Tuesday, January 26th, 2016
Congress passed a bill today that would officially rename the White House the “Ecru House.” This comes just days after the Washington R--skins football team announced that the franchise will be known as the Washington Progressives starting with the 2017 NFL season, and has set off another round of joyous celebration across the nation. Pressure has been building for many months now to remove the word “white” from many phrases, places and things in deference to racial equality and harmony.
Sources say lawmakers had considered other color-denoting adjectives that might fit, but found them to be potentially offensive, as well. This reporter was recently presented with a list of possible new names that were put up for debate. A reliable, highly placed, inside source revealed them to me over beers at a favorite congressional watering hole this past Tuesday night. They were:
*Ivory House- This was briefly considered, but reminded some of the illegal ivory trade and dead or maimed elephants.
*Eggshell House- Some in the Senate felt this would have inferred presidents were unsure of themselves and afraid to act boldly.
*Vanilla House- House members thought this term too bland.
*Cream House- Lawmakers didn't believe this choice conveyed a sense of inclusiveness or vision for the future, as it reminded many specifically of the residence during the Bill Clinton administration.
*Bone House- See above concern.
Many of those who deliberated feel that the vast majority of their constituents don’t even know what “ecru” is and therefore will be unlikely to find it offensive. The President has stated that he will sign the bill into law "in a hummingbird's heartbeat."