Appropriate Halloween Costumes 2019

                Fall is here. The time of year when little people show up at our doors begging for handouts. No, I’m not talking about politicians prior to election day. I’m talking about Halloween! And that’s why I’ve written this post. I want to remind you all not to dress up as anything you aren’t this year. No blackface, no Sombreros, no Native-American headdresses, no cowboy outfits at this weekend’s parties. NO APPROPRIATION! Remember, cultural appropriation IS INAPPROPRIATE! And offensive! So, no ghost or goblin outfits, no witch costumes, no pagan attire, no Antifa get-ups and, for Heaven’s sake, no dressing up as your favorite CNN or MSNBC journalist/host/anchorperson!

                I myself am going as an aborted fetus, ha, ha! Or should I say as “women’s health care?” I’m just going to wrap myself in a gender-neutral, ketchup-stained blanket and glue a few small, fake body parts on it. Voilà, a progressive and politically correct costume—and work of art! And I’ll donate all the candy (or cash) I collect to Planned Parenthood! Nothing scary about that!

                Until next time, peeps, when I will explain why “Thanksgiving” should be replaced by “Condemnation Day.” Peace out.

AOC Discovers The Greatest Generation-- And It's Hers

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) continues to spit out preposterous and deeply untrue comments and opinions. She commits as many gaffs as Joe Biden, but she doesn’t realize or recognize it, even after the fact. Nor will the mainstream media report on her obvious misstatements as AOC is protected by virtue of being a woman womyn womxn of color, a Latinx!

Ocasio-Cortez recently averred that the Greatest Generation was is, well, her own: "I think young people are more informed and dynamic than their predecessors," Ocasio-Cortez said. "I think this new generation is very profound and very strong and very brave, because they're actually willing to go to the streets. How about that? Like, previous generations have just assumed that government's got it. Let me tell you something, you are the government. Like, as a democracy, we the people, as a voter, you are the government too."

Like, let me tell you something, AOC: like, I already knew that, in a democracy, people are part of the government, too.  You probably haven’t heard of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, or perhaps even Lincoln, but it contains a line that reads in part: “That government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” (Granted, it would read and sound better if AOC had written and delivered it: “That, like, government of, like, the people, by, like, the people, like, for the people, shall not, like, perish from the earth, like). Moreover, young people have been taking to the streets, for better or worse, for centuries now. AOC may have heard of the race riots and Vietnam War protests of the ‘60s, but probably is utterly ignorant of the Boston Tea Party or Lexington and Concord. It is true, however, that many Millennials, at least those who aren’t still living in their mom and dad’s basement, have taken to the streets. And left their hypodermic needles and fecal matter there. Their less “dynamic” predecessors just risked their lives fighting in wars to win independence and protect our freedoms. Oh, and they built the cities in which Millennials live, protest—and crap.

Most demonstrably do not take the time to read our history—or anyone else’s—and they sure as hell don’t understand it. And the fault is not all theirs. The crux of the problem is that no one is teaching them the true history of the nation and its founding, because they are too busy indoctrinating them, molding them into crazed social justice warriors who, as Ronald Reagan once noted, “know so many things that just aren’t so.”

I am continually saddened when I talk to these “profound” and supposedly “more informed” “dynamic” young people and it becomes clear they have no idea of the concept of natural law, the content of the Bill of Rights, the economic principles of Adam Smith, or that America banned the slave trade before Sweden, The Netherlands, France and Spain. Most couldn’t name the 13 colonies (the U.S. was colonized by the British) or name four of the first ten presidents. Many claim to be fond of socialism, though they couldn’t point out Venezuela or North Korea on a map of the world. Worse yet, these “very brave” young people may well scurry to their “safe spaces” when confronted with ideas they dislike or facts they have no intention of acknowledging.

One Millennial, while being interviewed on a public beach, was asked who the United States got its independence from. He answered “Virginia.”

I will admit, in its own way, that is very “profound” indeed.

Today's Top Stories-- 10/29/2019

Today’s Top Stories:

*NASA and NOAA scientists recently reported the smallest ozone hole ever observed since its discovery nearly four decades ago. The rapidly increasing size of the ozone hole was the crisis du jour and the source of great panic among experts and laymen alike in the 1980s and 1990s, as it was thought to pose serious health threats to human beings. The use of fluorocarbons in aerosol cans was banned in 1979 as fluorocarbons—or PFCs—were thought to be depleting the ozone shield that protects the Earth from the sun’s harmful ultraviolet rays.

The hole covered the equivalent of 6.3 million square miles as of September 8^th but shrank to under 3.9 million square miles by October according to satellite measurements. It normally grows to around 8 million square miles by early October.

Paul Newman, chief scientist for Earth Sciences at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, said: “It’s great news for ozone in the Southern Hemisphere. But it’s important to recognize that what we’re seeing this year is due to warmer stratospheric temperatures. It’s not a sign that atmospheric ozone is suddenly on a fast track to recovery.” Of course it isn’t. Killjoy.

The ozone hole is expected to dissipate even further in the coming weeks. However, experts say the small ozone hole is more than counteracted by the ever-growing number of ass holes……in academia, the media, Big Tech and government. These ass holes are potentially more damaging—and harder to get rid of—than the previously life-threatening ozone hole.

*Socialism has created such a worker’s paradise in Venezuela that the country’s paper currency, the bolivar, has been rendered virtually useless, due to an inflation rate nearing 200,000%. This has caused businesses to refuse to accept the cash, resulting in consumers paying for goods such as gasoline with whatever items with which they can barter. The country, formerly the jewel of South America in its pre-Socialist days, subsidizes its abundant gasoline to such an extent that it costs next to nothing, though every other consumer good is exorbitantly expensive. Cashless drivers frequently hand over a bag of rice, a cannister of cooking oil or a lone cigarette to gas station attendants as payment for their petrol.

More than 4 million Venezuelans have fled the country in the last several years due to low wages, lack of basic services, broken hospitals, and spreading chaos and violence. People in some areas have resorted to eating their pets and zoo animals. Power failures have left countless thousands in darkness for extended periods. Clean drinking water is scarce in many places.

Socialism has led to such “progress” that the barter system, the preferred method of trade in the Middle Ages, is once more a necessary feature of what’s left of Venezuela’s economy.

