Monday, September 30, 2019

Yale University Launches "Law, Ethics & Animals Program"

                Yale University’s law school is launching a new Law, Ethics & Animals Program (LEAP) to address what it calls America’s “outdated” and “insufficient” animal rights policies. The program will be headed by law professor Doug Kysar, in conjunction with Jonathan Lovvorn, Humane Society chief counsel for animal protection litigation, and an associate research scholar.
                Kysar claims that recent changes in what we know of—and how we view-- animal intelligence are helping to “overturn past beliefs about human exceptionalism,” though “our laws regarding animals” are often “outdated” or “nonexistent.” (It’s good to debunk that silly old “human exceptionalism” claim again. As if we are somehow more intelligent, aware, feeling or competent than a jellyfish, beetle or Wildebeast)! Kysar notes that: “At the same time, our power over animals has been amplified exponentially by industry and technology.” He is teaching an “Animal Law” course this fall in which students can earn three credits as they “examine the application of the law to non-human animals.”
   This coming spring semester, Lovvorn will teach a Climate, Animal[s], Food and Environmental Law & Policy Lab (CAFE Lab), with the hope of developing “innovative law and policy initiatives to bring systemic change to the global food industry, which is one of the top contributors to climate change, animal suffering, human exploitation, and environmental degradation worldwide.” (Bringing “systematic change” to the global food industry means banning it, just as the left wants to do with oil, coal, natural gas and nuclear energy. And how does the global food industry exploit humans)? Lovvorn opined via news release: “The damage wrought by industrial agriculture is staggering and rapidly expanding.” He added that he believes “the CAFE Lab presents a unique opportunity to develop new strategies to understand, respect, and protect those who have been left behind by the current legal system.” Like aborted babies? Conservative Republicans? Probably not.
               According to the course description, students will discuss the “problems of litigating on behalf of animals,” rethink animals’ classification as property, and debate the merits of recognizing “legal rights” for animals. Make no mistake, the Animal Rights Movement (ARM) is one of the primary civil rights issues of our time, even though, by definition, it can’t be one. Per Merriam-Webster, the definition of civil rights is: “the rights of personal liberty guaranteed to U.S. citizens by the 13th and 14th amendments to the Constitution and by acts of Congress.”  
               Manny Rutinel, Yale Animal Law Society Co-Chair, remarked that “The topic of animals and the law quickly reaches some of the deepest questions of what it means to be a good human.” Leftists believe a “good human” is a leftist that desperately tries to limit the amount of other humans in existence.
               So, what of animal rights? Should a hyena be allowed to sit at the front of a bus? Should vultures not be kicked out of restaurants? Do maggots have the same right to your salmon filet as you do? Do mosquitoes have an equal right to your daughter’s blood? If you believe they do, what does that say about you? Tolerant or callous and insane?

  And what of transgender animal rights?

Sunday, September 29, 2019

China Banning Christian Churches From Displaying The Ten Commandments

                China’s increasingly authoritarian Communist regime has ordered many Christian churches to replace the Ten Commandments with quotes from President Xi Jinping, according to an online magazine that reports on religious liberty—or the lack thereof—and human rights in the world’s most populous country. Barnabas Aid, an international Christian assistance agency, has also chronicled the Chicom’s ever more intensive campaign to “Sinicize” Christianity. (Emphasis on “Sin”).
                The United States has already prohibited the Ten Commandments—the foundational moral code of Christians everywhere and of the United States itself-- from being displayed in many public and governmental spaces. The way things are trending now, it is literally no stretch to believe that the Ten Commandments will soon be banned throughout the land, to be replaced by quotes from the likes of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Saul Alinsky and Chairman Mao. Here is one version of what I suspect an updated, secular Ten Commandments might look like:

1)      We progressives know best. You shall not listen to anyone with dissenting viewpoints. Man-caused global warming, er, climate change, is settled science. We have spoken.

2)      You shall not make for yourself a parody of us, nor criticize, question or doubt us in any way. Those who deny us will be summarily destroyed, but those who glory in us will receive lots of free things.

3)      As for Trump, “You shall “impeach the motherf*cker!”

4)      Remember not to work on Sunday, the Sabbath day. Also, don’t work on any of the other days. We will pay you a living wage for doing nothing, as long as you vote for us.

5)      Honor your father and your mother. Or your two mommies. Or three sugar daddies. Or two moms, three dads, a transgender, pangender and a goat. It’s all good. Remember, “Love is Love.”

6)      You shall not murder. But abortion is okay.

7)      You shall not commit adultery. Hahaha, just kidding. Let your freak flags fly.

8)      Stealing is okay if a rich person has something you covet. But cultural appropriation is strictly forbidden.

9)      You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor…unless he is a straight, white, Republican male.

10)   You are encouraged to covet your neighbor’s house, wife, male servant, car, cash, ox, donkey, dog, young daughter or son, sexual or gender identity, kink or other perversion.

Saturday, September 28, 2019

Burger King South Africa Drops "Ham" From "Hamburger" Menu Items

                There is woke and then there is a joke. That is what Burger King in South Africa has become. The global fast food behemoth recently announced it is dropping the word “ham” from its menu in its South African restaurants. The chain is removing the first three letters of the word “hamburger” from menu listings in its South African outlets “to be more respectful” of Muslims and their halal diets which forbid the consumption of pork. Even though hamburgers contain no pork whatsoever and the word “ham” is not banned under Sharia Law. For example, the “Double Spicy Hamburger” will now be listed as the “Double Spicy Burger.” I don’t know about you, but I feel better already. Let’s all join hands and sing “Kumbaya” now, shall we?
                Seriously, how dumb does BK think Muslims are? Or maybe I’m mistaken. Perhaps most Muslims in South Africa are so easily offended, that simply seeing the letters “h” “a” and “m” strung together will cause them to boycott an eatery…or worse.
                Maybe we should strike the word “hammock” from the English language too, in proactive solidarity with our Muslim brothers and sisters. Henceforth any suspended bed of canvas or rope mesh used for repose should be referred to only as a “mock.” If any of you have a pet hamster you might want to consider calling it a “ster” instead. At least if you wish to be seen as progressive enough in the eyes of the urban, coastal elites that determine these things for all of us. “Hammer,” “hamstring,” and “hamper” should all be expunged from the English language so that we may not inadvertently offend someone of the Muslim persuasion.
                I must admit, however, that when I started thinking about “Hamas,” the Palestinian Islamic movement founded with the goal of establishing a Palestinian state incorporating present day Israel, I became confused and conflicted. Hamas is, apparently, an acronym for Harakat al-Muqãwama al-Islãmiyya’Islamic Resistance Movement. (I don’t know, either). So, if an Islamic organization brands itself “Hamas,” who are we to judge?
                Upon reasoned reflection, Burger King South Africa’s actions were utterly unnecessary. I would even say they were…ham-handed.

