Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Nike Releases Shoe Celebrating Colin Kaepernick

                 Nike, the Portland area international apparel manufacturer, recently announced plans for the imminent release of a Colin Kaepernick-themed shoe. The shoes pay homage to the date the former NFL quarterback first knelt for the national anthem, Sneaker News reported. Kaepernick wore the black-and-white shoes during his recent workout for NFL teams. (Didn’t help him). The back of the shoes sport a portrait drawing of the great man himself, while the bottom of the shoes are stamped with 081416, or 08/14/16. That is the date Kaepernick first refused to stand for the National Anthem. Nike released a statement saying that they collaborated with Kaepernick to create a design that connects to his "life personality,” adding, "Colin was identified because we believe his voice and perspective inspire many generations on and off the field."
     The shoes went on sale Monday, December 23rd. Sadly, they sold out in mere minutes. They are no longer available. However, the high demand for the Kaepernick shoes has apparently inspired Nike to consider launching several other new lines of commemorative footwear. One source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told me the company is in the early stages of producing shoes honoring the 1968 Olympic protest of Tommie Smith and John Carlos in Mexico City, John Hinckley Jr.’s attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan on March 30th, 1981, and the first abortion performed by Planned Parenthood in Syracuse, New York, circa 1970.
                The source said Nike is apparently also considering releasing shoes celebrating the 9/11 attacks on America and The Tet Offensive, launched by the Viet Cong and North Vietnam on January 30th, 1968, against the United States and its allies.
                Not to be outdone, Reebok, a Nike competitor, is rumored to be coming out with an athletic shoe paying tribute to the British soldiers responsible for the Boston Massacre, while a separate anonymous source tells me New Balance will soon manufacture a shoe commending the recent impeachment of President Trump.
                As this new woke trend grows ever stronger, some experts say it will almost certainly spread to manufacturers of other apparel items. One garment industry guru said she expects Hanes and Fruit of the Loom to soon release boxers and briefs with the following dates and occurrences stamped on them in various locations:

*11 04 08— Barack Hussein Obama elected president of the United States.

*11 06 12-- Maine, Maryland, and Washington become the first states to legalize same-sex marriage.

*‘72 ‘76 ‘80 ‘84—The four election years in the 20th Century in which Gus Hall, general secretary of the Communist Party of the United States of America (CPUSA), ran for president.

*03 30 1981— Date Ronald Reagan was shot/nearly assassinated by John Hinckley Jr.

*01 22 19— Date New York legalized full-term abortion.

*2012— The year Colorado and Washington legalized recreational marijuana use.

*05 08 2019—Date Denver, Colorado voters decriminalize the possession and use of hallucinogenic “magic mushrooms.”

*08 16 2018—Satanic Temple members unveil statue of occult deity Baphomet in front of Arkansas State Capitol building.

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