ago.

Circa 1492.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Cher: No One But Whites Safe In America

              After a Supreme Court ruling that permits the Pentagon to restrict military service for transgenders, Cher tweeted: “No One Is Really Safe In trump’s America Unless They’re MEMBER OF MAR-A-LAGO, LIVE IN trump TOWER, WHITE, OR WEARS MAGA HAT.” (Notice her shoddy syntax and her odd use of capitals… and the fact that “Trump” is the only word that she doesn’t start with a capital letter. Cute).
             NOTHING COULD BE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH. cher OBVIOUSLY has a bad case of Trump Derangement Syndrome. The truth is that EVERYONE BUT Trump supporters and those wearing MAGA hats are safe in America. This has been made even more abundantly, demonstrably clear in recent days. Students from Covington Catholic High School were recently made the victims of vile slurs outside the Lincoln Memorial. Yet, the mainstream media were quick to accuse them of racist, bigoted, intolerable behavior, based solely on a brief, crafted bit of film footage, hearsay, the fact that some of them wore MAGA hats, and a deep-seated animus towards anyone who doesn’t hate Trump’s guts.
This resulted in Hollywood producer Jack Morrissey tweeting that the “MAGAkids” should be exterminated by putting them “screaming, hats first, into the wood-chipper.” And MSNBC host Chris Hayes  opining: “America is already the most punitive developed nation on Earth for poor people, people of color, those who don’t have Brett Kavanaugh’s pedigree of the authority of the badge or $10,000 a year to spend on private school tuition or money to hire a PR firm. We throw millions of lives onto that bonfire every year, they just don’t normally look like teenagers in MAGA hats.” Kavanaugh was also put through the figurative wood-chipper, presumption of innocence be damned. 
And it is the “teenagers in MAGA hats” that have endured slurs, insults, and threats-- even after complete, unbroken video footage and eyewitness accounts should have completely exonerated them. Even their own school has been reluctant to absolve them of their non-existent misbehavior, likely because of the MAGA hats. “Make America (or France/Peru/Albania/Insert-Your-Favorite-Nation) Great Again” hats could not possibly be deemed offensive in a sane society. Were “Hope and Change” hats considered offensive in the Obama era? Did those who liked the message not think hope and change would help make America great again? Were those who wore them routinely threatened by conservatives?
It is leftists who are the bullies. It is leftists who stop at nothing to silence dissent. It is leftists that are quick to excuse violence. And the hypocrisy of the left is literally indescribable. Chris Hayes has the bully-pulpit privilege of being in the mass media. cHER and Jack Morrissey share Hollywood privilege that MAGA-wearing students and nearly all the rest of us could never dream of. All three are white.
             cher's statement is akin to Joseph Goebbels saying: "No one is really safe in Hitler's 1,000 year Reich unless they're Jewish and wearing a yamaka." 
And, speaking of Russian/foreign agents, why hasn’t cher, i.e. “Hanoi Jane” been accused of being one? We have pictures of her sitting on a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gun. She went on the Voice of Vietnam radio to implore American troops to lay down their arms. She was part of a group called FTA (F*ck the Army) that worked to counter Bob Hope and the USO’s mission to provide succor and entertainment for U.S. military personnel.
What would really make America great again would be for those in the Media-Entertainment Complex to stick to the facts and entertain-- not indoctrinate-- respectively.


Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Fake News Reigns

It is no longer enough for those on the left to rewrite history, they now feel compelled to edit—or entirely fabricate—current events. Tragically, they hold all of societies power and influence centers, dominating academia, the media, entertainment, Hollywood, mainline Christian churches, Big Tech and corporate offices. This affords them the ability to do just that.
One could even say that instances of fake news (that the media so vehemently denies exists) are happening fast and furiously now, with apologies to the Obama administration. BuzzFeed disgraced itself again by reporting that President Trump had pressured Michael Cohen into giving false testimony. Then, Nick Sandmann and some fellow Covington (Kentucky) Catholic High School students were accused of confronting and mocking a Native-American man at the Lincoln Memorial. Media outlets and personalities piled on, saying the students, many of whom were wearing “MAGA” hats, were acting in a racist fashion and were trying to intimidate the man. They immediately-- and gleefully-- tried and convicted the youngsters in the court of opinion. Their clucking and tut-tutting, sad shakes of the head and other virtue-signaling behaviors let the world know these monsters were typical, bigoted, radical right-wing Trump supporters from coal country.
Unfortunately for the unbiased media, complete and unbroken video soon turned up proving that the students did not confront or harass the man, who was banging a drum and chanting. In reality, the man-- and other Native American protestors from the Indigenous People’s March—came towards the students. Sandmann said the man came towards him, stopping only inches away from his face, locking eyes with him and playing his drum the whole time. He stated: “I never interacted with this protestor. I did not speak to him. I did not make any hand gestures or other aggressive moves. To be honest, I was startled and confused as to why he had approached me. I believed that by remaining motionless and calm, I was helping to diffuse the situation.”
What’s more, the students, who were attending the March for Life, were also being loudly taunted by protestors from a group called “Black Hebrew Israelites,” leading them to ask a teacher/chaperone if they could begin their school spirit chants to “counter the hateful things that were being shouted at our group.” Hateful things like “crackers,” “faggots” and “pedophiles,” to name a few. Sandmann said that he never heard any student say “anything hateful or racist at anytime,” and that “Assertions to the contrary are simply false.”
Sandmann also noted that he and his family have received death threats and vicious insults from “the social media mob that has formed over this issue.” He added, “I am mortified that so many people have come to believe something that did not happen—that students from my school were chanting or acting in a racist fashion toward African Americans or Native Americans.”
Sadly, Nick, many people are quick to believe fake news…as long as it validates their pre-conceived notions and strokes their need to feel superior (due to their deep-seated inferiority complexes).
Belatedly, some in the media admitted that “the incident did not take place as originally reported.” They should have added, “Though we wish it had.”

            (Bung, bung, bung, bung)
Mr. Sandmann bring us a dream
Give him a pair of eyes with an “I hate you" gleam
Give him a steely heart like Mussolini
And a crazy stare like Scaramucci
Mr. Sandmann, someone to scold (someone to scold)
Someone racist for our viewers to behold
So please now before we livestream
Mr. Sandmann, give us…please, please, please
Mr. Sandmann, give us……our theme!
(Bung, bung, bung, bung)

Monday, January 21, 2019

Student Group Urges Students Not To Call Police

                A student group at all-female Wellesley College has launched a new initiative urging fellow students not to call the campus police for non-life-threatening emergencies. Wellesley Against Mass Incarceration, or “WAMI,” also recently launched a petition cleverly called a “pledge not to call campus police.” Wellesley Against Mass Incarceration co-president Rachael Labes (!) told the campus paper Wellesley News that group members “think it’s important for students to recognize that calling the police should not be taken lightly. The police are dangerous, specifically for black and Latinx students and those with mental illnesses.” Labes also stated that the fact police are armed made students feel unsafe. About 400 people have signed the petition thus far. Roughly forty percent of the toney, Boston area college’s population of 2,300 are students of color.
                Labes previously told the News: “While this is a project I’m really excited and passionate about, I also recognize that this is a fight primarily for black lives and for racial justice, so I try to balance that and be an ally to this cause.”
                Let’s analyze this: students are directed not to call campus cops in non-life-threatening “emergencies,” because they may well have guns and are liable to get distracted and shoot colored people for no apparent reason. However, the directive does not say not to call them in life-threatening emergencies. Hmm. Perhaps they can actually come in handy then, what with their weapons and all.
                If I was a black or Latinx student, and who’s to say I’m not, I haven’t decided yet, I would call the hell out of the police if someone was trying to harm me and I couldn’t handle it myself.
                The vast majority of police officers, be they black, white or Latinx, are dangerous only to black, white, Latinx or mentally ill people who are dangerous to others.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Gladys Knight To Sing National Anthem At Super Bowl LIII

            I heard it through the grapevine that Gladys Knight will sing the national anthem at Super Bowl LIII in Atlanta on February 3rd. Gladys (and her “Pips”) performed such classic songs as “What’s Going On,” “I Can’t Help Myself,” and “That’s What Friends Are For.” Incredibly, the iconic 74-year-old African-American singer has taken some flack for agreeing to sing the anthem.
In a statement obtained by TMZ Sports she said that she will not stand down despite the backlash she’s received. She noted: “I understand that [Colin] Kaepernick is protesting two things and they are police violence and injustice. It is unfortunate that our national anthem has been dragged into this debate when the distinctive senses of the national anthem and fighting for justice should each stand alone. I am here today and on Sunday, February 3rd, to give the anthem back its voice, to stand for that historic choice of words, the way it unites us when we hear it and to free it from the same prejudices and struggles I have fought long and hard for all my life.” She added: “I have been in the forefront of this battle longer than most of those voicing their opinions to win the right to sing our country’s anthem on a stage as large as the Super Bowl LIII. No matter who chooses to deflect with this narrative and continue to mix these two in the same message, it is not so and cannot be made so by anyone speaking it. I pray that this national anthem will bring us all together in a way never before witnessed and we can move forward and untangle these truths which mean so much to all of us.”