*The Office of Management and Budget projects that federal spending programs “designed to transfer income…to individuals or families” are set to hit a record $3,223,943,000,000 in fiscal year 2020. That would account for an incredible 67.9% of all federal spending for the fiscal year. This staggering avalanche of largess from the haves to the have-nots will no longer be possible if a Democrat becomes president in 2020, as the policies every single one of the party’s possible nominees are promoting would radically curtail investment, collapse the stock market, put countless businesses out of business (and countless individuals out of work), thereby utterly destroying the economy. Ironic? Idiotic.

And tragic.

Climate Change Hard On Male Turtles?

                This just in: climate change is to blame for a lack of male sea turtles.

                Scientists claim that the sex of sea turtles is determined by the temperature of the sand where the eggs are laid and incubate. Jeannette Wyneken, of Florida Atlantic University’s lab at Gumbo Limbo Nature Center in Boca Raton, Florida, says the number of males she’s seeing in nests has steadily decreased over the past 20 years, even though the eggs are laid at different times. (Am I the only one to take research by a staffer at a place called ‘Gumbo Limbo’ with a grain of salt?).

                “It’s scary,” Wyneken said, adding “I’m seeing more and more all-female nests, and even when we have males, it’s a very small percentage.”

   Perhaps many of the turtles are just identifying as females. I mean, sex isn’t biological at all, right? And, is this not a good thing? We have a chance to rid the planet of toxic turtle masculinity once and for all!  

Great Washington Post Headlines Throughout The Years

                U.S. special forces tracked down and killed brutal ISIS terrorist leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi just hours ago. This prompted the Washington Post to print the following headline: "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at helm of Islamic State, dies at 48." Austere religious scholar?! What a…unique take. Gee, I can’t understand why so few folks implicitly trust the mainstream media anymore. This led me to search the archives for other notable headlines from the paper that now proclaims, “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” (Does that sound vaguely like a white supremacist dog-whistle)? Here are some of my favorites, in chronological order for your convenience:

*”President Goes To Theater, Trouble Ensues”—April 15^th, 1863*

*”Hefty Boat Sinks in North Atlantic”-- April 15, 1912

*”Austrian Guy Shot in Sarajevo”—June 29, 1914

*”Sizeable Balloon Bursts In New Jersey”—May 7. 1938

*”Japanese Commence Large Aerial Exercise Over Pearl Harbor”—December 8, 1941

*”Jews Mistreated In German Camps, Allies Claim”-- April 5, 1945

*”Volkswagen Founder Discovered Dead In Bunker”-- May 1, 1945

*”Explosion Rocks Hiroshima”-- August 7, 1945

*”Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin Steps On Nearby Satellite”—July 21, 1969

*”Jim Jones, Beloved Preacher and Faith Healer, Dead At 47”—November 19, 1978

*”Irked Iranians Detain American Citizens”-- November 5, 1979

*”U.S. Squad Wins Hockey Game”—February 23, 1980

*”Reagan Edges Mondale”-- November 7, 1984

*”Reagan Suggests U.S.S.R. Discard Barrier”-- June 13, 1987

*”Clinton Impeached For Harmless Dalliance”-- December 20, 1998

*”Twin Towers Fall Down, Foul-Play Suspected”-- September 12, 2001

*”American Diplomatic Compound In Benghazi Accosted By Video Devotees”-- September 12, 2012

*”Country Screwed, World To End”—November 9, 2016

Good news! Now you, too, can become a famous headline writer for the Washington Post! Just call 1-SCREWTRUMP and request your free starter kit from the capital city’s most trusted journalistic entity! Operators are standing by.

      ******************************************************************

*Okay, the Washington Post wasn’t founded until December 6, 1877.

Democrats Call For Repeal Of HIV Non-Disclosure Laws

This is not your grandfather’s Democratic Party.

Incredibly, several 2020 Democratic presidential candidates, including Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.), Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) and Mayor Pete Buttigieg, recently called for the repeal of laws meant to protect innocent people from potentially contracting the deadly AIDS virus. These laws currently require HIV-positive individuals to disclose their status to sexual partners. It is illegal for someone to expose another person to the virus without them knowing about it and having the opportunity to give informed consent. Doing otherwise would be horrific and should be considered a “hate crime.” Yet, as the Washington Examiner pointed out, during CNN’s recent LGBTQ town hall, host Anderson Cooper noted that new drugs exist which make the virus “undetectable,” and supposedly unable to be transmitted to someone else. Cooper opined that this means laws criminalizing nondisclosure of the virus are “antiquated” and “based on old science.”

Mayor Buttigieg concurred and said of the laws, “It’s not fair, and it needs to change.” As usual, Democrats are only concerned with the “rights” of perpetrators and criminals, while disparaging and mocking law-abiding citizens, the police, ICE, and any other group that contributes to societal stability and real “progress.” Would it be fair to potential sexual partners of HIV-positive people if these laws were repealed? What if folks with HIV don’t disclose that fact and aren’t taking the drugs that prevent the transfer of the virus to others? Bummer. Hate it when that happens. Oh, well.

The Democrats are proposing: repealing laws that help prevent the spread of the HIV virus (while calling Republicans mean-spirited gay-haters), making abortion legal up until the moment of birth (or slightly after), preventing law-abiding citizens from protecting themselves and their loved ones by weakening or repealing the Second Amendment, letting anyone and everyone enter the country illegally…and then paying for their college, medical care, etc., etc., erasing the nation’s borders, banning the internal combustion engine (automobiles and airplanes), banning the extraction, processing and use of all effective and dependable sources of energy including nuclear power, mandating the rebuilding of every structure in America and the extinction of the cow, and spending countless trillions of dollars to do all this thus assuring the bankrupting of America and world economic collapse. Yes, let’s model our economy after North Korea’s, Cuba’s and Venezuela’s! Love that centralized government control!

