Tuesday, December 3, 2019

"My" Pronouns

                The transgender rights movement, like bowel movements, appears to be unstoppable. This is due to the sheer ignorance, overwhelming desire to be liked, inexhaustible tolerance, and remarkable cowardliness on the part of most of the roughly 99.5% of the population that does not identify as “non-binary.”
                Many in the trans community are demanding to be called by their own “preferred pronouns.” If a trans person doesn’t wish to identify as either gender, the person often doesn’t want to be referred to as “him,” or “her,” preferring to be called “xim” or “zer” for example. Many of these individuals prefer to be addressed as “they.”
                Card-carrying progressive that I am, I don’t think that goes far enough. I don’t think that’s forcing others to be “woke” enough, either. Therefore, I am henceforth demanding to be referred to not just by my preferred pronouns, but by my preferred nouns, adjectives, verbs, and adverbs, as well. I would encourage everyone to do the same. There are too many words and terms out there that are pushed on us by the patriarchy and foisted upon us by the feminists.
                Nouns that begin with “man,” such as mane, manual, manure and maniac could—and should-- easily be converted to the gender neutral “xane,” “zanual,” “personure,” and “individualiac,” for example. Similarly, a non-inclusive adjective like “many” could be rendered less offensive if converted to “xany.” Alternately, less gender-specific terms like “lots” or “a shitload” could be employed. Verbs such as “mandated” and “manage” could be eschewed in favor of “required” and “deal with.” Even an adverb the likes of “manifestly” could be made trans-friendly by substituting “person” for “man.” “Personifestly” is self-evidently more welcoming…and sounds softer and less toxically masculine.
                On the other hand, words that start with the cis-gendered “her” or “gal” should also be phased out. “Herbal” could be replaced by “flowery,” for instance. “Gallon,” “gallery,” “galaxy,” and “gallstone” could all be modified in the service of transgenderism, perhaps by simply swapping the beginning “g” with a “z” or a “q.” “Herpes” could become “xerpes.” “Hermaphrodite,” however, is such a great word with such an important meaning, that it should be allowed to remain in our lexicon.
                Clearly derogatory words like “womanizer” and “maneater” should be expunged from the English language altogether, to be replaced by less accusatory and more inclusive terms such as “personizer” and “beingeater.”
                In conclusion, if a typically bigoted, cis-gendered rube was going to say to me, “You are a pile of manure, you maniac. One who has many problems, and probably herpes,” I would ask that they use my preferred parts of speech. If they complied, their previously defamatory and cis-gender-biased, non-inclusive insult would read, “They are a pile of personure, they individualiac. One who has xany problems, and probably xerpes.” And if they didn’t, they would be fined, fired or jailed. Crazy enough for you?
                When we render language meaningless, we diminish what it means to be human. When we “fundamentally transform” the language, we “fundamentally transform” ourselves.
And we will all be…transfixed.

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