Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Mattel Introduces Gender-Neutral Dolls

                Mattel has proudly announced a new line of “Creatable World” gender-neutral dolls for today’s woke families. The company says that, “Through research, we heard that kids don’t want their toys dictated by gender norms.” They heard” through research? Who’s research?
                Kim Culmone, senior vice president of Mattel Fashion Doll Design, released a statement saying, "Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time to create a doll line free of labels. This line allows all kids to express themselves freely which is why it resonates so strongly with them. We’re hopeful Creatable World will encourage people to think more broadly about how all kids can benefit from doll play." Doll play, roll play, gender play, sex play, imagine the possibilities for inclusiveness! If genders are limitless, roll play is too!
Company spokeswoman Michelle Chidoni told the Los Angeles Times that the Creatable World dolls “have much more youthful, gender-neutral bodies and anatomy” than Barbie dolls, “so that they can look and appear more relatable” to real kids in actual families. Yes, because we know that most kids have gender-neutral bodies.
                Kids will be able to customize the new dolls with long or short hair, pants or skirts, or both. The dolls will come in six different skin tones and sell for around $30.
                I assume the doll’s will be hairless-- except for their heads-- and that the kiddies will also have the option to place vaginas, boobs, penises and scrotums in a la carte fashion on the bodies of their little plastic charges. In other words, they will get to randomly “assign” genders to them…or consider them all gender-neutral or genderless. This is just what they need: an anatomically confusing—if adventurous-- human version of “Mr. Potato Head.” Suggested names include “Pat,” “Terry,” “Kyle,” “Alex,” “Bobby,” “Jamie,” and “Tatum.”
                Hopefully, someday soon, if Mattel is truly committed to inclusivity, kids will be able to play with dolls that are species-neutral, as well. Imagine being able to interchange human and animal parts! How inclusive! How liberating! Who’d like a prehensile tail or a marsupial’s pouch? How about a bird’s beak or a rhino’s horn? Where else could we put an elephant’s trunk? Whoa! Bet that would make Pat or Terry feel good, wouldn’t it, kids?
                I’m guessing Creatable World figures come with a disclaimer urging kids not to dress up any of the dolls as straight, white, Christian males and a message stating: “Remember kids, ‘good’ is bad…and ‘normal’ is abnormal.”

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