One truth is easy to untangle-- and hard to ignore: Gladys Knight is one classy human being.

We should all be glad Gladys agreed to take this Midnight Train to Georgia.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

BuzzFeed, BuzzKill

                The Mueller Inquisition has yet to find the smoking gun linking Trump to the Russians and the media is getting impatient.
    Buzzfeed, repository of junk journalism that it is, put out a story recently claiming that Michael Cohen alleged in testimony that President Trump urged him to lie to Congress. Soon thereafter, Special Counsel Robert Mueller himself publicly characterized the story, related to the Trump-Russian collusion investigation, as “not accurate.”
                Neither The New York Times nor The Washington Post ran with the story, citing at least one source that directly contradicted the BuzzFeed story.
                BuzzFeed has repeatedly announced that it is standing by its story and is asking that Mueller’s office clarify what facts and allegations it is challenging.
                Despite the lack of corroboration, ABC, NBC and CBS donated a total of 27 minutes of airtime to the “bombshell” story, while MSNBC’s Chris “I Felt This Thrill Going Up My Leg” Matthews was also pluckily holding out hope that the story would prove true. And CNN Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin worried that, if the story proves untrue, the fake report would leave many believing that “the news media are a bunch of leftist liars.” If the slur fits…
                CNN also warned that the “bigger picture” was the possibility that viewers could lose faith in the media and the veracity and integrity of The Fourth Estate. (Yes, forget the takedown of a sitting president, it’s all about you who so selflessly serve the public by attempting to indoctrinate them into your way of thinking). Heaven forbid those viewers should believe in “fake news” just because it demonstrably exists, as has just been proven…again. BuzzFeed, you may recall, is the same outlet that touted the now disgraced dossier that started the Mueller investigation in the first place.
                This story could still prove true. There may yet be one or more allegations against Trump that damage—or end—his presidency. That doesn’t change the fact that no one brings more shame upon those in the Western mainstream media than they bring on themselves. With the release of every “bombshell” story and each fevered allegation against the president, the media slobbers all over itself with impeachment lust, only to be let down once more.
                It’s as if those in the media kept reporting that “Chicken Little says ‘the sky is falling!’” and, upon finding this a lie, were only concerned that people might stop believing Chicken Little.

                What a bunch of Mayor Turkey Lurkeys.*

                *Look it up if you need to

Friday, January 18, 2019

If A Male Asks A Female Out, Is It Harassment?

                Jeremy Rowles asked his dance fitness instructor out in the spring of 2016. Shortly thereafter he was suspended by the University of Missouri for sexual harassment. The school apparently believes that the simple, age-old act of a male asking a female for a date can violate Title IX laws.
                Rowles, who is black, sued the university, asserting that his punishment was “part of a larger pattern and practice” of racial discrimination. A judge let him pursue racial discrimination claims against individual officials, stating that they should have known “applying the same disciplinary standards differently to students of different races was unreasonable.”
“Applying the same disciplinary standards differently” is not applying the same disciplinary standards. Period.
 I thought harassment was typically thought of as behavior exhibited by someone in power or authority. Like a boss. Or an instructor who controls a student’s grade. Asked about this, Cathy Scroggs, Missouri’s former Vice Chancellor of Student Affairs, referenced Rowles’ physical size. The school’s Assistant Vice Chancellor for Civil Rights and Title IX, Andy Hayes, agreed. She said that power isn’t necessarily tied to an “authority situation.” In her deposition, Hayes stated: “I think there could be a feeling of that [abuse of ‘power’} just by the nature of your gender.” When asked if this “could apply to any situation with any man and any woman,” she replied, “It could.”
This is preposterous on two fronts. First, how the hell many officials and administrators does the average college and university employ? Do we really need an Assistant Vice Chancellor for Intersectionality and Gender Studies? Is an Assistant Adjunct Vice Chancellor for the Distribution of Menstrual Products on Campus a truly vital position? Second, if male students must refrain from asking female students out, at least in cases where they are larger than the female, where does that leave us? And does larger refer to height, weight, or the two taken together? 
Given that, on average, males are 5 and 1/2 inches taller-- and nearly 30 pounds heavier-- than females, this edict will essentially prevent male students from dating, unless co-eds come banging on their doors.
This line of “reasoning” will further alienate the sexes and make courting even more confusing-- and fraught with danger and drama. This is terribly sad, as one of the natural joys of life is navigating the dating world and finding a suitable partner with whom one can build a fulfilling future. Rulings like these make that quest immeasurably more difficult… to the detriment of society as a whole.
Will men on campus be limited to asking East German weight-lifter look-alikes out? Rosie O’Donnell and Bella Abzug types? That’s not going to happen. Nor will they ask men out. So, will straight men have to sit back and hope petite women ask them out?
And what about a “transgender man” asking a woman out? Is this allowed? Even if one hasn’t had the surgeries, one is whatever gender one says they are, correct? So, won’t the same issues potentially apply? Who’s going to officiate these potential harassment cases?

