Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) recently remarked
that the United States is “not an
advanced society.” Alrighty then. Remember, this is the same woman who could
not name the three
branches of the self-same American government in which she serves.
In
light of these gaffs, I thought it would be fun to quiz her on a few other
subjects that used to be considered common knowledge, so I called her office a couple of weeks ago. A
secretary connected me to someone that sounded very much like AOC. Here is a
transcript of the conversation:
Me: “AOC, thank you for agreeing to speak with me. First
off, could you name the first three American presidents?”
AOC: “Well, there was, like…George Washington…and, like, um,
Abraham Lincoln? Right? And then, umm, Ronald Reagan? FDR?”
Me: “Nice try. And where did the Boston Massacre occur?”
AOC: “Philadelphia!”
Me: “Sorry, no. It actually took place in Boston.
Massachusetts.”
AOC: “Like, no shit?”
Me: “Like, no shit. Next, who fought in the Civil War? More
precisely, what were the two sides in the American Civil War?”
AOC: “Um, the Redcoats and the, like, Union Jacks?”
Me: “Um, no.”
AOC: “Oh.”
Me: “Can you tell me the difference between the subject and
the predicate in a sentence?”
AOC: “Like, that’s a tough one. Um, like, the subject is the
accused who gets sentenced in a predicament, right?”
Me: “Not exactly. I said ‘predicate,’ not ‘predicament.’
Anyway, let’s move on. The point at which a supply and demand curve meet is
called the ‘equilibrium point.’ In a competitive market, this should help
determine the ____ of a product?”
AOC: “The place where capital is owned by labor and the
bourgeois are supplanted by the proletariat?”
Me: “What?!”
AOC: “The amount of greenhouse gases it will send into the
atmosphere, laying waste to our fragile planet in the interests of Big Energy?”
Me: “Afraid not. Let’s try a real easy one. Who is buried in
Grant’s tomb?”
AOC: “Somebody named Grant?”
Me: “Excellent! Now you’re getting it. Which Grant?”
AOC: “Hugh?”
Me: “No, he’s still alive.”
AOC: “Amy?”
Me: “No.”
AOC: “Cary?”
Me: “No. Not the one I was looking for. Ms. Ocasio-Cortez,
may I ask you one final question?”
AOC: “Yeah.”
Me: “A very common national personification of the U.S.
federal government—in which you currently serve—is…what? I’ll give you a hint:
‘Uncle _____?’”
AOC: “Uncle Pam!”
Me: “Not so much. Anyway, thank you for speaking with me
today, ma’am. Happy holidays.”
AOC: “I don’t believe in holidays that white men have
foisted upon us for the glorification of---”
Me: “Good-bye.”
[Fade]
No comments:
Post a Comment