Monday, October 28, 2019

Great Washington Post Headlines Throughout The Years

                U.S. special forces tracked down and killed brutal ISIS terrorist leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi just hours ago. This prompted the Washington Post to print the following headline: "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at helm of Islamic State, dies at 48." Austere religious scholar?! What a…unique take. Gee, I can’t understand why so few folks implicitly trust the mainstream media anymore. This led me to search the archives for other notable headlines from the paper that now proclaims, “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” (Does that sound vaguely like a white supremacist dog-whistle)? Here are some of my favorites, in chronological order for your convenience:
*”President Goes To Theater, Trouble Ensues”—April 15th, 1863*

*”Hefty Boat Sinks in North Atlantic”-- April 15, 1912

*”Austrian Guy Shot in Sarajevo”—June 29, 1914

*”Sizeable Balloon Bursts In New Jersey”—May 7. 1938

*”Japanese Commence Large Aerial Exercise Over Pearl Harbor”—December 8, 1941

*”Jews Mistreated In German Camps, Allies Claim”-- April 5, 1945

*”Volkswagen Founder Discovered Dead In Bunker”-- May 1, 1945

*”Explosion Rocks Hiroshima”-- August 7, 1945

*”Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin Steps On Nearby Satellite”—July 21, 1969

*”Jim Jones, Beloved Preacher and Faith Healer, Dead At 47”—November 19, 1978

*”Irked Iranians Detain American Citizens”-- November 5, 1979

*”U.S. Squad Wins Hockey Game”—February 23, 1980

*”Reagan Edges Mondale”-- November 7, 1984

*”Reagan Suggests U.S.S.R. Discard Barrier”-- June 13, 1987

*”Clinton Impeached For Harmless Dalliance”-- December 20, 1998

*”Twin Towers Fall Down, Foul-Play Suspected”-- September 12, 2001

*”American Diplomatic Compound In Benghazi Accosted By Video Devotees”-- September 12, 2012

*”Country Screwed, World To End”—November 9, 2016

Good news! Now you, too, can become a famous headline writer for the Washington Post! Just call 1-SCREWTRUMP and request your free starter kit from the capital city’s most trusted journalistic entity! Operators are standing by.


*Okay, the Washington Post wasn’t founded until December 6, 1877.

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