Sunday, January 26, 2020

Student Files Bias Complaint Over Peanuts...Literally

                The College Fix reported that, in April of 2019, a University of Northern Iowa student contacted the school’s Climate Response Team to file a bias complaint over a small-scale campus event celebrating peanuts. The offending event was held at and around a table at Rialto Dining Hall, “where students could learn all about peanuts,” said The Fix. My God, the humanity! What will the school permit next, a class on cashews?
                The university didn’t release the names of those involved, in an obvious attempt to protect them from harassment. The bias-reporting student, who is not him or herself allergic to peanuts, was purportedly concerned with the safety of others, as attendees could sample a variety of peanut products, including ice cream sprinkles and pad Thai noodles. Shirts sporting the phrase “Peanut Envy” could also be purchased at the presentation, leading me to suspect that perhaps this was what was behind the social-justice-warring scholar’s ire.
                Mr. or Ms. Do-Gooder wrote in his or her bias complaint, “Peanut allergies can be life threatening to some,” and noted that “even when the day is over their [sic] is still risk the air and other surfaces will still be contaminated.” He or she admitted that the dining hall warned students with peanut allergies to eat elsewhere that day, but that didn’t stop him or her from stating: “This is purely targetting [sic] students with that allergy. While not all allergies can be 100 percent avoided when eating in the dining center, this event was completely unnecessary. I seriously question UNI dining in regards to inclusion and students’ well being.”  
                “Peanuts? Aaghhh! Run to the safe space! Run to the safe space!” But what if the warm cookies colleges provide in their safe spaces have nuts in them? Huh? “OMG! I didn’t think of that! What about inclusion?! What about our well-being?! I think they’re targeting us in here, too! Run to…run to…(falls to the ground and breaks down, sobbing inconsolably).” 
                Maybe college dining halls should be banned from serving milk and cheese, too. Many people are allergic to dairy products. What about the lactose intolerant? Don’t we care about them? And seafood should be verboten, as well. As should eggs, strawberries and wheat products, all of which can be dangerous for those allergic to them. In fact, a few folks are allergic to almost every food, so it may be best if dining halls-- and restaurants-- dispense with food altogether.
                It’s extraordinarily difficult to picture today’s youth as cavepersons or pioneers, having to hunt and gather for sustenance, deal with enemies and predators, and all without helmets, electricity, the internet, drugs, and smart phones.

  There were no “safe spaces” back then. And a lot fewer nuts.


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