My Predictions for the Next Biennium:
*December 5: Last mail-in ballots counted for 2022 mid-term elections, nearly four weeks after “Election Day.”
*December 5: FOX 10 Phoenix calls the Georgia run-off election for Raphael Warnock.
*December 6: Georgia run-off election between Herschel Walker (R) and Raphael Warnock (D) begins.
*December 14: Kamala Harris visits Wayne Corporation manufacturing site, sings “The Wheels on the Bus” song to executives.
*December 25: President Joe Biden wishes Americans a “very merry…um, you know, the thing,” and adds, “don’t let your kids eat all the chocolate bunnies at once!”
*January 3, 2023: Republicans accidentally install Alaska’s Lisa Murkowski as Speaker of the House.
*February 2: New York Mayor Eric Adams drops “Staten Island Chuck” during Ground Hog’s Day ceremony, killing him instantly. Adams blames” systemic racism” for the incident. Al Gore says climate change to blame. Other Democrats claim it was Trump’s fault.
*February 6-10: Democrats in the Senate debate a new proposal to counteract global warming and “save our planet” while record-breaking cold temperatures paralyze much of the nation, causing hundreds of deaths.
*March 17: President Biden urges all Americans to celebrate “Cinco de Mayo” responsibly.
*May 9: Project Veritas video released proving “alphabet agencies” headed by Satan worshippers.
*May 23: Conservative media release correspondence and video proving that Joe Biden paid for Hunter’s hookers and drugs with money “The Big Guy” obtained from Chinese communists.
*May 24: The New York Times, Washington Post, and MSNBC denounce the reports, calling them “Russian disinformation.”
*July 4: President Biden encourages “all, um, uh, immigrants” to enjoy “the, uh, Armistice Day.”
*October 18: The Federal Reserve announces that the adjusted annual rate of Inflation for September was 20.2%.
*November 16: Reports indicate that murders were up 49% over last year, burglaries up 742% for same time period.
*December 1: Democratic Senate passes bill that, if enacted, would ban all forms of Christian worship as “apostacy.”
*January 1, 2024: President Biden wishes “everyone in the world, except, you know, the Russkies, a Happy Labor Day.”
*February 22: President Biden, after conferring with the CDC and assorted medical “experts,” announces that a new coronavirus has emerged from a “wet market out east,” and orders a two-month lockdown to “fatten…I mean flatten…the curve.” No one will be allowed to travel and all non-essential businesses will be shut down. Some wags have started calling the illness the “Boston Flu.” Authorities threaten to shoot them.
*October 10: President Biden issues executive order making
it a felony to be caught outside without a full, properly worn hazmat suit as the
Boston Flu latest iteration of the coronavirus rages on.
*October 11: President Biden issues an executive order making ice cream the “official food” of the United States.
*October 12: President Biden issues executive order permanently banning on-site voting “everywhere and for all time.” Henceforth, only mail-in balloting will be allowed.
*November 5: Mainstream media outlets excitedly announce that Democrats are winning in a landslide, and that a “Big Blue Wave” is sweeping the nation on this “Election Day” 2024. All project John Fetterman (D-PA) to be the next President of the United States.
*November 11: Final totals are announced for the 2024 election, giving Democrats a 61-39 hold on the Senate and a 292-143 edge in the House. The Big Blue Wave has done its job.
*January 29, 2025: Democratic congress ratifies bill to “eliminate” all political opposition. President Fetterman signs the legislation into law. After achieving one-party rule, top Democrats boast “we have—finally-- saved our democracy!”
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