“Thank you all for attending the first annual American
Transgender Society conference. Wasn’t that a great way to open the
festivities? Shania Twain’s, ‘Man, I feel
like a woman’ always gets everyone pumped up!
“In
case you don’t know who I am, my name is Pat Pliable, President of the ATS, and I will be your emcee
this evening. We have a fantastic agenda for you all tonight! First off, we
will cover the incredible progress we’ve made in bathroom access over the past
year! {Loud cheering and applause, lasting for several minutes-most standing}
Yes, this is the civil rights issue
of our time, and we are finally breaking down the barriers, people! We have
been welcomed into any restroom in some parts of the country, in many public
places and in a number of high schools and colleges, but we will not rest until
we can urinate and defecate in each and every bathroom in this land, based
solely on what gender we identify as at the time!! We are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied, until justice
rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.
“This
is our time! We too, like Dr. Martin Luther King, have a dream! A dream that
one day a little transgender boy and a little transgender girl will be able to
join hands as they go to the bathroom, in all their transgender splendor!
“Next
up, we will be breaking into small groups for a workshop on cross-dressing.
Following that, we will have a 20-minute break, snacks and beverages provided.
Bathrooms are at the far end of the hall, next to the RuPaul room, and, of
course, are open to all…ha,ha,ha!
“When
we come back from break, Andy Rogynous will be teaching us all about the
proper, politically-correct usage of transgender pronouns and how this affects
verb conjugation. Then there will be time for a question-and-answer session
before we end with a sing-along to the Kinks classic, Lola!
“Let’s
get started, shall we…?”
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up, muddled up,
shook up world
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