Norwegians Told To Pee In The Shower

                Frode Hult of the Norwegian Water and Sewer Agency in Oslo recently appeared on the Norwegian State Television network NRK, bemoaning the fact that Norway uses more water than neighboring Denmark. This was, apparently, terribly difficult for Ms. Hult to accept, and prompted her to tell her fellow Norwegians: “Do not run the water when you brush your teeth, only wash with filled washing machines, only buy washing machines that don’t use so much water, use a pot when you are watering plants in your garden. And pee in the shower in the morning.” The host of the show said of her remarks, “Pee in the shower? You do know that many people will choke when they hear you say that?” To which Hult replied, “Yes, but it is a great idea. We can also brush our teeth in the shower. It is very good for the environment.”

                Call me a skeptic, but, if we perform all these other functions in the shower, will we not have to stay in the shower longer, thereby using more water? Perhaps we could wash our hair while brushing our teeth and peeing? Is that possible? Or we could wear our dirty clothes in the shower and wash them at the same time! Genius, no? Moreover, if we would also bring our dirty dishes and silverware into the shower with us, we could all get rid of our dishwashers.

                It is obvious that, to be good stewards of the environment, we need to go back to the days when we utilized 2-hole outhouses and washed our clothes in the river. Alternately, we could all drop trou and poop on our gardens. Also, when a woman’s water breaks immediately before she gives birth, we could collect it in pots and pans and dump that, too, on our gardens. And, instead of “throwing the baby out with the bathwater,” we should just throw the baby out and keep the bathwater, to be reused again and again! Right, libs?

Teachers Urged Not To Grade On Merit

                Faculty workshops across the ever-fruitier plain are instructing teachers and professors not to grade based upon merit. You read that correctly. Idaho State University, for example, is holding an event titled “Inclusive Teaching Means Inclusive Grading, Too.” The seminar is part of the BUILD certificate program, which stands for Boise State Uniting for Inclusion and Leadership in Diversity. Apparently they forgot the ‘S.’ And you can’t spell Boise State without the BS.

                Oddly enough, a previously held University of Tennessee-Knoxville faculty workshop had the exact same name. Hey, I guess that is inclusive! UTK’s event was designed to “engage instructors in conversations and activities designed to foreground diversity and inclusion in considerations of assessment and grading practices.” How about “foregrounding” diversity and inclusion of thought?

                The University of Michigan also held an event with a nearly identical title. A website touting the event stated that attending teachers would “be asked to review their own practices” on grading. But, if students are not graded on merit, they must either not be graded at all or be graded in a highly subjective manner. If the correctness and quality of a paper or test no longer matter, what does? Length, color of the ink or text? No, it will be the color of one’s skin, and the student’s sexual orientation and socioeconomic status. That is the truth. That is what the tolerant diversity-lovers want. Equality of outcome-- or reverse discrimination. There will be no tolerance for, say, a white male doing better than anyone else. Period. Do campus Republicans automatically flunk while transgender socialists reflexively get awarded high grades? Once grading on merit is dispensed with, there is no incentive to do…anything. The outcome must essentially be predetermined.

                American University held a symposium in which faculty were taught “how to assess writing without judging its quality.” It was titled “Grading Ain’t Just Grading” and was held to help teachers rethink “writing assessment ecologies toward antiracist ends.” The forum cautioned that “the practices of grading writing” maintained “white language supremacy.”

   So good writing is racist.

  Good music, too? Correct answers to test questions. Civilized behavior. Decent attire. Wow. What does that say about progressives? To those who know history, it shows that they haven’t changed at all. Ironic, isn’t it? Democrats still believe that blacks are inferior and minorities can’t compete.

 Speaking of which, here is the start of the Gettysburg Address:

 “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

 Good writing.

 This is the start of the Gettysburg Address had Abraham Lincoln attended college today:

 "Like, a long time ago some dudes came here and started, like, a new country, and um…said people should be free and also that we are all, like, equal and shit.”

 Not so good writing. I don’t care what BUILD says.

 If we continue to reward sloth, bad behavior, and incompetence while disincentivizing their opposites, the country will not…long endure.

But, hey, it’ll be a lot easier for me. So, like, don’t be gradin’ or judgin’ my ritin’ anymore. I don’t need no bleepin’ white soupremacists sayin’ my work ain’t as good as ne one else’s, that’s for dam shur! My words be fine as f**k! 

AOC Action Figure Coming Soon!

                Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) will soon be available as a plastic action figure. Yay! Just what the world needs! Brooklyn’s FCTRY, a product design company run by far-left “artists” and assorted other allegedly creative ass-hats, recently launched a crowd-funding campaign to create the “Mini-Me” version of AOC. The company’s initial goal was to raise $15,000 in donations. It has already surpassed that with nearly $30,000 in the coffers as of this writing, proving yet again that a fool and his (her, xir, they?) money are soon parted. In case you’re wondering, the AOC doll will sport the white pantsuit she was wearing when she was first sworn into Congress this past January 3^rd.

                Jason Feinberg, CEO of FCTRY, told Newsweek in a statement: “AOC went from bartending and waiting tables to becoming one of the most influential politicians of our time, all in the span of three years. If Hollywood made a movie about her life, you’d probably say it was too far-fetched to believe. Adding her to our collection of political action figures was a no-brainer. AOC is the face of the future.”

                AOC is a “no-brainer.” If she is the face of the future, the future is f**ked. If her brand of Democratic-Socialism is ascendant in the future, it won’t be long until FCTRY and most other companies are out of business and the U.S. goes the way of North Korea and Venezuela. On the bright side, at least our obesity problem will be alleviated.

   The AOC action figure is expected to be delivered in February of 2020 for those who pledge at least $20. The crazed young New Yorker is an addition to an action figure line-up that already includes loony left icons such as former President Barack Obama, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG), and Pope Francis. Assorted other blockheads and imbeciles have also been immortalized, including 2020 presidential contenders Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris. Moreover, former special counsel Robert Mueller is available, though his likeness is more of an inaction figure.

   FCTRY created a lone non-progressive figure in President Trump, though it appears to offer the Trump doll strictly for demeaning purposes. Images of FCTRY’s Trump figurine online show the Commander-in Chief frowning and flipping the bird to all and sundry, and in other derogatory acts.

   How long can it be until the company launches crowd-funding campaigns for the other members of “The Squad,” including Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.)? And the one that no one can remember, Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.). The Omar doll could come with a companion figure-- her brother. She apparently married Ahmed Nur Said Elmi in order to help him obtain his U.S. citizenship. The Tlaib doll would be the first of the series to talk. She would shout, “We’re going to impeach the motherf**ker!” when her belly button is pressed. 

  The marketing opportunities would be endless. Which, come to think of it, would be kind of ironic for a bunch of Marxists. They could embrace retail or e-commerce. “Collect the whole set for just $59.95! Operators are standing by! Act now and we’ll throw in this amazing Joy Behar doll!”

  I’m sure other great action figures will be available soon. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Cal.), and former FBI head James (Cardinal) Comey would be stalwart additions to the FCTRY line-up. As would likenesses of disgraced former FBI types Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.

 Miniature figures of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro, North Korea’s “Little Rocket Man,” Kim Jong-un, and Chinese President Xi Jinping will all likely be available soon, an anonymous source high up in the company informs me.

CNN Equality Town Hall: Misgendering Is "Violence"

 Apparently, it is now considered “violence” to alter the name of a trans person or to misgender someone. During CNN’s tragi-comic “Equality Town Hall,” singer Shea Diamond, a trans “woman,” approached the microphone to ask a question. At that time, the network’s Nia-Malika Henderson mispronounced her name, calling her “Shay,” and then asked, “What’s your question?” This prompted Diamond, who supports Mayor Pete Buttigieg, to reply: “Uh, it’s ‘Shia’ Diamond. Put that on record. Yes, honey, it’s violence to misgender or to alter a name of a trans person, so let’s always get that right first.”

Diamond wants to be called “She-a,” get it, honey? What a fraud. So, it’s violence to misgender someone, but “women’s health care” when you want to kill your own baby? The left seems to believe that it should be illegal to state the truth about someone’s gender, but that there is a natural right to assault Trump supporters…and fetuses. Beam me up, Scotty.

It has been de rigueur for years now to take the Lord’s name in vain on most television shows and in nearly every movie. “G** D**nit!” and “Jesus C****t!” and their derivatives are ubiquitous. But don’t take the name of a trans person in vain! That would be inexcusable and, well, sacrilegious.

