Wednesday, February 26, 2020

A Joe Biden Campaign Stop


A Joe Biden Campaign Stop
Somewhere in South Carolina
Friday, February 28th, 2020

Joe Biden: “I gotta tell you all, I am so happy to be here in South Dakota today! You know, my parents used to take me to see Mount Rushmore about every few years, and I would glance at the faces of the great presidents-- Washington, Lincoln, FDR and Fillmore, and I would think to myself: could I become president someday? Maybe even be placed on this very same great stone outcropping? Well, now I have a chance. And, you know, man that would feel good! And I’ve paid my dues to get here, let me tell ya’. I remember sitting next to John Fitzgerald Kennedy during the Cuban Missile Crisis and saying to him, ‘Mr. President, the Russkies will back down if you give them a chance. I know it. You just have to play your cards right.’ Fortunately, he took my advice. I remember marching arm-in-arm with the black people in Selma, Alaska…er, Alabama…in 1965. We walked all the way from Selma to Montgomery Wards. Remember it like it was yesterday. I recall being in ‘Nam-- ’71 I believe it was—and working with General MacArthur on the brilliant invasion of Inchon. More recently, I have strived to pave the way for negroes, womenfolk and those in the LBGTIQ community to get the acceptance and recognition they so richly deserve. And I’m fighting against the NRA, standing alone really. You know, 250 million Americans have been shot to death just since 2007. That’s unacceptable. And, you know, I was so proud of my late son Beau, who was Attorney General of the United States. I’m equally proud of my other son, Hunter, who has served so faithfully and diligently on the boards of various companies around the world. So, in closing, let me just say that I promise you all that, despite what my opponents say, I will not flag or fail in my bid to become a United States Senator. Because, like I told my dear friend Barack Obama when I was his beloved Vice-President in 2007, ‘this is a big effing deal!’ Again, it’s great to be here in the great state of North Carolina, and I appreciate all of you coming to see me today. So go home and relax now, maybe turn on your Victrolas or watch ‘Bonanza,’ and get ready to go out to your polling place and pull the lever for ‘Old Uncle Joe 30330’ tomorrow! Thank you!”





Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Delaware State University Bans Snowball Fights

                Delaware State University is forbidding its students from throwing snowballs. School officials say that snowball fights have the potential to harm those on campus. This “rule” is specifically outlined in the college’s Division of Student Affairs Student Judicial Handbook, under the “personal violations” category. (One of this writer’s favorites). It can be found amongst other violations such as “making threats of violence or intimidation,” and “being in the bath/shower areas of the opposite sex,” according to The College Fix. That can’t be correct. Being in the bath/shower areas of the opposite sex is de rigueur. All you have to do is say you identify as a member of the opposite sex. Duh.
                But back to snowballs.
                Students who violate rules in the Student Code of Conduct at the University of Delaware are subject to disciplinary action under the Student Judicial System. These reprobates are subject to, but not limited to, penalties such as warnings, “official” reprimands, community service, fines, disciplinary probation, and the death penalty, depending on the severity of their indiscretions. (Okay, I may have added that last one.)
                Delaware State also prohibits the “use [and] possession of water guns, Super Soakers, etc. on University premises or during university activities.” Students are additionally forbidden to wear “any item or items with the intention to intimidate, frighten, assault or harass others on University-owned or controlled property.” Well, I guess Maxine Waters masks are out of the question.
                Almost every known idea, action and object can now send a progressive into paroxysms of fear and loathing. If Nerf Super Soakers and snowball fights are outlawed, anything and everything can be outlawed.
    And that is precisely their intent.
               

Ode To Diversity


Diversity in race and creed
Is all that matters
All we need

Diversity in kink and sex
Is so important
What comes next?!

Yes, diversity is everything
We love it so!
Like Deng Xiaoping!

Diversity in all but thought
‘Cuz “wrong” opinions
We’ll have not

Monday, February 24, 2020

California's War On Sanity


                The war between California and the Trump administration keeps ramping up by degrees. It started in earnest when the formerly Golden State’s governor, Gavin Newsom, petitioned the president for more housing vouchers last September. At the time, Newsom snarkily averred, “Shelter solves sleep, but only housing solves homelessness.” This is like saying, “only boats solve boatlessness” or “only brains solve brainlessness.” Cute, but devoid of substantive meaning. A truer—and more applicable-- phrase to address the state’s homeless crisis would be, “You can’t fix stupid.”
                Newsom’s appeal to Trump specifically requested he provide 50,000 more housing vouchers via two existing programs, while also increasing the value of said vouchers to offset rising rental costs. Trump’s EPA Administrator, Andrew Wheeler, responded by demanding California protect its water from pollution generated by homelessness in the erstwhile Land of Milk and Honey’s largest cities. Wheeler sent a letter to Gov. Newsom criticizing San Francisco, where Newsom was once mayor, for routinely discharging inadequately treated water sewage into the Pacific Ocean. In it, he noted that “Piles of human feces on sidewalks and streets” pose a threat to water quality and demanded that Newsom present him with a detailed plan to address the issue within 30 days. 
                The truth of the matter is that California’s progressive policies have brought on all of the state’s major problems. Rent control has proven as effective as gun control, pushing up costs of real estate dramatically as no one will build or manage dwellings from which they can’t make a profit. California has more homeless people within its borders than any other state. It has the starkest contrast between its poorest and wealthiest citizens. Fecal matter and used hypodermic needles line the streets of San Francisco and some areas of other large cities like Los Angeles. Many people have fled the state altogether.
    Nothing will solve the homeless problem but a return to Judeo-Christian values and the Protestant work ethic, coupled with an educational system that doesn’t indoctrinate kids into thinking that their country sucks and their only hope is to take government aid and vote for Democratic-Socialists. It would also be beneficial if the state didn’t subsidize, encourage and reward lawlessness while continuing to legalize destructive substances such as marijuana and magic mushrooms. Oh, and if it stopped passing out free hypodermic needles for heroine users, they might not end up littering the streets. Moreover, if it ceases pursuing Venezuelan-esque policies, it may yet avoid becoming another resource-rich, but utterly failed state.

