Kleenex "Mansize" Tissues Re-Branded

                Kimberly-Clark, the maker of Kleenex brand tissues, has announced that it will re-brand its “Mansize” tissues as “Kleenex Extra Large,” after receiving a rapidly growing number of consumer complaints that the designation was sexist. The company, which sells its “Mansize” tissues in the UK, cited a “consistent increase of complaints on gender concern” as the reason for the move.

                I guess that makes sense. There hasn’t been much manly about Britain since Margaret Thatcher left office.

                A Kimberly-Clark spokesperson told Fox Business Network: “We are always grateful to customers who take time to tell us how our products can be improved, and we carefully consider all suggestions.” Many Kleenex consumers took to Twitter (there’s a shock!) over the past few weeks to mock Kimberly-Clark for the unbearably offensive product description. One said that her young son was confused by the name and wondered if he was allowed to use the tissues: “So @Kleenex UK could you help me tell my son why they’re still called Mansize? And will you consider renaming them to Extra Large tissues? Or do women and children not need bigger tissues,” she tweeted.

                Kleenex was not the only consumer product to offend the apparently delicate sensibilities of British maidens recently. Waitrose, a British supermarket chain with over 350 locations throughout the UK, has said it plans to rename its “Gentleman’s Smoked Chicken Caesar Roll” sandwich due to complaints that the name was sexist and “ridiculous.” A Waitrose spokesperson claimed that the company was “not dictating who should eat this sandwich,” but, in Monty Python fashion, essentially apologized to everyone in the world anyway. Said spokesperson stated: "It's never our intention to cause offense — we're not dictating who should eat this sandwich - we hope anyone who tries it will love the distinctive flavors. However, we are planning to change the name of the sandwich soon.”

                In this case, too, a consumer used social media to taunt the chain: “I never knew sandwiches were gender specific,” opined Amy Lamé, adding, “I’m a female but thankfully @waitrose let me purchase this anyway.” Idiocy isn’t gender specific, either.

                Some noted that the sandwich contains anchovy paste, often referred to in Britain as “gentleman’s relish,” which is also the brand name of an anchovy and butter-based spread produced in formerly Jolly-Olde-England, by Elsenham Quality Foods. I think we all know they’ll be targeted next. Brits can look for “Genderqueer Relish” to be hitting the shelves soon.

                Conversely, how many men have complained about Ladyfingers cookies or Pink Lady apples over the years? How many have started a #MenToo movement? Have men bitched about terms like “angry young man” and “dirty old man?” They’ve been smeared coming and going.

                It’s as if women such as these are trying to prove themselves the weaker sex. Yet, the idea of a product named “Gentleman’s” anything is, sadly, ridiculous in this day and age, as is the concept of gentleman itself, because progressives have rendered them—and it-- extinct. They have similarly assaulted the notions of civility, responsibility and accountability.

                Soon, the only product names allowable will be ones such as, “Non-binary tissues,” “Shithead’s sandwich,” “Genderqueer Relish, “Conservatives Suck Catsup,” and “World Peas.”

                All of you pathetic, thin-skinned, hypocritical morons in the oh-so-easily offended community are free to go cry into your “Extra Large Tissues.” But, why not try something different, something radical, and act like a man?

                Or even a gentleman.

                That would be something we should all relish.