North Korea Attacks Pacific Ocean

                North Korea launched yet another devastating attack on the Pacific Ocean Tuesday, firing three ballistic missiles at their watery adversary, all of them reportedly direct hits. Experts state that the Pacific hasn’t yet retaliated.

                The Hermit Kingdom has repeatedly assaulted the Pacific Ocean in recent years, often lobbing missiles into the Sea of Japan and surrounding waters.

                In possibly related news, North Korea’s state radio has mysteriously begun broadcasting strings of indecipherable numbers, officials in Seoul said Tuesday. There has been speculation that the nation has resumed using a Cold War-era method of sending coded messages to spies operating in South Korea. Reports claim that a female announcer at the radio station read numbers for two minutes on June 24^th, and 14 consecutive minutes on July 15^th. A copy of those comments provided by the South’s Unification Ministry and National Intelligence Service included phrases such as “Number 35 on page 459” and “Number 55 on page 913.”

                Even stranger, the announcer of the North Korean broadcasts described the numbers as “review assignments in physics (under the curriculum of) the remote educational university for the geological expedition members across the country” or “practice assignments in mathematic lessons (under the curriculum) of the remote educational university for expedition members of team number 27.”

                The North Koreans are nothing if not terse. Or insane.

                Many observers believe this is simply an attempt at psychological warfare, as it comes on the heels of the North’s angry response to the announcement of the planned deployment of an advanced U.S. missile defense system in South Korea. (Somewhere Ronald Reagan is smiling).

                 Those close to the Hillary Clinton camp say her advisors believe the numeric broadcasts are essentially just part of “some sort of a nationwide bingo game.” The June 24^th broadcast, they speculate, could have been “something akin to ‘straight’ bingo” while the July 15^th one “might have been more along the lines of ‘blackout.’”

                An Obama administration spokesman said that they are convinced the broadcasts were actually elaborate coded clues to ongoing Poke’mon Go games.