During this same Equality Town Hall, Cory Booker (of Spartacus fame) asserted that the United States is facing a “national emergency” due to violence against the LGBT community. This is patently absurd, fake news. Quite the opposite is occurring. The roughly 90 percent of us that are not in the LGBT community have acceded to its every demand. Gays earn more on average than straight people do. Gay marriage has been legalized. Transgenders have won the right to use whatever locker room or bathroom they feel like in many states. We are blasé when people tout their bisexuality. In fact, we have openly bisexual representatives in Congress. Yet Booker believes discrimination against everyone who isn’t a cis-gendered, straight, white person is so rampant as to constitute a crisis. In fact, he said if he were elected president, he would institute a “White House Office on Hate Crimes and White Supremacist Violence.” He added he would also require the FBI and the DOJ to allocate the same amount of resources to white supremacist-inspired violence as they devote to international terrorism. Would that office be located next to the White House Offices on Black Violence, Antifa Violence, Islamic Violence and Illegal Immigrant Violence? Oh, wait, sorry, there are no offices like that.

We in the West are all “transitioning.” From hard-working, relatively stable communities that held themselves—and others—accountable and believed in a higher power……to weak, entitled, amoral entities who’ve lost their history, sense of self…and sense of purpose.

If this transitioning isn’t stopped, we will soon lose our culture, values-- and our countries.

Forever.

Genesis Incompatible With Human Dignity British Court Says

A British court recently ruled against Dr. David Mackereth, a disability assessor who was fired from the United Kingdom’s Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) last year for refusing to use transgender pronouns. The DWP had asked Dr. Mackereth, “What would you do if you were to assess someone who is obviously a man but asks to be referred to as ‘she’ or ‘Missis’ in the report?” Mackereth replied that, as a Christian, he wouldn’t comply with the request. He was summarily sacked.

Dr. Mackereth then hired the Christian Legal Centre (CLC) to represent him in a lawsuit filed against the DWP for religious discrimination. An employment tribunal ruled that the DWP was within its rights to terminate Mackereth. The ruling declared: “Belief in Genesis 1:27, lack of belief in transgenderism and conscientious objection to transgenderism in our judgement are incompatible with human dignity and conflict with the fundamental rights of others, specifically here, transgender individuals.” The panel also categorized the bible as “mere opinion.”

Belief in the Bible is “incompatible with human dignity?” Belief in Genesis is “incompatible with human dignity?” Really? Where does the DWP and the employment tribunal think human dignity comes from? From whence does it originate? In Whose image are we created? Adam Schiff’s? Dignity cannot be granted, bestowed—or denied-- by a government. The court’s declaration is—as most things leftist are—exactly wrong. Look at the places where people, or more commonly their governments, don’t or haven’t believed in Biblical principles. Places like North Korea, the Sudan, Hitler’s Germany or Pol Pot’s Cambodia. These aren’t and weren’t exemplars of human dignity. (Neither an individual nor a government needs to be Christian or particularly religious to believe in many Biblical principles).

And what about the human dignity of the those forced to share locker rooms or bathrooms with transgenders? What of the human dignity of Dr. Mackereth?

I know what is incompatible with human dignity. Socialism and radical secularism. Look at, say, all of history for example. Leftists want to rewrite a book that cannot be rewritten. They wish to change things that cannot be changed. There is such a thing as immutability.

Only the politically correct could view the Biblical acknowledgment of two sexes--and the cleaving of one man and one woman in a marriage that could naturally lead to procreation-- as incompatible with human dignity while simultaneously believing abortion is compatible with human dignity.

Andrea Williams, CLC’s chief executive, noted in a press release: “It is deeply disturbing that this is the first time in the history of English law that a judge has ruled that free citizens must engage in compelled speech.” She added: “It also excludes foundational Christian beliefs from the protection of human rights and anti-discrimination law. The ruling itself puts a belief in the Bible on a par with the racist and neo-Nazi ideologies which have been held to be ‘not worthy of respect in democratic society’ in earlier judicial decisions.”

Genesis 1:27 reads: “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Agender, demifluid, hydrogender and pangender He created them. Also, trigender, two-spirited and venngender, among others.” (Okay, I might have added the last 15 or 16 words).

Saying that the Bible is incompatible with human dignity is like saying the Bill of Rights is incompatible with human freedom. It’s self-evidently absurd. What can be said is that the DWP and the employment panel are incompatible with human sanity.

In 1996, Robert Bork wrote a book about the decline of Western culture titled, “Slouching Towards Gomorrah.” In my “mere opinion,” we are racing towards it now. 