Democrats Arriving At The House Of Representatives

                Actual pictures of Democrats arriving at the House of Representatives, September 27th, 2019, approximately 9:00 a.m.


Friday, September 27, 2019

The War On Truth

It is extremely hard for sane people to understand how we arrived where we are today…culturally and politically. We have men claiming to be women allowed in women’s bathrooms and locker rooms. We are informed that there are 60, 70— or 112 different genders-- but that men and women are virtually the same. For years there have been gay pride parades across the country that are, in many cases, sanctioned by cities, businesses and even police forces, among other entities. Yet, recently, the only “straight pride” parade of which I’m aware was the subject of great controversy, with a few progressives labeling it “obscene.” Christian religious organizations are being designated as “hate groups” by leftist bodies such as the Southern Poverty Law Center. In a few cases, priests and pastors have been threatened with jail time for citing Bible verses. “Misgendering” someone can cost you your job. Denver has legalized the use of “magic,” or psychedelic mushrooms.
And now we have “serious” Democratic presidential candidates proposing truly crazy socialist plans that would bankrupt their own country, collapse the world’s economy, and subject U.S. citizens to ever more government control. “1984” couldn’t happen then. Ronald Reagan was in office. But, ironically, it could arrive in 2020, or shortly after, albeit nearly four decades late.
The saddest irony—and real tragedy-- is that the left’s arguments are so easily defeated, if only conservatives and classical liberals would stand up and fight. To wit:

*Men and women aren’t the same. If there were no differences between men and women…there would be no men or women.

*“Women can do whatever they like with their own body.” No they can’t. Neither can men. First of all, abortion is taking the life of a different person. But, leaving that aside, a woman can’t drive 75-miles-an-hour in a 30-mile-per-hour zone. Neither can a man. No one has the right to crap on Nancy Pelosi’s shoes, club baby seals over the head, drive drunk or rob a convenience store. Speaking of which, a 15-year-old girl can’t buy a pack of cigarettes from said convenience store but can abort her child. In the first instance, her parents may well be called, in the latter…not so much. Priorities.

*Progressives say that trans folks aren’t “comfortable” and “don’t feel safe” if they can’t use the bathrooms and locker rooms of the sex with which they purport to identify. So it’s okay to make the other 99% of people uncomfortable and concerned for their safety?

*Repealing the Second Amendment and/or enacting stricter gun control laws does nothing but ensure that law-abiding citizens are disarmed and unable to defend themselves and their loved ones, and that criminals, who by definition don’t obey laws, are safe, comfortable, and unopposed. Baltimore, Washington, D.C. and Chicago have some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, yet are at or near the top of cities with the highest rates of violent crime and homicide. Period. End of story. The government couldn’t make a moral person shoot someone without reason, nor can it prevent a bad or mentally ill person from doing so. Disarming the former strips them of their natural right to life-- as granted by their Creator-- while encouraging the latter in their unjust pursuits.

             How the times have changed! Many things that were only a short time ago considered bad are now celebrated and vice-versa.

Bad-                                                                                 Good-
*Smoking cigarettes                                                        *Smoking pot

*HIV/Aids                                                                       *Homosexuality

*Christopher Columbus                                                  *Elizabeth Warren (aka ‘Pocahontas)

*Bigger people                                                                *Bigger government

*Making money                                                              *Taking money/taxation of the wealthy

*Loss of glaciers                                                             *Loss of Character

*Intolerance                                                                    *Intolerance…of those deemed intolerant by the left

*Discrimination of minorities                                       *Discrimination of majorities

*Invasive species                                                            *Illegal aliens

            I honestly expect AOC or another one of the Democrat’s Insane Clown Posse (DICP) to simply propose that everything that was illegal in, say, 1970 should now be made legal and everything that was legal should now be made illegal. As The Kinks once stated, “It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world.”
            The truth doesn’t care about our feelings. Some things just are. The universe is not a random collection of things that don’t matter. We can’t render truth illegal without sentencing ourselves to a Second Dark Age.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

The Anti-Defamation League Adds "OK" Sign To Its Hate Symbol Database

                The Anti-Defamation League has added the “OK” hand sign and the bowl-style haircut to its hate symbol database, which now sports nearly 200 entries. This news was reported by CNN (itself a hate symbol in my humble opinion). The ADL says the long-used symbol for “that’s good!” somehow became linked to white nationalism after a hoax on a website insisted that the sign really stood for white supremacy. The website, 4chan, is an imageboard site whose users are typically anonymous, much like most New York Times reporter’s sources.
                The ADL claims that “at least some” white supremacists are now using the symbol/gesture as a “sincere” expression of white supremacy. Jonathan Greenblatt, the ADL’s CEO, explained to CNN: “We believe law enforcement and the public needs to be fully informed about the meaning of these images, which can serve as a first warning sign to the presence of haters in a community or school.”
                Yes, it is scary when someone makes the age-old, formerly universally understood symbol for “okay,” “I approve,” or “that’s nice.” Greenblatt told NBC news that gestures such as these, though seemingly innocuous, are easily manipulated into “a force for promoting hate” and “sowing the seeds of division.” I’m sure that CEO Dilrod would be “OK” with throwing kids out of school for making the threatening hand-gesture.
                The bowl-cut made the hate list due to the fact that this happened to be the hair “style” racist and mass killer Dylan Roof apparently favored, leading the ADL to assume that anyone else sporting the same cut must admire Roof and be secretly calling for more racism-based mass murders to be carried out. That is a lot to put on a hairdo.
                The ADL has updated its list of hate symbols to include those it claims have been adopted-- appropriated?-- by the alt right. ADL’s website labels these “the modern calling cards of hate.”
                Sources say the organization will soon expand its hate symbol database yet again to include other symbols of white supremacy such as the pantsuit, the Olive Garden and Cracker Barrel restaurant chains, Mr. Rogers, the “thumbs up” sign, the phrase “you betcha,” milk, and common decency.

