June 12, 1939
U.S. President Trump Meets With German Chancellor Adolf Hitler To Reduce Tensions In Europe
President Trump Grants Post-Meeting Interview To The National Broadcasting Company
NBC: President Trump, how was your meeting with the Reichs Chancellor?
Trump: Very productive. We hit it off right away.
NBC: How would you characterize him?
Trump: Smart. Very talented. Very smart negotiator. Loves his country very much. Great personality.
NBC: But what of the rounding up of Jews, the general brutality towards those that oppose his regime?
Trump: Well, you know, he took over his country and ran it at the age of 44. Very tough. And he is very tough. But he’s loved by his people.
NBC: And the ‘Night of the Long Knives?’ His treatment of minorities? His making the Jewish people the scapegoat for every evil? His evident desire to exterminate them?
Trump: Well, there’s no doubt, that’s not good. Those are not good things. But, a lot of other people…a lot of other nations… have done really bad things, too.
NBC: Was there any concrete agreement reached between you two, between your respective nations?
Trump: We signed an agreement. An historic agreement. The Führer agreed not to pre-emptively cut off sales of beer and sauerkraut to the United States. We agreed not to fight Germany or engage in military training exercises with our allies.
NBC: And you expect Mr. Hitler to live up to this agreement?
Trump: I think, honestly, I think he’s going to do these things. I may be wrong. I mean, I may stand before you in six months and say, ‘Hey, I was wrong.’ I don’t know that I’ll ever admit that, but I’ll find some kind of an excuse.
NBC: Is it wise for the United States to halt training exercises with its allies at this crucial moment in history?
Trump: You know, it costs a lot of money to fly these planes and sail these ships, etc. The ammunition isn’t cheap, either. I don’t like it.
NBC: Was there food or drink at the Summit?
Trump: There was! You know, schnitzel is really good, I’m telling you! If you haven’t tried it, you wouldn’t believe how good it is. And they had these crapfiends…or, umm…
Trump: Yes. To die for. To die for! And lots of pretty fräuleins! It was lovely!
NBC: Any final thoughts?
Trump: Yes. The world is a much safer place tonight as the result of Herr Hitler’s and my actions. Especially my actions, in all honesty.