As someone once said: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Steph Curry Doubts Moon Landings

                Steph Curry, the fabulous Golden State Warrior point guard, is now also famous for his unwillingness to believe the U.S. actually landed on the moon. Even once. Curry was a recent guest on the “Winging It” podcast, during which he asked if the show’s three hosts (and teammate Andre Iguodala) believed man ever truly landed on the moon. He promptly agreed with their dubiousness. This led NASA to invite the NBA champion to tour one of its lunar labs and examine the evidence.
                In early 2017, Boston Celtics star Kyrie Irving asserted that the Earth is flat, eschewing all evidence to the contrary accrued in the roughly 2,500 years since Pythagoras first figured out the Earth is an orb-like body. Irving, apparently, had never looked at images of his own planet taken by satellites, and probably didn’t believe in the Harlem Globetrotters, either, perhaps thinking that the Harlem Disc-trotters would be a more scientifically accurate name. (He has since recanted his heresy).
                In related news, many other professional athletes have recently voiced their doubts about conventional historical wisdom, with several averring that the Holocaust never happened, a few stating that they don’t believe World War II occurred, three dismissing the account of the Hindenburg disaster, two saying Lincoln was never assassinated and one vehemently asserting that the moon is made out of cheese, but that it too, is flat, rather like a cheese wheel.
                Ironically, all of the above do believe in man-caused global warming and the Tooth Fairy.

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

California To Tax Drinking Water?

California Governor Gavin Newsome (D) wants to tax the state’s drinking water to create a “safe and affordable drinking water fund” for poor people. This new tax would, of course, be on top of all the other taxes that have made California one of the most expensive states in which to live. If Newsome’s water tax is implemented, virtually everything that a resident can ingest will be taxed. In addition, Newsome is widely believed to be seriously considering a tax on “breathing air.”
An anonymous source close to the governor said that, “since California already taxes wood, metal, fire and earth, the addition of water would mean that all five basic elements would then be utilized to generate much-needed revenue for the Golden State to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves…through no fault of their own. I think it stands to reason that the wealthy drink more water than poor people, just as they take more showers and wash their clothes more frequently. Plus, they tend to put water in their Scotch, whereas the homeless don’t. This imbalance is really a humanitarian crisis that needs to be addressed.” He went on to state: “And, once we have maxed out the revenue from everything that a person can take into their body, we will naturally need to focus on the things that come out of their body. To begin with, I’d look for an incremental excrement tax in the near future, perhaps as early as 2020. Let’s face it, the more people consume, the more they excrete. This isn’t fair to those who don’t happen to be life’s lottery winners, those who were assigned poor at birth.”
For some reason, 661,000 Californians fled the state in 2017 alone, the vast majority of them coincidentally relocating in states with less confiscatory tax policies. The stream of people leaving the People’s Republic and heading for red states far and wide will flow ever stronger with each new tax Governor Newsome tries to make residents swallow.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

President Pelosi?

                If President Trump is removed from office and Vice-President Pence completely calcifies, Nancy Pelosi would become the President of the United States. Be careful what you wish for. The specter of a Pelosi presidency should make any sentient being want to have Richard Milhouse Nixon exhumed and carted around the White House grounds “Weekend at Dickie’s” style, at least until the January 2021 inauguration.
                For those twisted masochists who like to think scary thoughts, I’ve utilized actual quotes from the Speaker of the House to anticipate what a Pelosi as POTUS era might look—or should I say sound—like.

