Monday, March 2, 2020

Mayor Buttigieg And Sen. Klobuchar Quit Presidential Race

Early Sunday morning, March 1, 2020 (Mayor Pete Buttigieg answers his cell phone)— “Hello, Mayor Pete here.”

“Hello, Mayor Pete, how are you doing today…after your embarrassing showing of yesterday, I mean? Quite a beatdown, eh?”

“Who is this?”

“I’m sorry. It’s Tom…Tom Perez, head of the DNC.”

“Oh. Well I’ve been better, but my campaign people and I are looking forward to Super Tuesday. We are optimistic that—”

“Cut the crap, Pete. It’s over. I know it. You know it. The American people know it.”

“Well, I think that’s a bit harsh, Tom, I—”

“You’re done!”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“We are not done, we are—”

“You know, you’ve got a real nice husband there, Petey. Be a shame if somethin’ happened to him.”

“What?! Are you…is that a threat?”

“I’m not sayin. I’m just sayin. And I’ve got the Clintons here backing me on this. Both of them. Follow me?”

“I, uh, guess so.”

“You will announce that you are quitting the race by the end of the day. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good boy. Now run along. Say ‘hi’ to Chasten.”

Early Monday morning, March 2, 2020 (Sen. Amy Klobuchar answers her cell phone)—
“Hello, this is Senator Klobuchar.”

“Amy, how are you this morning?”

“Um, who is this?”

“Tom. Tom Perez, DNC Chair.”

“Mr. Perez, to what do I owe the honor?”

“Well, we’d like you to drop out of the race. Now.”

“What?! We? Who’s we?”

“Me. And some other DNC bigwigs. And the Clintons.”

“The Clintons?”


“But, the Primary in my home state of Minnesota is tomorrow. I think I will win and—”

“Make the announcement today, Amy.”

“I, um…okay.”

The End

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