North Shore Community College recently hosted a “white privilege symposium” titled “Power, Privilege, Progress: Awareness to Action,” according to thecollegefix.com. One of the event’s workshops was built around the playing of a “racial justice” board game called, cleverly enough, “Road to Racial Justice.” The website devoted to the game claims it “supports and encourages cross-cultural understanding and compassionate action in order to help create a more loving and just world.” That’s quite a board game. It’s creator, a Los Angeles-based educator, artist and activist (imagine that), must be very proud. The game features situational discussion prompts such as: “The mascot for your school’s football team is a person dressed up as a warlike Native American,” and “Under U.S. law, farmworkers—who are mostly Latino—have no right to overtime pay, and children as young as 12 are allowed to work in the fields.” This prompt directs “game” players to “find out which stores and restaurants buy fruits and vegetables from unethical farmers, and encourage your friends and family to boycott these places.”
Yes, it’s probably best to go with produce from giant, mechanized, corporate farms or discontinue eating fruits and vegetables entirely.
The RRJ website sniffs: “Players will become more aware that racism exists in many everyday situations,” adding that they will also “learn why the situations are racist (stereotyping, tokenism, cultural appropriation, etc.), and acquire tools to interrupt these kinds of situations.”
Non-students had to fork over $75 for the (white?) privilege of attending the symposium, which The Fix said also included a workshop called: “Completely Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack: The Liabilities of White Privilege How White Privilege Hurts White Peopl.” Apparently, some of the liabilities of those involved in describing the symposium are the inability to write well, spell properly or use punctuation correctly.
If people will actually pay good money to be haughtily lectured to by a board game, think of the opportunities out there for a woke entrepreneur! I’m brainstorming right now! Games such as Apples to Apples and Taboo will soon lose their appeal, the former because millennials won’t find the name inclusive enough, the latter because nothing is taboo anymore. (Except holding traditional values). Therefore, I’ve come up with game themes, goals and titles that are suitable for this enlightened age. To wit:
*Stratego II: Chase Republicans into elevators and out of restaurants while breathlessly hoping they’ll meekly back down so good Democratic Socialists—like you!—can capture their seats. Hours of fun for the whole family!
*Unmonopoly: the goal of this game is to give away properties… to illegal aliens. The first player to lose all their property-- and money-- wins!
*No Risk: try to navigate the Western Hemisphere while avoiding straight white males, Christianity, free markets, misogyny, methodological individualism, and various other troubling phenomena.
*Tattleship: current and former members of the Trump administration gather on a cruise ship. Your job is to get them to “spill the beans” on The Donald. This game is relatively easy and is suitable for beginners ages 6-10.
*Tres: there was Uno…and now there is Tres! The goal of the game is to get rid of all your cards-- and clothes—before your two partners do. You will have skin in this game!
* So Sorry!: you are a straight, white, Christian male who competes against others of your deplorable ilk. The first player to apologize to everyone in the world—for everything—is declared the winner. All other players are subsequently shot.
*Randyland: self-evident game play, perfect for college campuses! Granted Harvard’s prestigious “Sex-Week Seal of Approval.”
*The Game of Life and Strife: as a player, you go through your “life,” depicted by stages on the game board, and try to select a gender, avoid speech you dislike, create safe spaces, successfully protest, get others to pay for your education and birth control, and avoid gainful employment. Fun and educational!
*Clue-Less: no more “Colonel Mustard in the study with a rope.” This game features the likes of Stormy Daniels in the bedroom with---
Spoiler Alert! Guess you’ll
just have to purchase the game to find out!
*Cards Promoting Profanity: try to make the most epic profanity-lased statements by matching up cards. Perfectly suited to the times. F**king fun for the whole mf!$%#&! Family!
*Nazi Yahtzee: forget “full house, threes over twos,” in this updated version of the traditional classic, players toss the dice trying to get rolls like “full house, Trumps over Cruzes,” and “four-of-a-kind, right-wing SCOTUS members,” etc., etc.
*Pricktionary: players take turns drawing Republicans and conservatives, while teammates try to guess exactly which soon-to-be-impeached, mean-spirited Nazi-worshipper they’re sketching. Wholesome fun for everyone!
*Poop Chutes and Bladders: adventurous, liberated, enlightened folks of all 63 genders will love slip-sliding away in this game. Up one chute and down another!
*LGBTQIA Scrabble: players compete (in a non-threatening way!) to see who can get the most points by making words—and acronyms—out of tiles on the game board. Each of the different letters on the board have a different point value. Players start with seven tiles. If any player at any time accrues seven tiles spelling LGBTQIA, whether deliberately or accidentally, that player is immediately declared the winner, the game is halted, and the player is guaranteed a spot in the next Gay Pride Parade in New York City.
* Really Trivial Pursuit: the game is played in the same manner as it’s precursor, but with different categories: American History, The Founders, Western Civilization, The Classics, Rhetoric and Debate, and English Language.