Cheese Is Racist!

 

English environmentalists in Brighton and Hove are attempting to get schools to serve more plant-based school meals by citing the environmental impact of animal agriculture and fishing industries… and, you guessed it, the inherent racism of dairy products.

The petition, started by Alison Plaumer of Extinction Rebellion (sounds like the lead singer of a hard rock band), claims that “Animal agriculture and fishing industries are leading causes of deforestation, ocean dead zones, water pollution, biodiversity loss and species extinction. Not only that, intensive animal farming poses a significant threat for the development of new pandemics and for furthered antibacterial resistance to emerge.”

And the racist diary products?

Speaking to the city council in March, Plaumer said: “Arguably, there is a racist element to serving dairy too much because 65 percent of the world’s population are lactose intolerant, many from the BAME (black, Asian and minority ethnic) community.” He noted, “Loads of parents around here give lots of support to this.” (“Scads?” “Tons?” “Great heaping gobsful?”)

Plaumer added, “What do children want? They want action. They want it now.” Really? They may want action, but not plant-based meals. They want more Velveeta and a glass of chocolate milk.

But Plaumer does have a point. I mean, cows are mainly raised in rural areas, right? And who lives in rural areas and raises cows? White people, of course! It’s no use trying to butter them up, because all white people are racist…and butter is, too! Do you really think it’s a coincidence that milk is white?

The highway system is racist, syrup is racist, math is racist, and dairy products are racist? Ignorance such as this appalls and saddens me, but no longer shocks me. It does cheese me off, however.

So, the next time someone asks, "Who cut the cheese?" you will know the answer. "A racist. A racist cut the cheese."

I’ll close now. I’ve milked this story for all it’s worth.