Portland Bans Urinals In Its Municipal Services Building

                The city of Portland has banned urinals in its self-titled Portland Building, the home of the city’s administrative offices, even though they use less water than toilets. What’s more, the many existing urinals will be removed from the building, as part of its extensive and expensive remodel-- to be completed in 2020-- and a spokeswoman told NBC affiliate KGW News that she could not provide an estimate of how much the removal will cost.

                Chief Administrative Officer Tom Rinehart attempted to justify the urinal ban in an email to employees. Rinehart stated: "We will continue to have gender-specific (male and female) multi-stall restrooms that are readily available to any employee that prefers to use one. But there will be no urinals in any restroom in the building. This will give us the flexibility we need for any future changes in signage.” So, removing all the urinals in the building and capping the plumbing, etc., will be less expensive than changing some signage?

                The building will have multiple gender-neutral, multi-stall bathrooms for the simultaneous use of men and women, and every floor will have at least one bathroom open to “any gender.” There will be a total of 42 “all-user stalls.”

                Rinehart also said in his email that: "I am convinced that this is the right way to ensure success as your employer, remove arbitrary barriers in our community, and provide leadership that is reflective of our shared values." And shared bathrooms. We’ve got to remove arbitrary barriers-- like those between men and women who are urinating and defecating! The right to shared bowel movements is one of the great civil rights…um, movements… of our time!

                Numerous men have already utilized Target store’s gender-neutral bathroom and changing room policy to perv on girls and women in various states of undress, but, apparently, that’s as nothing compared to the heinous bigotry of someone refusing to call a man a woman…or vice-versa.

                So, good-bye urinals, you are nothing more than white, porcelain relics of a bygone era when men and women were considered biologically different, and each was afforded respect and privacy. At least when going to the bathroom.

Air Canada Bans "Ladies And Gentlemen"

                Air Canada employees will no longer use the phrase “ladies and gentlemen” when greeting guests or in boarding announcements. In an effort to be respectful of gender fluidity, flight attendants, pilots, and other staff will now be instructed to use only neutral words such as “everybody” to refer to the company’s guests.

                A media spokesperson for Air Canada noted that the company was named one of Canada’s Best Diversity Employers for 2019 and stated: "We will be amending our onboard announcements to modernize them and remove specific references to gender. We work hard to make sure all employees feel like valued members of the Air Canada family, while ensuring our customers are comfortable and respected when they choose to travel with us." The Great White North goes to great lengths to accommodate all forms of gender expression and identity, even protecting them under its criminal code.

                Examples of approved words and phrases include, “Attention all Homo Sapiens (and your support animals), flight 331 for Copenhagen is now boarding at Gate 22,” “one and all,” “all and sundry,” “Peoples of the Earth, welcome aboard,” “whosoever,” and “Yo, bitches and mofos, how ya’ all been?”

                The spokesperson said the company has not yet decided whether to amend “Fly The Flag,” its long-time slogan, to “Fly The LGBTQ Flag.” 

San Diego City College Hosts White Supremacy Seminar

                San Diego City College recently hosted a white supremacist seminar, during which it handed out various “educational” materials to attendees, including “white supremacist pyramids.” The festive extravaganza was titled, “Confronting White Supremacy Through the Arts,” and was hosted by Michelle Chan and Dr. María José Zeledón-Perez, co-directors of the World Cultures program at SDCC. Campus Reform photographed a promotional flyer for the event, which read: “Come join us in confronting White Supremacy through students’ performances. Prior to the performances, guest speakers will set the stage and contextualize what white supremacy is, its areas of activity, and how rampant it is in our society, curriculum, mindsets, and media.”

                I don’t know about you, but I’m going to make my reservations early for next years seminar! I can’t wait to hear the instructors say, “Now please reach under your seats and pull out your white supremacy pyramids.”

                The afore-mentioned white supremacy pyramids (not to be confused with the government’s “food pyramids”) rank Caucasian command on scales of “Overt White Supremacy” and “Covert White Supremacy.” The pyramids helpfully show that the Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Nazis and use of the n-word are to be considered overt supremacy and therefore utterly unacceptable.

                Examples of the somewhat less heinous covert supremacy, per the pyramids, include cultural appropriation, racist mascots, Columbus Day celebrations, paternalism, and brandishing the slogan “Make America Great Again.” “Euro-centric curriculum,” “claiming reverse racism,” and “funding schools locally” are also listed as tools of white supremacists. Believing we are somehow “post racial” is another example of white supremacy, as is the belief in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, aka the “bootstrap theory.” And anyone uttering the phrases, “Don’t blame me, I never owned slaves” or “we’re just one human family” is worthy of naught but our most strenuous condemnation. Yet another example of white supremacy, the pyramids make clear, is saying-- of something you said— “It’s just a joke.”

