Saturday, March 27, 2021

Biden Says Anything Men Can Do, Women Can Do As Well Or Better


   “There’s not a single thing a man can do that a woman can’t do as well or better. Not a single thing.” So said President Biden, channeling his inner Irving Berlin recently while praising Megan Rapinoe of the U.S. Women’s national soccer team.


              I beg to differ, but I’m a bit of a contrarian. On average, men are several inches taller and weigh significantly more than women. They have less body fat and greater bone mass and muscle weight. If you asked me who is more likely to be able to bench press 300 pounds or run a 100-meter dash in under 10 seconds, I would say a man would be. Especially since, of the hundreds of times the latter has been achieved, it has never been done by a female.

              I can think of some run-of-the-mill, garden variety endeavors that men are more accomplished at, too. Farting, for instance. No matter how much they might try, women are no match for the sheer apparent effortlessness with which most men can pass gas. Many can do it on cue…and as often as you like, day and night. Many do. Might have something to do with diet. All I know is, pull a guy’s finger and flatulence ensues, seemingly out of nowhere. Moreover, in a display of gratuitous skill and bravado, some men can actually ignite their own farts with a lighter. Let’s see Nancy Pelosi or Angela Merkel try that! On second thought, let’s not.

              I have a friend, who, when younger, could belch the entire alphabet with just one gulp of air. He sometimes made it halfway through again, maybe to the “L” or the “M,” a prodigious feat in anybody’s book. I don’t know if, several decades later, he’s still capable of such a taxing display. Time strips us all of our former glory.

              I’m not a misogynist, but these things matter. If you were unconscious and/or incapacitated on the second floor of a burning building, would you, in general, prefer a woman try to carry you out to safety or a man? Honestly?

              I know what I would say.

   I bet my buddy could belch the answer.

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