Friday, May 31, 2019

"Progressives" Traditionally, Conventionally Pushing The Radical Envelope

                The left lives to “push the envelope.” To Hollywood, the media and Big Academia, there are apparently at least five main envelopes in need of pushing. LGBTQ rights, abortion rights, disdain for the rubes in fly-over country, attacking free-market capitalism and hatred of Christianity.
                Surely there must be many more envelopes out there to be pushed. Why cling to this conservative, traditional, hum-drum, ho-hum, narrow-minded, envelope-pushing? Why get bogged down in the status quo? Why push the same envelopes all your peers are pushing? Why push the very same tired envelopes your parents did? Why not be original, cutting-edge, even outré? Dare I say courageous?
                If people truly wanted to be bold, progressive and counter-cultural they could stand up and testify that climate change is a hoax at worst and unproven at best. So what if they were deemed a “Denier” or threatened with prison time. If they wished to take a stand that matters, they could say that radical Islam is a world-wide problem. If they wanted to “stick it to the man,” they could state that men who identify as women…aren’t necessarily women. If they wanted to “keep it real” they would aver that abortion isn’t “women’s health care,” but simply infanticide aided by a slick public-relations campaign. Dilly, dilly!
                If they wished to be seen as genuine, they could admit that, though Trump has veracity and character issues, he is a saint compared to either Bill or Hillary Clinton. And many others on the left. If they wanted to appear learned and open-minded, they could declare—unequivocally—that, on balance, the Founders were the Greatest Generation…and built the world anew, setting it on a course of previously unknown prosperity and liberation. They could refute the notion that The Church of Satan and Judeo-Christianity have equal claim to the public square.
                They could admit the obvious and say that capitalism has historically been more beneficial to society than Socialism. The cheekiest among them could even say that the West has nothing to apologize for and in fact is responsible for most of the advances from which this world has benefitted.
                To which I’d add: “Hey, hey, ho, ho…Western culture doesn’t blow.” (If you’re honest, this you’d know).

Thursday, May 30, 2019


            There is irrational…and then there is clinically insane. And then there is bat-shit crazy. And then there is Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.). AOC, who is demonstrably not A-OK, recently tweeted: “To the GOP extremists trying to invoke the unborn’ to jail people for abortion: Where are you on climate change? OH right, you want to burn fossil fuels til there’s hell on Earth. If they were truthful about their motives, they’d be consistent in their principles. They’re not.”
 She added: “What angers me about the GOP’s attempts to turn the United States into a far-right Christian theocracy is how dishonest they are about it. At least be forthright about your desire to subvert and dismantle our democracy into a creepy theological order led by a mad king.”
Still not satisfied with the preposterousness of her statements, she blathered: “The GOP doesn’t care about babies at all - especially brown, black, or poor ones. If they did, they’d: - cosponsor the Green New Deal or at LEAST have a real climate plan - guarantee healthcare so ALL can get prenatal care - not stand for the death+caging of babies on our border.”
AOC thinks it is “extreme” to protect the life of babies still in the womb? (Or maybe those outside the womb for a relatively short period of time). And she is convinced Republicans are fervently hoping to create a “hell on Earth?” Is she unaware that Republicans dwell here, too? She’s a big fan of abortion on demand but is worried about the health of babies coming across our border? Her idea of “prenatal care” is to guarantee the “right” of the mother to extinguish the life of her baby, yet she is aghast that Republicans won’t back a bill that would necessarily impoverish countless millions and condemn untold numbers of children to needless hardship? What was that about being consistent in one’s principles, Rep. Occasional-Cortex?
If the GOP is attempting to turn the U.S. into a “far-right Christian theocracy” headed by a “creepy theological order led by a mad king,” it has failed miserably. A lower percentage of Americans than ever before identify as Christians. Gay marriage is nearly universally accepted. The transgendered are winning legal battles and claiming bathroom rights around the fruited plain. Christian churches are being shuttered as Mosques are being built. Etc., etc.
AOC’s staggering ignorance and/or hypocrisy shines brightest in her remark that “The GOP doesn’t care about babies at all - especially brown, black, or poor ones.” Yes, that is clear from its attempts to keep them from being exterminated. The vast majority of babies aborted are “persons of color,” from poor parents, females, or some combination of these.
It is the Democratic Party that doesn’t care about babies at all—especially the brown, black or poor ones. If they did, they’d cosponsor anti-abortion legislation or at least have a real abortion plan.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Mueller Press Conference Perfidy

