Chuck Shepherd’s News of the Weird reports that an upscale neighborhood in San Francisco (as related by SFGate.com) has engaged in discussions about whether someone committing petty, nonviolent theft should be referred to by the “offensive” term “criminal.” It was suggested that perhaps it would be less judgmental to refer to them, for example, as “the person who stole my bicycle.” Apparently “criminal” is too harsh and may not acknowledge factors leading to the person’s actions.
This opens up a whole new line of opportunities for the politically-correct to exploit, and is a potential game-changer for criminal defense attorneys and the like! Excuse me, I meant to say that it is a potential game-changer for “those who have not fully complied with the law” defense attorneys.
This new push for thief and criminal dignity is exciting! They- and their actions- have long been in need of re-branding, to be in harmony with modern mores and sensibilities. To wit:
*”Arsonist” could similarly hereafter be referred to as, “the person who lit my fire.” This is also less judgmental and indeed somewhat ambiguous, as it could actually be a good thing, and sexy too, bringing to mind the classic Doors song.
*”Rapists” will henceforth be known as “those who very aggressively encourage sexual relations and role play.”
*”Embezzlement” is much better cast as “creative, though outside the lines, white-collar income redistribution.”
*”Murder” is more accurately described as, “delayed termination of a non-viable tissue mass.”
*”Terrorism” has already been rechristened as “man-caused workplace violence,” by enlightened members of the Obama administration.
*”Fraud” is currently defined in Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary as, “deceit, trickery, sharp practice, or breach of confidence, perpetrated for profit or to gain some unfair or dishonest advantage.”
Funny, that sounds to me like the definition of what man-caused climate change believers are practicing.