Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) will soon be
available as a
plastic action figure. Yay! Just what the world needs! Brooklyn’s FCTRY, a
product design company run by far-left “artists” and assorted other allegedly
creative ass-hats, recently launched a crowd-funding campaign to create the
“Mini-Me” version of AOC. The company’s initial goal was to raise $15,000 in
donations. It has already surpassed that with nearly $30,000 in the coffers as
of this writing, proving yet again that a fool and his (her, xir, they?) money
are soon parted. In case you’re wondering, the AOC doll will sport the white
pantsuit she was wearing when she was first sworn into Congress this past
January 3rd.
Jason
Feinberg, CEO of FCTRY, told Newsweek in a statement: “AOC went from
bartending and waiting tables to becoming one of the most influential
politicians of our time, all in the span of three years. If Hollywood made a
movie about her life, you’d probably say it was too far-fetched to believe.
Adding her to our collection of political action figures was a no-brainer. AOC
is the face of the future.”
AOC
is a “no-brainer.” If she is the face of the future, the future is f**ked.
If her brand of Democratic-Socialism is ascendant in the future, it won’t be
long until FCTRY and most other companies are out of business and the U.S. goes
the way of North Korea and Venezuela. On the bright side, at least our obesity
problem will be alleviated.
The AOC action figure is expected
to be delivered in February of 2020 for those who pledge at least $20. The
crazed young New Yorker is an addition to an action figure line-up that already
includes loony left icons such as former President Barack Obama, former
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
(RBG), and Pope Francis. Assorted other blockheads and imbeciles have also been
immortalized, including 2020 presidential contenders Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth
Warren and Kamala Harris. Moreover, former special counsel Robert Mueller is
available, though his likeness is more of an inaction figure.
FCTRY created a lone
non-progressive figure in President Trump, though it appears to offer the Trump
doll strictly for demeaning purposes. Images of FCTRY’s Trump figurine online
show the Commander-in Chief frowning and flipping the bird to all and sundry,
and in other derogatory acts.
How long can it be until the company launches
crowd-funding campaigns for the other members of “The Squad,” including Rep.
Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.)? And the one that no one
can remember, Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.). The Omar doll could come with a
companion figure-- her brother. She apparently married Ahmed Nur Said Elmi in
order to help him obtain his U.S. citizenship. The Tlaib doll would be the
first of the series to talk. She would shout, “We’re going to impeach the
motherf**ker!” when her belly button is pressed.
The marketing opportunities would
be endless. Which, come to think of it, would be kind of ironic for a bunch of
Marxists. They could embrace retail or e-commerce. “Collect the whole set for
just $59.95! Operators are standing by! Act now and we’ll throw in this amazing
Joy Behar doll!”
I’m sure other great action figures
will be available soon. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Adam
Schiff (D-Cal.), and former FBI head James (Cardinal) Comey would be stalwart
additions to the FCTRY line-up. As would likenesses of disgraced former FBI
types Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.
Miniature figures of Venezuelan
President Nicolas Maduro, North Korea’s “Little Rocket Man,” Kim Jong-un, and
Chinese President Xi Jinping will all likely be available soon, an anonymous
source high up in the company informs me.
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