                That is the unvarnished truth, or, in military terms, “a no-shitter.”


Sunday, February 23, 2020

New York County To Ban Smoking In Private Homes?


                 WCBS-TV recently reported that lawmakers in Suffolk County, New York, are considering legislation that would ban smoking in private residences such as apartment buildings, condominiums, and multi-family homes. Democratic Legislator Sam Gonzalez is sponsoring a bill that would ban smoking in these private abodes. Gonzalez says that, if the bill is passed, offenders could be fined up to $1,000 per occurrence and face possible prosecution, as well.
                 This is yet another sign of the continuously expanding, ever-more intrusive nanny state. If lawmakers can ban the use—in private dwellings-- of a product or substance that is legal to manufacture, sell and consume, they can control every aspect of their constituents’ lives. Many citizens understandably believe the law goes too far, and, if passed, will be impossible to enforce. Gonzalez disagrees, stating, “It’s not going too far. We’re heading in that direction anyway,” noting that people already can’t smoke in places like restaurants and theaters. This is illustrative of the difficulty so-called “progressives” have in distinguishing between public and private property. Gonzalez then addressed those individuals who might have the temerity to challenge their big government masters: “When I get the pushback from individuals that say, 'No, you can't stop me from smoking,' I say, 'Why not?'" Scary.
                  Those in favor of the legislation say it would help prevent non-smokers from being exposed to second-hand smoke. Gonzalez told the New York Post that his intent is to protect human life, stating: "We need to protect the way of life of those individuals that want to live in their apartments smoke-free.” He noted that all citations will be complaint-driven. That’s just what we want, a newly created local version of the erstwhile East German Stasi, with neighbor reporting neighbor.
                The sheer hypocrisy of progressive legislators like Gonzalez is mind-boggling. The very same hectoring, elitist, do-gooders who want to ban cigarette smoking are passing legislation to legalize “recreational” pot-smoking all across the fruited plain. I guess the difference is, if you’re inhaling second-hand marijuana smoke, you can get a nice buzz, huh Sammy?
                Gonzalez, virtue-signaling and choking up just a bit, says he merely wants to protect human life? He is part of the same legislative body that recently voted to permit the killing of babies up until the moment of birth. He wants others to be able to lead a smoke-free lifestyle? How about being able to live, period?

                 Second-hand smoke?

     First-hand asininity. 
 

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Marvel Studios To Introduce Bisexual Spider-Man


            Even Aldous Huxley would be surprised. It may not be A Brave New World we’re entering, but it is certainly a strange—if gay-- new world.
Sony Corporation is intent on introducing a bevy of LGBTQ characters into its wildly successful Marvel Cinematic Universe in the near future. According to the entertainment blog We Got This Covered, the company “is developing a live-action ‘Spider-Verse’ movie” that would feature a bisexual Spider-Man. Andrew Garfield, who played the lead in “The Amazing Spider-Man” and “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” a number of years ago, floated the notion of a gay Spider-Man during an interview with Entertainment Weekly way back in 2013. Garfield’s replacement, Tom Holland, has apparently also lobbied for a gay Spider-Man. The We Got This Covered report claimed that Marvel Studios “is particularly keen on getting Garfield back, as they want to portray his version of the hero as bisexual and give him a boyfriend in the film.” Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige had already recently confirmed that Marvel would soon be debuting an openly transgender superhero.
Feige appeared at the New York Film Academy last October where he was asked if the studio had plans to introduce more LGBTQ characters into the universe, in particular trans characters. He promptly replied, “Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Very soon. In a movie we’re shooting right now.” Feige. Is. An. Eager beaver.
And why not? Who wouldn’t thrill to a universe of totally woke, intersectionally inspired super-heroes? Sure, any member of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning community is, by definition, a super-hero, but how awesome will they be when they truly have super-powers, as well?! Spider-Man is already part man and part spider, or transspecied if you will. If he is made to be bisexual, too, the intersectional diversity will be breathtaking to witness. And Marvel will have just scratched the surface of politically correct potential.  
Ironman could come out as non-binary. He could be Ironman one moment and Iron Maiden the next. He/she could state that “they” and “them” are his/her preferred pronouns. Mysterio could be anything at all or nothing—at the same time. Captain America could be presented as a Marxist, atheistic, bisexual, mulatto she-male. What fun! Pepper Potts could be reintroduced as the first lesbian prostitute super-hero. Hulk could question his gender, ethnicity, sexuality and color. That would give the kiddies something to think about! Dr. Strange could give hormone treatments to a new crop of very young super-heroes…and perform abortions, as well. The Scarlet Witch, Ultron, Ego, Thanos, Carol Danvers, Red Skull, the Winter Soldier, Nebula, Falcon, Loki and the Black Widow could be involved in “throuples,” orgies, polyamory, bestiality and hybristophilia. With 73 genders and total sexual fluidity, and a little Hollywood imagination and creativity, there’s no end to the possible prurient permutations. (Look for Marvel’s new film, “Masterbator of the Universe.” It’s coming soon…to a theater near you. A new character, Steely Dan, has a super-power you have to see to believe!)
This new and improved group of super-heroes will stand before you, larger than life, and Proudly proclaim their PRIDE: “Tremble before our tolerance! Be wowed by our wokeness! Pander to our political correctness! Drink in our diversity! Kowtow to our kink! We are fierce! We are queer! We are fabulous! And we are…in…your…face!”
Marvelous.


