Genesis- Chapter I, from the revised “Even Newer Testament”
The Beginning: (Enhanced with Progressive Commentary!):
Verse 26) Then God said, “Let us
make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish
in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild
animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” (Like, that is so patriarchal and
non-inclusive. It is marginalizing to fish, birds, livestock, wild animals, and
all the creatures that move along the ground. Like, we’re not special. All
living things should live in peace and harmony, unoppressed by human beings!).
27) So
God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them; male
and female He created them. (Why the hell
would that be? Did He even ask them what gender they wished to identify as? Did
He use their preferred pronouns?! If not, why? Perhaps the LGBTQ community and
Planned Parenthood can set Him straight make Him- or Her- They see
the error of They’s ways).
28) God
blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the
earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and
over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Like, Dude, there’s now a population crisis, and we’re about to
overwhelm our Mother the Earth with too many humans. Thank goodness for Planned
Parenthood! Oh, and “subdue” sounds overly masculine and harsh, although I did
love the Fifty Shades of Gray books. Just sayin’).
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