Babylon Bee Headline Or "Real" Headline?

 

Babylon Bee Headline Or “Real News” Headline?

(It’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference)

 

*”Democrats Deny Inciting Violence And Say Anyone Who Thinks They Do Must Be Eliminated By Any Means Necessary”

*”Donald Trump whisked off stage in Pennsylvania after loud noises rang through the crowd”

*”EU Sanctions Israel, Welcomes Taliban”

*”British Police Reportedly Arrest Stabbing Victim After Alleged Attacker Plays race Card”

*”Left-Wing Prosecutor Says Voters ‘Obtuse’ If They Expect Him To Keep Campaign Promises”

*”Megachurch pastor claims Trump knows the Bible better than Pope Leo”

*”Texas dairy farm explosion kills 18,000 cows”

*”A Drunk Raccoon Passed Out in the Bathroom of a Virginia Liquor Store”

*”Insurance claim: family take dead relative to bank as proof of death”

*”Military to remove ‘Enola Gay’ photos for violating DEI rules”

*”Death row inmate’s ‘last cigarette request denied over health concerns’” (The inmate was executed hours later)

*”Democrats: Saving Democracy Requires One Party To Seize Total Power And Rule Forever”

 Of the 12 headlines above, only the first and last were from the Babylon Bee, all the others were “real.” Which is odd, in that the two from The Bee arguably ring truer than any of the others.

 Here are some brief comments on each of the actual headlines, in order:

*Donald Trump was escorted off the stage in Butler by Secret Service agents after he was shot in the ear by a crazed sniper.

*The EU really did sanction Israel, while welcoming the Taliban. Nothing more needs be said.

*British police really did arrest the stabbing victim, apparently because said victim irritated the perpetrator—hence, racism.

*Voters really are obtuse if they expect politicians to keep their campaign promises.

*Based on Pope Leo’s comments, Trump may well know the Bible better than the Progressive Pontiff.

*C’mon, man, 18,000 cows die in one blast?! Was a nuclear weapon dropped on Texas?

*The raccoon was hammered and did pass out next to the toilet in the bathroom, after entering the store and ransacking its shelves. As my mom always used to say, “boozers are always the losers!” Usually after a couple of glasses of vino. (Apparently, this bandit recovered to continue his/her life of crime.)

*I’ve heard of taking a deadbeat relative to a bank, but not a dead one. Sheesh!

*The Enola Gay is one of history’s most famous—and consequential—aircraft, for good, bad, or indifferent depending on one’s perspective. Altering its name, which had nothing to do with sexual orientation, to appease the lunatic fringe of LGBTQers is insane and offensive. Enola Gay (Tibbets) was the name of the plane’s pilot, Colonel Paul Tibbets. Would the DEI fanatics have preferred that the plane be dubbed ‘Enola Queer?’ Perhaps ‘Enola Lighthearted?’ Pathetic.

*I’m not a fan of violent criminals, but, at that point, let him have his last smoke. But, no, the tragically woke, who normally champion hardened criminals, have to weigh in noting that smoking is bad for one’s health. (Unless you are smoking pot.) For a guy who is to be executed hours later. Maybe they were worried about what the momentary inhalation of second-hand smoke might do to the health of the executioner who lit the cigarette.

The great Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong used to sing that it’s a “wonderful world.” It Is a Babylon Bee world now.