Special Counsel Robert Mueller held a surprise press conference Wednesday morning, May 29th, in which he deliberately and premeditatedly fanned the flames of the impeachment fire already burning in the Democrat-media-academia complex.
Mueller spoke of “multiple, systematic efforts to interfere in our election,” on the part of Russians, deserving of “the attention of every American.” He stated: “And at the same time, as the grand jury alleged in a separate indictment, a private Russian entity engaged in a social media operation where Russian citizens posed as Americans in order to interfere in the election. These indictments contain allegations.”
He added: “The indictments allege, and the other activities in our report describe, efforts to interfere in our political system. They needed to be investigated and understood. That is among the reasons why the Department of Justice established our office.”
Yet, he said of the Russians who he averred had interfered in our elections, “We are not commenting on the guilt or innocence of any specific defendant. Every defendant is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty in court.” That certainly was very American of him, given that that standard has been the basis for our justice system for centuries now.
Mueller made sure to pat himself and his fellow investigators on the back, saying: “And beyond Department policy, we were guided by principles of fairness,” while noting, “The matters we investigated were of paramount importance.”
Since a sitting president cannot be charged with a federal crime, he admitted that “It would be unfair to potentially accuse somebody of a crime when there can be no court resolution of an actual charge.” 
Then he said, of the collusion investigation as a whole, “It was critical for us to obtain full and accurate information from every person we questioned.” (Yes, all 500 of them).
And then, in an act of staggering hypocrisy, hubris and asininity, he remarked: “As set forth in our report, after that investigation, if we had confidence that the President clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said that. We did not, however, make a determination as to whether the President did commit a crime.” What the hell happened to “presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty in court.” Does Mueller think that applies to Russian hackers but not to the president of the United States? What about those “principles of fairness?” And what about it being “unfair to potentially accuse somebody of a crime when there can be no court resolution?”
Mueller ended by refusing to take questions and stating, “That is the office's final position and we will not comment on any other conclusions or hypotheticals about the President.” After two years of desperately yet fruitlessly searching for something that would take down Trump, two years of not commenting, he delivers a baseless cheap shot that contradicts his own words and then says he will never comment on this matter again? There is a term for this type of man: jackass.
“If we had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said that?” By that standard everyone in the world would be suspect. There isn’t one person alive of whom any investigators could definitively say, “We have clear and incontrovertible proof that this person has never committed a crime.” It is hard to prove a negative. Russel’s Teapot and all of that.
Mueller ended his investigation—and communication thereof—by essentially (potentially?) accusing President Trump of a crime, though he has no proof......something he said he would not do.
That is slander, itself a crime.
If there is to be anything like justice, we must investigate the investigators. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Real Headline Or...?

                Perhaps you, too, have noticed the increased zaniness of current events in recent years. Maybe you have thought to yourself: “What is going on?” Well, dear readers, let’s see how attentive you’ve been and how attuned you are to the insanity that is today’s news. Below are a dozen headlines. Your mission…should you choose to accept it…is to determine which ones are real and which ones are not. So, welcome to “Real Headline or My Headline.” Answers are provided at the bottom of this post.

--“Scammers Use Facebook To Trick People Into Thinking They Accidentally Donated Money To ISIS”

--“Opinion: Kristen Waggoner: Babies Aren’t Cancer”
--“MSNBC, CNN Agree: ‘Have To Admit, Trump has helped economy’”
--“Lock ‘Em Up!: Joy Behar Thinks All Republicans Should Be In Jail”
--“Gillibrand suggests Trump’s only accomplishments are ‘hurting people,’ only motivation is ‘cruelty.’”
--"LGBTQ Spokesperson Says, ‘Now That Gay Marriage Is Legal, Transgender Rights Have Been Won, And Pride Parades Are Everywhere…We’re Just Gonna Call It A Day’”
--“Hillary Clinton now blames ‘Macedonia’ for election loss, in bizarre onstage interview”
--"Joy Behar: ‘Some of my friends are Republicans’”
--”German government backtracks on Jewish skullcap warning, urges everyone to wear it ahead of anti-Israel protest”
--“Trump Says, ‘I Am Quitting Twitter,’ Regrets Past Outbursts”
--“Obama Admits He And Hillary Were Behind Trump Russian Collusion Hoax, ‘Just Wanted To See How Far It Would Go’”

3)      Not Real
6)      Not Real
8)      Not Real
11)   Not Real (Obviously)
12)   Not Real (Obviously, even though it is likely the truth)

Monday, May 27, 2019

In The News

                                                              In the News

*Reporters/writers for the U.K.’s Guardian newspaper have been told not to use the term “Climate change.” They have been instructed to use the phrases “climate emergency,” “climate crisis,” and “climate breakdown” instead. Love that objective, unbiased media. There actually is a “journalistic emergency,” a “reportorial crisis,” and an “integrity breakdown” among the mainstream media.

*CNN anchor and “Cuomo Prime Time” host Chris Cuomo gave a pep talk to 2020 Democratic presidential candidates recently, telling them that, when they get to the convention, they should “all organize themselves into a slate, a truly united front.” He averred that voters shouldn’t just be voting for the president and vice-president, but should also be “picking an attorney general, secretary of defense, treasury secretary, whatever they can fill out in a responsible way,” adding that “at least you would have people being vetted in a real way” by the media. Love that objective, unbiased media.

*MSNBC’s Nicole Wallace apparently has a crush on Beto O’Rourke. And his Democratic comrades. During an “interview” with O’Rourke, Wallace asked him, “What can we do better for those of us covering your candidates far away from where the first votes will be cast in Iowa and New Hampshire?” I guess if you are a Democrat, you are allowed to say, “Ask not what we can do for the media, ask what the media can do for us.” Even more incredibly, Wallace told O’Rourke: “I’ll leave you with some free advice. Grab Garrett, who is NBC’s correspondent on your campaign, and tell him what’s on your mind.” She continued fawning, stating: “If you don’t like the coverage, you can change it. You’re the candidate.” before effusively thanking O’Rourke for appearing with her, at which point Beto cheerfully—literally-- waved goodbye. Call me a skeptic, but I’m guessing she wouldn’t have asked President Trump how she and her fellow media members could better serve him. Love that objective, unbiased mainstream media.