Reporter: “Madam President, what are your thoughts on the president being impeached?”

President Pelosi: “Frankly, I’m relieved that President Bush has finally been impeached.”

Reporter: “Will you be able to work with Republicans in the Senate?”

President Pelosi: “I have to say, I think civilization as we know it today would be in jeopardy if the Republicans controlled the Senate.”

Reporter: “Republicans do, in fact, control the Senate, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “I don’t know if these people were all sprung from the head of Zeus, or maybe they’re all Native Americans, bless their hearts. But somebody came from someplace!”

Reporter: “Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “As I was saying, I’ll have to sign this bill so we can find out what’s in it. Away from the fog of the controversy.”

Reporter: “What bill, Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “The one about the economy. About, uhhh…………economic recovery.”

Reporter: “Actually, though I am loath to admit it, the economy is doing pretty well, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “You know, every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs.”

Reporter: “Madam President, with all due respect, that would be 6 billion Americans a year. There are less than 350 million Americans period. There aren’t 6 billion people of working age on the face of the Earth.”

President Pelosi: “Speaking of jobs, did you know unemployment benefits create jobs faster than practically any other program? Maybe ex-President Bush will help create jobs now that he’s unemployed himself (giggles).”  

Reporter: “Madam Pelosi, now that you are on the other side, so-to-speak, what are your plans for controlling the border?”

President Pelosi: “We have a responsibility to control our borders. But building a wall is not an answer, not here in America, or any place. As many of you know, I came from San Francisco. We don’t have a lot of walls there, and we’re doing fine. We don’t have many farms there, either, in case you’re going to ask me a question on agri…um…culture. Well, we do have one—it’s a mushroom farm, so you know what that means (looks confused, then giggles).”

Reporter: “What are your plans regarding healthcare?”

President Pelosi: “I think that, instead of celebrating Independence Day on July 4th, we should celebrate ‘Health Independence Day,’ or ‘Hindependence Day,’ to salute Obamacare.” 

Reporter: “Madam President, what do you plan to do about the massive deficit you’ve inherited?”

President Pelosi: “Well, you know…you cannot cut your way to deficit reduction.”

Reporter: “What about energy? Will you subsidize green energy?”

President Pelosi: “As you know, I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels. I don’t believe in burning fossils. I think they should be put together and displayed in museums.”

Reporter: “Natural gas is a fossil fuel, Madam President.”

President Pelosi: “Well, it might be when it comes out of Biden (giggles).”

Reporter: “What will be your position on the Middle East. Specifically, what about Hamas?”

President Pelosi: “Hamas is a humanitarian organization. Or is that hummus? Well, I think they’re both okay.”  

Reporter: “Fantastic. And what makes you think you are qualified to be president, Madam President?”

President Pelosi: “Having five children in six years is the best training in the world for the presidency. Did you know, Jim, that the president of the United States is the most famous person in the whole world? Maybe in the whole galaxy? Or even the universe?”

Reporter: (Under his breath) “I think I miss Trump.”                   

