Thursday, June 16, 2016

The First Annual American Transgender Society Conference

                “Thank you all for attending the first annual American Transgender Society conference. Wasn’t that a great way to open the festivities? Shania Twain’s, ‘Man, I feel like a woman’ always gets everyone pumped up!
                “In case you don’t know who I am, my name is Pat Pliable, President of the ATS, and I will be your emcee this evening. We have a fantastic agenda for you all tonight! First off, we will cover the incredible progress we’ve made in bathroom access over the past year! {Loud cheering and applause, lasting for several minutes-most standing} Yes, this is the civil rights issue of our time, and we are finally breaking down the barriers, people! We have been welcomed into any restroom in some parts of the country, in many public places and in a number of high schools and colleges, but we will not rest until we can urinate and defecate in each and every bathroom in this land, based solely on what gender we identify as at the time!! We are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied, until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.
                “This is our time! We too, like Dr. Martin Luther King, have a dream! A dream that one day a little transgender boy and a little transgender girl will be able to join hands as they go to the bathroom, in all their transgender splendor!
                “Next up, we will be breaking into small groups for a workshop on cross-dressing. Following that, we will have a 20-minute break, snacks and beverages provided. Bathrooms are at the far end of the hall, next to the RuPaul room, and, of course, are open to all…ha,ha,ha!
                “When we come back from break, Andy Rogynous will be teaching us all about the proper, politically-correct usage of transgender pronouns and how this affects verb conjugation. Then there will be time for a question-and-answer session before we end with a sing-along to the Kinks classic, Lola!
                “Let’s get started, shall we…?”
                Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
                It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world


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