*Beto O’Rourke also recently released a video of himself getting a haircut in an attempt to reboot his run for the presidential nomination in 2020. This comes after he posted a video of himself at the dentist. In this newest video, he specifically pointed out that he was having his “nasty” ear hair trimmed. If this somehow gives him a bump in the polls, expect New York Mayor Bill de Blasio to post a video of his recent manicure. Not to be outdone, Joe Biden would then soon be forced to post a pic of himself cutting his toenails. Kamala Harris might then be maneuvered into posting a video of her Brazilian. At which point Peter Buttigieg would have no alternative but to post a video of himself “manscaping” his groin region. Yikes!

*South Bend Mayor Peter (Paul Montgomery) Buttigieg says things named after Thomas Jefferson should be renamed due to his holding slaves. But, who are we to judge? He also says his last name should be pronounced “Boot-edge-edge” or “Buddha-judge.” Perhaps Mayor Buttigieg should consider renaming……himself. But, who are we to Buddha-judge?

Sunday, May 26, 2019

Professor Says Equal Treatment Sign Of "Dangerous White Person"

                University of Washington Professor Robin DiAngelo was a guest lecturer at Boston University recently. DiAngelo, who claims to work in the field of “whiteness studies,” presented a lecture titled “What Does It Mean To Be White,” in which she said that those who say they were taught to treat everyone the same deny black people of their reality. She told her audience, “Your parents could lecture you to do it [but] you don’t do it, you can’t do it, there is no human objectivity.”
                She announced that when she hears people talk about treating everyone the same, it just tells her that the person “doesn’t understand culture” and “is not self-aware.” DiAngelo, who is white, helpfully gave a “heads up” to “the white people in the room,” informing them that when “people of color hear us say this,” they tend to engage in “eye-rolling” and that usually “a wall is going up.” (I didn’t think “people of color” would build any nasty old walls).
                She then stated: “My friend Erin Trent Johnson … she says, ‘When I hear a white person say this, what I am thinking is: ‘This is a dangerous white person. This is a white person who is going to need to deny my reality.’”
                There is no “my reality,” only reality. If there was “my reality,” then Erin Trent Johnson just denied it, denied all “white people’s reality” by saying that.
                When people (white or otherwise) say they treat everybody the same, they almost always mean they attempt to treat everyone decently and don’t look down on them because of their color, background, economic status, etc. The only way to properly treat everyone the same is by treating everyone as individuals.  The “Golden Rule” has been kicked off of college campuses and largely banished to the ash-heap of history, but it contains wisdom, decency and common sense: treat others as you would have them treat you. Not as if they couldn’t possibly understand “your reality” and vice-versa.
                Progressives who would have blacks treated as a victim group really do tend to see most “colored people” in the same light. And talk down to them… as studies have now shown. Identity politics-- seeing people only or primarily as members of a group—has been responsible for nearly all the great evils in the history of the world. Slavery, genocide, the Holocaust. Communism. Fascism. The Killing Fields. Etc., etc.
                Only in places like the United States, where the rights of the individual have been paramount, have people generally been truly free to pursue… life, liberty and happiness. This has been because of the belief in immutable, inalienable, Natural Rights, granted by the Creator.
                Treating people based on the color of their skin is wrong. Expecting to be treated differently based on the color of one’s skin is wrong. And mocking people for trying to treat those different than themselves without explicit regard to those differences is wrong. Labeling “white people” who wish to treat “colored people” the same (or at least equally) as “dangerous” disses the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., who would have been disgusted and saddened at Ms. Johnson’s remark. Screw the content of one’s character, I guess.
                Professor Dumb says “there is no human objectivity.” (Fairness, justice, etc.). Ms. DiAngelo, tell that to the families of the hundreds of thousands of Americans who fought and died to end slavery, defeat Hitler and his Aryan master race, and free others from brutal oppression. Would you deny “their reality?”
                For the general dispersal of happiness, identity politics must die… and the melting pot must be returned to working order. If this house-- now divided-- is to continue to stand, “American” must supersede “white” or “people of color.” And every American should be treated the same, under the rule of law. In a successful society, elites are not treated differently-- meaning better-- than regular citizens, nor does one race arbitrarily get benefits that another does not.

    That is not my reality. That is reality.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Talking Socialism With Bernie Sanders And AOC

                                            “Talkin’ Socialism with Bernie and AOC!”

May 29, 2019

Voiceover: “Good evening and welcome to today’s program. Today, Bernie Sanders, an Independent Senator from Vermont and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democratic U.S. Representative from New York’s 14th district, talk about socialism and the issues of the day. The program runs about 10 minutes and is commercial free. Enjoy…”

Bernie Sanders: …“As I was saying, Alex, breadlines are a good thing!”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: “That’s right, Bernie! And there will be a lot of them if the Green New Deal gets implemented! There’ll be, like, breadlines all over the effing place!”

BS: “That’s what I’m talkin’ about, baby doll! Eff the rich!”

AOC: “And lines for, like, potatoes, toilet paper, and everything else, too.”

BS: “Those are the best lines, actually!”

AOC: “My favorite lines are white and powdery!”

BS: “Ha, I gotcha, you go girl! Have a Coke and a smile we used to say!”

AOC: “But seriously, I wish there were breadlines in New York City. That’s why I chased Amazon away.”

BS: “I wish there were breadlines outside of all three of my homes. Especially my vacation home on Lake Champlain. That would be cool. Eff the rich!”

AOC: “What are some other good things, Bernie?”