Monday, January 14, 2019

Fundraiser For Population Control And Immigration Reform

February 14, 2019
Minneapolis Convention Center

Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome, all, to our first annual fundraiser for population control and immigration reform. I’m Paulina Progrecev and I’m honored to be your emcee this evening. Tonight, we will be talking about the importance of keeping population growth under control by funding education and healthcare services for girls and women. It is vital that we keep our population to a manageable level and not over-stress our limited resources. Also, a bit later, we will be discussing measures you can take to ensure that the U.S. never builds a border wall and cuts itself off from the rest of the world. We will address ways to increase the flow of immigrants—'illegal’ or legal—into the country to help us experience the joys of diversity. As most of you know, a thriving immigrant population enriches us beyond measure. On that, the science is settled. No deniers here! Did you know there were potentially as many as 2 million DREAMers in the country? But the Trump administration has never liked President Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, so we must be vigilant--  and courageous in standing up to those who would so cold-heartedly deport these children and send them back to their homes, thereby depriving them of their inalienable right to free education and healthcare, driver’s licenses and voting privileges, as well as the fun of walking into convenience stores and speaking only Spanish to the clerk. With that said, Planned Parenthood is sponsoring a booth tonight called ‘Keep Kids with Parents, It’s Where They Belong!’ If you visit the booth you will see some truly horrifying pictures of little children, some not much older than babies, being held in cages after the Trump administration snatched them from their parents at our southern border recently. Can you even imagine that kind of callousness? I also encourage you to visit the Margaret Sanger Center for Abortion Rights and Euthanasia (CARE) adjacent to this auditorium. This evening Planned Parenthood will be holding a drawing there—open to those 13 and older-- for one free abortion. That’s right, completely free-- from consultation to clean-up. I kid you not! A little abortion humor there……haha! Supposed to have twins? Planned Parenthood has you covered there, too. Members of the organization will be coming around with raffle tickets shortly. For only $1 per ticket, you can take a chance at winning an abortion BOGO! If you’ve gone all the way to home base lately with a ‘two-run shot,’ you might just want to execute a double play today! Abort both your fetuses for the price of one! Anyway, our heartfelt thanks goes out to that wonderful organization for their kindness and largess. And don’t forget, Democrats for Immigration Maximization (DIM) and Abortions for A Better Tomorrow are teaming up to provide dinner tonight in the Marie Stopes Memorial Banquet Hall through the doors to your right. DIM is serving tacos and Dos Equis, while the folks at Abortions for A Better Tomorrow will tempt your taste buds with pigs-in-a-blanket, tender baby back ribs and Bud Light. Dilly, Dilly! Have a magical night, everybody!”


Sunday, January 13, 2019

Women's Colleges To Admit Those With Penises

                Smith College, of Northampton, Massachusetts, recently announced that it will henceforth admit “self-identified transgender women” into the all-women’s school starting with the fall, 2019 semester.
                The college stated: “The board’s decision affirms Smith’s unwavering mission and identity as a woman’s college, our commitment to representing the diversity of women’s lived experiences, and the college’s exceptional role in the advancement of women worldwide.”
                In short: applicants who were born male but identify as women are eligible for admission, but applicants who were born female but identify as men are not eligible for admission. Women with penises good. Men with vaginas bad. Biology is right out. (You know how progressives love science)!
                Smith will have far more penises hanging around campus than one would expect at an “all-women’s college,” but this only makes sense now that the only thing that matters is what you believe yourself to be.
                And Smith isn’t the only college proud of its “exceptional role in the advancement of women (with penises) worldwide.”
                Stephens College, located in Columbia, Missouri (fly-over country!), has also changed its admissions policy to favor men who claim to be women over women who’d like to be men. This school will now “admit and enroll students who were not born female, but who identify and live as women,” while rejecting applications from those “who were born female but who now identify as men or who are transitioning from female to male.” The school will continue to enroll non-binary individuals, as long as they aren’t “transitioning to male.”
                So, in the eyes of institutes of higher learning, you aren’t a woman if you actually are one, but don’t wish to be, but are a woman if you aren’t, but want to be. This seems to me a real—albeit twisted-- form of misogyny. And logic.
                Stephens College was founded on August 24th, 1833, as the Columbia Female Academy. Decades later, in the latter 19th century, it was renamed Stephens Female College after James L. Stephens endowed the school with $20,000.
                Now, some of its “women” students will be endowed, as well.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Denver To Legalize Magic Mushrooms?

                The pot must be working like a good gateway drug should. Denver activists are planning to make the already mile-high city even higher. They recently turned in ballot petitions that they hope will be the first step towards decriminalizing the use of psychedelic psilocybin mushrooms, more commonly called “magic mushrooms.” If the initiative is approved by voters in the May municipal mushroom election, the city would become the first in the nation to essentially legalize the hallucinogens, for those 21 and older, by barring the use of city resources to impose penalties on those who ingest them.
                Members of the group Decriminalize Denver claim they have collected well over 8,000 ballot petition signatures. 4,726 verified signatures from registered voters are required to make the ballot. Activists have hope, since similar strategy was employed to decriminalize marijuana usage leading up to the voters’ approval of legalization in 2012.
                Supporters say “’shrooms” can reduce stress and opioid use.
                   However, according to and the Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, a person high on mushrooms can experience “extreme tension, anxiety and restlessness,” as well as “frightening hallucinations, confusion, disorientation, paranoia, agitation, depression, panic, and terror.” That doesn’t seem very relaxing. Moreover, psychological effects of magic mushrooms include “perceptual distortions, auditory, and visual hallucinations, melding of the senses, difficulty focusing, impaired judgment, sense of detachment from body, altered perception of space and time, inability to distinguish fantasy from reality, and melding of past experiences with present.”

