The long-despised ban on transgenders serving in the United States military has finally been lifted. AP reports that U.S. military services will finalize and distribute training guidelines, medical protocols and other guidance to help commanders deal with any issues or questions about transgender troops. Those should be amusing reads!
“Welcome to the transmilitary! The new, improved, non-binary force welcomes you and encourages you to explore, enlarge and enhance your gender tendencies and preferences! Please know that you are all free to use any bathroom or shower facility you like. You can likewise pick the housing and uniforms- and even the fitness standards- that match your preferred gender. Yay! Won’t that be fun? I am Sergeant Pat Yangyin and I am non-binary, cis-questioning. When we are on this base and/or actively training or engaged with the enemy, you are to call me ‘Colonels,’ and nothing else…is that clear? However, if we’re out at a gay bar or some such, my pronoun of choice is ‘they.’ As in, ‘Can I buy they a drink?’ Got it?”
Officials say that the recent lifting of bans against openly homosexual people and the transgendered serving in the armed forces is just the start. One official, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated: “We think that gays and lesbians, men dressed as women and women dressed as men, all sharing the same bunks and bathrooms and coming out of the showers toweling off their hot, dripping wet, naked bodies will bring more focus and cohesion to their units. Yet, we realize that to get the very best out of our fighting people, much, much more has to be done.” Though that official didn’t identify what other prohibitions needed to be addressed, many have speculated that the bans against polyamory, necrophilia, incest and bestiality may soon be lifted in an effort to make the nation safer.
Another official, a colonel in the Pentagon, suggested that each branch of the military will soon be more flexible in terms of where any given recruit or volunteer may serve on any given day. “We are working toward the day when an individual in one branch of the service who self-identifies as a member of a different branch will be swiftly accommodated and moved to their preferred branch… at least until such time as he or she re-identifies as a member of their old branch or identifies as a member of a different branch,” he said. This official, too, cited increased battle-readiness and unit cohesion as the impetus for these changes.
In the army but feel like an airman? No problem! On a submarine but always identified as a cavalryperson? It’s all good! In today’s armed forces you can now serve in whichever branch of the Service you identify with, in whatever uniform you choose!
The five recognized service branches have all updated their mottos in keeping with the new spirit of social engineering and tolerance.
The U.S. Coast Guard: “Omnes Superbi et Gendered”
The U.S. Marine Corp: “Patiens Semper”
The U.S. Air Force: “Self-identity Before Service”
The U.S. Navy: “A Global Force For Diversity”
The U.S. Army: “Love, Tolerance, Diversity”
(There are 1.3 million active-duty members in the American military. An estimated 2,450 are transgender).