Friday, February 21, 2020

An American Devolution


                If the Democrats anger, bitterness, envy and resentment are an accurate indication of how a majority—or even a significant minority—of American citizens feel and think, America is, a priori, finished.
                The Founders must be devastated. We are rapidly devolving from a freedom-loving, Western-looking, pull-ourselves-up-by-our-own-damn-bootstraps people who went to the moon and back over 50 years ago (but never since), into a whining, sniveling, virtue-signaling, greedy, envious, entitled collection of disparate, pathetic, amoral, “social justice” warriors. We no longer countenance the Ten Commandments but are openly fond of the Seven Deadly Sins. Once proudly independent, far too many of us have morphed into punch-less, punch-drunk, impotent eunuchs not worth the tissue in which we are massed. The literal and figurative descendants of those that once conquered the most powerful military on Earth (now itself a sad shell of its former strength and glory) and a massive, unforgiving continent have allowed themselves to be infantilized, feminized, domesticated, enfeebled and enslaved by an elite and unaccountable political class of masters who promise them safety, ease and freedom from pain, challenge and inconvenience.
Where once we traveled from Lexington and Concord to Gettysburg and from Flanders Fields to Okinawa, we now run to our safe spaces and away from those who disagree with us. Rugged individualism has been supplanted by timid collectivism and group think. “Progressive” policies are destroying us from the inside. The Bernie Bros. among us would rather lecture and berate the successful than emulate them. They are naught but vile—and violent-- little pissants, incapable of rooting for others’ success or achieving their own.    
I am sorry, Mr. Franklin. I am sorry John, Sam, Thomas, James and Alexander. I apologize to all those who risked their lives, fortune and sacred honor to gift us the freest and most prosperous nation in the history of this or any other planet. I am particularly sorry, Mr. Washington. As the one indispensable man, the Father of Your Country, it must pain you beyond words to see it being torn asunder. The nation you sired, sir, is in transition. In fact, it is “trans” now. Betrayed by “educators” and a corrupt media (indoctrinators all), many of its citizens have lost their confidence and their purpose. Many are unable to tell good from evil, or worse, reverse their meanings. We’ve become a nation that no longer even knows what pronouns to use to describe itself.
In the past, we celebrated e pluribus unum, “out of many comes one.” We valued the concept of the individual over that of the group. We have reversed that, too. Today’s Democrats demand that out of one comes many. They don’t see—or wish to see—Americans. They see blacks, lesbians, Bisexual Latino women agnostics, etc., etc.
Ironically, “identity politics” has caused America to lose its collective identity.



Thursday, February 20, 2020

College Writing Center Told Not To Correct Writing


                The Evergreen State College (TESC) published and distributed handouts to all students and faculty stating of the school’s Writing Center: “Tutors are there to provide culturally sensitive feedback on writing (though not to correct grammar).” One of the handouts, titled “Resources at The Evergreen State College for Undocumented and DACA students,” also instructed educators and students to avoid using “hurtful language,” such as “illegal,” so as not to offend “undocumented” scholars. The second page of the document features an article tilted “10 ways you can support undocumented students at TESC.” (#10— Buy their lunches. #9—Let them borrow your parking and bus passes. #8—Don’t appropriate their method of dress. #7—When possible, speak their language. #6—Let them pass you in the hallways. #5—Tell them they look nice, but not in a creepy way. #4—Offer to do their laundry. #3—Take notes for them in class and at lectures, preferably in their native language. #2—Grant them small sexual favors. #1—DO NOT CORRECT THEIR GRAMMAR, SPEAKING OR WRITING!)

                The flyers list dozens of resources for “undocumented and DACA” students, including the college’s own Undocumented/Underserved Student Task Force (UUSTF), as well as many scholarship and financial aid opportunities. They also advised professors: “In supporting undocumented students, please do not try to guess who they might be in your classes,” but “give students full agency for when, where, how, and if to tell their stories.” Who the hell is going to try to “guess” who the illegal aliens are in the classroom? “Hey, Chico—yeah, you-- you come from ‘Mehico,’ right? Did you cross the border at night or pay a coyote?”
               
                Correcting student’s papers appears to be too old school now. Grades are not very tolerant and inclusive. So, let’s make sure “undocumented” students have the scholarships and financial opportunities to enable them to attend writing class. But let’s make a conscious effort not to correct their writing!
               
                That be almost, like, you know,… shit, how you say?... effed up or somethin’.



Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Bernie Sanders Answers The Phone


(A phone rings several times, then is picked up.)

 ”Hello, this is Bernie.”

“Bernie? Bernie Sanders, Senator from Vermont?”

“Yes. Who is this?”

“It’s Raúl.”

“Raúl who?”

“Raúl Castro, full name Raúl Modesto Castro Ruz, First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba, silly.”

(Elated but skeptical) “Really? How can I be sure? I mean, to what do I owe this great honor?!”

“I am brother of the late Socialist hero Fidel, ruler of the largest and most populous island in all the Caribbean, comrade!”

“It is you! Raúl, what can I do for you?”

“It is I that can do something for you, Comrade Sanders. How would you like it if I officially endorsed you in your bid to become the Democratic-Socialist nominee for president of the Americanos?”

“Wow! You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, my Bolshevik brother! Workers of the world unite, right!”

“Absolutely, though I’ve never really had a job until—but anyway…what an honor to be endorsed by the head of the Communist party of a nation with a 99.8% literacy rate! The college kids are really going to shit rainbows when they hear this! (Pauses, thinks a moment, gets a slightly concerned frown on his face.) Umm, what do you want from me, Comrade Castro?”

“Don’t be silly, I am not asking for—how you say-- a ‘kid pro crow?’”

“Quid pro quo. Like the Trump-Ukraine thing.”

