Monday, May 17, 2021

Real News Nuggets You Can Use!


Real News Nuggets You Can Use!

*Democrats have put forth a bill that would make the District of Columbia the 51st state in the union, the Constitution be damned. This would automatically give them two more Senate seats. Moreover, it would change the entity’s name from Washington, D.C., to…the State of Washington, Douglass Commonwealth. Democrats voted to cancel the reference to Christopher Columbus in naming the potential new state. For them, it’s a twofer! You’ve got to hand it to Democrats, they are always scheming, always pushing, always advocating, always trying to do away with any vestige of the country’s past. Republicans, on the other hand, are always 12 steps behind, contemplating their cheese plates, afraid to make a move that could upset someone, and hoping against hope that the mainstream media will like them some day.

*Chicago Mayor Lori “I’m the Public Face of This City Lightweight Lightfoot recently came up with yet another idea for police reform: requiring cops to get permission to chase suspects on foot. No, I am not plagiarizing the Babylon Bee. What a great idea! Let’s say a cop sees a beefy young man steal an elderly lady’s purse on the sidewalk in front of him and start to walk away. Proper etiquette demands that the officer inquire of the perp, “May I chase you?” This only stands to reason. Moreover, this idea should be expanded to all areas of policing. If, for example, a policeperson sees a criminal rob a retail outlet, he should be required to address the burglar thusly: “Excuse me…may I attempt to apprehend you?” And, if said policeperson witnesses a mass shooting event and wants to stop the carnage, turning to the agitated gunman and clearly annunciating “May I fire at you, or at least in your general direction?” seems the ethical thing to do.  

*A Maggie Valley, North Carolina, motel and RV park recently used its roadside sign to display the Message "All Cops Are Bastards.” The clever message, becoming ever more common, is typically represented by its acronym, ACAB, but the motel/trailer park apparently had letters—and time—to spare. I want to see signs popping up all over the ever more fruited plain stating “All Leftists Are Stupid,” or ALAS, and All Progressives Are Lying Losers,” or APALL.

*Dylan Long, a Georgetown University student, recently began a petition to rename Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport for “Dance Moms” star JoJo Siwa. The petition’s statement reads: “Why on earth is there an airport named after this war criminal?” Well, Dylan, Reagan did not get the U.S. into any wars, he just won the Cold War…without firing a shot. He also oversaw the rise of freedom around the world, negotiated unprecedented nuclear arms reduction treaties with the Soviet Union, resuscitated the moribund Carter economy, and restored respect for America abroad and pride in America at home. But, other than that…

 Long told the student paper The Hoya he was just “messing around” and “decided to create a petition.” He was surprised when it took off and neared the requested 7,500 signatures. He said Siwa is a “good choice” for the airport’s name because of her “recent rise as a new LGBT figure.” Indeed. Hard for a nearly heroic American president whose tenure benefitted the world as a whole to compete with a lesbian who can dance.



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