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Mattel Introduces Gender-Neutral Dolls

                Mattel has proudly announced a new line of “Creatable World” gender-neutral dolls for today’s woke families. The company says that, “Through research, we heard that kids don’t want their toys dictated by gender norms.” They heard” through research? Who’s research?
                Kim Culmone, senior vice president of Mattel Fashion Doll Design, released a statement saying, "Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time to create a doll line free of labels. This line allows all kids to express themselves freely which is why it resonates so strongly with them. We’re hopeful Creatable World will encourage people to think more broadly about how all kids can benefit from doll play." Doll play, roll play, gender play, sex play, imagine the possibilities for inclusiveness! If genders are limitless, roll play is too!
Company spokeswoman Michelle Chidoni told the Los Angeles Times that the Creatable World dolls “have much more youthful, gender-neutral bodies and anatomy” than Barbie dolls, “so that they can look and appear more relatable” to real kids in actual families. Yes, because we know that most kids have gender-neutral bodies.
                Kids will be able to customize the new dolls with long or short hair, pants or skirts, or both. The dolls will come in six different skin tones and sell for around $30.
                I assume the doll’s will be hairless-- except for their heads-- and that the kiddies will also have the option to place vaginas, boobs, penises and scrotums in a la carte fashion on the bodies of their little plastic charges. In other words, they will get to randomly “assign” genders to them…or consider them all gender-neutral or genderless. This is just what they need: an anatomically confusing—if adventurous-- human version of “Mr. Potato Head.” Suggested names include “Pat,” “Terry,” “Kyle,” “Alex,” “Bobby,” “Jamie,” and “Tatum.”
                Hopefully, someday soon, if Mattel is truly committed to inclusivity, kids will be able to play with dolls that are species-neutral, as well. Imagine being able to interchange human and animal parts! How inclusive! How liberating! Who’d like a prehensile tail or a marsupial’s pouch? How about a bird’s beak or a rhino’s horn? Where else could we put an elephant’s trunk? Whoa! Bet that would make Pat or Terry feel good, wouldn’t it, kids?
                I’m guessing Creatable World figures come with a disclaimer urging kids not to dress up any of the dolls as straight, white, Christian males and a message stating: “Remember kids, ‘good’ is bad…and ‘normal’ is abnormal.”

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Ukrainian Rhapsody

                The three-year-old Hyperbole Festival has reached new levels of insanity. Democrats, progressives, leftists and the mainstream media have morphed into one giant crazed entity, intent on taking down President Trump whatever the cost. If the country is left charred, barren and bereft, so be it.

                The Exaggerator-in-Chief is not slowing—or backing—down either.

                The rabid never-Trumpers recently latched on to what, in their bulging blood-red eyes, constitutes yet another (supposedly) impeachable offense the president has (allegedly) committed. This time the president apparently asked the new Ukrainian president to investigate Hunter Biden’s role in the natural gas firm Burisma Holdings, a company that was itself being investigated by a Ukrainian prosecutor as part of a corruption probe. Hunter’s dad, former vice-president Joe Biden, openly boasted a year ago that he successfully pressured Ukraine into firing that prosecutor during his time in office. But, never mind, the media is entirely uninterested in any scandal involving Democrats, instead preferring to project them onto Trump.

                This leads to interviews, comments and twitter posts such as the following:

CNN reporter: “Mr. President, did you unfairly pressure the president of Ukraine into investigating Hunter Biden?”

Trump: “No. My call with President Zelensky was perfectly acceptable. A normal friendly call. Wonderful, really.”

MSNBC reporter: “Mr. President, sources tell us that you held back aid to pressure Ukraine into investigating Hunter Biden.”

Trump: “Not true. Fake news. My phone call with President Zelensky was the purest call ever. Perfect. A perfect call.”

Republican presidential candidate William Weld: “Trump’s phone call with the Ukrainian government was treason. The penalty for treason under the U.S. code is death. That’s the only penalty. Death.”

Trump: “My call was executed flawlessly. It was beatific, actually. No one else has ever had a call like that in history. Best. Call. Ever.”

The New York Times: “Logically, Trump should be tarred and feathered. And have his tiny genitalia cut off. That is what the Founders would have wanted. That is the punishment the Constitution provides for.”

Trump: “Frankly, my call was Godlike. I believe the Lord is proud of my call with President Zelensky. By-the-way, as you know, I am a very stable genius. But you all in the media are acting like spoiled children that didn’t get what they wanted.” 

Mainstream Media (altogether, in unison): “That’s not true-- President Poopy-pants-- and you know it!”

Etc., etc., ad infinitum.


(Have we ever before seen a member of the same party essentially call for the death of a sitting president because of a phone call? I think not. Democrats couldn’t even roust themselves to strongly condemn Bill Clinton’s infamous call with a foreign leader-- from the Oval Office—while Monica Lewinsky was under his desk with her mouth full of presidential tube-steak).