On top of all this, Democrats and their supporters have essentially kicked God out of public spaces and are now trying to evict Him from private spaces, while inviting men into women’s bathrooms and locker rooms and vice-versa. They are pursuing further bans on smoking cigarettes and now “vaping,” while feverishly working for the legalization of marijuana around the country and even “magic mushrooms” in some areas. Democrats in California have now loosened restrictions on unruly classroom behavior, while nationally many in higher education are now demanding that work be graded not on merit but on social factors. In the world that Democrats have wrought, young girls can get abortions on demand, but may be in trouble if they “misgender” someone.

To whom does this make sense? This is precisely what a society would do if it were intent on wiping out human life, or at least making everyone suffer terribly. It is almost as if they listened to Paul Harvey’s classic 1964 “If I Were the Devil” prophecy and turned it into a policy prescription.

What kind of a platform is this? If one of these Democrats is elected president in 2020, it will be proof positive that the country has changed so dramatically that it will no longer be recognizable-- or the dynamic force for freedom and prosperity it has historically been.

Criminalizing Ridicule

                The University of Connecticut recently arrested a couple of students under a law that criminalizes ridicule, the College Fix reported. Ridicule. Is that worse than “misgendering” someone? What if the students had ridiculed someone’s gender? Might they have gotten life in prison?

                Ridicule criminalized. Jokes seen as weapons. It’s a Monty Python world in which we live. Where is this ever more dystopian society headed? Perhaps here:

2030

U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California

San Francisco, California

Judge: “The plaintiff may speak now.”

Plaintiff: “Your honor, this man tried to, to…(breaks down)……well, he teased me! He said I lack a sense of humor! He…made a joke!”

Judge (to defendant): “And how do you plead?”

Defendant: “Not guilty…by reason of inanity, your honor! (chuckles softly)”

Judge: “That’s not funny! Jokes are no joking matter! And did you use trigger words?”

Defendant: “Trigger words, your honor?”

Judge: “Yes, you know…non-inclusive words, words that could make someone feel unappreciated, unrecognized or invalidated. What are your trigger words?”

Defendant: “Trigger words.”

Judge (irritated): “Yes, yes! Surely you must have some!”

Defendant: “’Trigger words’ are my ‘trigger words,’ your honor. And don’t call me Shirley. So, I guess that’s one, too.”

Judge: “That does it! I’m throwing the book at you!”

Defendant: “It wouldn’t by any chance be the Book of Love, would it, your honor?”

Judge: “Now I’m sentencing you to the electric chair!”

Plaintiff: “Yeah! Fry him for his intolerance and non-inclusiveness!”

                                                             [fade]

Remember, kids: Be careful what you say. In 2019 America, humor is not a laughing matter!

Kurt Volker Accidentally Calls Joe Biden Unreliable

                 Kurt Volker recently resigned after being identified in a whistle-blower complaint that led to the House impeachment inquiry of President Trump. Volker, who was the U.S. Special Representative to Ukraine until resigning, claims he tried to warn Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani that the sources telling Giuliani that Joe Biden pressured Ukraine into firing the prosecutor investigating the Ukrainian natural gas company that employed his son Hunter were unreliable. These sources included Ukraine’s former top prosecutor, Viktor Shokin. And, oddly enough, Joe Biden himself, though he now denies it. Which is itself odd and unfortunate, since he was filmed boasting about doing just that when he was Vice-president under Barack Obama.

    On January 23^rd, 2018, at the Council on Foreign Relations, the elder Biden said: “And I went over, I guess, the 12^th, 13^th time to Kiev. And I was supposed to announce that there was another billion-dollar loan guarantee. And I had gotten a commitment from Poroshenko and from Yatsenyuk that they would take action against the state prosecutor. And they didn’t. So, they said they had—they were walking out to a press conference. I said, nah, I’m not going to—or, we’re not going to give you the billion dollars. They said, you have no authority. You’re not the president. The president said— I said, call him. I said, I’m telling you, you’re not getting the billion dollars. I said, you’re not getting the billion. I’m going to be leaving here in, I think it was about six hours. I looked at them and said: ‘I’m leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor is not fired, you’re not getting the money.’ Well, son of a bitch. He got fired. And they put in place someone who was solid at the time.”

                Few seem to care, however, that Biden used his lofty position in a corrupt manner to coerce Ukraine into dropping the investigation. Or that he openly bragged about doing so. Or that he now denies the obvious. He’s not Trump, so it doesn’t really matter.

                Unreliable Sources? That’s usually Brian Stelter’s bailiwick. It is somewhat humorous that Volker inadvertently labeled Joe Biden himself an “unreliable” source with this attempt to help him. Biden’s gaffe-ridden campaign so far makes it clear that he usually isn’t a credible source of information on just about anything. In this case, however, we’ll believe him.

                President Trump may be impeached for a phone call he conducted with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. Even though Zelensky himself said Trump never attempted to coerce, threaten, or issue a quid pro quo of any kind. But, say Democrats, don’t listen to him, what would he know? Yet, Joe Biden might still be the Democratic presidential nominee for 2020 even though he is on record proudly making it clear that he did exactly what his party is baselessly accusing Trump of having done.

                Such is the sad state of “justice” in America circa 2019.

Kellogg's Introduces Pro-Gay Cereal Variety Pack

                 Kellogg’s, the Battle Creek, Michigan, food manufacturer, recently announced it is introducing a limited-edition variety pack of its popular breakfast cereals called “All Together Cereal” in support of the pro-LGBTQ lobbying group GLAAD. The All Together pack will feature some of the company’s most popular brands, including Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies, Frosted Mini Wheats and Raisin Bran. All of the mascots for each brand will appear together on each box. Can’t you feel the inclusiveness? Kellogg’s says the packaging is a “symbol of acceptance no matter how you look, where you’re from or who you love.” In addition, the company is donating $50,000 to GLAAD “to support their anti-bullying and LGBTQ advocacy work.”

    Kellogg’s has previously received various awards for “diversity” and “inclusion,” though its main competitor, Twin Cities based General Mills, is equally woke, having received the approval of several LGBTQ activist groups, including the “Human Rights Campaign.”

                Look for Kellogg’s—and General Mills—to introduce more inclusive cereals in the near future. I expect to see Kellogg’s introduce “Even Fruitier Loops ;),” “Raisin Cane Bran,” and “Porn Flakes” by the end of the 2020, while General Mills is rumored to be close to releasing “Flex,” “Totally Gay,” and “Queerios.” Moreover, Kellogg’s is said to be working on a cereal box saluting the polyamorous community, on which Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and Snap, Crackle and Pop are artfully and sensitively portrayed engaged in an orgy.

