History Is Now History
The New Orleans city council voted to remove four monuments to the Confederacy that currently adorn Lee Circle. Statues of General Robert E. Lee, General P.G.T. Beauregard and Confederate president Jefferson Davis will be removed, as will the obelisk dedicated to the Battle of Liberty Place. (Ironic as it may seem to the vast hordes who believe that Republicans are the racists, this battle was instigated in 1874 by the Crescent City White League, which was a paramilitary organization of the Democratic Party… and was fought against the legal Reconstruction state government then located in New Orleans).
Councilman James Gray called the statues homages to “murderers and rapists.” (We are now murdering and raping history…and the accurate definition of words). According to authorities the statues will be stored until a place can be found to display them “in the proper context.” Lee Circle itself will soon be renamed. It appears likely that it will once again be called ‘Tivoli’ Circle (‘I lov it’ spelled backwards!), its ‘original’ name.
The “proper context” in which to display these statues will likely prove to be a massive jar of urine or the inside of the world’s largest tampon if progressive’s past history is any indication.
In related news, Lee Jeans, the venerable American trouser manufacturer, has announced that it will henceforth be called “the Union Jeans Company,” to avoid inadvertently offending anyone “except maybe a few old crackers who nobody cares about anyway.” Insiders report that it was originally going to rebrand itself as the “Free Jeans Company,” but a few higher-ups thought that customers would be led to believe that the pants themselves cost nothing.