Monday, September 23, 2019

Progressive Panic

             According to “progressives” the Earth is doomed because of: Global warming/climate change/fracking/extraction industries as a whole/capitalism/white, heterosexual, cis-male Christians/toxic masculinity/homophobia/misogyny/fructose/melting glaciers/ozone-layer depletion/plastic straws/the internal combustion engine/plastic bags/red meat/floods/drought/soft-drinks/cigarettes/earthquakes (caused by man’s fracking)/air travel/cow farts/Macedonian content farms/Russian election interference/Trump’s existence/Israel’s existence/firearms/Islamophobia/the U.S.’s possible attempt to gain control of its own borders/Donald Trump, Jr./flushing the toilet/people driving cars/turning on the lights/rampant obesity/right-wing terrorist groups/Chick-fil-A/Fox News/(American) football/greenhouse gases/moronic rubes in flyover country/country music/hunting/fishing/habitat loss/water pollution/EL Niño/non-organic food/genetically-modified food/opioids/nuclear power/nuclear weapons/deforestation/invasive species…and saturated fats.

Yet the average life expectancy has steadily risen around the planet in recent decades. Hmm.

And, oddly enough, abortion/Socialism/Godlessness/hyper-secularism and casually swapping kid’s genders doesn’t make the leftist’s list. Apparently, these are all ‘A-OK,’ no possible threat to human society or the planet as a whole.
But there are even more threats. Artificial intelligence could spiral out of control. Governments could be so incompetent, brutal and tyrannical that they would render life unbearable.
Some experts predict that “unknown unknowns” may do us all in, believing that it’s a virtual certainty that countless other unpredictable, though existential, dangers exist of which we are as yet unaware.
And then there is “BRETTD, CERTIFIED EDUCATOR,” as one website describes him. Brett opined that homo sapiens have harmed the Earth in innumerable ways, saying of (other) humans: “How haven't they harmed the Earth?  Humans, in the end, are animals, and they consume resources and occupy space.  The difference between us and other animals is our ability to think and reason, so we have harmed the Earth with technology, drilling, mining, settlement, overharvesting, overfishing, large scale carbon emissions and pollution of all sorts, particularly water pollution and nuclear waste.”

So, it’s our ability to think and reason that’s killing the planet? Well, I guess that means Democrats really are better for the Earth.

Or not. Personally, I plan to eat red meat with plastic utensils and sip a “Big-Gulp” soft-drink through a plastic straw while driving my SUV and texting the CEO of Exxon boob pictures and Bible verses as I’m on the way to a Trump rally—guns, fishing rods and cartons of cigarettes in my trunk, football game on the radio, yarmulke on my head.

Truth be told, the Earth is only doomed if sane people allow progressives/leftists to rule over it. And them.

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Native American Genocide Led To The Little Ice Age, Study Says

                CNN (the Comedy News Network) reported that researchers from University College (twice as dumb?) in London published a paper theorizing that “The Little Ice Age” was brought about by the dramatic decrease in the population of Native Americans in the 15th and 16th centuries. The “researchers” say that the death of so many indigenous people at the hands of European settlers caused the lands they had been tilling to be reforested, with the resulting increase in trees and vegetation leading to dramatically less CO2 being released into the atmosphere. This change in carbon levels was enough to cool the Earth by 1610, according to the study.
                The study estimates that 56 million indigenous people were killed over the course of about 100 years during the period leading up to The Little Ice Age. It also claims that an area the size of France was reforested as a result. UCL Geography Professor Mark Maslin, one of the study’s co-authors, stated: “CO2 and climate had been relatively stable until this point. So, this is the first major change we see in the Earth’s greenhouse gases.”
                This is what is known, in scientific terms, as “a giant load of fetid crap.” First of all, there may not have even been 56 million Native Americans alive before Columbus arrived in 1492, immediately and single-handedly despoiling this Indigenous Utopia. (Nearly all of the Native Americans that did sadly perish were killed by European diseases to which they had no immunity, not as a result of “genocide” as the paper intimates). No one really knows how many there were. To say that estimates vary wildly is an understatement. All the Indians didn’t just fall dead the moment Columbus stepped off the boat. These deaths occurred over the course of more than a century. Secondly, how many of those that died were tilling the land? And how fast do the study’s authors think farmland turns into forest? Even if an area the size of France somehow instantaneously reforested itself ala a giant, deranged Chia pet, that would have no measurable effect on the temperature of the planet as a whole.
                Professor Maslin asserted that “CO2 and climate had been relatively stable until this point. So, this is the first major change we see in the Earth’s greenhouse gases” or climate? That is laughable on its face. There have been wild fluctuations in the planet’s climate for hundreds of thousands of years and more. Hence the alternating cycle of ice ages and warm periods. There have been times of greatly increased volcanic activity, leading to the atmosphere being loaded up with greenhouse gases. To say that the “first major change” in greenhouse gases we noticed was a decrease in them after Europeans arrived in America is preposterous and counter-intuitive to global warming alarmist’s own argument. In other words, it’s bullshit. It’s the first major change you wanted to see and acknowledge…for this study.
                Prior to this groundbreaking “study,” most scientists attributed the change in temperature during the 1600s to natural forces. Thankfully, we now are educated enough to realize that only unnatural man can cause climatic change. But, if we are an unnatural force, how did we—naturally—arise from nature? I mean, we know we weren’t put here by God, by God!
                So, DFLers, if getting rid of tilled land will cool the Earth down and arrest or reverse global warming, I guess we just need all the farmers to go the way of the early Native Americans. Right?

Saturday, September 21, 2019

Biden Rally!

Water Works Park Amphitheater
Des Moines, Iowa
Saturday, September 21, 2019—9:00 A.M.
Biden Fest Pre-Steak Fry Event (with Joe Biden!)

Former Vice-President Joe Biden happily addresses crowd: “Good morning ladies and gentlemen…and, uh, you know, those of indeterminate or other gender. I welcome you all, regardless!” (polite applause emanates from crowd).