                Because, after all, no matter how you look, where you’re from, or who you love, we must accept you. (Unless you are President Trump or one of his supporters. Or a conservative Christian. Or a Republican. Or believe marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman. Or are against abortion. Or are for the Constitution and/or the Bill of Rights. Then you are sick and should die). 

               

England Transitions...To Insanity

                Attendees of a recent transgender conference at Roehampton University in London were provided with “traffic light safe space badges” to indicate whether they were willing to engage in conversations with others, the Sunday Times reported. The green, amber and red lanyards were dispensed to scholars present at the “Thinking Beyond: Transversal Transfeminisms” symposium, a one-day event purportedly organized in response to U.S. President Donald Trump’s reinstatement of the ban on transgenders in his nation’s military, the “rampant transphobia in U.K. feminist circles,” and other perceived slights.

                If an attendee sported a green badge, it meant he or she  they were open to speaking with other delegates and welcomed being approached. A yellow badge meant, “I will approach you if I wish to speak.”  A red one signified, “I do not wish to speak with other delegates.” And also that, “I am a pussy who can’t tolerate hearing other people’s opinions because I can’t defend my own.”

                Not all the academics in attendance were comfortable with the badges they were instructed to wear, with at least one noting: “To have this kind of traffic-light system simply encourages fragility.”

    His comment surely prompted many of his fellow eggheads to frantically display their red badges. 

   “Conference” and “symposium” are synonyms for “discussion.” How does letting attendees flash yellow or red lights facilitate discussion? How did we become so quick to take offense, so easily traumatized? What if past gatherings had utilized this same “technique?” What if, for example, delegates at the Constitutional Convention of 1787 had been instructed to use these same traffic-light safe space badges? What if delegates from smaller states, attempting to protect their state’s rights, approached those of the larger states and found them all sporting red badges and plugging their ears with their index fingers? Well, so much for the Connecticut Compromise of proportional representation in the House, and two representatives of each state in the Senate. Oh, well. What if those who believed there was no need for a Bill of Rights flashed their red badges and ran for their safe spaces when in the proximity of those who proposed one?

  On second thought, if I was at the Roehampton conference and someone wished to speak to me about “Transversal Transfeminisms,” I know what color I’d flash. 

                                          

                                                   

No New Jails NYC Demands Release Of Rikers Island Prisoners And Abolishment Of City's Jail System

                New York City Mayor Bill (I’m Not Done Ruining the City Yet) de Blasio recently proposed that Rikers Island be closed and replaced with new, more “humane” jails. This was not enough for students at New York University, however. NYU’s student government officially requested that the city of New York close Rikers Island with all due haste and promise not to open any new jails to replace it. The school’s Student Government Assembly released a statement averring that “jails do not make us safe,” but “serve only to further harm Black and brown families, individuals, and communities and to perpetuate a racist and violent criminal legal system.” It also endorsed a plan by a group called “No New Jails NYC” that would mandate the $11 billion de Blasio was to invest in new jails instead be used to fund “housing for all,” and other (woker) public programs.

                No New Jails NYC is committed to totally abolishing the city’s jail system by “disrupting every level of power,” and demands that de Blasio “responsibly release” the 1,000 or so prisoners at Rikers. (“No New Jails NYC” appears to have much in common with the Jacobins, the famous and radical left-wing revolutionary group responsible for the Reign of Terror that saw more than ten thousand people executed in France during the French Revolution, most for political crimes). There is no way to “responsibly release” the 1,000 prisoners held at Rikers without wreaking havoc on Gotham City. But that is the point. The group further alleges that de Blasio’s plan is part of “the nationwide right-wing movement led by President Trump’s push to build a wall at the U.S.-Mexico border.” Yes, I’m sure that the wildly progressive Democrat de Blasio, who is steadily erasing the achievements of the city’s two previous mayors, is part of a vast right-wing conspiracy to……protect the country against violence, crime and chaos?

                And then there is Patricia O’Brien, an assistant professor at the University of Illinois’s Jane Addam’s College of Social Work, who believes that women should never be put in jail for any reason, period. In a recent op-ed published in The Washington Post, she contended that most women in prison are non-violent, poorly educated, unemployed and abused…themselves merely victims of a bigoted, patriarchal society. (Really, nobody should ever have to go to jail…unless, of course, they were caught wearing a “MAGA” hat).

                Who could argue? I must admit, with cogent arguments such as these, they have convinced me they are right. Let’s have utterly open borders and welcome everyone in the world into America. Let’s also pay for their every want and wish. Let’s close down every prison and jail and release all the convicts. I feel better already, just writing this! Let’s also dispense with the Second Amendment and do away with the people’s so-called “right” to protect and defend themselves. We should confiscate the firearms from every American citizen. While we’re at it, let’s disarm the police, as well. And the military. Let’s defund the military! What was that brilliant old saying that I’ve observed on the bumper stickers of so many Priuses and Subaru Outbacks? Oh, yes, I remember now: “It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need, and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.”

                In closing, let me just remind all of you right-wing extremists of a cogent fact: “You Can’t Hug Your Kids With Nuclear Arms.”

                But maybe you can keep them from going to college.

NFL Fined Player For Wearing Headband Stating "Man Of God"

                The National Football League recently fined New Orleans Saints linebacker Demario Davis $7,000 for violating the league’s “personal message” rule. Davis had the temerity to wear a headband with the phrase “Man of God” on it, thereby breaching the NFL’s policy regarding what can be worn on--  or with-- official team uniforms. The league told Davis that if he wore the offending headband again, he would be fined double what he was the first time, or $14,000. Keep in mind, Davis has to wear a helmet the entire time he is on the field, making his headband invisible to all. It was when Davis took off his helmet while giving a pep talk to his teammates—on the sidelines—that the headband became visible and triggered the fine.

                Davis said of the fine, “Nobody wants to lose money, but I think any time that the conversation about God is brought up, especially in these times, I think it's always a positive or silver lining.” Apparently, kneeling for the national anthem is perfectly acceptable behavior to the NFL, as is “trash-talking” on the field. Quietly acknowledging God, however, is beyond the pale.