“No. Not at all. (Awkward pause.) There is one thing, though. That I would like. Maybe two.”

“Anything at all my Marxist mentor. Name it.”

“Well, the only books we have here are The Communist Manifesto, Das Kapital, and a few beat up copies of “Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them,” by Al Franken. Though they are all excellent books, there are only so many times one can read them. (Pauses again.) I was wondering if you could send us some copies of books by Howard Zinn, Paul Krugman, Thomas Piketty or Robert Reich. Oh, and the “Fifty Shades” series by E.L. James…especially the first two in the series.”

“I can do that my friend. All for one and one for all. To each according to his need and all that, right?! What was the second thing?”

“I want your home on Lake Champlain in Vermont.”

“Say what??!”

“You heard me, comrade.”

“But….but—"

“You have three nice homes. That’s at least one more than a good Communist should have. Anyway, it’s hot down here in Cuba.”

“Can I at least keep the guest house?”

“Sorry, need that for my Honduran servants. Do we have a deal?”

(Line goes dead as Bernie hangs up the phone.)

“Bernie? Comrade?”

[Fade]






Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Democrats Interfering In Their Own Elections


                The Democratic Party did everything in its power to assure Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) lost his bid to be the party’s nominee in 2016 and it appears to be doing so again. The Iowa caucuses, held on February 3rd, were a mind-boggling case study in ineptitude, disinformation, and subterfuge, the results of which are still not accurately known as I write this. Or, should I say, the results of which have still not been accurately released, either to the candidates themselves or to the general public. Vote totals didn’t add up, percentages didn’t jibe, processes broke down or never worked in the first place, and confusion reigned supreme. It was a clown show, a goat-rodeo, a pathetic Chinese fire drill, a cock-up of epic proportions. In other words, SNAFU. Or was it? Perhaps the local Iowa DNC was pressured by the national DNC into finding a way to avoid giving Sen. Sanders (a.k.a. “Comrade Commie”) a victory and a momentum boost heading into New Hampshire. (Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, for one, stated flatly that Bernie won the election and Mayor Pete Buttigieg came in second.)
                According to the New York Times, the Hawkeye Caucuses were “riddled with errors and inconsistencies.” The Old Gray Lady’s report noted that over 100 precincts had missing information or results that “were not possible under the complex rules of the Iowa caucuses.” Not possible? There is more intrigue ahead for the Democrats, and rank speculation abounds as to what lengths the DNC might be willing to go to in order to prevent Sanders, a self-described Socialist, from becoming the leader and face of the Democratic Party.
   Democrats claim that President Trump interfered in the 2016 election, a claim for which there is no evidence whatsoever. They, however, demonstrably colluded to interfere in the 2016 election, and are intent on actively colluding and interfering in their own caucuses and primary elections during the 2020 election cycle, as well.
  Democrats can’t stomach the thought of Trump winning reelection. And many party leaders can’t stomach the thought of Sanders becoming the party’s nominee, precisely because they don’t think he can beat Trump. The truth of the matter is that Democrats are worried that the American people may interfere in the coming election(s). And that they can’t abide.  

California Considering Making Voting Mandatory


                There is a newly proposed bill pending in the formerly Golden State of California which would require registered voters to turn in a ballot, according to the Los Angeles Times. If enacted, Assembly Bill 2070 would “require a person who qualifies and is registered to vote to cast a ballot, marked or unmarked in whole or in part, at every election held within the territory within which the person resides.” The legislation also states, “The bill would require the Secretary of State to enforce this requirement.” There’s a whole lot of “requiring” going on here, without explicit delineation of what the punishment might be for disobeying the government’s coercion. There is a clear “quid pro quo” inherent in the bill: “Do as you are told and cast a ballot, and we won’t take punitive action against you.”
                Marc Levine (D-duh!), Assemblyman and author of the bill, cited examples of other countries that have compulsory voting laws, as if that is somehow relevant, and purported to be proposing the bill “with democracy on the line.” He is right in the sense that, if the bill passes, there will be no more democracy in California. If the government can force you to vote under penalty of law, it can force you to do anything else, as well, and this is not a hallmark of democracy. Democracy implies freedom, self-government, self-rule, self-determination.
                It is but a very short step from telling people they must vote to telling them how they must vote…and who they must vote for. (Oddly enough, these same politicians are pro-choice when it comes to issues like abortion.) The more people voting the better for progressives. This is why they have massive get out the vote drives and try to pass bills allowing felons—and now illegal aliens—to vote. They know that, historically, those who are incarcerated-- or are too lazy, stoned or ignorant to vote, vote for Democrats overwhelmingly when Democrats force/help them to do so. This bill is reminiscent of the Third Reich: “We have ways of, shall we say, convincing you to vote….ja?”

                A Canadian band once wrote a song with the following lyrics:

                If you choose not to decide
                You still have made a choice
                You can choose from phantom fears
                And kindness that can kill
                I will choose a path that’s clear
                I will choose free will
               
                In California, you may soon not have that choice. Leftist legislators may like Free Willy, but they are not fond of their subject’s free will.

Monday, February 17, 2020

Ninth Democratic Debate


Ninth Democratic Debate
Las Vegas, Nevada
February 19, 2020, 9PM-11PM EST
NBC News, MSNBC
Moderators: Lester Holt, Chuck Todd, Hallie Jackson, Vanessa Hauc, Jon Ralston

Lester Holt: “Good evening everyone and welcome to the ninth Democratic debate of the 2020 presidential election cycle. Good evening candidates. Senator Sanders, let’s start with you. Some folks say that you still haven’t adequately explained how you would pay for the many trillions of dollars in new spending that the programs you are proposing would cost….programs such as a version of the Green New Deal, Medicare for all, etc., etc. Have you an answer for them now?”

Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT): “Let’s take that question from the other side. How can we afford not to have these programs? Huh? Riddle me that! With Capitalists its always about money!”

Holt: “That’s certainly true sir, and well stated, but…at some point don’t these programs actually have to be funded somehow? I mean in reality?”

Sanders: “Okay. Pull-tabs.”

Holt: “You’d…you’d fund them with pull-tabs? Gambling?”

Sanders: “Hell, yeah. Why not? Capitalism is a gamble and the odds are stacked against the little guy. Why not even those odds up? And, this is Las Vegas, right? You guys should like that plan!” (Holt briefly looks perplexed, but quickly shrugs it off)

Hallie Jackson: “Mayor Buttigieg, what do you tell those who are concerned that your only really leadership experience has been being the mayor of a relatively small town, that, frankly, has its issues”

Mayor Pete Buttigieg: “First off, let me just state that I am gay and so proud of my husband Chasten Glezman!”

Jackson: “That’s wonderful sir, but I think we all know that by now.”

Buttigieg: “A guy in Iowa didn’t!”

Jackson: “True. Anyway, please proceed.”

Buttigieg: “Well, we need to remove the rancor and viciousness from the political arena. We need to channel the ‘better angels of our nature.’ We must stick together or fall apart. My administration will bring back decency and decorum to the White House.”

Chuck Todd: “Senator Klobuchar, you’ve recently said that you don’t believe that English should be the official language of the United States. Do you stand by that statement, and, if so, why do you believe that?”

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN): “Si Señor.”

Todd: “That’s it?”

Klobuchar: “Yes, why?”

Todd: “Whatever. A follow-up question: when asked recently, you didn’t know who the president of Mexico was. Do you now know?”

Klobuchar: “Si Señor.”

Todd: “Alright, who is it?”

Klobuchar: “I think his first name is like Chico or José or Manuel or something. And his last name is…I wanna say…Labrador.”

Todd: “It’s Andrés Manuel López Obrador.”

Klobuchar: “Manuel! Like I said! And, speaking of presidents, did you know I am the same height as Abraham Lincoln was?”

 Todd (rolls eyes): “Senator Klobuchar, President Lincoln was 6 feet, four inches tall. You are closer to five foot four.”

Klobuchar (chastened): “Oh. Si, Señor.”

Michael Bloomberg (laughing, interrupting): "What a dumb broad!"

Vanessa Hauc (clearly angry): "Mr. Bloomberg, you are out of line. We'll get to you later. Now, Mr. Biden, with all due respect sir, you did not fare well in Iowa or New Hampshire. Some have even called for you to drop out of the race. What would you tell those who now say you are a long-shot at best to capture the nomination?”

Former Vice President Joe Biden: “I’d tell those lying, butt-faced, dog-eared, buffalo-soldier corn-poppers to go to hell. That’s what I’d tell them. And I’ll tell you another thing, I’m going to do very well here in Nebraska! Go Cornhuskers, woo-hoo! Yeah!” (Hauc stares straight ahead in disbelief, no expression of her face)

Jon Ralston: “Senator Warren, do you still stand by your earlier statement that Senator Sanders told you a woman couldn’t be president?”

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.): “I do. And, as a woman, and a former woman of color, and one who was wrongly dismissed from a job because I was pregnant, I am utterly appalled by that statement. It’s so patriarchal and misogynistic that it makes me wanna go get me a beer. Um, Jon, do you want one too?” (Starts walking off stage…everyone stares incredulously)

                                                [Fade]

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Bloomberg To Pick Hillary For Vice President?


Mini-Mike, say it isn’t so.
The formerly conservative news aggregator site, the Drudge Report, reported Saturday that Democratic presidential candidate and former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg is considering asking Hillary Clinton to be his vice-presidential running mate. Citing a source close to Bloomberg’s campaign, the website stated that Clinton was under consideration due to internal polling revealing that a Bloomberg-Clinton ticket would be a “formidable force” to be reckoned with in the lead-up to the upcoming 2020 election. The report noted that Bloomberg would even consider changing his legal residence to a home he owns in either Colorado or Florida, “since the electoral college makes it hard for a POTUS and VPOTUS [to be] from the same state.”  
The Bloomberg campaign, though quick to diminish the veracity of the report, did not deny it outright. Jason Schechter, Bloomberg’s communication director, issued a statement saying, “We are focused on the primary and the debate, not VP speculation.”
There have been numerous reports that Clinton may not yet be done with national politics. One source told Fox News that Clinton would seriously consider joining a ticket as Vice President, saying “She wants back in.” While appearing on a recent edition of “The Ellen Show,” Clinton was asked if she might accept an invitation to be a Vice President on a ticket this November. She replied, “Well, that’s not going to happen, but no, probably no,” leading most rational Clinton observers to conclude that she would jump at the chance.
It would be odd if three of the four people on the ballot to be the next President and Vice President were from New York. Perhaps Trump should replace Mike Pence with Rudy Giuliani and make it a clean sweep for the Empire State. To heck with the rest of the fruited plain. In that case we would have the two 2016 presidential finalists and two of the last three mayors of The Big Apple facing off. What fun! 
But seriously, if I were counseling Bloomberg, I would strongly advise him against picking Clinton for Veep and giving her a chance at revenge. If Crooked Hillary was under Mini-Mike on the same ticket, it might have a profound affect on the latter’s life expectancy. Come to think of it, the rest of the Democratic candidates might start “disappearing” as well.    
They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. That goes twice for Hillary.
               


