Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Dr. Fauci Now Urges People To Wear Goggles

Dr. Anthony Fauci, who recently violated Washington, D.C.’s, mask mandate by going mask-less during the Nationals’ season opener, has now suggested that Americans wear goggles or face shields for extra protection against COVID-19. Fauci did wear a mask while making the ceremonial first pitch, which fell far short (and about 45 degrees to the left) of its target. However, when he assumed the camera wasn’t on him, his wife and his friend as they sat in the stands during the game, he either wore the mask incorrectly or eschewed it altogether.
The esteemed health expert—and  septuagenarian sex symbol-- told ABC News Chief* Medical Correspondent Dr. Jennifer Ashton: “You have mucosa in the nose, mucosa in the mouth, but you also have mucosa in the eye. Theoretically, you should protect all the mucosal surfaces. So, if you have goggles or an eye shield you should use it.”
Dr. Fauci emphasized, “Gloves, earplugs, nose-plugs, condoms, hijabs, yarmulkes, dental dams, full hazmat suits, giant inflatable bubble balls…everything you have available, really, should be employed to keep you from coming in contact with the disease.”
He added, “I’d also like to see everyone wear humorous cummerbunds, stand on one leg, and continuously recite ‘Fauci is the man!’”
*”Chief” is now on the List of Problematic Words and should be avoided at all costs. ABC News has, apparently, not yet received the memo regarding this.


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