BS: “Gas lines! Gas lines are very, very good things! And long waits for health care! These are signs that the rich don’t unduly influence a society!”

AOC: “And punitive taxation, redistribution, and rationing are, like, the keys to a healthy, vibrant, like, thriving society, right?”

BS: “Absof*ckinglutely, my dear. More good things!”

AOC: “Cow farts are bad, though!”

BS: “That they are. Do you mind if I pinch your nipples?”

AOC: “What the hell?”

BS: “Sorry! What I meant to say was: as long as no money goes to the rich, everything will be fine. All money should go to the poor.”

AOC: “I agree, but like, now, I’m like, getting all confused. If all money goes to the poor…won’t they be rich?”

BS: “No. The poor can’t be rich, just like people of color can’t be racist and straight white males can’t be discriminated against.”

AOC: “Cool, that makes me feel better! Thank you, Bernie!”

BS: “Don’t mention it, baby.”

AOC: “But how come everyone can’t be rich, Uncle Bernie?”

BS: “What the hell do I look like, an effing guru? Einstein? Nostradamus? I don’t know…probably 
the Jews fault.”  

AOC: “Probably.”

Friday, May 24, 2019

Opium-Addicted Parrots Plaguing India

                Farmers in Madhya Pradesh, India have had it tough recently. The region has been suffering from uneven, spotty rainfall. And now, growers say they are incurring enormous losses due to groups of “opium-addicted” parrots.
                Nandkishore, a local cultivator stated that “one poppy flower gives around 20-25 grams of opium. But a large group of parrots feed on these plants around 30-40 times a day. Some birds have been recorded tearing into unripe poppy pods to get at the opium-rich milk inside, while some use their beaks and claws to break the pods away from the stalks of the plants and then fly away with whole poppy pods.” The Daily Mail reported that some birds have even trained themselves not to squawk when descending on the fields, stealthily “swooping in and out like silent ninjas.”
   These avian raids have greatly diminished the plant’s yield. Nandkishore said that multiple requests for assistance made to district officials have gone unanswered: “Nobody is listening to our problems. Who will compensate for our losses?” India is one of the very few places in the world where licensed opium cultivation is allowed.
               To reduce the parrots plundering the farmers have been forced to guard their fields both day and night. Nandkishore added: “We have tried making loud sounds and even use firecrackers to scare the birds. But nothing has helped.”
               The parrots often become visibly intoxicated. Doped-up birds have been observed crashing into tree branches and lying dazed and incapacitated in the fields, most eventually flying off again when the narcotic effects wear off.
               This opioid crisis really is for the birds. Poppy-pilfering parrots? What’s next, marijuana-mooching mockingbirds?

  “Polly want a cracker? Polly want an effing cracker? You’re damn right I do!"

  “Squawk! Like, dude, pass the Cheetos. Squawk!”

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Unisex Bathrooms Making U.K. Girls Uncomfortable

                Many girls in United Kingdom schools are refusing to use unisex bathrooms because they fear “period shaming” and general harassment from boys. You don’t say? Who woulda thunk it? Anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex.
                Unisex “loos,” as the British call them, were established because progressive activists deemed separate-sex restrooms “not inclusive” enough to transgender students.
                One parent told The Daily Mail that “boys are always speculating on whether girls are having their periods according to how long they take in the toilet.” The feminist group Women’s Voices Wales aver that the “safety and dignity” of all girls in these schools is being neglected. The group says that students, parents and staff are often too embarrassed to complain about the unisex bathrooms and is calling for a policy reviewal. The group’s spokesperson told the newspaper that no schoolgirl should have to avoid school or stop drinking water so they don’t have to use the restrooms. She added that girls cannot “hold periods in.”
                Many transgendered people consider the term “unisex” to be “exclusive” of those who do not identify as either male or female and say it makes them feel “uncomfortable.” This is odd since the reason for unisex bathrooms is to be accommodating… of both sexes. Unisex refers to things that are not sex-specific and that are suitable for any sex. It is another term for gender-blindness.
                Unisex definition: 1) the state or condition of not being distinguishable (as by hair or clothing) as to sex. 2) Not distinguishable as male or female. 3) Suitable or designed for both males and females.
                If this isn’t inclusive, broad, or vague enough for them too bad.
                A tiny percentage of the population has somehow successfully forced its demands for open bathrooms and locker rooms on the vast majority by claiming that “everyone should feel included, welcomed, safe and comfortable.”
                This is the opposite of what’s happening. This is one time I agree with the feminists. The vast majority of girls and women shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable about their body’s sex-specific functions to please a confused, aggressive few.


Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Old News

                Things I'd meant to write/post about previously...that are now:

                                                                 Old News

Ø  Canadian journalist John Ibbitson and political scientist Darrell Bricker have just come out with a new book titled “Empty Planet” in which they claim that Earth’s population will start dropping in roughly 30 years. What’s more, they claim that, once it does, “it will never end.” At least until we do. The brace of Canucks re-examined existing forecasting models and believe that previous predictions of an insupportably overpopulated globe are totally in error. The duo cite continuing urbanization and an increasingly educated female population as a couple of the factors leading to their surprising conclusion. Soon we’ll be hearing warnings of “global cooling” again. And perhaps a latter-day Rachel Carson will write a book warning us of an imminent “Overly Raucous Spring.”