                It’s a good thing Davis wasn’t seen sporting a “MAGA” hat or he would’ve been banned from the league for life.

   The NFL has since rescinded the fine, yet Davis donated the entire amount to a local hospital. Moreover, Davis and his teammates came up with the idea of marketing “Man of God” headbands which, through sales proceeds and matching donations, have raised over $120,000 for that local Mississippi hospital.

Sex-bots To Teach Us Virtue?

                 A doctoral student at Australia’s University of Wollongong, and an associate professor at The Netherlands’ Radboud University, wrote an article titled “Designing Virtuous Sex Robots” that was recently published in the International Journal of Social Robotics (look for the centerfold!). In it, they argue that even robots specifically created for human pleasure should be designed to grant or withhold consent. And teach sex education. They say that these sex-bots can and should be designed to help human beings become more virtuous, either by exhibiting virtuous behavior themselves or “nudging human behavior directly.”

                The academics also argue that “A sex robot which not only can practice consent scenarios with a human partner, but which can actually cultivate a virtue like compassion could potentially be used in sex education and therapy.” They even foresee a time when robots will help coax users “towards virtuous behavior,” such as praising humans for exercising.

                John Banzhaf, law professor at George Washington University Law School, told The College Fix that he’s skeptical of the authors’ arguments, stating in part: “ It is hard to see a university requiring its incoming (presumably male) students to have sex with a robot enough times to teach this virtue, or even permitting students to interact with a sexy female robot on a voluntary basis much like checking out a book from the library or some scientific equipment from a lab.”

                Apparently, Professor Banzhaf is shuttered in his office and doesn’t read The Fix, Campus Reform, or any of several other journals that routinely document the institutionally sanctioned insanity that is now ubiquitous on college campuses.

  For the roughly half-dozen or so of you around the globe that are interested in my take on this, here it is: A “virtuous sex-bot?” That rather defeats the point, doesn’t it? I may have to do more research on this, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t why they were invented.

  Besides, robots can’t be virtuous. Not inherently, naturally, organically…truly… virtuous. Not now, not ever. And do we really want attractive, lifelike sexbots around telling us to eat more vegetables and cut down on our drinking? Do we want them to nag us to cut out red meat and give up air-conditioning and our automobiles in order to help keep the planet from spontaneously igniting someday soon? Might they remind us to tie our shoes and look both ways before crossing the street? Does anybody else think this is a good idea and a natural fit?

  Seriously, though, it appears much of mankind is entering a post religious world. Many people no longer believe in a higher power……except for A.I. robots, apparently. Is this increasingly secular and hedonistic world a sign of the end times? 2 Tim 3:1-5 states, “But know this…in the last days…men will be lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

  The jig is already up if we are to learn virtue from machines.

Norwegians Told To Pee In The Shower

                Frode Hult of the Norwegian Water and Sewer Agency in Oslo recently appeared on the Norwegian State Television network NRK, bemoaning the fact that Norway uses more water than neighboring Denmark. This was, apparently, terribly difficult for Ms. Hult to accept, and prompted her to tell her fellow Norwegians: “Do not run the water when you brush your teeth, only wash with filled washing machines, only buy washing machines that don’t use so much water, use a pot when you are watering plants in your garden. And pee in the shower in the morning.” The host of the show said of her remarks, “Pee in the shower? You do know that many people will choke when they hear you say that?” To which Hult replied, “Yes, but it is a great idea. We can also brush our teeth in the shower. It is very good for the environment.”

                Call me a skeptic, but, if we perform all these other functions in the shower, will we not have to stay in the shower longer, thereby using more water? Perhaps we could wash our hair while brushing our teeth and peeing? Is that possible? Or we could wear our dirty clothes in the shower and wash them at the same time! Genius, no? Moreover, if we would also bring our dirty dishes and silverware into the shower with us, we could all get rid of our dishwashers.

                It is obvious that, to be good stewards of the environment, we need to go back to the days when we utilized 2-hole outhouses and washed our clothes in the river. Alternately, we could all drop trou and poop on our gardens. Also, when a woman’s water breaks immediately before she gives birth, we could collect it in pots and pans and dump that, too, on our gardens. And, instead of “throwing the baby out with the bathwater,” we should just throw the baby out and keep the bathwater, to be reused again and again! Right, libs?

Teachers Urged Not To Grade On Merit

                Faculty workshops across the ever-fruitier plain are instructing teachers and professors not to grade based upon merit. You read that correctly. Idaho State University, for example, is holding an event titled “Inclusive Teaching Means Inclusive Grading, Too.” The seminar is part of the BUILD certificate program, which stands for Boise State Uniting for Inclusion and Leadership in Diversity. Apparently they forgot the ‘S.’ And you can’t spell Boise State without the BS.

                Oddly enough, a previously held University of Tennessee-Knoxville faculty workshop had the exact same name. Hey, I guess that is inclusive! UTK’s event was designed to “engage instructors in conversations and activities designed to foreground diversity and inclusion in considerations of assessment and grading practices.” How about “foregrounding” diversity and inclusion of thought?

                The University of Michigan also held an event with a nearly identical title. A website touting the event stated that attending teachers would “be asked to review their own practices” on grading. But, if students are not graded on merit, they must either not be graded at all or be graded in a highly subjective manner. If the correctness and quality of a paper or test no longer matter, what does? Length, color of the ink or text? No, it will be the color of one’s skin, and the student’s sexual orientation and socioeconomic status. That is the truth. That is what the tolerant diversity-lovers want. Equality of outcome-- or reverse discrimination. There will be no tolerance for, say, a white male doing better than anyone else. Period. Do campus Republicans automatically flunk while transgender socialists reflexively get awarded high grades? Once grading on merit is dispensed with, there is no incentive to do…anything. The outcome must essentially be predetermined.

                American University held a symposium in which faculty were taught “how to assess writing without judging its quality.” It was titled “Grading Ain’t Just Grading” and was held to help teachers rethink “writing assessment ecologies toward antiracist ends.” The forum cautioned that “the practices of grading writing” maintained “white language supremacy.”

   So good writing is racist.