He continues: “You know, I’ve always loved Iowa. I love dirt, pigs, corn, silos, Olive Garden restaurants…all the stuff that you guys…and, uh, gals and others do! If you ask me, farmers work too darn hard for their money. And there is so much work to be done. It’s no wonder why you guys need such big families. Speaking of which, if you can get a tax break for a racehorse, why can’t you get a tax break for a pig? And, even more importantly, why in God’s name couldn’t we provide an $8,000 tax credit for everybody who has childcare costs? That would put 720 million* American women back in the workforce! It would also increase the GDP, to sound like a wonk here, by about eight-tenths of one percent. It would grow the economy. (Hearty applause, though some look around confusedly). Anyway, I am humbled to see so many of you here today. Trump always inflates the number of folks who attend his rallies, but he has nothing on you guys. I bet there are over 20 million of you here in Kansas with me this morning! Go Jayhawks!” (Many in the crowd looking around uncomfortably…some mumbling).

Biden again: “You know, when I got back home from Flanders Fields after serving in World War I, I took a good look around and I said to myself: ‘Joseph, what else can you do to make this a better world?’ You know how I replied to myself? I said: ‘Run for public office. Run for public office.’ So that’s why I’m so gratified to see you all here, many of you holding Polaroids and tape recorders, and some with those new Blueberry, uh, Blackberry phone thingies. So I hope you all go back home and turn on your record players, spend some time with your Pet Rocks… or try to solve your Rubik’s Cubes…or even hop in your Edsels or Duesenbergs and go for a celebratory ride. Because, ‘Biden in 2020’ baby. That’s where it’s at. Thank you! Now let’s eat!”
*According to the U.S. Census, there are 330 million people living in the United States. Roughly half of those are women. Maybe two-thirds of them are of working age, the majority already gainfully employed. There were a total of 5,824,000 unemployed people in the U.S. as of April, 2019. Biden’s 720 million figure is beyond preposterous-- but of a piece with his fellow Democrats’ claims of the Green New Deal and climate change, etc. Pathetic is an understatement.   

Friday, September 20, 2019

9/11 Tribute Dangerous To Birds, Study Says

                Every September 11th, twin blue beams rise from lower Manhattan and climb towards the heavens, in solemn yet stirring tribute to those killed in the 2001 terrorist attacks. This near-sacred, one-day-a-year observance of those lost in the worst foreign attack on American soil in the nation’s long history may be in jeopardy if the authors of a recently published study are heeded.
                The study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (look for the centerfold!), examined seven years of the annual tributes at the National September 11 Memorial and Museum and concluded that the lights are a potentially fatal attraction to migrating birds. Not outside the realm of possibility, but what is undeniably true is that the twin towers so honored were demonstrably a fatal attraction to Islamic terrorists…and their roughly 3,000 victims.
                Study researchers claim that thousands of birds were drawn to the lights, causing them to waste precious energy circling and risking collisions with buildings or capture by predators. Well, those in Manhattan are certainly familiar with objects in flight colliding with buildings. Oh, and are these birds risking “capture” by airborne predators? If so, why are these predators not at risk because of the lights? Or are they and we just don’t care about them? Could we negotiate for the “captured” birds release?
                The study’s authors recommend that the memorial’s twin blue beams be forever dimmed, and that bright lights around homes, stadiums, offshore oil rigs, and construction sites be turned off during migration season.
                There’s no circling around the fact that, if authorities implement these researcher’s recommendations, our world will be a little darker.
                And, any way you look at it, that decision would be for the birds. 

Thursday, September 19, 2019

President Trump Makes Shocking Announcement

September 20, 2019
New Services

(Washington, D.C.)— Just over 48-hours ago President trump announced he had fired National Security Adviser John Bolton. Shortly thereafter, he said he would replace Bolton with Robert C. O’Brien, a lawyer who is a partner in a Los Angeles-based boutique law firm.
Then, earlier this morning-- in a stunning turn of events that had this town buzzing-- Trump announced that he had created a new cabinet position and was hiring Marianne Williamson to be his “Secretary of Peace.” Williamson said she happily gave up on her quest to be the 2020 Democratic presidential nominee to accept the new post, noting she was “ready and willing to start hoping, dreaming and willing the world to be a better place.”
Some pundits asserted that trump only made the hire to prevent Williamson from possibly becoming his opponent in the 2020 general election, prompting Trump to tweet: “I hired Ms. Williamson because of what she can do for our great country. The idea that I did it so we don’t face each other down the line is FAKE NEWS! She didn’t have a prayer anyway, with Pocahontas and that broad from Minnesota…crow-boo-char…or whatever, sucking up the women’s vote now!” He added via a later tweet, “Marianne Williamson will go down in history as the greatest Secretary of Peace this nation has ever had, this I can promise you. Not even close! Not close! Greatest of all time! So there!”
Williamson said she plans to bring her Joan Baez and Joni Mitchell record collection with her to Washington, saying “It would be so cool, such good karma, if the president and the other cabinet members would listen to them with me in the White House.” She added, “I’ve heard Kim Jong-un likes some folk music. Not sure about Vladimir Putin or Xi Jinping. Iran’s Mullahs probably not so much. But there’s always hope.”

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

The New York Times Blames Planes For 9/11

The New York Times managed to offend the families of those killed on 9/11—and most other reasonable souls—with its description of the attacks eighteen years later. A story in the paper stated: “Once more, families gathered at ground zero, where nearly 3,000 people died on that bright September morning. Once more, there was an outpouring of grief. Once more, there were the sound of bells tolling in mourning and names being recited.”
Here’s how the Times began the story: “Eighteen years have passed since airplanes took aim at the World Trade Center and brought them down.” Those damn airplanes. The progressive bird-cage-liner is now so woke, so politically correct, that it can’t report The Truth. “The newspaper of record” won’t admit it was Al Qaeda terrorists that hijacked the planes and used them—along with hundreds of innocent passengers—to eviscerate the Twin Towers and everyone inside of them.
Blaming objects instead of perpetrators is also of a piece with today’s radical progressivism. I’m surprised Democrats didn’t call for a complete ban on the manufacture and usage of airplanes at the time—or at least a mandatory five-day waiting period to board them. Although, in retrospect, they were probably concerned that taking such action might offend terrorists. Instead, we had to wait the better part of two decades until Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came along (herself from New York City) before someone seriously proposed doing away with airplanes.
If we had unbiased, stalwart reporting like this during World War II we would have had articles dated September 2nd, 1939, stating: “tanks, planes and military uniforms launched a surprise attack against Poland yesterday.” On December 8th, 1941, people would have fetched their newspapers to see bold headlines reading: “Planes Attack Pearl Harbor!”

