Monday, June 18, 2018

"Hostile" Park Benches Unfair To Homeless

                Progressives are now bemoaning “hostile” architecture in public spaces, namely park benches that are uncomfortable to rest on for long periods of time. Lefties are decrying park benches as “purposely uncomfortable” to sleep on, specifically citing benches sporting armrests to prevent people from lying down on them. Furthermore, they say that bolts on the ground, “fixtures in window sills” (?) and short benches discourage people from sleeping in public spaces overnight.
                Newsflash for progs: public benches, for the most part, are specifically designed to prevent people from calling them home on a permanent basis. They were/are not designed for use as beds.
                Are we supposed to line streets, sidewalks, and parks with Sleep Number Beds for the indigent? Hello, taxpayers! That wouldn’t cause any issues, would it? Let’s see: bed bugs, bodily fluids, sexual assaults, indecent exposure, etc., etc. Perhaps government employees could also place a mobile above each bed and offer the prospective sleeper his or her choice of lullabies. It’s the least we could do. What’s more, each of these “sleep stations” could be equipped with a television permanently tuned to MSNBC or CNN, permitting the drug-addled, unemployed vagabond to see him or herself as a tragic victim of a heartless, meritocratic, patriarchal society, even while boozing it up on a $3,000 adjustable bed set to a comfy 55 while their partner passes out next to them in the lap of luxury and a 25 setting.
                Certain California cities are offering street people clean needles and a “safe” place to shoot up. Splendid! Moreover, some cities are bringing mobile toilets and showers to the homeless. It would be better if we could make the toilets fully functioning bidets and the showers replete with extendable Water-Pic showerheads offering at least eight settings. But so much more should be done. We could also upgrade the food served at homeless shelters and food banks/pantries. Instead of the usual bland fare, we could offer steak, veal, smoked pheasant and salmon, lobster, scallops, shrimp, caviar, or perhaps a nice walnut encrusted Chilean sea bass with lemon dill sauce or an aioli-based remoulade.
                If we let the better angels of our nature determine our actions, we have a chance to completely eliminate…employment. Who the hell would put up with the aggravation of a 40-plus hour work week, a boss giving them inane instructions, and long commutes when they could sleep where and with who they want, imbibe in mind-altering substances with no serious consequences, defecate in private, take a hot shower that travels to them, and eat like an effing king?
                If park benches qualify as “hostile architecture,” then public drinking fountains are clearly “grossly insufficient reservoirs.”
                The only thing hostile here is progressive’s attitude toward reason and sanity. Their reservoir of common sense is grossly insufficient.

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