Thursday, January 30, 2020

CNN Tonight With Don Lemon

CNN Studios

CNN Tonight with Don Lemon

Don Lemon: “Good evening everyone and welcome to CNN Tonight with Don Lemon. That’s me. Tonight we are happy to welcome media consultant Rick Wilson, New York Times contributing Op-Ed writer Wajahat Ali, Rep. Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, and brilliant documentary filmmaker Michael Moore. Rick, let’s start with you. How do you think the typical rube in fly-over country views the potential threat of the coronavirus?”

Rick Wilson: (Goes into “rube” mode and voice): “Well, shoot, Mr. Lemon, I don’t drink Mexican beer because I don’t like Mexicans, but I am worried about this here virus. Be too bad if it started killin’ God-fearin’ Americans.”

Lemon (Doubled over in laughter, pounding his fists on the counter, tears streaming down his cheeks…gasping and dabbing at his eyes with a Kleenex): “You are the best, Ricky! Wajahat, what’s your take on how deplorables see the president’s signing of the USMCA trade deal?”

Wajahat Ali: (Pulls a cowboy hat from behind his back and dons it. Fakes putting a large wad of “chaw” in his mouth): “Well, pardner, I believe it’s a good thing. You always want to drink upstream from the herd. And this let’s us as Americans drink upstream from the herd…or at least from them Mexicans. For awhile there we were lettin’ the horse do the thinkin’. We was kinda’ lost for a bit. And you never wanna herd your black cattle at night, know what I mean? Yee-haw! Oh, sorry about that Leroy!”

Lemon (gasping and guffawing, holding his hands to his chest): “It’s Don. Hee-hee. That was fantastic! Good stuff, Wajahat! Hee-hee. By-the-way, how are things back home, home on the range?” Hee-hee. (Takes a moment, shakes his head and tries to compose himself) Michael, what are your thoughts about the upcoming presidential election?”

Michael Moore: “Well, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the bigoted boobs in the Heartland, but, what troubles me even more is that there are signs the morons in Michigan, the blockheads in Pennsylvania and the imbeciles in Wisconsin may vote against themselves again this time around. Some people are just too stupid to live. I hate to say it, but I believe there’s a chance the Racist-in-Chief could win again.”

Lemon: “Well put, my man. Well put. Rep. Omar, what say you?”

Rep. Omar: “Have you heard the one about the three Jewish lesbians--”


 Voiceover: “This is CNN.”

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