Tuesday, September 24, 2019

Ukrainian Rhapsody

                The three-year-old Hyperbole Festival has reached new levels of insanity. Democrats, progressives, leftists and the mainstream media have morphed into one giant crazed entity, intent on taking down President Trump whatever the cost. If the country is left charred, barren and bereft, so be it.

                The Exaggerator-in-Chief is not slowing—or backing—down either.

                The rabid never-Trumpers recently latched on to what, in their bulging blood-red eyes, constitutes yet another (supposedly) impeachable offense the president has (allegedly) committed. This time the president apparently asked the new Ukrainian president to investigate Hunter Biden’s role in the natural gas firm Burisma Holdings, a company that was itself being investigated by a Ukrainian prosecutor as part of a corruption probe. Hunter’s dad, former vice-president Joe Biden, openly boasted a year ago that he successfully pressured Ukraine into firing that prosecutor during his time in office. But, never mind, the media is entirely uninterested in any scandal involving Democrats, instead preferring to project them onto Trump.

                This leads to interviews, comments and twitter posts such as the following:

CNN reporter: “Mr. President, did you unfairly pressure the president of Ukraine into investigating Hunter Biden?”

Trump: “No. My call with President Zelensky was perfectly acceptable. A normal friendly call. Wonderful, really.”

MSNBC reporter: “Mr. President, sources tell us that you held back aid to pressure Ukraine into investigating Hunter Biden.”

Trump: “Not true. Fake news. My phone call with President Zelensky was the purest call ever. Perfect. A perfect call.”

Republican presidential candidate William Weld: “Trump’s phone call with the Ukrainian government was treason. The penalty for treason under the U.S. code is death. That’s the only penalty. Death.”

Trump: “My call was executed flawlessly. It was beatific, actually. No one else has ever had a call like that in history. Best. Call. Ever.”

The New York Times: “Logically, Trump should be tarred and feathered. And have his tiny genitalia cut off. That is what the Founders would have wanted. That is the punishment the Constitution provides for.”

Trump: “Frankly, my call was Godlike. I believe the Lord is proud of my call with President Zelensky. By-the-way, as you know, I am a very stable genius. But you all in the media are acting like spoiled children that didn’t get what they wanted.” 

Mainstream Media (altogether, in unison): “That’s not true-- President Poopy-pants-- and you know it!”

Etc., etc., ad infinitum.


(Have we ever before seen a member of the same party essentially call for the death of a sitting president because of a phone call? I think not. Democrats couldn’t even roust themselves to strongly condemn Bill Clinton’s infamous call with a foreign leader-- from the Oval Office—while Monica Lewinsky was under his desk with her mouth full of presidential tube-steak).

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