Ø  Connecticut State Rep. Jillian Gilchrest recently introduced a bill that would raise the Constitution State’s tax on ammunition by 50% across the board, a measure that, ironically, would be unconstitutional. None-the-less, Gilchrest said: “We see this as a public health measure, similar to what we’ve done in the state of Connecticut with increasing the tax on cigarettes. When we increase the tax, we’ve seen a reduction in use.” Yes, a good public health measure always makes it more expensive for the poor, weak, infirm and elderly to defend themselves. Killing babies is “women’s health care.” Gender reassignment surgery is “healthcare.” Legalizing marijuana equals “healthcare.” Taxing ammunition? Healthcare! Fossil fuel energy that allows billions of human beings to survive in extreme cold and heat? Existential danger to the planet and ultimately ourselves! Being on the same campus where a conservative speaker may be espousing traditional values? Danger to mental health!

Ø  CNN’s Van Jones was having none of President Trump’s State of the Union Address call for unity and bipartisanship in the moments after Trump’s speech. The host of the cleverly named Van Jones Show characterized the president’s oration as “a psychotically incoherent speech with cookies and dog poop.” That line itself is psychotically incoherent and actually contains the words “cookies and dog poop,” which Trump’s speech did not. VJ also said, “He tries to put together in the same speech these warm, kind things about humanitarianism and caring about children. At the same time he is demonizing people who are immigrants.” That statement is simply a bald-faced lie. The president clearly emphasized that he approves of legal immigration. In fact, he stated “I want more legal immigration than ever before.” This is not hard, Mr. Jones. Trump was not demonizing immigrants. “Illegal immigration” is a two-word phrase. Since Trump went out of his way to state his belief that legal immigrants are often beneficial to the country, the only possibility left is that it is the “illegal” part he dislikes, not “immigrants.” But Van Jones’ ass-hattery knows no bounds. And his speech is filled with falsehoods and bull-shit.

Ø  An English woman was recently arrested for “mis-gendering,” i.e. calling a man who wishes to be a woman a “man.” What’s next, will we be arrested for calling abortion “abortion” rather than “women’s health care?” For referring to “taxation” instead of “revenue enhancement?” For using the term “Islamic terrorism” instead of “workplace violence” or “insurgency?” Perhaps for saying “arrested” instead of “temporarily detained for positive re-education?”

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Bill Nye The Pseudo-Science Guy

                Bill Nye (“the Pseudo-Science Guy”) attempted to explain climate change on a recent episode of “Last week with John Oliver.” There was a twist. He decided to do so using frequent profanity. Oliver was purportedly fact-checking Democratic New York Rep. Alexandria Occasional-Cortex’s Green New Deal “Plan,” in the context of a newly released U.N. report that the Earth could be inalterably altered by climate change as soon as 2040. Master Oliver asked Nye if he had a way to visually illustrate his remarks, sarcastically saying: “Bill, please, please! Do you have a fun experiment for us?”
                Nye then appeared via video in his lab coat, standing behind a table sporting a globe, blanket, fire extinguisher, and mound of sand. The sober man of science said, “Safety glasses on” and then averred: “By the end of this century, if emissions keep rising, the average temperature on Earth could go up another 4 to 8 degrees.” Warming to his own noxious emissions, he added: “What I’m saying is, the planet’s on f***ing fire!” He then pulled out a blowtorch, aimed it at the globe, and lit it on fire, saying, “There are a lot of things we could do to put it out,” and motioning toward the sand, blanket and fire extinguisher. Increasingly distraught, Nye rhetorically asked, “Are any of them free?” before yelling, “No, of course not, nothing’s free, you idiots! Grow the f**k up! You’re not children anymore! I didn’t mind explaining photosynthesis to you when you were 12, but you’re adults now, and this is an actual crisis! Got it?!”
                The now Well-Nigh Crazy Guy culminated his demonstration by saying, “Safety glasses off, motherf***ers,” and stormed out of sight, exasperated by the sheer stupidity of anyone who would deign to question him.
                Grow the bleep up? Like you, Billy? By throwing a public temper-tantrum when you know someone doesn’t agree with you? By being a potty-mouth, acting out, and angrily walking away to go pout for a while?
                Take your own advice, Billy boy, and grow up. Tell us, if you can, how photosynthesis applies to the Green New Deal, but stop trying to tell us the planet is moments away from spontaneously combusting.
                Fake science may be worse than fake news.

Monday, May 20, 2019

PETA Courageously Fights "Anti-Animal" Phrases, Speciesism

                PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has just achieved a level of asininity heretofore unattained by homo sapiens. The group has launched a campaign to end “anti-animal” sayings such as “to kill two birds with one stone.” The comically serious organization issued a Twitter statement reading: “Just as it became unacceptable to use racist, homophobic, or ableist language, phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are.”
                PETA suggests saying “feed two birds with one scone” instead of the patently offensive “kill two birds with one stone” when you wish to describe accomplishing two things with one action. Honestly. It also tweeted out other idiotic idioms to help Americans “remove speciesism” from their lexicons. PETA is badgering us to say “bringing home the bagels” instead of “bringing home the bacon,” and “take the flower by the thorns” in lieu of “take the bull by the horns.”

   You’ve gotta be kidding me. And isn’t “bringing home the bagels” anti-Semitic?

   PETA apparently now stands for People for the Egregious Treatment of Adages. Its website sports a lengthy list of old “harmful” phrases, followed by “helpful” replacement phrases:
   Harmful: “Be the guinea pig.” Helpful: “Be the test tube.” Harmful: “Beat a dead horse.” Helpful: “Feed a fed horse.” Harmful: “More than one way to skin a cat.” Helpful: “More than one way to peel a potato.” Getting the hang of it now? Harmful: “Put all your eggs in one basket.” Helpful: “Put all your berries in one bowl.” I feel better about myself already.