Saturday, February 15, 2020

Schools Employing New Grading Systems For Students' Self-Esteem


                Many schools—and school districts—are abandoning the long-time standard “A-F” grading system in favor of a less judgmental series of classifications designed to make every student (and parent) feel good about themselves. Some have replaced the old, stodgy, inflexible A-F denotations with “EX,” “M,” “DV,” and “E.” EX means the student is consistently exceeding grade-level expectations, M means he or she is meeting them, DV denotes a student is developing understanding and approaching grade-level expectations, and E means the young scholar is emerging, or beginning to show initial understanding of the material covered. In other words, rocket science here we come!
                Other schools are taking a cue from the wackos who promote a “minimum basic income” and are proposing a concrete “grade floor,” below which it is impossible to go even if the student never does any work. For example, a pupil might get 40 or 50 percent credit for not turning in assignments. What an incentive for all to do their very best! The public-school system will produce endless cadres of full-on Socialists before the kids matriculate to middle school. 
                In some cases, schools have entirely dispensed with grading kids on how well they know the subject matter and replaced that antiquated measurement with noting how well a student “tells a story,”  “describes an experience,” or “cooperates with partners or groups.” Because, of course, individuals are moot, what matters is the collective. In California, it is now impolitic to speak of “at risk” students, those from troubled homes and/or who have criminal records or abuse substances. Legislators have revised the state’s penal code to instead refer to “at promise” students. California is “at promise” of becoming impoverished—intellectually as well as socio-economically.
                As my faithful readers know, I am nothing if not progressive. Therefore, I am proposing several new grading systems myself. Schools could simply use colors in place of the archaic, cold and unforgiving A-F grading system. According to the good folks at colourtheory.net, purple “speaks to the intellect” and “is considered a very cerebral colour.” This could be used for those students who are truly excelling. Whereas green “is a well-balanced colour, good for speech development” and “contemplation.” This could be the equivalent of a “B” (or an “M”). Perhaps blue could replace a “C,” yellow a “D,” and red an “F.” Or, maybe it’s best to use softer, kinder, gentler, pastel colors…like lavender, violet, plum, light pink and teal.
                Alternately, a sequence of “thumbs up” could be used, five opposable digits (👍👍👍👍👍) representing an “A,” 4 (👍👍👍👍) a “B,” and so forth, down to one (👍) denoting the dreaded “F.” This would still be telling the student “good job,” while implying room for improvement.
                Or perhaps the best grading system of all, consistent with today’s values and feelings, would be emojis. Consider:   😊 replaces an “A,” 😀 a “B,”  😐 a “C,” and 🤨 a “D.”    The replacement for “F” (or “E”) could be 😥 or 🙄, immediately followed by 😇, to show that the student is loved and everything will totally turn out super good in the end, so there is no need to be concerned!
                It is likely that, in the final analysis, there will be no final analysis, and the concept of “grading” (i.e. “judging!”) will be done away with completely. Students in the not too distant future will simply be asked, “How do you feel about what you’ve learned?”
                NASA, here they come. The sky is the limit. 👍. 😊.

Friday, February 14, 2020

Trump Extends Travel Ban To California


February 21, 2020

News Services—

The Trump administration announced today that it is extending its current travel ban to California, making the erstwhile “Land of Milk and Honey” the first U.S. state to have stringent travel restrictions imposed on it. California joins Nigeria, Myanmar, Eritrea, Kyrgyzstan, Sudan, Tanzania, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Syria, Yemen, North Korea and Venezuela on the list of states from which immigration is deemed too dangerous or problematic to be permitted. (Chad had been on the list but was recently removed due to good behavior.)

A high-level administration official, who wished to remain anonymous, said that Californians will no longer be allowed to seek refuge in any of the other 49 states “until the state gets its sh*t together,” noting the formerly Golden State’s high rates of poverty and drug abuse, feces-strewn streets, homeless camps, and prevalence of anti-American activities and policies. The official added, “It’s a rogue state, a ‘sanctuary state,’ it is dangerous, it may now harbor more criminals, idlers and radical Muslims from Sh*t-hole countries than the sh*t-hole countries themselves do.”

(As of this writing, President Trump is still pressing Congress for funds to build a “big, beautiful, border wall” around California, but Congress has, as yet, refused to grant the money.) 

Thursday, February 13, 2020

New York Art Exhibit: "Abortion Is Normal"


                “Abortion is Normal” was the title of a recent “art” exhibit in New York City. The exhibit was organized by the group “Downtown for Democracy” and was billed as an “urgent call-to-action exhibition to raise both awareness and funding in support of accessible, safe, and legal abortion” and featured a “heterogeneous array of artists countering with their personal response to abortion and abortion access in order to create an inclusive and empathetic entry point to this conversation.” This raises the age-old question: “WTF?!?!” Was an actual abortion performed at the exhibit and termed “performance art?”
                Organizers intended to use the show, which ran through the month of January, to combat anti-abortion sentiment and raise money for Planned Parenthood. Apparently, the half a billion dollars in taxpayer funding the organization receives each year is not enough for the nation’s largest—and greediest—abortion mill.
                Downtown for Democracy is an odd name for a group that obviously doesn’t care about the little guy—or gal—and doesn’t give them a say (vote) in the small matter of whether they live or die. The group says the exhibit’s message is “intended as a statement of camaraderie and caring that in short says: ‘What you choose to do with your body is OK.’” Which is complete bullshit. As I’ve often noted, you can’t get drunk and drive your own body home, you can’t steal somebody else’s money, you can’t even walk into a convenience store and buy a pack of cigarettes with your own body if you are under 18. And you certainly can’t take another innocent person’s life with your own body. This is perhaps the stupidest argument in the long history of leftist insanity. And that’s saying something. But that doesn’t stop “pro-choice” advocates from averring that abortion is a “basic human right.” No, it isn’t. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are “basic human rights,” which necessarily means that there is no right, basic or other, to deprive someone else of their life. Slavery and abortion both violate the legitimate rights of other human beings.
                Incredibly, Downtown for Democracy was at pains to explain that the word “normal” in the exhibit’s title was not used in an “ableist” sense. Because, you know, that would be offensive and wrong.
                Proceeds from the event were given to “voter education and advocacy efforts,” meaning the Democratic Party. Helen Holmes, of England’s The Observer, “the world’s leading liberal voice,” happily observed that the exhibit featured “a true murderers’ row of incredible artwork for sale.” Well, at least she’s honest. Vomit. And I bet she’s an anti-capitalist. Sickening doesn’t begin to describe her description. The Abortion Is Normal website (non-ableist!), and several others which will go unmentioned here, displayed several examples of the event’s “art,” much of which is sexual in nature, including nude photographs. Imagine that. In addition, there were paintings of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (thankfully not nude), and figures bedecked in “Thank God for abortion” shirts. No, we thank God for life, in this world and, hopefully, the next-- and for all eternity. There were also delightfully witty bon mots such as, “Dear Judge Kavanaugh, if you don’t like abortions don’t get one.”
Yes, and if you don’t like murder…don’t commit one.


