A passenger on the May 23rd American Airlines flight 1293 from Saint Croix to Miami had his request for beer denied by a flight attendant, sending him into a fit of rage. Apparently, the passenger, identified as Jason Felix in court documents obtained by Fox News, was overheard by the unnamed male flight attendant making an unusual “commotion” in the plane’s bathroom. When Felix’ request for alcohol was not granted, he started pushing against his seatmate in an attempt to get out of his own seat and confront the anonymous flight attendant. Oh, and he also threatened to kill the seatmate, a mid-flight faux-pas that eventually led to a brawl between the two travelers.
Thirty minutes into the flight, and upon returning to his seat from the lofty loo, Felix hit the call button and requested a beer, which the as yet unnamed flight attendant denied. Felix then called the crew member a “f----t” and a “bitch” according to the Fox news report.
I’ve been there brother, but I must say there was a better way to handle the admittedly dire situation. Threatening to kill a fellow passenger was an overreaction, despite the extreme provocation. Even given the fact you were riding in a hollow metal tube hurtling through the endless sky at 30,000 feet, breathing foul air and listening to crying babies, snoring men and assorted “comfort animals” passing gas. And this after being groped and fondled by government-sanctioned pseudo-rapists before being allowed to board the metal tube.
While I, too, believe “comfort alcohol” is more effective than a “comfort animal” any day, situations such as this require a certain subtlety, a deft touch if you will. In the interests of peace and harmony, and the edification of the masses, here’s how I once handled being denied an in-flight beer (on an airline that shall remain nameless as I don’t wish to tarnish its reputation. As if that were still possible). Immediately after rejection, I slowly rose and stated, calmly but loudly, “I have a bomb…..bastic personality, and I’m not afraid to use it!”
I then threatened to recite every 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign speech until the plane touched down at our destination, some hours later. This ploy is clever and exhibits exemplary restraint. There is no need for name-calling, threats or brawling in the friendly skies.
The beer flowed like a mountain stream.
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