  But PETA’s list was by no means complete. What about “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?” Wouldn’t “A luffa in the hand is worth two in the bush” be better? Here are some other phrases that should be banned and my suggested replacements:
  Harmful: “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” Helpful: “I’m so hungry I could eat a significant quantity of sustainable plant matter!” Harmful: “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Helpful: “Don’t count your money before it’s printed.” Harmful: “Drink like a fish.” Helpful: “Drink like a drunk.” Harmful: “Why pay for the cow when you can have the milk for free?” Helpful: “Why pay for a car when you can walk for free?” Harmful: “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.” Helpful: “You can’t make a spliff without breaking a few buds.” Harmful: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.” Helpful: “It’s a crappy world.”

 One thing is certain: you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a virtue-signaling, politically correct moron with an I.Q. of a tree frog. What a bunch of bullshit.

 Oh well. F*ck a duck.

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Speaker Pelosi Denies Denying Border "Crisis"

Democrats have routinely said that there is no “crisis” on the U.S.’s border with Mexico. They have routinely said that President Trump is overstating the issue at the border in order to scare Americans into supporting a wall. To Democrats, the issue is simple: countless numbers of people show up at our southern border. Let them into the country. They end up voting for them. No crisis!
House Speaker Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) was asked at a recent weekly press briefing if Democrats are now willing to admit there is an actual crisis at the border. She replied: “Well, let me just say this. We have never not said that there was a crisis. There is a humanitarian crisis at the border, and some of it provoked by the actions taken by the Administration. And I will just quote our friends from the Evangelical community when they came in and testified in the last Congress in one of our rump hearings, because the Republicans wouldn’t have the hearing.”
Democrats “have never not said that there was a crisis?” Pelosi posted the following statement on February 6th. It is still on her website: “It will take days to fact-check all the misrepresentations that the President made tonight. Instead of fear-mongering and manufacturing a crisis at the border, President Trump should commit to signing the bipartisan conference committee’s bill to keep government open and provide strong, smart border security solutions.” You manufacture a crisis when one doesn’t already exist.
             She added:  “We’ve always said that it gets to be more of a humanitarian crisis the more that Republicans – the Administration, I won’t paint all the Republicans with this – the more the Administration acts in the shameful way, not consistent with our faith, with our beliefs that every person has dignity and worth, that every person has a spark of divinity within them that we need to respect, and that we have that spark of divinity that we need to act upon.”
Every person has a “spark of divinity” within them? Well, unless that person is small and hasn’t made it out of the womb yet, apparently. Democrats obviously don’t believe small, innocent people have dignity and worth, or they wouldn’t constantly demand the “right” to kill them at will.
And yet they have the staggering effrontery to claim those in the Evangelical community are their “friends.”
Republicans wouldn’t have a “rump” hearing on the “manufactured” border crisis? Speaker Pelosi doesn’t need their help in that regard. She is the biggest “rump” in any hearing. Many would testify to that.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

The "Cow Kiss Challenge"

                Tyrolean officials are warning people to stop French kissing cows.

                I must say, I never thought I would have reason to write that sentence. But it is, in fact, true.

                The Swiss app Castl created the phenomena by promoting its “Cow Kiss Challenge.” Castl has been encouraging people in Switzerland, Austria, and Germany to kiss cows, “with or without tongues,” for charity. “Snogging” cows, to use the British term, has apparently become all the rage in Austria, prompting politicians and farming officials to warn bovine bussers that they could be endangering the animals—and themselves— with their indiscriminate smooching. Many people have been filmed going into paddocks, or randomly approaching cows before laying a big, wet one on the baffled bovines.
                What’s the next “challenge?” The next frontier? Blowing into mountain goat’s ears? Giving steers a hand job?
                Josef Kossler, Tyrol’s state veterinary director, said that approaching cows looking after their calves could be “very dangerous,” going so far as to state that the “KuhKussChallenge” could lead to someone getting trampled to death. Tyrolean Chamber of Agriculture president Josef Hechenberger told Kurier: “The fact that our animals should be used for social media hype, I think, is very questionable, especially with regard to possible injuries.” Herr Hechenberger cautioned people to avoid engaging in the strange but trendy activity and urged those behind it to “rethink this project.” Austrian agricultural minister Elisabeth Kostinger took to Twitter to say: “Actions like these are dangerous nonsense. I have not the slightest understanding for a challenge of this kind!"

                You and me both, Ms. Kostinger.

   She added, “Pastures are not petting zoos. Mother cows protect their calves and become aggressive if you do not behave properly.” As well they should. #MeTooMoo.
   The cows have to be thinking, “It’s not enough that they’re pulling on our teats all the time, now they want to take the relationship to another level! Lord knows where their mouths have been! At least bring me a bottle of wine or a Hallmark card!”