  Good music, too? Correct answers to test questions. Civilized behavior. Decent attire. Wow. What does that say about progressives? To those who know history, it shows that they haven’t changed at all. Ironic, isn’t it? Democrats still believe that blacks are inferior and minorities can’t compete.

 Speaking of which, here is the start of the Gettysburg Address:

 “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

 Good writing.

 This is the start of the Gettysburg Address had Abraham Lincoln attended college today:

 "Like, a long time ago some dudes came here and started, like, a new country, and um…said people should be free and also that we are all, like, equal and shit.”

 Not so good writing. I don’t care what BUILD says.

 If we continue to reward sloth, bad behavior, and incompetence while disincentivizing their opposites, the country will not…long endure.

But, hey, it’ll be a lot easier for me. So, like, don’t be gradin’ or judgin’ my ritin’ anymore. I don’t need no bleepin’ white soupremacists sayin’ my work ain’t as good as ne one else’s, that’s for dam shur! My words be fine as f**k! 

AOC Action Figure Coming Soon!

                Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) will soon be available as a plastic action figure. Yay! Just what the world needs! Brooklyn’s FCTRY, a product design company run by far-left “artists” and assorted other allegedly creative ass-hats, recently launched a crowd-funding campaign to create the “Mini-Me” version of AOC. The company’s initial goal was to raise $15,000 in donations. It has already surpassed that with nearly $30,000 in the coffers as of this writing, proving yet again that a fool and his (her, xir, they?) money are soon parted. In case you’re wondering, the AOC doll will sport the white pantsuit she was wearing when she was first sworn into Congress this past January 3^rd.

                Jason Feinberg, CEO of FCTRY, told Newsweek in a statement: “AOC went from bartending and waiting tables to becoming one of the most influential politicians of our time, all in the span of three years. If Hollywood made a movie about her life, you’d probably say it was too far-fetched to believe. Adding her to our collection of political action figures was a no-brainer. AOC is the face of the future.”

                AOC is a “no-brainer.” If she is the face of the future, the future is f**ked. If her brand of Democratic-Socialism is ascendant in the future, it won’t be long until FCTRY and most other companies are out of business and the U.S. goes the way of North Korea and Venezuela. On the bright side, at least our obesity problem will be alleviated.

   The AOC action figure is expected to be delivered in February of 2020 for those who pledge at least $20. The crazed young New Yorker is an addition to an action figure line-up that already includes loony left icons such as former President Barack Obama, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG), and Pope Francis. Assorted other blockheads and imbeciles have also been immortalized, including 2020 presidential contenders Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris. Moreover, former special counsel Robert Mueller is available, though his likeness is more of an inaction figure.

   FCTRY created a lone non-progressive figure in President Trump, though it appears to offer the Trump doll strictly for demeaning purposes. Images of FCTRY’s Trump figurine online show the Commander-in Chief frowning and flipping the bird to all and sundry, and in other derogatory acts.

   How long can it be until the company launches crowd-funding campaigns for the other members of “The Squad,” including Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.)? And the one that no one can remember, Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.). The Omar doll could come with a companion figure-- her brother. She apparently married Ahmed Nur Said Elmi in order to help him obtain his U.S. citizenship. The Tlaib doll would be the first of the series to talk. She would shout, “We’re going to impeach the motherf**ker!” when her belly button is pressed. 

  The marketing opportunities would be endless. Which, come to think of it, would be kind of ironic for a bunch of Marxists. They could embrace retail or e-commerce. “Collect the whole set for just $59.95! Operators are standing by! Act now and we’ll throw in this amazing Joy Behar doll!”

  I’m sure other great action figures will be available soon. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Cal.), and former FBI head James (Cardinal) Comey would be stalwart additions to the FCTRY line-up. As would likenesses of disgraced former FBI types Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.

 Miniature figures of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro, North Korea’s “Little Rocket Man,” Kim Jong-un, and Chinese President Xi Jinping will all likely be available soon, an anonymous source high up in the company informs me.

CNN Equality Town Hall: Misgendering Is "Violence"

 Apparently, it is now considered “violence” to alter the name of a trans person or to misgender someone. During CNN’s tragi-comic “Equality Town Hall,” singer Shea Diamond, a trans “woman,” approached the microphone to ask a question. At that time, the network’s Nia-Malika Henderson mispronounced her name, calling her “Shay,” and then asked, “What’s your question?” This prompted Diamond, who supports Mayor Pete Buttigieg, to reply: “Uh, it’s ‘Shia’ Diamond. Put that on record. Yes, honey, it’s violence to misgender or to alter a name of a trans person, so let’s always get that right first.”

Diamond wants to be called “She-a,” get it, honey? What a fraud. So, it’s violence to misgender someone, but “women’s health care” when you want to kill your own baby? The left seems to believe that it should be illegal to state the truth about someone’s gender, but that there is a natural right to assault Trump supporters…and fetuses. Beam me up, Scotty.

It has been de rigueur for years now to take the Lord’s name in vain on most television shows and in nearly every movie. “G** D**nit!” and “Jesus C****t!” and their derivatives are ubiquitous. But don’t take the name of a trans person in vain! That would be inexcusable and, well, sacrilegious.

During this same Equality Town Hall, Cory Booker (of Spartacus fame) asserted that the United States is facing a “national emergency” due to violence against the LGBT community. This is patently absurd, fake news. Quite the opposite is occurring. The roughly 90 percent of us that are not in the LGBT community have acceded to its every demand. Gays earn more on average than straight people do. Gay marriage has been legalized. Transgenders have won the right to use whatever locker room or bathroom they feel like in many states. We are blasé when people tout their bisexuality. In fact, we have openly bisexual representatives in Congress. Yet Booker believes discrimination against everyone who isn’t a cis-gendered, straight, white person is so rampant as to constitute a crisis. In fact, he said if he were elected president, he would institute a “White House Office on Hate Crimes and White Supremacist Violence.” He added he would also require the FBI and the DOJ to allocate the same amount of resources to white supremacist-inspired violence as they devote to international terrorism. Would that office be located next to the White House Offices on Black Violence, Antifa Violence, Islamic Violence and Illegal Immigrant Violence? Oh, wait, sorry, there are no offices like that.

