Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Election Season

                It’s that time of the year again. The leaves are falling, it’s getting dark earlier…and little people in odd outfits are knocking on your door begging for handouts. That’s right, it’s election season!
                Don’t you just love the constant barrage of ads? They are always so reasoned and informative. Most go something like this: “Joe Johnson voted to repeal the Fifteenth Amendment. And, he hates bunnies! Tell Joe Johnson we don’t want to enslave black people again. Tell him bunnies are cute. Vote for Jim Jeffers. (Paid for by the Committee for American Progress).”
                Or: “Alan Adams wants to use federal funds to pay for the forced busing of communists into your homes to kill your puppies! And, he’s against women’s right to choose! Tell Alan Adams to go lay by his dish. Vote for safe puppies and women’s health. Vote for Sally Roe.” (Disembodied voiceover: “I’m Sally Roe, and I approved this message.”).
                Then there are the forest of yard signs and the abundance of bumper stickers. Many a Prius, Volkswagen and Volvo sport more bumper stickers than the average NBA player has tattoos. Coupled with the “I’m With Her” and “Ocasio-Cortez For Prez!” stickers are the ones imploring us to “Visualize World Peace,” “Save The Whales,” or “Coexist.” In addition to these, often on the same vehicle, are stickers designed to “educate” the rest of us. Messages such as “You Can’t Hug Your Kids With Nuclear Arms,” “Love Your Mother,” and “It Will Be A Great Day When Our Schools Get All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A Bake Sale To Buy A Bomber,” are pathetically common.
                It would be a great day if the air force bombed our schools (with the young scholars and everybody else absent from them!) given that they have been turning students into angry, ignorant, entitled, soft, spoiled, hypocritical, non-viable tissue masses incapable of reason or nuanced thought and largely unwilling to engage in productive labor.
                I was at a nightclub recently where I discovered an unoccupied, unclaimed Bill Clinton mask on the table at which my wife and I chose to sit. I wanted that mask for humorous purposes, but, being a conservative, I wasn’t willing to take what wasn’t explicitly, rightfully, mine. On the way out of that nightclub, we passed two separate bachelorette parties coming in. One of the young ladies had a male’s “member” (aka a penis for low-information voters) strapped to her forehead. I immediately thought of the Bill Clinton mask, abandoned and lonely on a now empty table, and thought: “What an opportunity! The possibilities are endless!”

                Then I remembered it was 2018. Oh, well, the jail time might well have been worth it.

                This Halloween—and this coming Election Day—don’t act like an irrational jackass. Don’t appropriate the behavior of Democrats.

                Unless you’re wearing a Clinton mask.

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