   The hills are alive with the sound of “moo-sic”
   With songs they have sung for a thousand years
   The hills fill my heart with the sound of moo-sic
   My lips want to kiss every cow they near

   I go to the hills when my heart is lonely
   I know I will hear what I've heard before
  My heart will be blessed with the sound of moo-sic
  And I'll snog a cow once more

Friday, May 17, 2019

Game Of Thrones In The News

                Game of Thrones, HBO’s spectacularly successful adaptation of the George R.R. Martin saga, is in its final season—and in the news more than ever. We recently learned that Bella Ramsey, the 15-year-old actress who played the (now) late Lady Mormont (who was crushed to death during the epic Battle of Winterfell as she stabbed a White Walker giant in the eye), is not allowed to watch the series because her parents—rightfully—think the series is too gory and adult-themed.
                Then there was incredulous mockery of a recent scene in which a disposable plastic coffee cup could be distinguished amid the otherwise authentically medieval accoutrement. Many wondered how such a glaring faux pas could possibly have occurred in a series with such production values, and one so lavishly outfitted, funded, shot and examined. It does boggle the mind, but, perhaps we are all being too hard on the iconic series. It’s not as if G.O.T. is the only major television or movie production that has ever experienced a similar embarrassing lapse of historical credibility. Or, as another iconic television institution (Sesame Street) puts it, “One of these things just doesn’t belong here, one of these things just isn’t the same.”

                I list here, for my beloved reader’s edification, ten other epic film foul-ups of similar type:

                *Yoda eating a Burger King Whopper in the original “Star Wars” movie, Episode IV. (“Eat you I will…yes, yes…”).

                *The “Fats Domino” record seen in the background of the Biblical epic film, “Ben Hur.”

                *A soldier playing Pokémon Go on the beach during “Dunkirk.”

                *Multiple Rubik’s Cubes seen in the movie “Titanic.”

                *A Nerf football clearly visible in “The Last Emperor.”

                *The bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) consumed by Union soldiers in 

                *Two Hula Hoops in the movie “Lincoln.”

                *A “Captain Fantastic” pinball machine on the battlefield during the movie “Braveheart,” chronicling fighting between Scottish and English troops in the 13th century.

                *Spartacus playing with a “slinky” in the movie “300.”

                *Thomas Jefferson using a flip-phone to call Ben Franklin in HBO’s otherwise critically acclaimed mini-series “John Adams.”

                It can happen to the best of them, right? Sometimes these things just slip through your hands. Now, about Jaime Lannister’s hands…

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Abortion Insanity

                Clinical insanity appears to be a prerequisite for Democrats speaking about abortion in 2019. Case in point: Alabama state Senator Bobby Singleton. Senator Singleton was not happy that a pro-life bill placing significant restrictions on abortion easily passed in the state’s House of Representatives (74-3) and the Senate (25-6). According to Fox News, he took to the Senate floor to chastise his fellow Senators, saying: “You don’t care anything about babies for real, you just kicked them in the stomach, and you aborted them yourself! You just aborted the state of Alabama with your rhetoric with this bill! You just aborted the state of Alabama yourself, and all of you should be put in jail for this abortion that you just laid on the state of Alabama! This is just a shame, this is a disgrace, and it’s a travesty!”
                Passing a bill to prevent babies from being dismembered, ripped from the womb and disposed of like so many hypodermic needles is kicking them in the stomach and aborting the entire state of Alabama? He wants to imprison 99 of his fellow representatives for casting votes?
   But Senator Simpleton was just getting started. Why stop him when he was on a roll? He continued, saying those who voted in favor of the bill “don’t care nothing about mothers of the state of Alabama.” (Other than encouraging mothers to be/stay mothers). He added: “You just raped Alabama with this bill that you about to send out here, and the governor, when you sign it, you just raped the state of Alabama yourself! You just aborted and raped the state of Alabama! You just raped every little baby, you just raped every little girl, you just raped every woman who been raped by women, you just raped her all over again! Yes, I said it! And I hope your conscience is eating your head up!” Fox reported that he finished by proclaiming: “She was pregnant with this bad bill, and you just aborted her!” In progressives land of topsy-turvydom, voting to prevent widespread abortions is the one true abortion. Of someone. Or everyone. Or the whole state. Incidentally, the governor to whom Singleton was referring, Kay Ivey, is a woman. But she is also a Republican, so she should have been aborted. At least then she wouldn’t have been able to rape “every little baby” by signing a bill protecting babies. Time will tell if she still has her whole head after putting her imprimatur on such a radical bill protecting life.
The Senator’s entire tirade is, honestly, too preposterous and sad on too many levels for me to lampoon.
Happily, however, that is not the case for Bernie Sanders’ claim that abortion is a “Constitutional right.” I am fully cognizant of the right to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” but I confess I am ignorant of the clause guaranteeing the right to “end a pregnancy if it should in any way inconvenience the prospective mother.”
Nor is it the case for Hillary Rodham Clinton’s recent remarks savaging state-level restrictions on abortion. She recently tweeted: “The abortion bans in Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, Kentucky, and Mississippi are appalling attacks on women’s lives and fundamental freedoms.” She urged her followers to donate to The National Network of Abortion Funds, one of whose member organizations is the Lilith Fund, named for an ancient demon who, according to mythology, preyed on children as well as pregnant women. Nice. In a separate tweet, she called on followers to prevent “a future in which our daughters and granddaughters have fewer rights than we do.”
This, too, is an inconceivably stupid remark. Those who are pro-life are trying to prevent a future in which there are no daughters and granddaughters. And who has fewer rights than an unborn baby girl?
I have always said that “pro-choice” people’s insistence that women have the inherent right to do whatever they wish with their own bodies is—or should be—an easily refuted lie. None of us have the right to drive drunk or rob a bank. With our own bodies. Even if we aren’t sheltering a nascent human life inside of us. Or trying to hurt anyone else.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Chick-fil-A Victim Of Collegiate Discrimination, Intolerance