We in the West are all “transitioning.” From hard-working, relatively stable communities that held themselves—and others—accountable and believed in a higher power……to weak, entitled, amoral entities who’ve lost their history, sense of self…and sense of purpose.

If this transitioning isn’t stopped, we will soon lose our culture, values-- and our countries.

Forever.

Genesis Incompatible With Human Dignity British Court Says

A British court recently ruled against Dr. David Mackereth, a disability assessor who was fired from the United Kingdom’s Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) last year for refusing to use transgender pronouns. The DWP had asked Dr. Mackereth, “What would you do if you were to assess someone who is obviously a man but asks to be referred to as ‘she’ or ‘Missis’ in the report?” Mackereth replied that, as a Christian, he wouldn’t comply with the request. He was summarily sacked.

Dr. Mackereth then hired the Christian Legal Centre (CLC) to represent him in a lawsuit filed against the DWP for religious discrimination. An employment tribunal ruled that the DWP was within its rights to terminate Mackereth. The ruling declared: “Belief in Genesis 1:27, lack of belief in transgenderism and conscientious objection to transgenderism in our judgement are incompatible with human dignity and conflict with the fundamental rights of others, specifically here, transgender individuals.” The panel also categorized the bible as “mere opinion.”

Belief in the Bible is “incompatible with human dignity?” Belief in Genesis is “incompatible with human dignity?” Really? Where does the DWP and the employment tribunal think human dignity comes from? From whence does it originate? In Whose image are we created? Adam Schiff’s? Dignity cannot be granted, bestowed—or denied-- by a government. The court’s declaration is—as most things leftist are—exactly wrong. Look at the places where people, or more commonly their governments, don’t or haven’t believed in Biblical principles. Places like North Korea, the Sudan, Hitler’s Germany or Pol Pot’s Cambodia. These aren’t and weren’t exemplars of human dignity. (Neither an individual nor a government needs to be Christian or particularly religious to believe in many Biblical principles).

And what about the human dignity of the those forced to share locker rooms or bathrooms with transgenders? What of the human dignity of Dr. Mackereth?

I know what is incompatible with human dignity. Socialism and radical secularism. Look at, say, all of history for example. Leftists want to rewrite a book that cannot be rewritten. They wish to change things that cannot be changed. There is such a thing as immutability.

Only the politically correct could view the Biblical acknowledgment of two sexes--and the cleaving of one man and one woman in a marriage that could naturally lead to procreation-- as incompatible with human dignity while simultaneously believing abortion is compatible with human dignity.

Andrea Williams, CLC’s chief executive, noted in a press release: “It is deeply disturbing that this is the first time in the history of English law that a judge has ruled that free citizens must engage in compelled speech.” She added: “It also excludes foundational Christian beliefs from the protection of human rights and anti-discrimination law. The ruling itself puts a belief in the Bible on a par with the racist and neo-Nazi ideologies which have been held to be ‘not worthy of respect in democratic society’ in earlier judicial decisions.”

Genesis 1:27 reads: “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Agender, demifluid, hydrogender and pangender He created them. Also, trigender, two-spirited and venngender, among others.” (Okay, I might have added the last 15 or 16 words).

Saying that the Bible is incompatible with human dignity is like saying the Bill of Rights is incompatible with human freedom. It’s self-evidently absurd. What can be said is that the DWP and the employment panel are incompatible with human sanity.

In 1996, Robert Bork wrote a book about the decline of Western culture titled, “Slouching Towards Gomorrah.” In my “mere opinion,” we are racing towards it now. 

Portland Bans Urinals In Its Municipal Services Building

                The city of Portland has banned urinals in its self-titled Portland Building, the home of the city’s administrative offices, even though they use less water than toilets. What’s more, the many existing urinals will be removed from the building, as part of its extensive and expensive remodel-- to be completed in 2020-- and a spokeswoman told NBC affiliate KGW News that she could not provide an estimate of how much the removal will cost.

                Chief Administrative Officer Tom Rinehart attempted to justify the urinal ban in an email to employees. Rinehart stated: "We will continue to have gender-specific (male and female) multi-stall restrooms that are readily available to any employee that prefers to use one. But there will be no urinals in any restroom in the building. This will give us the flexibility we need for any future changes in signage.” So, removing all the urinals in the building and capping the plumbing, etc., will be less expensive than changing some signage?

                The building will have multiple gender-neutral, multi-stall bathrooms for the simultaneous use of men and women, and every floor will have at least one bathroom open to “any gender.” There will be a total of 42 “all-user stalls.”

                Rinehart also said in his email that: "I am convinced that this is the right way to ensure success as your employer, remove arbitrary barriers in our community, and provide leadership that is reflective of our shared values." And shared bathrooms. We’ve got to remove arbitrary barriers-- like those between men and women who are urinating and defecating! The right to shared bowel movements is one of the great civil rights…um, movements… of our time!

                Numerous men have already utilized Target store’s gender-neutral bathroom and changing room policy to perv on girls and women in various states of undress, but, apparently, that’s as nothing compared to the heinous bigotry of someone refusing to call a man a woman…or vice-versa.

                So, good-bye urinals, you are nothing more than white, porcelain relics of a bygone era when men and women were considered biologically different, and each was afforded respect and privacy. At least when going to the bathroom.

Air Canada Bans "Ladies And Gentlemen"

                Air Canada employees will no longer use the phrase “ladies and gentlemen” when greeting guests or in boarding announcements. In an effort to be respectful of gender fluidity, flight attendants, pilots, and other staff will now be instructed to use only neutral words such as “everybody” to refer to the company’s guests.

                A media spokesperson for Air Canada noted that the company was named one of Canada’s Best Diversity Employers for 2019 and stated: "We will be amending our onboard announcements to modernize them and remove specific references to gender. We work hard to make sure all employees feel like valued members of the Air Canada family, while ensuring our customers are comfortable and respected when they choose to travel with us." The Great White North goes to great lengths to accommodate all forms of gender expression and identity, even protecting them under its criminal code.

                Examples of approved words and phrases include, “Attention all Homo Sapiens (and your support animals), flight 331 for Copenhagen is now boarding at Gate 22,” “one and all,” “all and sundry,” “Peoples of the Earth, welcome aboard,” “whosoever,” and “Yo, bitches and mofos, how ya’ all been?”

