Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Florida Man Claims Concealed Drugs Not His

              According to arrest affidavits, Floridian Patrick Florence was a passenger in a vehicle recently stopped around 4 A.M. for traveling without headlights or taillights on a Clearwater, Florida street. The driver was subsequently arrested on DUI and marijuana possession charges. Police officers searched the vehicle and found a handgun under Florence’s seat, leading to his arrest on a pair of felony weapons charges, as he has numerous previous felony convictions barring him from possessing firearms and ammunition.

              During a search of Florence, a deputy discovered two plastic baggies “wrapped around his penis.” One baggie contained “cocaine powder and cocaine base,” while the other held a “crystal substance” police identified as methamphetamine.

Questioned about the narcotics, Florence “stated the package wrapped around his penis was not his,” reported Deputy Levi Blake. Florence--who also has multiple previous cocaine convictions—apparently was unable to logically explain why the package was wrapped around his package if it was not, in fact, his.

If Florence had heeded words from Eric Clapton’s song “Cocaine,” perhaps he wouldn’t have attempted so preposterous a lie.

If you wanna hang out, you've gotta take her out
If you wanna get down, down on the ground
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie

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