                The California Polytechnic State University academic senate recently passed a resolution calling for the school’s administration to evict the campus’ Chick-fil-A restaurant from school grounds. The students say they are demanding the removal of the franchise, which has been a campus staple for 25 years, because the company’s donations don’t align with the university’s values. “Academic Senate Vice Chair” Thomas Gutierrez says Chick-fil-A donates to “anti-LGBTQ” groups, and that alone is grounds for booting the establishment off campus. Incredibly, Gutierrez told the school’s newspaper, Mustang News: “We don’t sell pornography in the bookstore and we don’t have a Hooters on campus—we already pre-select those kinds of things based on our existing values. This is a similar thing, the difference is we’re actually profiting from this. So our money, every dollar a student is spending at Chick-fil-A, is going to these causes that are in violation of our values.”
                Who are these nefarious groups that Chick-fil-A supports with its donations? The Communist Party USA? NAMBLA? No, Cal Poly’s “academic senate” would probably be fine with either of those. Honestly. The groups benefitting from Chick-fil-A’s largess are: the Salvation Army, the Paul Anderson Youth Home and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. My God, has the company no shame? All three of these organizations are probably dubbed “hate groups” by the Southern Poverty Law Center, an organization that truly is utterly evil.
                A Chick-fil-A spokesperson responded to the media’s repeated mischaracterization of its donations-- and the groups it donates to-- by stating: “The work of the Foundation is committed to youth and education. The Foundation’s giving helps with economic mobility of young people by focusing on homelessness and poverty, education, and community revitalization, and is done with no political or social agenda. The narrative that our giving was done to support a political or non-inclusive agenda is inaccurate and misleading.”
                I have a gay friend and a lesbian acquaintance. I know there are many good and decent gay and lesbian folks. I believe in tolerance and treating people how they treat you. But, I have had enough—way more than enough—of the hardcore LGBTQ “movement.” They make everything political. And these fascist thugs don’t give a rat’s ass about the homeless, poverty, children’s mobility, or community revitalization if it doesn’t explicitly advance their agenda. Students’ attempts to kick Chick-fil-A off campuses because of Chick-fil-A’s morals and “values” boggles any rational, reasonable mind. Yet, there isn’t a week that goes by where at least one college isn’t considering banning the Georgia-based chicken sandwich purveyor from befouling its campus.
                The same colleges that routinely hold “sex week” and “Anal-sex workshops” can’t stomach the thought of a Chick-fil-A nearby? Vice Chair Gutierrez has the demented gall to compare the company’s outlets with Hooters……and pornography, because he thinks it’s offensive to the LGBTQ community? Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with whips, two-headed dildos and dental dams, but get that chicken sandwich out of here, you sick freak!
                In truth, what really sends these democracy-hating bullies into a frenzy is the mention of The Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Or, more precisely, the word Christian and what it means to them. You know they would have no problem with an organization titled, The Fellowship of Athletes. They don’t want anyone, anything, or any belief system to “harsh their mellow” or potentially infer that their chosen behavior and lifestyle is any less divine than anyone else’s. In fact, they now make it clear that they believe Christians are a hate group, and morally inferior to themselves. They loudly tout their own “values” while denigrating those of anyone who holds traditional ones.

                Chick-fil-A’s long-time slogan might be good advice for college radicals and LGBTQ militants: “Eat More Chicken.”

                And fewer things that require the use of a dental dam.  

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Drag Queens Ahoy! For Mother's Day

Nabisco utilized a 46-second Twitter commercial to promote its Chips Ahoy! Cookies in a recent Mother’s Day ad. And who better to celebrate the importance of motherhood and tug on the apron—and heart— strings than a drag queen?! That’s right, the company chose reality TV contestant Jose Cancel (!), aka Miss Vanjie, to melt mother’s hearts.
Miss Vanjie touchingly said: “What’s a sweet gesture for you to do to your momma? Your real momma, your drag momma, whichever momma, somebody, whoever takes care of you, whoever you feel or consider your momma, it’s their day today.” That’s right, actually giving birth is no longer a prerequisite for being considered a mom. If you identify as a mom……you are one! Just like gender, motherhood is only a social construct, a state of mind, an ephemeral choice, no more based in biological fact than is the color of one’s shirt.
I can be a boy, I can be a girl, I can be a father, I can be a mother! I am woke! I have spoke! Celebrate my inner social justice warrior! Tremble at my tolerance! Bow down before my inclusiveness! Praise my inner perv! My fetish makes me moral! I kink therefore I am!
Thus, Mother’s Day, like everything else the left addresses, is watered down, diminished, cheapened……sullied.
“Miss Vanjie” did acknowledge her real mom, apparently, saying, “I am so thankful to have a mother, like mine, who supports me through all my craziness, and loves on me, and buys me Chips Ahoy! Cookies.” There it is, the corporate message: “Buy this product, as we are woke.” Virtue-signaling by any other name would smell as rank.
I’m sure Miss Vanjie’s mom, whichever, somebody, whoever takes care of “her,” really does shower her with Chips Ahoy! cookies. Right. This ad nearly made me toss my cookies.
It would have been more truthful  if Nabisco had had Miss Vanjie say: “I don’t always shamelessly pander to a tiny fringe minority group, but when I do, I do it for Chips Ahoy!”