Saturday, August 8, 2020

Democratic-Socialists' First Annual Combination Fundraiser For Returning The United States To Indigenous Peoples And Protecting Illegal Immigrant Rights

Democratic-Socialists’ First Annual Combination Fundraiser for Returning the United States to Indigenous People and Protecting Illegal Immigrant Rights

Oregon Convention Center
Portland, Oregon
May 12, 2021

Lilith Sinclair: “Welcome, everyone, to the First Annual Combination Fundraiser for Returning the United States to Indigenous People and Protecting Illegal Immigrant Rights! (Loud applause.) I am, like, so happy to be your host and guide for tonight’s events! It’s gonna totally be a blast, I promise you! As you know, we are sitting here on stolen land, land taken from the Native Americans who were here first. But white European males (scattered “boos” from those in attendance) wanted to colonize this land so they could get started building their Christian Capitalist Kingdom while enslaving or marginalizing indigenous peoples… and everyone else in the world. So tonight, we are going to raise money, hopefully a lot of money, to be given to lobbyists who will advocate for returning all federally-held land in this nation to the Native Americans…the real Americans…the rightful owners of this land. (Very loud applause and some supportive whistling.) We will also be talking about reparations. Johnathan War Eagle will be here later tonight to educate us on that subject, but he’s running a little late as he is managing the cash office today at the Turtle River Casino and there was a significant discrepancy that had to be dealt with. Anyway, we are also here to raise money, hopefully a lot of money, for the countless illegal aliens who are being turned away, shunned, marginalized or insufficiently funded and welcomed by the Trump administration! (Loud applause.) We want to ensure that anyone—from anywhere—can come to this country if they so desire…and be welcomed and made to feel at home. To that end, we will be using half of the funds raised tonight to help achieve that goal, and to lobby for free educations, driver’s licenses, and fertility-enhancing drugs for our soon-to-be-documented hero-guests. (Standing ovation from attendees, some weeping.) New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of The Squad fame (wild cheering)—yes!-- will be in the Lewis & Clark room at 8:00 PM this evening to give a lecture titled, ‘The Sacred, Inviolable Rights of So-Called Illegals.’ I should inform you all that bathrooms are just outside the entrance to the Phil Knight Auditorium. The bathrooms are clearly labeled. One is for cis-men and cis-women, one is for all genders, and another is reserved only for those who don’t identify as any gender. You will all have a chance to partake of several raffles this evening and a light dinner will be served at 7:00 PM. You will have a choice of either a venison patty with maize-on-the-cob, or a burrito with refried beans. Thank you all for coming, and let the fun—and healing—begin! Oh, by-the-way, if any peace-loving BLM or Antifa protesters should show up this evening, just let them have their way. And an autonomous zone. Thanks again. Good night. Enjoy yourselves! Drive safe!”


No comments:

Post a Comment