Saturday, June 16, 2018

Welcome To The First Annual Transgender America Contest!

“Welcome to the first annual Transgender America Contest!”
You know it won’t be long until we hear those words coming from our 72”, 4k, big-screen televisions. The contest formerly known as the “Miss America Pageant” saw its first openly gay contestant in 2017. The very next year, 2018, it was decided that the swimsuit and evening gown competitions would be scrapped and that the contest would be entirely decided by “talent,” dialogue, and social justice awareness. Gretchen Carlson, chairperson of Miss America’s board of trustees, stated: “We will no longer judge our candidates on their outward physical appearance.” She added, “That’s huge.” Apparently, some of the contestants will now be huge, as well.
Beauty is out. Physical appearance doesn’t matter. Transgenderism is in. Gender is just a social construct, a state of mind. Can you see how it all ties together perfectly? At this rate of change, there is no telling where the competition goes from here. Physical appearance, age, gender, etc. are all rendered moot.
Who among us wouldn’t want to tune in to see “Pat,” a 61-year-old from Cleveland who “identifies” as a woman (not that it matters anymore) sing “Lola” and discuss fiscal policy? But, what happens if “she” goes on to win the competition by giving the best answer to the question, “What does the Pythagorean Theorem mean to you?” Would it be on to the Miss Universe contest, where there is (as of this writing) a swimsuit competition? Would Pat then just don a Speedo and hope for the best?
The Miss Universe contest itself is part of the “Big Four” with the Miss World, Miss International and Miss Earth contests. I must say, this seems redundant. Aren’t the Miss World and Miss International contests covering essentially the same ground, i.e. the planet? And, is the Miss Universe contest really necessary, or is it overly broad, so to speak? I don’t recall a “Miss Mars” or a “Miss Uranus.” (Insert your own joke here). Have there been any entries from outside our solar system? Perhaps a “Miss M-31” or a “Miss Andromeda?”

Oh well. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens. I know one thing, though. I wish Bob Barker was still around.
 I can almost hear him crooning to the winner: “There they is, Zirs America!”

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