The Woke Alphabet

 

When I was learning to spell in elementary school, ‘A’ was for apple.

Not anymore. Wokeism has escaped from college campuses, matriculated through high schools, and taken over our grade schools, all the way down through kindergarten. Now, ‘A’ is for ‘Antifa’ or ‘anogender.’ The following is a progressive woke version of our alphabet, at least two of which are real examples from an actual grammar school.

*’A’ is for anogender (The completely normal feeling we all have at times of a gender that fades into something else and then goes back to its original state)

*’B’ is for bisexual (A completely normal person who is attracted to both boys and girls)

*’C’ is for capitalism (An evil economic system designed to oppress minorities and the differently abled)

*’D’ is for Democrat (The American political party that cares about the planet and people’s feelings)

*’E’ is for evil (Like Trump and the Republican Party)

*’F’ is for Fox News (An illegitimate cable television network that serves the Republican Party)

*’G’ is for gay (Gay people are attracted to members of their own sex. Yay gay!)

*’H’ is for health (Always wear your mask and get fully vaccinated! Listen to Dr. Fauci!)

*’I’ is for intolerance (Intolerance is always bad…unless it is of the unvaccinated and/or Republicans)

*’J’ is for justice (Justice is always good…unless it is for the unvaccinated and/or Republicans)

*’K’ is for kink (The fondness for abnormal sexual practices. This is completely normal)

*’L’ is for lesbian (Females that are attracted to other females. A good thing)

*’M’ is for male (Males often oppress females and many possess toxic masculinity. This/they are bad)

*’N’ is for nationalism (Love of one’s country. This is a bad thing, especially love of the United States)

*’O’ is for oppression (What white people do to people of color and men do to women)

*’P’ is for the patriarchy (A system of society in which men totally unjustly hold power over women)

*’Q’ is for queer (A gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms. Another word for ‘gay.’)

*’R’ is for racist (Someone who discriminates against others because of their race. Also, someone who doesn’t recognize race. Also, someone who claims to not be a racist)

*’S’ is for sexist (Someone who discriminates against those who identify as female)

*’T’ is for transgender (Denotes a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. A person who identifies as a member of the opposite sex. A hero)

*’U’ is for unsafe (This is how someone who disagrees with you on something makes you feel. Not good)

*’V’ is for Vapogender (A gender that sort of feels like smoke; it can be seen on a shallow level but once you go deeper, it disappears and you are left with no gender and only tiny wisps of what you thought it was)

*’W’ is for woke (Always being alert to injustice in society, especially racism. We pledge to be woke!)

*’X’ is for xenophobia (Prejudice against people from other countries. We don’t like xenophobia!)

*’Y’ is for yes we can! (Rid the world of straight, white Christians!)

*’Z’ is for zero tolerance (Of straight, white Christians. And other bad things!)