Friday, April 16, 2021

Colleges Offering "Adulting" Courses


Colleges around the fruited plane are now offering classes that will teach students how to perform basic adult tasks. These “adulting” courses will show students how to properly do things such as wash and dry clothes, dress professionally, tie a tie, clean, cook, and pay bills on time. (Hint: pay your bills on time.) Some even attempt to illustrate proper etiquette when eating, a skill sorely lacking among most younger folks today. As you might have guessed, these “adulting” classes and workshops are being offered primarily at tech and trade schools and community colleges, not the elite Indoctrination Centers of the Ivy League, Big Ten, Pac 12 and the like. Which is too bad, as they are vastly more beneficial to the world at large than classes on intersectionality, critical race theory and gender studies.

It is hard to fathom, however, how we arrived at the point where even the most basic “skills” have to be taught outside of the family unit to young adults aged 18-22. Yet the need is apparently so great that Amazon even offers a 16-month “I Adulted!” calendar with more than 100 full color “Stickers for Grown-Ups” to mark such landmark achievements as “I wasn’t late!” and “I took a shower today!”

The calendar is available for just $9.99 (get a sticker if you “Paid for it Myself!”) and has thus far received a 4.8 out of 5 rating by reviewers. (“I Reviewed Something Online Today!”)

Perhaps you know someone from Generation Z who actually made his bed today, or a Millennial who washed her cereal bowl? Why let such magnificent daily accomplishments go unrewarded? Why not give them an “I Adulted!” calendar replete with the 100-plus colorful stickers?

Young adults, if you’ve cooked for yourself, emptied the litter box, or brushed your teeth today, don’t you want to give yourself some well-earned recognition? Sure you do!

So, go ahead and proudly post your virtue-signaling messages: “I changed my underwear!” “I knew how much change I was supposed to get back when paying for my latte!” “I wrote cursive!” “I was able to tell time on an old, non-digital, round-faced clock!” “I only played on my X-box for two hours today!” “I didn’t let my pants hang down to my thighs!” “I didn’t smoke a doobie today…well, not a whole one anyway!” “Like, I read something today!” “I’m 36 and I don’t live with my parents!”

Or maybe, “I learned about Cato and Cicero today!” Fat chance. But we can dream, can’t we?



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