                Egads! This may explain the entire Democratic Party!
                The site goes on to say that the effect of magic mushrooms can be dangerous (duh!) and “sometimes fatal.” It also says that those who take the mushrooms “may not even realize what they are doing,” and that “a person is more likely to engage in dangerous activities while on the drugs, since their reality will be completely distorted.” It adds that “it may take days for their brain chemicals to return to normal,” and helpfully notes that “this can have a negative impact on their life and daily responsibilities.”
                Not to mention their underwear. Or their families.
                But, what the hell. We’ve already legalized abortion, covenantial gay marriage, marijuana (in some states), and illegal immigration. We’re on a roll! Why stop at magic mushrooms? It would be illogical at this point. Let’s legalize crack cocaine, bestiality, heroine, polyamory, crystal meth, pedophilia, Krokodil and necrophilia while we’re at it, too.

                There could be a new “Rocky Mountain high” coming. “Dude, I’m like so hungry after these spliffs. Pass the mushrooms!”

                Cue John Denver. But stay off its highways.

But the Colorado mushrooms are so fine
I've seen giant dragons in the sky
And read to cyclops and unicorns such sweet lullabies
Rocky mountain high (Colorado)

It's Colorado rocky mountain high
I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky
Friends around the campfire and everybody's high
Rocky mountain high (love my mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high (mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high
Rocky mountain high (magic mushrooms)
Rocky mountain high (yeah!)

(Ironically, the article I linked to was directly below one titled “Smoking in U.S. at Record Low” on an amalgamated news site recently. We are legalizing dangerous and illicit drugs and behavior even as we criminalize free speech, Christian expression and self-defense. What does that say about a society?)

Friday, January 11, 2019

Driver-Less Cars II: Dream Or Nightmare?

                Driver-less cars are coming. Whether we want them or not. And, like cash-less societies (also coming), they will give governments, bureaucrats and Big Tech vastly more control over our lives. In the case of cashless societies, the Government-Big Tech-complex will know everything we purchase and everywhere we go. Driver-less cars may, ironically, render some of us utterly immobile. If future vehicles don’t have steering wheels or other internal control mechanisms, someone other than our-selves will control the car. Software and GPS-like technology will rule the day. Riders will be able to program the vehicle to a degree, inputting their destination and certain other data. The rest, well
                Not only can the software running these vehicles be hacked, a potentially dangerous situation, but the car’s computers can be programmed with an endless number of limitations and parameters. This will be far worse than dealing with a backseat driver. This will be a permanent designated driver-- albeit a remote one-- who may consider many things more important than your wishes.

                “I’m sorry Ms. Johnson, but you are not authorized to listen to that radio station…it’s currently airing the ‘Rush Limbaugh Show.’”

                “You are not allowed to go any faster on this stretch of road, Mr. Smith. This is the speed limit.”
                “But, I have to get my wife to the hospital!”

                “Mr. Kramer, you have already used up your monthly allotment of gas. You will not be able to start this vehicle for another eight days.”

                “Mrs. Brown, I understand that your taxes are in arrears. I will be taking you downtown now.”
                “Robert—can I call you Bob?-- Great. Bobby, if you desire to go to Richfield, the route you chose is highly inefficient and not environmentally friendly. I will select a more appropriate route.”

                “Ms. Henderson, you’ll have to remove the crucifix hanging off your rear-view mirror when we travel through the national park. It’s a public area, and taxpayer funded government space, so no religious symbols are allowed. By-the-way, is your…umm…traveling ‘companion’ by any chance a Jew?”

                “Mr. White, do you—”
                “It’s not Mr. White. I identify as a woman.”
                “Frightfully sorry. Mrs. White, do you—”
                “I don’t go by ‘Mrs.,’ either. My preferred pronoun is ‘they.’ I’m nanogender. But I’ll also answer to ‘zie.’”
                “Of course. Okay they, zie have to buckle up before we can leave. And no smoking, unless it’s marijuana.”
                “Alright, but you’re driving me up a wall. Get it?"
                “Haha. Likewise, I’m sure. But there is no wall. And there never will be. At least not on America’s southern border. Walls don’t work. And they are immoral. I would caution you to remember that, White…if you know what I mean.”
                “I identify as Black now. For the record.”