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Bernie Sanders Wants U.S. To Pay For Abortions In Poor Countries

            Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Colonel Bernie Sanders (I-VT) believes climate change poses such a grave risk to the planet that we must do all we can to prevent people from being born. Especially people in “poor countries.” Sen. B.S. suggested that U.S. taxpayers should be tapped to help fund birth control and abortions for women in some developing nations, to help stave off global warming.
Sen. Sanders obviously believes there is just enough of him, but way, way too many of everyone else.
He made the eugenicist-like remarks during CNN’s recent-- and virtually interminable-- “Climate Crisis Town Hall,” in which he appeared with assorted other Democratic presidential hopefuls/asshats. He added, “women in the United States of America, by the way, have a right to control their own bodies and make reproductive decisions.” This is pablum of the first order, nothing more than mental masturbation for “progressives.” No one—male or female-- has the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies, if that behavior could possibly harm others. Or themselves. None of us has the right to drive drunk or club baby seals over the head. Minors don’t even have the right to buy a pack of smokes at the local convenience store. (Though an underaged girl can get an abortion without telling her parents). I can’t hit a person who pisses me off. You can’t legally depress the gas pedal in your car and make it propel you at speeds above the limit. In some places, one person can’t even call a man a man if that man prefers to be called a woman. Progressives don’t even want us to have the right to defend ourselves.
Yet, incredibly, Sanders’ plan to alleviate global warming wasn’t even the craziest of the past week. A Swedish behavioral scientist named Magnus Söderlund, professor of marketing and strategy at the Stockholm School of Economics, spoke in favor of cannibalism at the “Gastro Summit,” a symposium on food choices and availability vis-à-vis a climate apocalypse. Söderlund’s talk was titled “Can you imagine eating human flesh?” The esteemed professor lobbied for the breakdown of taboos against the desecration of human corpses and consumption of other people’s flesh. Call me a skeptic, but this seems to me a difficult marketing strategy to execute. Moreover, though I am well versed in economic theory, I’m not sure I want to know where these supply and demand curves meet.

I’m okay with “save a horse, ride a cowboy.”

“Save the planet, eat your neighbor?” Not so much.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Conservatives Evil, Progressives Good?

Many modern leftists truly believe conservatives are evil. They can see no other reason why somebody would wish to deny other human beings free…well, anything. They fail to understand how someone would risk depriving others of their “right” to live anywhere they want, have everything that anyone else has, choose their own gender or genders—and be free from the consequences of their own actions.
In this way, they actually are evil, or, at minimum, the consequences of their beliefs and actions, even though they choose not to acknowledge them, are consistently, historically, evil. To those they (inadvertently?) victimize, this is a distinction without a difference. I know this is a difficult concept for a decent person to grasp, but it is factually so none-the-less. These leftists claim conservatives are evil and I claim they are evil, so obviously we are equally wrong—or right, depending on one’s perspective, no? This is clearly not how the mainstream media, academia and Big Tech see things. To the Media-Academic Complex, everything those on the left side of the political spectrum believe, do and propose is for purely altruistic reasons, while everything those on the right side of the political spectrum believe, do and propose is done out of intolerance, bigotry, greed or sheer spite.
But it is inarguable that leftists then and now routinely deprive people of their freedoms, the most precious gift of all…or the one that was once thought to be, especially in the United States of America. Leftists impose their will on others because they purport to believe they know what’s best for them. They are the anti-Framers. This is why they slander the Founders, disdain the Constitution, and demand that statues and murals depicting them be removed. They would replace the Declaration of Independence with near total dependence on The State, meaning those like themselves. They try to repeal Natural Law and the inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness-- granted to us all by the Creator-- by saying that equality of outcome supersedes equality of opportunity and that God doesn’t really exist, is only a construct of ignorant, superstitious, backward rubes in rural wastelands.
They do this so they can replace God with……themselves……and Judeo-Christianity with the hyper-fundamentalist religions of Marxism-Socialism and Secularism. As Churchill said of the ultra-pompous Sir Stafford Cripps, “There but for the grace of God goes God.”
Communism extinguished over 100 million souls in the Twentieth Century alone. It has destroyed the lives of countless others in the two decades since. Western leftists should take a good look at the “quality of life” in “S---hole countries” like Cuba, North Korea and Venezuela, but of course they won’t. They are too busy denigrating the U.S.’s capitalist, free market system that feeds and donates money to much of the rest of the world’s nations to admit that there is a low quality of life—and often no life at all for dissenters—in these glorious “People’s Republics.” 
The United States was “born” by declaring that every person is born with equal rights to pursue human happiness and dignity… and that our rights come from God, not Rod… or Donald, Alexandria, Bernie, Joe, Elizabeth or Hillary. Far too many progressives and nearly all leftists believe that they-- and they alone-- are qualified to bestow rights upon others. They may disdain authority and the successful, yet they act as priest and pastor, judge, jury and executioner. They are the would-be arbiters of our freedoms, secret police waiting for us to carelessly use an incorrect pronoun to address someone in the “nanogender community” or declare that we aren’t convinced that climate change is entirely driven by human activity. They reject the idea of a higher power but are certain we—who could not ask to be created and cannot create ourselves—can choose our own sex.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Arizona Student Identifies As A Hippopotamus