                “Confronting White Supremacy Through the Arts?” That is a joke. And it’s on progressives, whether they wish to confront that fact or not.

               

PETA Sends Live Traps To White House

                A mouse recently fell from the ceiling of the White House Press Room onto a reporter’s lap, prompting People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) to send a “humane mousetrap” to the Capitol Building. PETA’s president, Ingrid Newkirk, said in a statement: “The White House is this mouse’s house, too, but we’d rather that she be evicted than eviscerated, so we’re providing a humane trap that allows her to be put outdoors safely. Effective rodent-control measures are those that keep smart, gentle mice out of glue traps and reporters’ laps without harming them.”

   “The White House is this mouse’s house, too?” Quite. “She” has just as much right to it as the duly elected President of the United States, right PETA? Same for cockroaches, millipedes and silverfish, I suppose? “Smart” and “gentle” creatures all, I’m sure. Unlike reporters.

               PETA apparently also sent the White House a copy of a tip sheet called “Living in Harmony with House Mice and Rats.” She noted that PETA is “willing to provide many more humane traps, if needed.”

              There are a great many rats in the Press Room, most of them human.

  I’m sure Trump would love to trap and evict these “journalists” and “reporters,” but he would need much bigger traps than PETA is sending him.

              And, speaking of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, where are the organizations called “People for the Ethical Treatment of Republicans,” or PETR? “People for the Ethical Treatment of Conservatives,” or PETC? “People for the Ethical Treatment of Straight White Christian Males,” or PETSWCM?

  And how about “People for the Ethical Treatment of ‘Fetuses,’” or PETF?

Sesame Street Adds New Character

                “Sesame Street,” the timeless children’s public television program, has once again proven its wokeness. It recently introduced the kiddies to “Karli,” a new character whose fictional mother is a recovering drug-addict who regularly attends meetings to help her get and stay sober. In a recent episode, Karli talked with Elmo about her opioid-addled mother, telling him, “My mom needs help learning to take better care of herself, so she talks to people with the same problem.” The show has previously flirted with gay characters on several occasions.

                Anonymous sources tell me this is just the beginning of the show’s commitment to progressive ideals. These sources, near the top of the PBS hierarchy, say that future episodes will feature many progressive themes. The following is a brief outline of what my unimpeachable—if anonymous—sources informed me will be upcoming story lines:

*Guy Smiley will be killed when a gay three-way goes tragically awry and a jealous Mr. Snuffleupagus shoots him in the head with an AR-15.

*Miss Piggy will be found to have an illegitimate son-- conceived with Oscar the Grouch-- who will question his gender identity from the age of three.

*Julia will become pregnant and have an abortion at a local Planned Parenthood office, repeatedly touting her “right to choose” what to do with “her own body.”

*Mr. Johnson will die in an auto-erotica accident when he is asphyxiated while role-playing with Murray Monster.

*Abby Cadabby and Zoe will be kidnapped and sexually abused by “radical right-wing” Trump supporters.

*Bert and Ernie will both identify as cis-gender straight females on the same day, saying they are not gay and can’t understand why some folks assume they are.

*Barkley will attend an anti-Trump rally!

*Big Bird will lobby for the legalization of marijuana and “magic mushrooms”

*Kermit will attend an antifa rally in one episode and escort illegals over the border from Mexico into the U.S. in another

*Elmo will teach his peers the most pleasurable masturbation techniques

*Natasha will expound on the evils of capitalism and why socialism is “like, humane and cool”

*Cookie Monster will plead with viewers to give “more and larger” donations to Public Television “to support great television like this”

*Grover will appear in drag and read books to little kids during “Drag Queen Story Hour”

*Rosita will educate kids on the separation of church and state—and then lobby them to join her in the Church of Satan

*Don Music will sing his new song, “We Are the Rainbow World”

*Sherlock Hemlock will try to get to the bottom of the Trump-Russia collusion scandal

*Count von Count will list all the reasons that straight, white, Christian males are bad

*The Two-headed Monster will explain why, due to climate change, we will all be extinct within 12 years

*Grundgetta will talk about the BDS movement

                How exciting! And, remember kiddies: “You’re watching PBS!”