Monday, March 9, 2020

Vegan Runner Asks Those Cooking Meat To Close Their Windows

                A local Berkeley, California, neighborhood informational website, @BestNextDoor, recently received a request from a self-titled “vegan runner.” The post, basically a rant from the meat-phobic runner, read: "Several nights a week I'm out running around dinnertime and when people have their windows open I can smell what they are cooking. I've noticed a sharp uptick recently in smells of folks cooking meat and it can be quite overpowering. Quite honestly the odor is offensive and I'm hoping our community can have some empathy for its #plantbased neighbors by closing their windows if they are cooking meat and only putting vegetables on their bbq.” The runner, whose gender isn’t known but probably fluctuates on a daily or hourly basis, also noted that it’s “always hard for me this time of year when the weather starts warming up and folks start opening their windows.” He/she/they/it added: “I don’t want to be a stereotype so I won’t go into detail about why the odor of cooking animals is offensive but I encourage you to do your research and join the movement.”  
                You just know the “vegan runner” is full of tolerance for abortion, illegal aliens, hookers, and recreational drug use. But people frying bacon in their own homes is clearly beyond the pale, at least if the heinous act is committed on a beautiful day with their windows cracked. And let’s not even consider the act of outdoor grilling. I bet, if a poll were taken, many more people would find the smell of cooking brussels sprouts, for example, less pleasant than frying bacon or grilled tenderloins.
                Fascist vegan runner, do you know what really smells bad, what odors are truly offensive to many? Human excrement on the streets and sidewalks, homeless camps, and marijuana smoke, all brought about by “progressive” policies.
 There might even be something that smells worse than that: #sweatyveganrunners. So, please, do us all a favor and exercise indoors. With your windows closed.  

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