Mattel has proudly announced a new
line of “Creatable World” gender-neutral
dolls for today’s woke families. The company says that, “Through
research, we heard that kids don’t want their toys dictated by gender norms.”
They “heard” through research? Who’s research?
Kim
Culmone, senior vice president of Mattel Fashion Doll Design, released a
statement saying, "Toys are a reflection of culture and as the world
continues to celebrate the positive impact of inclusivity, we felt it was time
to create a doll line free of labels. This line allows all kids to express themselves
freely which is why it resonates so strongly with them. We’re hopeful Creatable
World will encourage people to think more broadly about how all kids can
benefit from doll play." Doll play, roll play, gender play, sex play,
imagine the possibilities for inclusiveness! If genders are limitless, roll
play is too!
Company spokeswoman Michelle Chidoni
told the Los Angeles Times that the Creatable World dolls “have much
more youthful, gender-neutral bodies and anatomy” than Barbie dolls, “so that
they can look and appear more relatable” to real kids in actual families. Yes,
because we know that most kids have gender-neutral bodies.
Kids
will be able to customize the new dolls with long or short hair, pants or
skirts, or both. The dolls will come in six different skin tones and sell for
around $30.
I assume
the doll’s will be hairless-- except for their heads-- and that the kiddies
will also have the option to place vaginas, boobs, penises and scrotums in a la
carte fashion on the bodies of their little plastic charges. In other words,
they will get to randomly “assign” genders to them…or consider them all
gender-neutral or genderless. This is just what they need: an anatomically
confusing—if adventurous-- human version of “Mr. Potato Head.” Suggested names
include “Pat,” “Terry,” “Kyle,” “Alex,” “Bobby,” “Jamie,” and “Tatum.”
Hopefully,
someday soon, if Mattel is truly committed to inclusivity, kids will be
able to play with dolls that are species-neutral, as well. Imagine being able
to interchange human and animal parts! How inclusive! How liberating! Who’d
like a prehensile tail or a marsupial’s pouch? How about a bird’s beak or a
rhino’s horn? Where else could we put an elephant’s trunk? Whoa! Bet that would
make Pat or Terry feel good, wouldn’t it, kids?
I’m guessing
Creatable World figures come with a disclaimer urging kids not to dress up any
of the dolls as straight, white, Christian males and a message stating:
“Remember kids, ‘good’ is bad…and ‘normal’ is abnormal.”
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