                Florentin Félix Morin is, apparently, a visiting scholar at the University of Arizona. Morin, who is French, started his PhD last year at Université Paris 8, and wrote a piece for the academic Journal of Theoretical Humanities in which he claims to identify as a hippopotamus. He avers that his hippo alter-ego has allowed him to navigate the world free from the constraints that “govern human bodies,” such as gender, sexuality, and age.
                In the article, Morin says he understands that he is not actually a hippopotamus, but that his theoretical exercise of being transspecies, or “tranimal,” gave him comfort while he was coming to terms with his real-life transgenderism. He wrote, “Let me put it this way: something about being a hippo makes me feel cute, confident, sexy, and safe. I discovered that another self was available for me: being a hippo means that I don’t have to be a boy or a girl, a child or an adult, normal or strange.”
            Morin continued: “I do strongly love when my friends call me ‘hippo,’ refer to my ‘paws,’ and pretend that they see no difference between me and one of my stuffed hippopotamuses, except that I’m a little bigger than most of them.”  
                He added: “Unlike the somewhat checkered, locked-down, and policed space of transgender, the space of transspecies remained open, as it is not scripted yet.” Who among us could argue with that? I mean, transgenderism is becoming a somewhat stuffy, traditional, constraining, antediluvian concept, is it not? It’s time to push the boundaries a little! They said space was the final frontier, but “they” were wrong. Think of the possibilities that exist for each of us now that we have finally recognized that we can literally be anyone- or anything- we want to be, allowing us to escape traditional modalities and moralities!
                The University recently denied that Morin was associated with it in any way, despite its website announcement of January 20th, 2017, in which it welcomed him to the school’s Gender and Women’s Studies Department. The announcement touted him as an exciting addition to the school’s LGBT program, saying that he “works at the intersection of Trans Studies and Animal Studies, focusing on ‘tranimal’ body modifications, practices and subjectivities.”
                And, while he does use male pronouns, Morin says he enjoys correcting people who refer to him as a guy: “When someone…calls me a ‘goofy guy’ I correct them by saying ‘you mean a goofy hippopotamus.’” He does this, he says, in an attempt to “intervene” in what other people “imagine to be my gender.”
                Morin concludes by averring that self-identifying as a hippopotamus is “a political form of resistance to the (trans)gender policing of my body,” and that being a hippo is “the most precious gift that was ever given.”
                Morin is either insane, or one clever man/hippopotamus, drawing us all into his exquisite deceit, illustrating absurdity by being absurd.

                Care to place your bets?

Saturday, September 14, 2019

"Worm Loves Worm"

            “Worm Loves Worm” is the title of an apparently much-beloved children’s book touting the joys of gay marriage and the ethos of “love is love.” Published in 2016 by Ballsy & Gay Balzer + Bray, says of the subtly doctrinaire publication, “this irresistible picture book is a celebration of love in all its splendid forms.” All its splendid forms? Despite its intention, this is not the case. Love and marriage based on natural complementarity is noticeably not celebrated.
The glowing characterization continues: “You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of a worm . . . and a worm. When a worm meets a special worm and they fall in love, you know what happens next…” Let me guess! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge! Just kidding. Get your mind out of the gutter. The review adds: “They get married! But their friends want to know—who will wear the dress? And who will wear the tux? The answer is: It doesn't matter. Because Worm loves Worm.”
Got it? Same sex marriage, transgendered marriage, inter-species marriage…it’s all okay! All the same! Because-- you know-- say it with me now: “LOVE IS LOVE!” Yay!
Reviews of the book, recommended for kids ages 4-8, were almost universally effusive in their praise. One read: “As fathers of a 2-year-old child, my husband and I enthusiastically purchased Worm to Worm and are very happy we did so. It's not easy finding stories that aren't geared toward a mom and a dad - and while we have plenty of those, it's nice to have another book that's a little more reflective of our family.” They noted, of course, that the book “is not political.” Sorry lads, but neither of you are “fathers” of the two-year-old child. Adopted parents, maybe…fathers no. And isn’t it interesting that the two faux dads got the title of the book wrong, stating that they “purchased Worm to Worm?”
“Worm Loves Worm” is a 32-page book directed at young kids. I have taken the liberty of writing a sequel. I hope the author doesn’t mind. Mine is titled “Anything Goes” and is only 1-page in length. Here it is, in its entirety, a special sneak preview for my readers:
“Worm loves worm. Clam loves clam. Soon there are no more humans. The End.”

Friday, September 13, 2019

CNN To Air LGBTQ Town Hall

                If you are among the small group of people who enjoyed CNN’s recent seven-hour televised Town Hall marathon on climate change, in which leading Democratic presidential candidates trotted out ever more preposterous plans to combat climate change, you are in for another treat come October 10th. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC, but not to be confused with Hillary Rodham Clinton) foundation recently announced that it, too, will host a CNN Democratic presidential town hall. This one will be held in Los Angeles and will focus on issues surrounding the LGBTQ community. The festive extravaganza, taking place on the eve of (the annual) National Coming Out Day, will feature “the largest-ever audience for a Democratic presidential town hall devoted to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) issues” according to HRC.
                The candidates will field questions regarding how best to promote LGBTQ equality from both CNN “journalists” and the live audience. HRC has announced that Joe Biden, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Julián Castro, Sen. Kamala Harris, Sen. Amy Klobuchar, and Sen. Elizabeth Warren have already committed to participate. Sounds like Must See TV to me! Fortunately, you won’t have to wait until October 10th to watch—and listen—to this sure-to-be riveting discussion of all things queer. Through remarkable new technology, called futureport and debuting here, we can listen in to the program even though it will not take place for several weeks! Enjoy!

                                                  [futureport activated}

Question: “Senator Warren, as a woman of color, but a heterosexual, what will you do to aid the plight of the LGBTQIIA+ community?”

Sen. Warren: “This may come as a surprise to you, and possibly my husband Bruce, but I am one-eighth lesbian. Therefore, I will fight for the right of those in the LGBTQ community to use whatever bathrooms they want and do whatever they want, as long as they don’t produce nuclear energy or eat cheeseburgers.” (Applause).

