A PRIDE! Month Recollection

 

                                                 A PRIDE! Month Recollection

 

June has always been my favorite month. The snow is gone, the days are long and bright--and the whole glorious summer lies ahead. Fishing, baseball, boating, beaches…and long afternoons in the hammock with a good book beckon.

The following is a chronological account of a typical day for me this past June. 

7:55 AM: I wake up and eat a bowl of Kellogg’s “Together With Pride™” cereal for breakfast, while whatever radio station I turn to informs me of the day’s PRIDE! activities, celebrations, and observations. I scan the morning paper, noting stories about the LGBTQ community in every section.

8:20 AM: I turn on the television to discover the morning news shows are all finishing up stories on PRIDE! Month.

9:00 AM: I arrive at work and read my emails, several of them from my company expressing its pride in its LGBTQ employees and enumerating the financial, administrative, and spiritual support for same. There are also several emails from vendors exclaiming how proud they are to be so proud of PRIDE! month!

10:30 AM: I notice several associates around the office wearing pastel colored apparel accessories in support of the LGBTQ community. “Allies,” I think they are called.

11:00 AM: An H.R. person comes around, asking fellow employees if they’d like to donate to companies and causes that wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ community.

12:30 PM: I go out to lunch and realize I forgot that the main road by our office is blocked off for our community’s PRIDE! Parade. Take an alternate route.

12:44: Arrive at Burger King and see they are offering a special in honor of gay pride month. For a limited time, customers can order a burger with two top—or two bottom—buns. Wink, wink! I order a regular Whopper with fries.

1:15 PM: Skirting the ongoing PRIDE! Parade, I notice several men walking around naked, “whipping” other naked men next to them…as parents with small children look on a cheer.

5:30 PM: Leaving work, I rush home to pick up my kids so we can get to the baseball game on time.

6:42 PM: Upon arriving at the ballpark, we decide to get something to eat. As the kids and I approach the food vendor, I hope they aren’t offering a PRIDE! special on wieners or foot-long hot dogs. We order nachos and soft drinks.

6:55 PM: The players take the field. I see that most of them sport gaily colored patches, stickers, or hats in honor of PRIDE! Month.

10:15 PM: I should go home and get the kids to bed so they can get up in the morning (and celebrate PRIDE! Month once again), but they want to stay and see the “Fabulous Fireworks Show” after the game. The brightly colored fireworks are dazzling, at one point spelling out “PRIDE!” during the finale.

11:45 PM: Back home, kids in bed, I turn on the television again. The late-night host is talking to a celebrity I don’t recognize about the “rise in Christian nationalism, white patriarchal supremacy, and the resultant existential threat to the LGBTQ community.”

11:48 PM: I go to the bathroom, throw up, brush my teeth, and climb in bed. Wife stirs and asks me how my day was. I mutter, “PRIDE! goeth before a fall.” She looks at me quizzically, rolls over and falls back to sleep.