Sunday, March 28, 2021

Progressives Have A Monopoly On Our Culture


“Monopoly” is arguably the most iconic board game of all time. One of the key features of the game is the “Community Chest,” from which players draw cards resulting in financial rewards or penalties, or cards directing them to go to jail or freeing them from same.

As you may have heard, Hasbro, the company that makes the classic parlor game, has decided that the cards no longer fit today’s cultural climate or priorities. Ergo, it will be introducing updated cards in the near future-- and has launched a new website to allow people to vote on how best to "update the Community Chest cards to include feel-good moments that reflect the best things about being part of a community."

A recent post on the site asserted, "Goodbye Second Place in A Beauty Contest, Hello Shopping Local! Monopoly Is (Finally) Updating the Community Chest Cards – and You Get to Decide How."

Eric Nyman, Hasbro’s Chief Consumer Officer, issued a news release saying, "The world has changed a lot since Monopoly became a household name more than 85 years ago, and clearly today community is more important than ever. We felt like 2021 was the perfect time to give fans the opportunity to show the world what community means to them through voting on new Community Chest Cards. We're really excited to see what new cards get voted in!"

The 16 cards referencing such archaic matters as "school tax,” "bank errors," or "beauty contests” have been canceled. As has the card stating, “Go directly to jail.” Of course.

The new cards sport messages about the importance of being a "woke" and enlightened member of one’s community. The cards will lecture players on the necessity of such things as volunteering, being a good neighbor, giving blood, rescuing animals, shopping local, recycling, etc., etc.

Visitors to can cast up to 16 votes, choosing from a brace of woke messages vying for the honor of replacing the stuffy old traditional stack of Community Chest cards.

Here are some of the 32 voting options currently listed on the Hasbro site:

*“You volunteer your art skills and paint a mural at the local school” COLLECT $50”


“You organize a group to clean up your town’s walking path. COLLECT $50.”


*"You organize a bake sale for your local school. COLLECT $25"
"You weed the community garden and discover a new bug! Name it something fun! THEN COLLECT $25"

*”You go to the local school’s car wash fundraiser—but you forget to close your windows! PAY $100.”


“You held a neighborhood party—but you didn’t recycle your trash! PAY $100.”


*”You didn’t shop local! PAY $50.”


“You buy a few bags of cookies from that school bake sale. Yum! PAY $50.”

Other card options include, “You rescue a puppy—and you feel rescued, too! GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” and “You pass out umbrellas to people standing at a bus stop on a rainy Monday morning. COLLECT $10 FROM EACH PLAYER.” (How could I rescue a puppy if I was in jail? And how come I’m getting paid for supposedly charitable actions?)

I’d like to submit my own card options. Such as:

*”You convince your local day care center to have a ‘Drag Queen Story Hour’ every Wednesday! Yay! COLLECT $100.”

*”You firebomb a local Republican Party headquarters! COLLECT $200.”

*”You accidentally use the wrong pronoun when addressing your ‘sister.’ PAY $100.”

*”You unthinkingly wear a red baseball cap while mowing the lawn with your electric mower. The neighbors think it’s a ‘MAGA’ hat! Yikes! PAY $200.”


Socially conscious bored board games are a sign of the times. Hasbro previously introduced “Ms. Monopoly.” I’m sure there will be a wave of updated and revised games in the days and months to come. Games such as “No Risk,” “Tattleship,” “NAZI Yahtzee,” and “So Sorry.”  


However, if we really wanted to play games befitting most of the members of today’s Democratic Party, they would be named “Randyland,” “Clue- Less,” and “Fictionary.”


And we all know a few of them that should “go directly to jail.”



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