It’s that time of the year again. The leaves are falling,
it’s getting dark earlier…and little people in odd outfits are knocking on your
door begging for handouts. That’s right, it’s election season!
Don’t
you just love the constant barrage of ads? They are always so reasoned and
informative. Most go something like this: “Joe Johnson voted to repeal the Fifteenth Amendment. And, he
hates bunnies! Tell Joe Johnson we don’t want to enslave black people again.
Tell him bunnies are cute. Vote for
Jim Jeffers. (Paid for by the Committee for American Progress).”
Or:
“Alan Adams wants to use federal funds to pay for the forced busing of
communists into your homes to kill your puppies! And, he’s against women’s right to choose! Tell Alan Adams to go lay by
his dish. Vote for safe puppies and women’s health. Vote for Sally Roe.”
(Disembodied voiceover: “I’m Sally Roe, and I approved this message.”).
Then
there are the forest of yard signs and the abundance of bumper stickers. Many a
Prius, Volkswagen and Volvo sport more bumper stickers than the average NBA
player has tattoos. Coupled with the “I’m With Her” and “Ocasio-Cortez For
Prez!” stickers are the ones imploring us to “Visualize World Peace,” “Save The
Whales,” or “Coexist.” In addition to these, often on the same vehicle, are
stickers designed to “educate” the rest of us. Messages such as “You Can’t Hug
Your Kids With Nuclear Arms,” “Love Your Mother,” and “It Will Be A Great Day
When Our Schools Get All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A
Bake Sale To Buy A Bomber,” are pathetically common.
It
would be a great day if the air force bombed our schools (with the young
scholars and everybody else absent from them!) given that they have been turning
students into angry, ignorant, entitled, soft, spoiled, hypocritical,
non-viable tissue masses incapable of reason or nuanced thought and largely
unwilling to engage in productive labor.
I was
at a nightclub recently where I discovered an unoccupied, unclaimed Bill
Clinton mask on the table at which my wife and I chose to sit. I wanted that
mask for humorous purposes, but, being a conservative, I wasn’t willing to take
what wasn’t explicitly, rightfully, mine. On the way out of that nightclub, we passed
two separate bachelorette parties coming in. One of the young ladies had a
male’s “member” (aka a penis for low-information voters) strapped to her
forehead. I immediately thought of the Bill Clinton mask, abandoned and lonely
on a now empty table, and thought: “What an opportunity! The possibilities are
endless!”
Then I
remembered it was 2018. Oh, well, the jail time might well have been worth it.
This
Halloween—and this coming Election Day—don’t act like an irrational jackass.
Don’t appropriate the behavior of Democrats.
Unless
you’re wearing a Clinton mask.
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