Wednesday, February 12, 2020

MSNBC: Breaking News February 14, 2020


MSNBC—Friday, February 14, 2020

“Good evening. It was another record week for the stock market, but that has been completely overshadowed by breaking news of bombshell revelations pertaining to yet more malfeasance by President Donald J. Trump. Washington has been rocked by the latest reports, this time pertaining to a series of incidents, that, if proven, will surely lead to the president’s ouster. In what some of Trump’s opponents are calling the ‘Valentine’s Day Massacre,’ allegations kept coming throughout the day. First off, early this morning, anonymous sources claimed that the president has knowingly—and possibly premeditatively— refused to take a one-stroke penalty after incorrectly placing his ball marker on several different occasions while playing golf during his presidency. Democrats have pledged to investigate the allegations thoroughly and are planning hearings in the House starting tomorrow morning. Not long after this story broke, another anonymous source alleged that Trump bet his own Vice-President, Mike Pence, $10 that LSU would defeat Clemson in the recent college football national championship game. Gambling of this sort is illegal, and, if these allegations are proven accurate, it would also show favoritism and a lack of judgement on the part of both Trump and Pence. Democrats in the House quickly vowed to fully investigate the matter and are also expected to demand that Trump and Pence submit to treatment for gambling addiction. Then, just after noon Eastern time, a third whistle-blower came forward to state that he overheard one of the president’s childhood friends say that Trump used a #4 pencil in place of the mandatory #2 pencil on an 8th-grade social studies unit test in 1961. The whistle-blower, who Trump supporters claim works for the Bernie Sanders campaign, was immediately placed into the witness protection program by Democrats. In the interest of journalistic integrity, it should be noted that there is absolutely no concrete evidence to support the Trump supporters’ claim. Finally, late this afternoon, a highly placed White House source shockingly averred that Trump willfully and wantonly tore the tag off the underside of his mattress in the Presidential Bedroom shortly after taking office. A separate House Committee, chaired by the venerable Adam Schiff, has been formed to investigate this potentially criminal action on the part of the 45th president—”

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Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Bloomberg's Campaign To Crumble?


                The colorless little billionaire, former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, recently launched a campaign video attacking President Trump in which an animatronic gingerbread man dances on Trump‘s shoulder, while Trump repeats the word “lie” for over two minutes during his post-acquittal speech. Smoke comes out of the gingerbread man’s head and eventually his feet burst into flame, apparently signifying “liar, liar, pants on fire.” Get it? Trump is a liar.
                Unfortunately for Little Mike, audio and video of the then mayor saying derogatory things about African-Americans has surfaced even more recently. Perhaps the Trump campaign will produce a video of a gingerbread man in blackface—or a chocolate-colored gingerbread person—tap-dancing on Bloomberg’s shoulder while he utters the word “racist” until the Rev. Jesse Jackson ties him up and takes him back to seedier areas of “Hymietown” to face justice.
                Bad timing, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, Mr. Bloomberg. Don’t worry, though. Be happy. If you stay in the Big Apple instead of going to Washington, you can spend more time in your beloved “Big Gay” ice cream parlors.



Trump Impeachment Hearings 2.0: Déjà Vu All Over Again


May 22, 2020: Second House Impeachment Hearing of President Donald J. Trump

Capitol Hill


House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler: “Indiscriminate Tweeting is clearly an impeachable offense under the Constitution. To be honest, this should not be a controversial statement. Trump thinks he can do anything. He is a dictator.”

Rep. Adam Schiff: “I heard—and I do not know this, but it sounds right—that President Trump threatened to eat the children or grandchildren of any Republican Senator that voted to convict him. Again, this is what I hear…I hope it isn’t true, but it shocked and repulsed me to my core that he would say such evil things. Ladies and gentlemen, sadly, that is who we are dealing with. If threatening to eat children and grandchildren—cannibalism!—isn’t grounds for impeachment, I don’t know what is. We must remove this kid-eating dictator! Also, if he is not removed from office, I believe he might give Texas back to Mexico. I encourage you all to 'Remember the Alamo!'”

(Sadly and bizarrely, this isn’t far off from how Democrats and their (as yet) unindicted co-conspirators in the mainstream media actually speak of the president. There is very little hyperbole here. Nadler really did call Trump a dictator on the Senate floor. Schiff really does--repeatedly-- make things up and traffic in hearsay…in an impeachment hearing. He really did speculate about Trump giving Alaska to the Russians. And the House really did impeach President Trump without accusing him of a crime.) 