Question: “Mayor Buttigieg, given your last name and the fact that you yourself are gay, do you believe you have the strongest credentials to lead the fight against homophobia and bigotry, especially now that it has been taken to a new level by the Hitler—I mean Trump administration?”

Mayor Buttigieg: “I certainly do. I won’t name names, but there are some who share the floor with me tonight who are actually pro-heterosexual (loud booing) but haven’t yet come out of the closet…so-to-speak. They should be mindful that God will get them for their intolerance. Just sayin’.”

Question: “Former Vice-President Biden, some have tried to smear you as the “moderate” candidate. How do you answer that charge…and what will you do to promote the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender lifestyle?”

Biden: “I resent the ‘moderate’ slander. I took part in the Stonewall Riots in Greenland Village in 1699 for God’s sake. I was injured when now-President Trump cold-cocked me—I didn’t mean it like that, but I wouldn’t care if I did—that’s how committed to the queer cause I’ve always been and always will be. I was a friend of the queers before queer was cool!”


Thursday, September 12, 2019

Sorority Sanctioned For Study Requirement

                The University of Virginia suspended a sorority last year because of its “hazing” abuses. That seems odd, as it’s usually fraternities and men’s athletics teams that have gotten into trouble for going too far in the long-time ritual of tormenting new members and freshman. So, what heinous hi-jinx did the (Latina) sorority dream up and perpetrate on its sisters? (Caution: squeamish readers might want to skip over the following sentence). It required them to study for a minimum of 25 hours a week.
                Yes, Sigma Lambda Upsilon was called on the proverbial carpet for “recklessly and intentionally endangering the health or safety” of its members. This raises the question: WTF?!? What’s next, will sororities start demanding that members attend their classes—or even receive passing grades? How will the sisters get enough sleep, let alone have enough free time to fight the social justice wars? Have they forgotten what college is all about?
                According to Charlottesville’s The Daily Progress newspaper, one of the sorority’s recruits complained to a professor about the requirement, and the professor subsequently informed the school’s student affairs office and the local police. (I was blissfully unaware that the men and women in blue were responsible for monitoring collegiate study guidelines). Incredibly, campus officials determined the sorority’s studying requirement violated the school’s hazing rules. The sorority is suing the school, thank the Lord. The suit notes that other classes and even athletic programs at the university expect at least 25 hours of study per week, and that the school never provided notice to any fraternal organization that there was a “general prohibition against studying 25 hours per week.” It adds that the sorority has been “discriminated against” because it was sanctioned “for no actual misconduct whatsoever.”
                The university recently tried to have the lawsuit dismissed by claiming “sovereign immunity.” In other words, “We are above the law. Whatever we say or do is inviolable.”
                The Latina sorority is to be commended. The University of Virginia’s actions are just another example of the collapse of higher education in the United States. Colleges no longer understand their mission and have abandoned standards in favor of virtue-signaling and group think. Treating the requirement for students to study hard on par with stripping them nude, shoving a corn cob up their butt and epoxying them to a garbage dumpster outside Che Guevara Hall on a frigid January evening is counterproductive and clinically insane.

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

George Mason University Hosts "Consent Carnival"

                The Student Support and Advocacy Center at George Mason University hosted a “Consent Carnival” recently in which students could choose from a range of educational activities, including lubricant taste tests, a vagina bean bag toss and a penis ring-toss game. Lubricant flavors included such classics as watermelon, cupcake and green apple. The bean bag toss consisted of giant inflatable lips that mimicked vaginas, into which students attempted to throw large pink bean bags. The site touted the fact that the vagina is self-cleaning. (“Is there a bun in your self-cleaning oven?”). Flyers at the site also informed students that “not all people with vaginas are women.” Much as not all large gray mammals with tusks and a long, prehensile trunk are elephants. Just as the fact that an animal has a backbone doesn’t mean it is a vertebrate. (People willing to be coerced into calling a woman a man, for example, are, in fact, spineless). The display also noted, “Genitalia is not an indicator of gender and it can be harmful to assume so.” This is like saying “hue is not an indicator of color” or “wetness is not an indicator of liquid.” Genitalia and gender both stem from the Latin word genus, meaning “kind, type or sort.”

                Perhaps insanity is not an indicator of mental illness.

                The penis ring-toss featured three-foot-high inflatable phalluses, surrounded by signs educating the young scholars in how to correctly don and use a condom. (And speaking of inflatables, a number of students were observed walking around holding giant, flesh-colored penis-shaped balloons). This must’ve been a depressing station for actual male members of the campus. So to speak. How do you measure up, lads? (But, remember, a penis is not an indicator of maleness)!
                Other stations at the educational extravaganza included an “affirmative consent kissing booth,” a “don’t touch my hair” booth, a condom balloon pop, a “you mustache for consent” table,” face painter, sno-cone machine, and “gender unicorn” booth. The gender unicorn booth sought to instruct students how to properly react to friends coming out as LGBTQ, while the “you mustache for consent” (get it?) table strove to teach students how to get consent before and during any sexual activity. (“May I place my hand on your shoulder? Thank you. Can I kiss your lips? I can? Then kindly just sign—and date-- this consent form, where indicated, in indelible blue or black ink. The top form is mine, the canary is for my lawyer, and the pink one is yours to keep for your records”).
                The College Fix reported that the face paint and sno-cone booths seemed to be the event’s most attended venues. I don’t know if that is a ray of hope or the saddest part of it all. Today’s students have been rendered mostly—unavoidably-- numb to everything pertaining to what should be the most private, intimate, and reverential act in which humans can participate.
                Sex carnivals are all the rage on college campuses these days. It is not publicly known who funded this one.
                George Mason was born very near where the university that bears his name stands today. He was a founder and patriot who helped draft the Bill of Rights.
                Perhaps he is even now looking down on the bastion of higher education that appropriated his name. 
                I’m sure he is very proud.