                The spokesperson said the company has not yet decided whether to amend “Fly The Flag,” its long-time slogan, to “Fly The LGBTQ Flag.” 

San Diego City College Hosts White Supremacy Seminar

                San Diego City College recently hosted a white supremacist seminar, during which it handed out various “educational” materials to attendees, including “white supremacist pyramids.” The festive extravaganza was titled, “Confronting White Supremacy Through the Arts,” and was hosted by Michelle Chan and Dr. María José Zeledón-Perez, co-directors of the World Cultures program at SDCC. Campus Reform photographed a promotional flyer for the event, which read: “Come join us in confronting White Supremacy through students’ performances. Prior to the performances, guest speakers will set the stage and contextualize what white supremacy is, its areas of activity, and how rampant it is in our society, curriculum, mindsets, and media.”

                I don’t know about you, but I’m going to make my reservations early for next years seminar! I can’t wait to hear the instructors say, “Now please reach under your seats and pull out your white supremacy pyramids.”

                The afore-mentioned white supremacy pyramids (not to be confused with the government’s “food pyramids”) rank Caucasian command on scales of “Overt White Supremacy” and “Covert White Supremacy.” The pyramids helpfully show that the Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Nazis and use of the n-word are to be considered overt supremacy and therefore utterly unacceptable.

                Examples of the somewhat less heinous covert supremacy, per the pyramids, include cultural appropriation, racist mascots, Columbus Day celebrations, paternalism, and brandishing the slogan “Make America Great Again.” “Euro-centric curriculum,” “claiming reverse racism,” and “funding schools locally” are also listed as tools of white supremacists. Believing we are somehow “post racial” is another example of white supremacy, as is the belief in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, aka the “bootstrap theory.” And anyone uttering the phrases, “Don’t blame me, I never owned slaves” or “we’re just one human family” is worthy of naught but our most strenuous condemnation. Yet another example of white supremacy, the pyramids make clear, is saying-- of something you said— “It’s just a joke.”

                “Confronting White Supremacy Through the Arts?” That is a joke. And it’s on progressives, whether they wish to confront that fact or not.

               

PETA Sends Live Traps To White House

                A mouse recently fell from the ceiling of the White House Press Room onto a reporter’s lap, prompting People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) to send a “humane mousetrap” to the Capitol Building. PETA’s president, Ingrid Newkirk, said in a statement: “The White House is this mouse’s house, too, but we’d rather that she be evicted than eviscerated, so we’re providing a humane trap that allows her to be put outdoors safely. Effective rodent-control measures are those that keep smart, gentle mice out of glue traps and reporters’ laps without harming them.”

   “The White House is this mouse’s house, too?” Quite. “She” has just as much right to it as the duly elected President of the United States, right PETA? Same for cockroaches, millipedes and silverfish, I suppose? “Smart” and “gentle” creatures all, I’m sure. Unlike reporters.

               PETA apparently also sent the White House a copy of a tip sheet called “Living in Harmony with House Mice and Rats.” She noted that PETA is “willing to provide many more humane traps, if needed.”

              There are a great many rats in the Press Room, most of them human.

  I’m sure Trump would love to trap and evict these “journalists” and “reporters,” but he would need much bigger traps than PETA is sending him.

              And, speaking of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, where are the organizations called “People for the Ethical Treatment of Republicans,” or PETR? “People for the Ethical Treatment of Conservatives,” or PETC? “People for the Ethical Treatment of Straight White Christian Males,” or PETSWCM?

  And how about “People for the Ethical Treatment of ‘Fetuses,’” or PETF?

Sesame Street Adds New Character

                “Sesame Street,” the timeless children’s public television program, has once again proven its wokeness. It recently introduced the kiddies to “Karli,” a new character whose fictional mother is a recovering drug-addict who regularly attends meetings to help her get and stay sober. In a recent episode, Karli talked with Elmo about her opioid-addled mother, telling him, “My mom needs help learning to take better care of herself, so she talks to people with the same problem.” The show has previously flirted with gay characters on several occasions.

                Anonymous sources tell me this is just the beginning of the show’s commitment to progressive ideals. These sources, near the top of the PBS hierarchy, say that future episodes will feature many progressive themes. The following is a brief outline of what my unimpeachable—if anonymous—sources informed me will be upcoming story lines:

*Guy Smiley will be killed when a gay three-way goes tragically awry and a jealous Mr. Snuffleupagus shoots him in the head with an AR-15.

*Miss Piggy will be found to have an illegitimate son-- conceived with Oscar the Grouch-- who will question his gender identity from the age of three.

*Julia will become pregnant and have an abortion at a local Planned Parenthood office, repeatedly touting her “right to choose” what to do with “her own body.”

*Mr. Johnson will die in an auto-erotica accident when he is asphyxiated while role-playing with Murray Monster.

*Abby Cadabby and Zoe will be kidnapped and sexually abused by “radical right-wing” Trump supporters.

*Bert and Ernie will both identify as cis-gender straight females on the same day, saying they are not gay and can’t understand why some folks assume they are.

*Barkley will attend an anti-Trump rally!

*Big Bird will lobby for the legalization of marijuana and “magic mushrooms”

*Kermit will attend an antifa rally in one episode and escort illegals over the border from Mexico into the U.S. in another

*Elmo will teach his peers the most pleasurable masturbation techniques

*Natasha will expound on the evils of capitalism and why socialism is “like, humane and cool”

*Cookie Monster will plead with viewers to give “more and larger” donations to Public Television “to support great television like this”

*Grover will appear in drag and read books to little kids during “Drag Queen Story Hour”

*Rosita will educate kids on the separation of church and state—and then lobby them to join her in the Church of Satan

*Don Music will sing his new song, “We Are the Rainbow World”

*Sherlock Hemlock will try to get to the bottom of the Trump-Russia collusion scandal

*Count von Count will list all the reasons that straight, white, Christian males are bad

*The Two-headed Monster will explain why, due to climate change, we will all be extinct within 12 years

*Grundgetta will talk about the BDS movement

                How exciting! And, remember kiddies: “You’re watching PBS!”