Monday, February 10, 2020

A Treatise On History And Economics By Renowned Scholar Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez


A Treatise on History and Economics by Renowned Scholar Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

                First of all, let me, like, say that I am like our first president, Thomas Washington, who told his dad about chopping down the berry tree and said, “I cannot tell a lie.” I, like, don’t like lying…or liars. So I always tell the truth. That’s why I’ve, like, got to tell you that Adam Hayek and Frederick Smith, the two famous Australian economists who thought capitalism and free markets were, like, good or something, were so wrong. Harpo Marx, in his great book “Das Krapital,” like so totally refuted the Australians that it’s not even funny. You know, a couple of our great progressive presidents, FDK and BJL, realized that it was up to the government to create a “Great Society” for the people. And, speaking of FDK, he was a great war leader, too. In fact, when he met with the head of the USSR, Nikita Stalin, and Britain’s Winston Spencer Hitler at Hotsdamn, Germany, near the end of World War I, he praised the USSR, much like Bernie Sanders, and realized we should model our economy after theirs. Unfortunately, after him, we had some not so progressive presidents like, like, Truman, White David (‘Dyke’) Eisenhower and Bobby Kennedy…before BJL. Then, when ‘Tricky Dick’ Reagan took office…………..

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Sunday, February 9, 2020

Democrats And Their Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week



 It started with lead impeachment manager Adam Schiff fearfully speculating that, if the Senate didn’t convict President Trump on the two articles of impeachment, he might up and give Alaska to the Russians. Yes, Adam, that’s precisely what a proud “America First” nationalist would do, isn’t it? I bet he might give back the Louisiana Purchase, as well. (Weren’t you clowns just mocking him for musing about buying Greenland?)
And then came the Iowa caucus debacle. Though the evening grew long, the results did not. In fact, there were none. Vote totals weren’t released to the public due to unexplained “inconsistencies.” Precinct chairs were unable to connect with party leaders, the state party hung up on a phone call with at least one candidate’s campaign. Sean Bagniewski, Democratic Party chairman of Polk County, Iowa’s most populous, said of the state party in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, “I don’t even know if they know what they don’t know.” Much of the blame was placed on a new mobile reporting app that was developed by Hillary Clinton operatives and apparently financed in part by Pete Buttigieg, who, oddly enough now appears to have won. Many placed the blame at the feet of Tom Perez, Chair of the Democratic National Committee, who they claim didn’t provide much oversight of the Iowa caucuses.
Derek Eadon, a former Iowa Democratic chairman, characterized the events as “A systemwide disaster.” Adding fuel to the fire, reports indicate that Iowa Democrats refused an offer from the Department of Homeland Security to vet the new app prior to the election. Acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf said on Fox & Friends that no one hacked into the app, it was “more of a stress or a load issue, as well as a reporting issue.” He added, “Given the amount of scrutiny that we have on election security these days, this is a concerning event, and it really goes to the public confidence of our elections.”
Yet, all of this couldn’t explain why the state party still hadn’t released any results, even from the precincts that had successfully filed their results, as of late Monday night, February 3rd, the day of the election. The party cryptically noted that it was performing “quality control” efforts.
None of the chaos and uncertainty prevented candidates from claiming early victory, however. Sen. Bernie Sanders campaign released what it claimed were very positive partial results. Sen. Amy Klobuchar was fairly giddy with what her campaign deemed early returns to be. And Mayor Pete Buttigieg essentially did claim victory, almost as if he had inside knowledge of the proceedings. 
Moreover, despite their man’s relatively strong showing, Bernie’s Base is irate. They believe their hero is already being shafted again, after being the victim of devious machinations by the Hillary-besotted DNC in 2016. They see Perez’ efforts, or lack thereof, to ensure a fair contest-- along with the Hillary Clinton supporter developed and Pete Buttigieg financed app-- as ample evidence of establishment Democrats’ continuing malfeasance.
As if this were not enough, it was then announced that the two top officials of Milwaukee’s Host Committee for the 2020 Democratic National Convention this July have been placed on administrative leave due to allegations that they have created a toxic work culture. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel obtained a letter from the committee’s board to staff members, stating that it had retained an attorney to investigate concerns about the work environment. The letter says that Host Committee President Liz Gilbert and Chief of Staff Adam Alonso have been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the probe. Since the committee is responsible for raising the $70 million needed to stage the event and for recruiting the nearly 15,000 volunteers needed to staff it, this is an unwelcome development indeed. (The chief executive of the Democratic National Convention Committee, Joe Solmonese, subsequently issued a statement acknowledging the seriousness of the allegations.) Somewhat humorously at this point, the board’s letter averred: “We are committed to an inclusive, non-discriminatory, and supportive environment at the host committee and we will work to ensure that all employees live up to these ideals.” (Ask Bernie Sanders how committed the Democratic National Committee is to inclusive, non-discriminatory, supportive environments.) 
Then, on Tuesday, a new Gallup poll was released showing that President Trump’s approval rating is now the highest to date. Perhaps even worse than all of this, on Tuesday night Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi tore up a copy of President Trump’s State of the Union speech immediately upon its conclusion, in the process tearing up Congressional tradition and etiquette and callously disrespecting the various heroes to whom the president had paid tribute just minutes earlier. This did not play well with independents, and even some Democrats.
The next day President Trump was acquitted by the Senate, effectively rendering moot the Democrats three-year assault on the nearly 63 million Americans who voted for him.
And then, on Thursday, with 100% of the precincts reporting, there was still no announced winner of the aforementioned Iowa caucuses, due to “irregularities” and “inconsistencies.” This prompted Tom Perez, the downtrodden Democratic National Committee Chairman, to demand that the Iowa Democratic Party immediately begin a “recanvass” in order to “assure public confidence in the results.”  An openly frustrated Perez tweeted, “Enough is enough.”

Many of us have been saying that about the Democratic Party for some time now.

Perhaps things will go better for them this week. They could hardly go worse.