Friday, October 18, 2019

AOC Action Figure Coming Soon!

                Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) will soon be available as a plastic action figure. Yay! Just what the world needs! Brooklyn’s FCTRY, a product design company run by far-left “artists” and assorted other allegedly creative ass-hats, recently launched a crowd-funding campaign to create the “Mini-Me” version of AOC. The company’s initial goal was to raise $15,000 in donations. It has already surpassed that with nearly $30,000 in the coffers as of this writing, proving yet again that a fool and his (her, xir, they?) money are soon parted. In case you’re wondering, the AOC doll will sport the white pantsuit she was wearing when she was first sworn into Congress this past January 3rd.
                Jason Feinberg, CEO of FCTRY, told Newsweek in a statement: “AOC went from bartending and waiting tables to becoming one of the most influential politicians of our time, all in the span of three years. If Hollywood made a movie about her life, you’d probably say it was too far-fetched to believe. Adding her to our collection of political action figures was a no-brainer. AOC is the face of the future.”
                AOC is a “no-brainer.” If she is the face of the future, the future is f**ked. If her brand of Democratic-Socialism is ascendant in the future, it won’t be long until FCTRY and most other companies are out of business and the U.S. goes the way of North Korea and Venezuela. On the bright side, at least our obesity problem will be alleviated.
   The AOC action figure is expected to be delivered in February of 2020 for those who pledge at least $20. The crazed young New Yorker is an addition to an action figure line-up that already includes loony left icons such as former President Barack Obama, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG), and Pope Francis. Assorted other blockheads and imbeciles have also been immortalized, including 2020 presidential contenders Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris. Moreover, former special counsel Robert Mueller is available, though his likeness is more of an inaction figure.
   FCTRY created a lone non-progressive figure in President Trump, though it appears to offer the Trump doll strictly for demeaning purposes. Images of FCTRY’s Trump figurine online show the Commander-in Chief frowning and flipping the bird to all and sundry, and in other derogatory acts.
   How long can it be until the company launches crowd-funding campaigns for the other members of “The Squad,” including Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.)? And the one that no one can remember, Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.). The Omar doll could come with a companion figure-- her brother. She apparently married Ahmed Nur Said Elmi in order to help him obtain his U.S. citizenship. The Tlaib doll would be the first of the series to talk. She would shout, “We’re going to impeach the motherf**ker!” when her belly button is pressed. 
  The marketing opportunities would be endless. Which, come to think of it, would be kind of ironic for a bunch of Marxists. They could embrace retail or e-commerce. “Collect the whole set for just $59.95! Operators are standing by! Act now and we’ll throw in this amazing Joy Behar doll!”
  I’m sure other great action figures will be available soon. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Cal.), and former FBI head James (Cardinal) Comey would be stalwart additions to the FCTRY line-up. As would likenesses of disgraced former FBI types Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.
 Miniature figures of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro, North Korea’s “Little Rocket Man,” Kim Jong-un, and Chinese President Xi Jinping will all likely be available soon, an anonymous source high up in the company informs me.

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